removing the gory details that I don't want to risk being seen by eyes that don't need to see it, haha. Thanks again all, for your help! Closing thread

First of all: GREAT that you joined, and awesome that you dare to share so much about how you feel. Showing people how you look on the outside might be scary, but showing people what's going on the inside is just as scary at times. So, you are brave!

I wish I could tell you I can relate - and in ways I can, but it probably wouldn't seem credible because my weight or situation is so much different. But there's one thing I can relate to (no matter how justified it might seem to others) and that's the "not wanting to go outside" part. I've had a bad spell of this when I was 18 - detested social interactions and would get so sick just thinking about going to a small birthday party. It was horrid. I got myself past that by slowly but surely working on my self image. On who I am, and where I'm good at. What makes me matter in this big scheme of things. And that's hard!

I was doing great but then a few months ago my life seemed to spiral into a place where I have no control of what I can and want to do (which is where I was at back at my 18th also) - and that lack of control just seemed to bring back my social anxiety. I'm now postphoning most of my social activities till I feel "less fat" again. But basically I'm waiting untill I've found a way to feel in control again. Which doesn't exclusively depend on my weight.

Where I'm going with this is just that finding a way to feel like you OWN your own life, is probably key to feeling better again. And it's gonna be a very long process, don't kid yourself in that it's easy. Being your own person does not depend on being an adult and having your own house and bills (believe me - you can feel less like you own your life when you have to pay bills than when your parents are paying the bills). It's about a mindset.

A few things I gather form your post that you -could- if YOU want to, do are these:
- When baby-sitting so much, try and play active. Go for tiny walks (5mins) or chase your brother around the garden for 1 minute, then pause for 10 and then do the same. It's great home-made excersise.
- Ask for specific foods/groceries and tell your mom you will cook dinner twice a week. (How can she say no with a bunch of kids im sure she has a busy life). Look for cheap recipes so she can't say no because of the costs
- Just drink water or tea instead of soda, nobody decides for you what you drink - you do!


There's always more to do, but just a few small things will make a difference. Don't try and all at once throw your life around. If you manage these small things for a few weeks you'll see the scale move and you will feel like you just took control of your body. Just set a few mini-goals that are absolutely mini, but are YOURS.

I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you will come here for support! It's a great place. And we all know how to take it one step at a time.

Welcome

We're all in various stages of our journeys. Some people are in the "pre-stages" of finding what is the right path for them. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it, and in fact thinking about it you're bound to come up with a solution.

You are not alone. I have to lose a person, too. A full-sized adult person! I've been overweight much of my life, and around the age of 12/13 I was between 180-200 pounds. So, just so you know, you really aren't alone. You aren't the only person to struggle with weight, and it's incredibly wonderful of you to be aiming to DO something about it.

The very first thing I'd do in your situation is head to a doctor in order to rule out PCOS. (That's Polycystic Ovary Syndrome). It's a rather common issue for women, and some of the symptoms you've described have me thinking that it may be a contributor to your weight. Only a doctor will know.

That aside, there are MANY options for you for losing weight despite the fact that you aren't 100% in control of what food enters your house. Keep in mind you are 100% in control of what you eat. Some options for you about food:

- Go shopping with your mother. Steer her towards the healthier foods. Or point out better substitutions.
- Cut out coupons for your mom for healthier brands so she can save money on them.
- Buy frozen vegetables & fruits. They can be cheaper, they keep longer, and you can mix them for smoothies, or heat them for parts of dinner. Frozen is STILL GOOD!
- Offer to make dinner. Then make it as healthy as you can. Even mac & cheese can be made without the butter and with only a little bit of milk or water for the moisture required for the powdered cheese.
- Eat half. Whatever your family has for dinner, take your usual portion size and cut it in half (except for the vegetable part, eat those with abandon ). Then eat it mindfully while drinking water and taking your time.
- Speaking of water... drink water. If you happen to drink sodas or fruit juices, start drinking water instead.

Activity: Activity doesn't have to mean a "work out program" or "the gym". Activity just means moving more. You don't even have to leave your house, technically. You can use a workout DVD. You can put on music in your room and dance around for 15 minutes each day. You can take a walk. It doesn't have to be strenuous, it can just be a stroll! You can ride a bike, or even just climb the stairs a few times.

