I hope I don't get completely flamed for this but I do have a question.

My daughter is 11 and weighs close to 120. She carries most of her extra weight in her face and belly area.

She is starting to be very bothered by her weight. Most of her friends are thin and wear all of the cute clothes & brands that she can't. She got a gift card to Justice for Christmas and could not fit into ANY of the clothes so we left there with her upset.

I took her out last week to buy new jeans and again she left upset because she has to buy a size 7 in womens, so they fit her waist, but then they are still bigger on her legs than she'd like.

Saturday she needed a swimsuit for a pool party and we did some shopping and could not find ANYTHING that fit her right. She can't wear young girls suits but moving up to teens/women didn't work either because all of those suits had larger breast cups. Again she ended up in tears and knowing that I've lost weight recently, she asked me if she could do what I did so she can lose some weight too.

How does everyone feel about this? I've already googled the idea of calorie counting for kids and I see that most forums are totally against it. I guess I don't understand how everyone can say defend calorie counting, saying that this isn't a "diet", it's a lifestyle change and it's a good thing.....yet the thought of teaching children to eat regular portions, to not eat out of control, and to try to maintain a healthy weight is a bad thing?

I mean I surely don't want her to become obsessed, and I feel that if she has seen me do it without obsessing, then she will understand that she doesn't HAVE to obsess about it either.

And before anyone asks what I keep in the house, I very rarely buy sweets. For snack stuff we usually have oranges, apples, cheese sticks, sugar free jello cups, yogurt, etc.....We have 5 children and she is the only one who is a bit overweight. She just wants to eat MORE than the average portion or wants to snack all day long and when she gets with Gramma she eats some sweets. I've tried to even make my workouts fun for her so she'd do it with me but she generally just goofs around and laughs and falls in the floor LOL

So what are some opinions on "loosely" counting calories for a child.

Oh I also wanted to add that I spoke with 2 of my friends who were overweight as children and they both said that they WISH someone had talked to them when they were younger, and helped them understand how to lose the weight.

So I am conflicted with different opinions.

As a mother of 2 girls, I APPLAUD you for taking action and attention to your daughter's needs.

That said...my eldest daughter (now 25) struggled in like manner at age 11 almost exactly as you described your daughter. AND...I, like you, was a "fit mom" concerned with nutrition, and as such, didn't keep a bunch of junk in the house. What I didn't realize is that my daughter was "hoarding" food under her bed, and sneaking to eat and basically had a secret little "eating disorder" that I absolutely had no idea of. To make matters worse...my dear parents encouraged more eating, telling me that I was obsessed and she's just a "kid" who would "grow out of it"!

Well...now at age 25, she has IBS, sleep apnea and is probably pre-diabetic as her weight now is very close to 300lbs! Obviously, she didn't "grow out of it!"

My advice is to STOP...and I mean STOP letting her eat school lunches. Prepare her healthy meals. Don't completely cease all treats, but instead of buying prepacked muffins, etc., make them "homemade" and sneak in good stuff like flaxseed, wholewheat and protein...try to give her as much "whole foods" that she enjoys as treats. Teach her that she CAN eat healthy and still ENJOY being a kid. Also, if she's a "video game nut" like my kids...get her live "action" games like Wii Just Dance 2...both my kids LOVE LOVE LOVE that game (and so do I). You really get a GREAT workout without even feeling like your doing work. My 12 yr old and I love it so much that I even bought my 25yr old the game. She's now joined the "Y" in her current state and is trying to lose weight...but with her...it's a long road as she STILL has yet her "fast food addiction" to get past.

Hope my story helps you a little.

i think it's very easy for the child to get too caught up in the numbers for it to work as it would in an adult. much better to focus on learning the correct portions of lean meats (deck of cards for protein etc.), lots of veggies maybe grains in moderation. even if she wants something that's not so healthy, she can learn it's ok to have some once in a while. learning moderation as adults would with calorie counting.

for kids it's better to focus on how the food works in her body. you could do 'experiments' with her. journaling together or by herself, what she ate, how much, (she could say 1 c. or 1 bowl to keep it simple) how did she feel afterwards? help her become aware of her body. did she start feeling really hungry way before lunch at school? does she feel hungry all the time? try to find out which foods give her energy, help her stay satisfied.

the focus is on figuring out which foods give her lots of energy, finding foods she likes that are healthy, and using that energy for extra activities. make it fun like doing a dancing dvd together, playing outside, going on a walk after dinner. doing more activity and less screen time.

using a journal could also help her deal with this emotionally. as can art therapy. there are many books to explain how this isn't her fault, although i don't know which books to read for this.

it would also to help to get her involved in a hobby- girl scouts, or whatever she's interested in.

hope that helps. i have the opposite 'problem' my son needs to gain weight. he seems to burn it off faster than he can eat it.

i second just dance and dance dance revolution. my kids love those games.

