Aunty Jam - I was shocked when I read that your dh quit the job. What is going on now? any other prospects? it is too scary to think of you having to be on your own.

momof4 - I know you're struggling ...well just remember that you have a HUGE load with the 2 new foster kids!! that is amazing that you can do that. that is a huge accomplishment right there.

hope - and heather and everyone else

i'm feeling better, in the past few days. Been working out every day yet ruining it by eating too much in the afternoon (when at work alone). Ugh!

well have a good day everyone, if possible.

I just don't know what to do... I'm so mad he quit his job, I feel like I've been at my witts end for months. We've been sinking deeper into debt for the whole time he's been unemployeed. I love him but I'm not sure I can do this anymore. Like I mentioned the other problem is that I can't do it on my own either. I just don't make enough Even now, we're living rent free. My family owns the house we live in and we haven't paid any rent in almost a year. I really feel we're taking advantage of them and they're so good about it it makes me sick. We've borrowed so much money from my family, his side has none. I just don't know what to do anymore... if I made him leave I would also be kicking out his daughter. Do I want to do this? Not really, I love him/them. But I just can't do this anymore.

He did have an interview last week that went really well but he's had a ton of interviews that we thought went well so that's not saying much.

I haven't been excersizing either so I know how you feel... I'm slipping back into old habbits and gaining weight. I feel so sick about that.

I'm also so stressed thinking about school. Nothing will/can happen for almost another year... but I'm so unresolved. I've worked hard to get to where I am but what's the use of working my a$$ off if I don't like where it's gotten me?????????????? On the other hand with how far into debt we are (it'll take more then a year to pay it off) what the **** am I thinking going to school for 3 years?!??!?!?!?!?!?! I can't freaking do that.

And now that I've been thinking about it I am really really ticked he quit his freaking job.

I have like a pain/ache on my left side. When I lay down n push on it it hurts thru to the back...i dont know what it is kinda feels like my kidney when I dont drink enough water...

I really really hate myself because of what I eat!! How do you stop the over eating..its just gotten bad lately...maybe its a pre period thing but like I am not even hungry just want to eat the food because its good...I HATE IT! I get a plan in my head and get my self settled I am going to DO THIS...then at the first thought of good food I totally forget my plan. LIKE seriously I was at the grocery store AFTER supper last week and I walked thru the frozen food section and was like hmm that looks good and that looks good...well then I went to mcdonalds and got fries then to taco bell and got a chalupa...AFTER SUPPER...so NO HUNGER...There HAS to be something WRONG. I am addicted to food...My Addiction overtakes what I really want. I desperately need something to change I cannot go on like this!

OMG! I go away and everything falls to **** around here! Seriously! You guys are killing me! I hate hearing that everyone is having so many problems. Serveral things...VermontMom...sooo sorry about your bike!! You grieve as long as you need to and don't let anyone make you feel wrong for doing it! Aunty! Ugh! I don't have any great words of wisdom but I am really sorry that you are in such a stick spot! Mom! Glad to see you back here! And...as always I don't know how you make it through your days at all! I would just snap I think!

Well! We have completed our move...now in California....love our new house...the drivers here are a little faster and more impatient than we are used to so that is an adjustment. We are still putting things away, I have started school again and it is kicking my ***...I was grounded off exercise for almost 5 months and put on the weight that goes with it. Also, we were in transit for quite awhile and the eating was pretty poor on top of that. But several things have come together to ease that situation. My knee is letting me get back on the elliptical again! Yay! I did 40 mins yesterday and a 3 mile walk to the store and back as well. I think I am going to show a loss this week so I can start getting myself back. Leading up to Halloween was a bit of a bust, we bought candy early (mistake) and I have been eating it...(another mistake) but, since we didn't get any Trick or Treaters...(AAARGH!!!) I really haven't been tempted by what is left in the bowl. (I hate candy corn luckily) I read something in one of my latest exercise magazines and it seems to be helping... It said not to eat candy/sugar before 4 pm...mainly because eating sugar early in the day makes you crave it all day. Now, my trouble times are during the day...especially when I am by myself...nighttime is usually not much of an issue for me, I go to bed really early because I get up early... So, I have been trying that...and just the thought that I am simply waiting until after 4 and not trying to swear off of it entirely makes it less of a forbidden thing...it is a mind game but one that seems to be working at least for now. I am exercising everyday again and that is all part of it as well. I feel better when I work out and it is easier not eat poorly. Also, meditation is helping...slow breathing exercises to handle, anger, stress, whatever emotion comes up is working (again, at least for now) Hopefully this is the beginning of the turn of the tide to take me back into the jeans in my closet!!! One more thing...being back in a forest setting...and cool weather greatly helps... I have always been somewhat backwards...cold weather makes me more happy and active not depressed and lethargic so I am taking full advantage of that as well!

Glad to be back Chickies!!! I will be around much more often now!!

Everything is such a viscous cycle...If I excercise then I cant stand to eat yucky food I crave just veggies...but then I think whats the point in excercising when I eat crap all day every day....It is such a mental game and right now I am losing. I mean who doesnt want to change their life who doesnt want to be better....but y cant i?? I so desperately want to just clean the junk food out of my kids life now so they wont have these awful eating habits..but its hard and expensive to make competely healthy meals & snacks for 8 people....Which I had money to hire a cook and have a garden!!
Well heck why Im wishing...why not throw in a nanny and a housekeeper...LOL...No no I got all these jobs are mine!!
Ok back to the real world...LOL
I hate I cant get my act together and be super model mom....*sigh*

Ravengirl - welcome back!!! lol yes we all fell apart because you weren't here with us I'm glad you are happy in your new digs and climate. Yay that your knee is better!! and yay to working out alot and your meditation. you are a good role model for us!

momof4, just thinking about having to keep house for 8 people would make me and go off to the loony bin. You WILL find the strength to commit to what you want. I am not one to talk because I'm not where i want to be either but I'm fighting for it Even if you manage some exercise or turn down one treat, that is a victory! we have faith in you .