Anything that gets you moving more is activity, and is good for you. It might feel a little silly, but I'd rather feel silly and be more active, than to sit there and be doing nothing good for myself.

You might not have as many choices as you will in the future on your own, but you DO have choices. You have options, and you can build good habits.

Whatever happens, the most important component is never giving up. Aim for healthier even if the choice isn't going to be the greatest. Always aim for healthier.

Best of wishes, and keep coming back to 3FC for support! We'd love to continue to help encourage and support you on your way.

Philana, even if our situations aren't exactly the same, I still see how you relate and I really appreciate that your advice. It's very helpful about not just weight loss but life in general.

Thank you both so much for providing some help. Re-reading what I wrote, it's even more rambly than I thought! I'm a pretty pent-up person so once the words start coming out... a lot of other things do too, haha. But really, I can't express how much it means that someone, anyone took the time to read it and respond with genuinely helpful information. I'll use your suggestions the best that I can. The hardest part is just going to be persuading my mother even with coupons and my own cooking of meals. Even if I shop with her or offer to cook she has an excuse for everything. It's almost like she doesn't want this for me.
But about the kids, only 2 of us are actually minors/still in the home and basically more often than not I'm raiding through whatever's in the cupboards to feed myself and my brother since my mom's always working during dinner hours every night.
I totally get that it's up to me about what I put in my body (ie tea vs soda etc) but it's hard when literally almost everything is something I don't want in it :P Portion control is definitely going to be a huge factor and at least a place to start if I can't escape this Franken-food environment, you're very right about that, Lovely. Also, I've thought about PCOS as a problem and really do need to get some bloodwork done, so I'm glad someone agrees with me. (I've also brought this up to my mother who is an RN... who just considers me to be a hypochondriac... but few to no periods, along with at least 4 other symptoms of an illness is generally when it's safe to call it a possibility in my opinon, ha!)

It means a lot for the support and well-wishes and I'll still be at least a silent-stalker of the forums if nothing else. Hopefully one day I can post here about having figured this all out, and eventually will be able to post some success. <3

SHIG,

I want to hug you through the computer screen. I am a middle school teacher, and I have seen the emotional pain that my overweight students face day to day. It's heartbreaking. I'm sorry you are in such a tough environment and place right now.

I have to second the thought of PCOS. It really sounds like that could be a mitigating factor in your health problems right now. It sounds like your mother is very busy- and I'd venture to guess, never having weight problems of her own, it's hard for her to relate to you. She just doesn't understand. Is there another adult that you can reach out to for support? Have you and your mom really had a chance to talk about this?

As far as practical advice goes... see if your mom would be willing to buy you some frozen veggies and fruits. They are often cheaper than fresh produce and are great because they don't spoil. Try to find ways to cut out added sugars- sugar is a big problem for people with PCOS, more so than for people without it. The easiest way is to stop drinking soda, juice and sweetened teas/drinks. Try to get some protein in your breakfast every morning- eggs are great. Cheap and easy to prepare. Make sure you eat regularly through the day so you don't end up starving and then overeating in the evening. There are plenty of healthy foods that are affordable.

Also, try to limit your TV/computer time. Take your siblings outside to play. Help your mom clean the house... anything to get moving. AND- here's a biggie- you need sleep! There have been studies (I don't have sources right now, sorry) proving that lack of sleep is a contributing factor to obesity. Children your age needs at least eight hours a night. Your body is still growing and maturing, and a lack of sleep is very detrimental to your health for many reasons. No TV in your room or on at night will really help.

Last thing... You are incredibly articulate for a young person your age. It's obvious that you are very smart, and that's definitely something to be proud of! Try to stay positive and find positive people that you can surround yourself with.

All the best,
Tanna

I was thinking the same thing. I almost had to read the first part again to see that you were in middle school!