I totally understand...

When I hit 6th grade a put on a TON of weight suddenly and it was very difficult to buy clothes and I felt terrible.

There were many things going on for me, and of course I don't know your daughter, so I'm just sharing my experience.
a) Part of it was my age - during the summer after 9th grade much of it fell off - hormonal stuff here
b) My parents were getting divorced and I ate all the time to make myself feel better.
This reliance on food as comfort was set up for me quite early on, as it is my mom's coping mechanism as well which she taught all of us. I still (as I'm sure many of us do) spend much time and energy trying to unlearn this.
Even if it's not as dramatic as divorce, maybe she could explore Yoga or meditation, or even exercise as a way to work out angry or sad feelings?
c) I hoarded food as well - my mom has always been fairly thin, and much of that was due to all the nutritious whole foods in our house. But I started buying candy at the corner store long before I was 11.

I don't know if any of this helps or not...I just remember being there as a kid, and it was difficult.

My cousin (basically my brother) was overweight as a child (10-12). I remember my aunt got really into a whole-foods type lifestyle, made sure he only had dessert one night a week, and taught him a lot about portion control (this was his biggest problem).

Also, how coordinated is your daughter. Neither my cousin or I were coordinated at all as children, and we failed miserably when she tried to get him/me active with tennis. So, we started going on long walks everyday and taking a trip to the local springs a few times a week to swim for an hour or so. Maybe a real workout routine is too much for your daughter.

If it helps, my "chubby child" cousin is now 6'2'', 210 and in great shape... he did end up getting coordinated in his teens and played tennis/football! I think walking/swimming as a child really helped him get a taste for wanting to be fit though.

We do actually have the Just Dance 2 game.....but recently our Wii stopped working so now we have to get another one. She really liked that game for the short time she got to play it.

I understand the thought of just teaching her basic portion sizes, but then when she wants more, how do I say no, you've had enough - without being hurtful? Especially when 3 of my other children always seem to be a little underweight and I'm usually ENCOURAGING them to eat more LOL It's hard to balance that and not make HER feel bad.

I guess I kind of thought the calorie counting would give her a "goal" every day to work toward, to make her understand that she can control what she eats and how much and it's written down to see with her own eyes....if that makes sense, cuz thats why I love calorie counting myself.

Keep the opinions coming, I am taking it all in. I just want to do whats best to make her feel better about herself.

I have a 127 pound 10 year old myself. And that's 3 pounds down this week. I understand!

He and I have been battling this for years. For those years it's been all under the table on my part, so it didn't work. Just recently he decided he wanted to tack this for himself. It's a lot easier when your child is on board and I think it's good your daughter came to you and not the other way around.

I'm ok with calorie counting. He and I talk about how many calories are in things. It turned him off chicken nuggets because he found he could only eat four of them! He discovered he got a lot more bang for his buck if he chose the healthier option. I don't put a number on him though. It's more like when making choices which can you eat more of for the same number of calories?

I also just started having him drink a protein shake. I know that sound awful! But his afternoon snack is out of control and is largely responsible for his waist line. That's the time of day I have very little control over what he's doing. He keeps returning to the cupboard for random crap in large quantities and it's weird stuff because I don't keep junk in the house. He'll make a PBJ and then have a banana and a couple oranges and a handful of chocolate chips. So now, he makes a protein shake with soy milk. He loves it. It has good protein. It fills him up. Problem solved.

Anyway, I sympathize. I do try to focus on the health aspect of things and I try to get him moving more. It is hard!!