My heart is breaking for you right now. I definitely understand the not wanting to go out in public thing and disliking your body shape. I have absolutely no rear end and a large abdomen. But I realize that many of my depression issues and dislike for my shape are attributed to my weight. Being heavy/having poor eating habits seems to make everything more difficult but I can tell you that once you make a change you will feel so much better. I still have body image issues but they are much less with 30lbs gone and I think that it is going to get better with weightloss. I am nowhere near goal but I am so much happier at 191lbs than at 222.
You are in a tough situation but it is not impossible to lose weight. You said it when you stated that it is up to you to put the right foods in your body. It would be very helpful to eat veggies and as someone else said, frozen veggies are great because they won't go bad. I have a sneaky suspicion that if you start preparing frozen veggies for yourself and your family, mom will be more inclined to buy them. One very easy way to cut calories is to drink water instead of soda/tea or any other sugar drinks. This is the easiest way to cut calories because drinks do not fill you anyways. Someone else suggested a workout video program which is a very good idea. Start small, give yourself credit for the little things. Keep seeking out support here on the forums, it is really helping me stay focused. I am looking forward to hearing about your journey.

You have received some great advice. I too wish I would reach through the computer screen and hug you.
There are wonderful diet plans which allow you to incorporate some of the processed food int your diet and loose weight. Weight Watchers comes to mind, there is a forum for weight watchers here on this site and I am sure you can find some wonderful advice here. You might also start by keeping track of every bite you take each day for a week and google "How many calories are in (insert food here)" This will give you an idea of your caloric intake and how much you might need to cut down to loose weight.
Search the internet for floor exercises that you can do at home in your bedroom where no one will see you. In place of weights, use canned food or flour/sugar bags. Start moving a little more, try getting up earlier and taking a walk before others are out and about to see you.
I do not know what type of school you go to but would you feel comfortable at all taking to your school counselor and maybe your PE teacher??
Best of luck to you and stick around!

SHIG, do you have an Aldi store in your area? They have pretty good selection of fresh fruits & vegetables for VERY reasonable prices. The also have the bagged salad mix..usually 99 cents a bag...last week tho it was on sale for 49 cents! I'm thinking, at those prices, maybe buy some of your own healthy food to supplement the other food in the household. And I totally agree with the exercise comments previously mentioned....any movement at all counts!!! Cleaning, push mowing the lawn, washing windows...Anyway, I hope my 2 cents helps. I am also totally disgusted with myself for how I have not taken care of myself and my body. I am new to this site as well, and I am humbled by how everyone is supportive of each other. Together, we can work through anything! Keep your chin up and take baby steps. You will see results!

I'm a new member here too, as of yesterday. I wanted to let you know that reading your story felt like I was reading about myself when I was in high school. The primary difference being that my whole family is overweight/obese, just not willing to do much about it. All of your anxieties and fears are exactly what I've dealt with my whole life. I dropped out of college when I couldn't deal with going out in public everyday because I was so self conscious. I avoided a doctor for as long as possible, but when I became pregnant with my first child I had no choice but to face my fears of being completely exposed to someone (a male doctor no less).
I am not a minor, but I'm struggling through an incredibly trying time in my life. In short, my husband has to be out of the country right now. Our second child was born in his absence. I'm unemployed and living with my parents while I search for a job. I'm at my heaviest ever and feel horrible about myself. Like you, I've brought up my weight and my desire to diet with my mother several times but, like your mother, it's cheap and processed foods.
I know how hard it is to try to change your ways when you are surrounded by people eating foods that are bad for you. I'm trying to do the south beach diet right now and our pantry is stocked with cookies and chips, and chocolate milk mix. There's a supply of popsicles and ice cream in our freezer. It's been a true test of will power to turn my nose up to these things. All I can say is let's do this together! The advice you've been given so far is what you need to follow. Something I've been trying to do is when I feel the urge to eat too much or sneak something I should I stop myself and think about my inspirations for what I'm doing. Then I say "Is this cookie really worth giving that up?" I then imagine myself in a bikini on a beach with my husband on the island where he lives right now and say "no way!"
We here for you and I'd love to see you become a healthy, happy person, inside and out!

Wow, I've seen the never-failing support and advice that is always given to members (new and old) on this website but when I posted my introductory, the back of my mind told me I'd be lucky (but ever so grateful) to get just one piece of advice. With all of your suggestions and kind - but not sugarcoated (no pun intended ) - words, it's really been more help than I've ever had in this area of my life.
One thing I'd like to clear up is a bit of confusion that I am not in jr. high school, heh. I said "I'm a junior in high school", meaning 11th grade at the end of August. I am still a mere 15 though (until late September.) But I still appreciate those who found me to be articulate! Being relatively good with words/communication is one of the few things I like to pride myself in a little bit.

I appreciate all of the through-computer-hugs. I had a LOT to reply to (and Im happy about that ), so I've bolded usernames so if you want don't want to read through it all to see my response to you, it's easier to find. If I missed anything/forgot to answer something you asked me or anything, just remind me. I tried to get back to everyone on everything!

wichwire, I don't believe that there is an Aldi in my area :/ But I do agree that it is all the little things that count! (as others have said, too) Power-dancing and cleaning are probably going to become an even more regular part of my life in the coming weeks... haha! And yes, your 2 cents is worth a lot to me.

Sunshine87
That is a good point I never really thought of, the water vs juice thing. I mean, I've known it was good to drink more water than soda, juice, etc but about how it doesn't even fill you up or anything makes it a lot more logical to just drink what we're intended to drink... water. Lol. I'm going to have to try making meals and veggies/meals etc but it's going to be hard since most of what I've learned to cook in my life from siblings and parents came with instructions on a box haha! The wonderful tool of the internet will be of use now...

NEmom, I go to an alternative school and the counseling services offered are externally available, that which my insurance does not cover. I was seeing a counselor for a good few months after a hospital stay in a psych unit... (that's a really long story for another time) that happened last summer but I didn't really feel I could talk to her or work with her, I just didn't click with her personality. Instead of trying to find a new one, it's sort of gotten pushed aside... :/ About PE, in middle school 6-8th grade... I skipped gym. And failed. It's another long story as to how I got through to high school after that. The school I got to now only requires 2 years of gym credits, which unfortunately is this year and next year so I have *no* idea what to do and want to cry at the thought having not been in that situation since the beginning of sixth grade.

Tanna Banana:
All the stuff about tv/sleep/computer etc is so true. It's kind of like a cycle though when you don't connect to society. You stay home and stay online and then you get distracted and it's 7am and you haven't gone to bed yet... well, for me. Ha. I've been trying to get my sleeping/tv/etc at reasonable times but the patterns don't stick very long which is frustrating :| And eating throughout the day is something I need to do. I'm usually a no-breakfast, sometimes lunch, dinner and just random snacks/meals kind of person... not good. That's another thing I need to tackle is even with healthy foods, my methods/frequency of eating in general isn't very good for me.

Mommy42angels it does seem like a lot of your story is similar to mine, and although I'm not glad that your upbringing was the same in that aspect, it's still good to know someone really does relate. You're completely right in that willpower is a HUGE part of it. I have a good amount of willpower but sometimes I just say 'screw it' for a number of (usually impractical) reasons. It's something I really need to work on. Also, with my lack of social life or anything to do, I basically have become a 'bored eater' which is NOT good. A lot of habits I really need to shake...

overall, I really just need to find some plan that works for both me and my mom whether it's calorie counting, WW, or something else... But she really is a hard to work with person. Very stubborn (sometimes for seemingly no reason). I don't mean to make her sound like the enemy, and I probably sound like some whiny 'my parents hate me' teenager which isn't my intention, but it really just is so that my parents aren't very supportive/helpful when I need them to be in a lot of ways... especially this one.
But really, I cannot stress how much every bit of advice is to me and how I'm wishing you all the best of luck in your journies as you have wished me in mine!

I will definitely try to keep posting here, whether I get very far any time soon or not... ha.

Haha... Sorry I misread about the "Junior in High School" thing. I still stand by what I said about you being articulate though! Mastering your sleeping will make it easier to master other areas of your life -a really great educator taught me that when I was in college. It's true!