I know that alot of kids "grow out of it" or get more fit later in life, but it's the RIGHT NOW that is hurtful for her. And I don't like seeing that

As for sports and activities, she is in girl scouts and she does cheerleading for 3 months each school year.....However, the other girls in cheer are thin and do flips and cartwheels and lets face it, those things are much easier to learn if you're thin.....and in two years cheerleading will change and she will actually have to "try out" and I worry that she won't make it and that will be another hurt for her.

In the summer we have a pool and we swim almost EVERY day for hours at a time (I am a stay at home Mom LOL) and even then she might lose a total of 2-3 pounds each summer.

And whoever said something about the school lunches.....Wow, this week I actually took a serious look at their menu. She has ALWAYS bought lunch, and now I see how horrible they are. Mac n cheese or breaded cheese sticks as the main dish??? Ravioli, pizza, pasta, it's all VERY high calorie.....and then one veggie and a DESERT - by the way we never have desert at home either - just not something I ever grew up with.

I like this idea....not really putting a number on it, but talking about which foods would be the best choice.

What about WW? The points thing can also be a target and they teach portion sizes and now have the fruit and veggie free foods. I don't do ww myself, but if I had a kid I think that's the route I'd take.

The WW thing is interesting, the points system would be a lot easier for your child to understand, and might not be as restrictive as straigh calorie counting?

You are her Mother...you are not like the kids at school who are taunting her. You are there for her BEST interest...YOU are on her side. Therefore, You make the rules. Like many of our "rules", kids are simply not going to fully "get it"....oh well...somebody's got to make the "rules" and enforce them. They'll get it later. That said...a simple, "NO...you can only have one serving...if you are still hungry, eat a fruit." My 12 yr old is 5'8, 105lbs and I still say NO to excessive junk. If she had it her way...she'd eat chocolate until she went into a diabetic COMA! I tell her if she's still hungry after a meal...have a banana...have a fruit..have a bag of popcorn. Nowadays...this is the type of food she eats naturally...cuz I SET THESE RULES early on! As parents...we can't worry to much about being "liked" or "popular"...we need to be the parents...and as such...it may involve telling our kids things they don't want to hear such as "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Her siblings simply represent the rest of the world. She could very well have this struggle later on in life. Not all people "thin out" naturally...they have to work at it while others around them gorge on cookies and icecream all while staying slim! It's a fact of life she'll have to get used to...so I think it healthy to get it her mind NOW that she needs to not "compare" herself with others...but learn her own body and how it responds to food/exercise.

First, <hugs> to you and your daughter, really. I am not a parent and I can only sympathize with how tricky this situation is for you and I know you desperately want to do right by your daughter. I can only imagine (and actually often have thought about) what I would do in that situation. But I HAVE been in your daughter's shoes. I was 150lbs as a 5th grader, and it sucked. I was very aware of my size, but I didn't know what to do about it. I also wish that somebody had stepped in and helped me, but I recognize that it was an extremely sensitive issue and it needed to be approached delicately.

I can see where calorie counting wouldn't be appropriate for a young person. Even adults (and I speak for myself here) get too obsessive and caught up in the number game. I'm wondering if instead of calorie counting, you could try portion counting. Meaning, use the food pyramid, or do some research on children's nutrition, or talk to her doctor or something to figure out how many servings of carbs/protein/dairy/veggies, etc she should be eating each day. Then show her what a correct portion of each food is (there are plenty of images comparing portion sizes of different foods to common objects...a portion of peanut butter is the size of a golfball, a portion of meat is the size of a deck of cards, etc). Then you can plan and count portions. It might be a fun thing you two could do together, planning the meals for the week and going grocery shopping together. Or even just for the next day, figuring out how many portions of carbs and where they'll fit in over the day. Maybe let her help you cook and measure out the portions. Perhaps you could have some kind of visual chart she could fill in each day with each of the food categories and she'd put a dot in each category that she ate. She could have a snack, but she'd have to put a dot in the corresponding category. (That may be a bit childish for her age, maybe you could do it together in a journal or something?)

It won't be as accurate as calorie counting, but eating the appropriate amount of food prepared in a healthy way is...well, healthy. I think it would eliminate some of the obsession with numbers that can appear with calorie counting. It's entirely appropriate to teach a young person what they should be eating and how much. Some people seem to have that built in intuitively, the people that just quit eating when they're full, but other people need to be shown what and how much they're actually supposed to eat.