Best wishes as you embark on changing your life. The hardest part is getting going. Once your momentum is moving forward, you'll find it easier to conquer your challenges and achieve your goals. =)

When I start something, I'm usually pretty determined from that point on. I research it and learn the ins and outs of it and try my best to succeed or at least show some sign of improvement - no matter what it is. I won't lie and say I never give up but my list of things I've kept at is greater than those I've let defeat me. With that being said, I totally get the 'the hardest part is getting going' thing. I've been beating myself up over my health and body image for years even though I am young as it is, and I've been trying to communicate my feelings about all of this to those who surround me but still have not done anything at all to change it. I do think though, that if (when) I finally get a plan, get support (like that of this lovely forum <3 ) and just get into it that I'll be generally successful.

And thanks for the well wishes

First let me give you a big hug! I wish you had a more supportive environment.

You need to exercise to be healthy, but losing weight is more about calorie restriction. That said, have you considered an exercise DVD? SOme way to do workouts inside the house that you are OK with? Just walking is really good exercise too. You don't have to look like you are trying to work out or wear a skimpy outfit. Walking has been my primary exercise for decades! Just put on a pair of sneakers and go for a walk. Is there any chance you could do some dog walking? Maybe even volunteer with a neighbor's pet?

On the food front -- as others have said, don't dis those frozen veggies! I am a huge fan of them. They are cheaper and more nutritious than fresh. Plus they are easier to prepare (they have already been cleaned, trimmed, chopped). Frozen veggies are your biggest friend and if your mom doesn't buy ones that you like, maybe she would be willing to buy others. In terms of non-frozen veggies, I'm sure she'd be willing to "splurge" on a cabbage once in a while. I make a cabbage soup that's just chicken broth and cabbage that helps stretch the calories of lunch or dinner. Other than that, you can make slaw with NF mayo or stir "fries" without oil (if you are willing to do the cooking).

Also, as someone else suggested, see if your mom will buy frozen berries if you intend to incorporate them in your diet (as a healthy dessert). You probably want to figure out a plan before requesting special supplies.

There are other threads on this forum about dieting on a shoestring. You really can eat healthy meals and not spend a premium. Lentils can be a trigger for me, but for most folks they are a healthy upgrade. I *love* red lentils cooked with a chicken boullion cube. Other bean-based foods (chili, split pea soup) can also be made in a low-calorie and delicious manner. But you might need to be willing to do some of the cooking.

Are there any ethnic stores near you? It's quite an adventure, but you can often find reasonably priced exotic healthy (as well as unhealthy) foods there.

I wish you the best of luck. If you can take charge of this now, not only will your health be better, but you will have an important experience in overcoming obstacles!

More long updates!
yoyoma:
Even in the short amount of time since this post has been up, I've been making an effort to make use of the lack-luster variety of frozen veggies that exist in my fridge and have been Googling healthier alternatives to foods I already like. I still don't really have a set plan or any of this figured out, but it's a start. I'll have to look around and find the threads for inexpensive "dieting".
I'm willing to cook, but it's just going to be a matter of trial, error and experimentation (like a lot of things in life, lol) but despite the fact my mom doesn't make meals much, when she does she knows a few good things I'm sure I could learn and use to my advantage.
As far as exercises, I've been investigating these options as well and still am undecided which route I'll take with it. I'll probably start with some sort of DVD program and save up (I get some money from babysitting) and actually buy some secondhand equipment like a used treadmill or something. I don't care if it's brand new, I just need something to motivate me to get off my butt which will be more likely if I invest my little-bit-of-money into something like that.
As far as ethnic stores, I'll have to do some researching but that's a very helpful suggestion.

Now generally speaking: since the wee hours of this morning I've been pretty stressed admittedly... and crying quite a lot. Thinking about it all is tolling on me harder than I thought. Admitting how badly I need to see a doctor, get tested for PCOS and other illnesses, figure out how I'm going to completely change my life and stick to it (which is pretty exciting but also really overwhelming..especially since change is something I struggle with at times) etc. is a lot to process even though it's all stuff I've been aware of for some time now. I'm not very close with my mom but every now and again we seem to get along better than other times and oddly this morning was one of those mornings, so I talked to her a lot. I think after seeing me cry (which she hasn't seen much of until this past year when things have really been coming down on me)... she seems like she's a little more open to trying to help me out and work with me. She even asked me to try and find healthy recipes that appeal to me that we can specifically get supplies for. While this is just her word (which honestly isn't always completely backed up...) I feel pretty confident that she's more on my side than before, which any progress is good progress.

Something else: I know that the 'bored' eating habit that I've developed more recently isn't a good habit to have at all.. but until I can shake it completely since it's kind of already become a normal thing, I'm going to replace crackers, chips etc with things like frozen berries (as someone mentioned earlier) and veggies until I can break the "I'm bored, let's go to the kitchen" urge. It's another easy, small change I can start with.

Well, as you've noticed by now I'm sure... I go on for days so I think I will submit this post now before it gets even worse haha! Before I would do, I'd just like to point out the irony of the fact that my step-dad just came home on lunch break from work with McDonald's for my little brother. :| See what I live with? -.- :P

It really makes me feel hopeful and very supported with each and every response I get. I know I've said it a good few times already, but thanks sooo much. I think hearing people who relate and are/have gone through this talk about it has been the most effective thing to kick me into gear and get ready to do something about all of this.

oh my gosh I just want to give you a hug through the screen! I can definitely understand where you are coming from with the whole social anxiety/lack of family support situation. Honestly my best advice is that if you can't somehow alter your situation you'll fall back into the rut of not eating well. Here are some suggestions I can make:
-Have a true sit down with your family about you losing weight and your emotions again. If bringing it up once doesn't help, I would suggest repeating it a while. I feel as if families sometimes just hear what we have to say and then assume we'll just give up or fall back into our old routines.
-Go to the doctor. Maybe he/she can help you figure out a diet plan etc. Also if you haven't seen one in a while it's prob a good idea to. I know it's hard but it's like weighing yourself; you don't wanna do it but YOU HAVE TO. You just want to make sure that everything is working properly. You want to make sure to see if you might be pre-diabetic, have PCOS, high blood pressure, etc, before it might be too late. I know it's scary but it's necessary.
-Go shopping with your mom, collect coupons (idk if you've ever seen extreme couponing but i suggest EVERYONE check it out on TLC i've learned alot lol), buy bulk cheaper frozen veggies and fruits (w/no or little sugar added). Alot of times buying cheap is easier than expected you just have to plan ahead.
-Research research research. First I suggest researching your bmr (basal metabolic rate); it's the amt of calories your body naturally burns if you did no exercise in a day, so you have an estimate of how much you should eat a day. Also research filling foods, for example Ive learned that nuts and whole wheats fill me up, for example i'll have a piece of ww whole wheat toast w a tbsp of pb and a banana and i'll be full for a long time.
-Drink H2O, I cannot stress this enough I have honestly eaten less bc of drinking water.
-Possibly ask mom about seeing a therapist? This might be a touchy subject but I think it would help you. I deal with social anxiety and anxiety in general and it's help me a ton. It's made me realize that I can't stop living my life or not doing things just bc i'm overweight and I'm scared of people making fun of me. To be honest, now I don't even care if someone would say something to me, because it's them wasting their words. You have to realize if someone's gonna say something nasty to you it's bc they want to feel better about their lives, they're mean and if they have to make themselves feel better by doing that it's because they're pathetic. (I kinda never really got skinny ppl making fun of overweight ppl bc it's like do they not realize i'm bigger than them and could totally kick their a***es lol, thank goodness i'm not a violent or aggressive person lol)
-Try exercising or moving around a bit more. But to be honest I feel like you will have to get over your anxiety first, but this might be a good start. Maybe walk with headphones? Shape.com has some great workouts w/o using machines. Maybe save up for a workout dvd? I feel like the best way to get out of your rut is to be forced out of it-maybe get a job? It might be able to help you get your mind off of food and your family situation?
-Spend minimal time on comp or TV. When I go on the comp I tend to go to inspirational sites like 3FC or I even look at clothes I want one day, I know it sounds vain but it keeps me motivated
-Take it day by day and know that you ALWAYS have support here!

Good Luck