Hey Aunty Jam and hope

Thought I was feeling better...well I guess I was, now I'm not. Yesterday, I could not think of many reasons why I would want to see the next day come. I am NOT suicidal, just very very apathetic. This is not a good way to live..I am just hoping it passes soon.

DH is wrapped up in his own problems and im sure he thinks I'm not being supporitve because I'm so blah. Well too bad, I count too! This is just a sucky time.

Good Morning Chickies! Weigh in today! One pound loss! Woo hoo! I will take it! And actually it wavered from 178.5 to 179 so I think I may have lost a bit more than a pound actually. It will catch up next week. Now small losses like that have gotten me frustrated in the past but I am not letting it do that to me anymore...ANY loss is a victory and something to be celebrated! Also, I have added one more thing to my arsenal! The cooler weather makes this possible as well...I am drinking green tea and herbal tea all day long... Licorice spice tea helps with cravings and so does the cinnamon spice...it helps that I can drink tea without sugar or anything in it.
Wish me luck...I am hoping to take my Lesson 3 quiz today and do better than the last quiz...ugh...

I leave you with this Girlies... I saw the most beautiful sunrise yesterday...golden fingers over the tops of my wall of trees... I saw ravens sweeping overhead, deer munching in our driveway, and turkeys wandering past our back window. Take a deep breath...find something...anything...that makes you feel happy or grateful and just be in that moment...that one moment can make all the difference...

Hugs to you all!!!

~Raven~

Raven contgrats on your loss!!! way to go!!!

Sorry I have not posted in awhile but I have been super busy. I have had a good week. I joined weight watchers on tuesay and i have exercised wednesday and thursday. I am excited about loosing weight but do have a lot of anxiety about the holidays and eating.

Holly- i am so sorry you are having such a hard time and are not getting support from your DH. Please just remember you are a healthy beautiful woman and try to feel blessed that God gave you another day. I have been in your situation and know the feelings of doom. I take a lot of comfort from my kids and they are usually the reason i get out of bed every single day. Maybe you could think about the new motorcylce you are going to get and how great it will be when you can ride again.

Mommyof4- everyday is a struggle for us all. It is hard to find the bliss in being a mom sometimes. I have 6 kids Im responsible for and I work full time. i think the key is organization and balance. Try not to focus on the small things look at the bigger picture. You have a bad eating day the next day just try to do better. Try to keep exercising and look at some websites for inexpensive healthy snacks. I have seen some for trail mix and stuff which makes large quanities and would last a couple of days.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

amym

Ravengirl - what a beautiful sunrise you described!! and congrats on your loss and I will keep in mind what you said...

hi amym!!! I am a dunce for not waving to you above so here is a bigger hi congrats on the step of joining WW and that you are psyched to get healthier We shall have to all gang together to work against gaining during the holidays...and I will also keep in mind what you said too The insurance adjuster finally made some more contact with me so there is the hope of a settlement sometime soon (its been almost a month)

maybe I shouldn't post when I feel so awful? because usually its the next day that I don't feel quite so bad. I don't want to be a downer or worry anyone. But I feel better even right this minute.

re time change - I dn't want it to be dark by 5 pm, yet I am looking forward to it at least being a little light at 6:30 am.

good morning chicks...this is my fourth morning of using my Happy Light, I hope it is helping, maybe it is I had to plug it in here, where I sit and use my laptop, otherwise I just kept forgetting it. But I"m being cautious in saying ' I feel better' because sometimes it seems once I say that, I start slipping again, ugh.

Hi AuntyJam, momof4, hopeforme, amym, Ravengirl

Silly crazy meds (or lack of thereof) keeping me up at obscene hours of the night! I used to think the zoloft was making it hard for me to get to sleep, but it seems now on the days when I skip a day I can't get to sleep at all, even if I'm exhausted, in pain, and would just generally be better off deep, deep asleep.

And of course I just figured out that the days I've missed the zoloft are days I've spent out with friends (a slightly rare occurrence for me), so now I'm not even sure if it's the meds fault, or me coming off of a "yay i actually have friends that want to spend time with me" high. Ugh. I wish I could just know what's going on instead of having to figure it all out. I'd make life soooo much easier.

Speaking of life being easier - I'd love to be able to kick all the self-sabotaging habbits I picked up before I started taking the zoloft (which was many a month ago now) but it's just so much easier lying in bed bumming around on the computer all day avoiding the world. Soooooo much easier.

So yes, Hi guys! This is my introduction/rant of the day/general saying things post....thingy. Im tired and in pain and oh-so-hungover, and definately not in the right state of mind to be saying anything intelligent, but at least now I have a deeper understanding as to why cheap tequila is so cheap.

yay for learning!

(@__________________@ oh god just make the painy-sick-hurt just go away!)

Hi girls,

No time for personals. I am reading but haven't had time or the energy to post. I was off yesterday and man it flew by. I went shopping and got a few sweaters. I was productive but kind of depressing. I'm looking larger and larger and was up a couple of lbs this morning. I really need to buckle down or I will end up putting all this weight back on.

Gotta get to work. TTYL

Good morning Everybody! It is a dark rainy day in the forest! I know, for most of you that would be a bad thing but for the weirdo that is me I am eating it up! (so to speak...hehehe) The only problem is DH has come down with something and has been miserable for the last two days. I just got back from a quick run to the grocery store to pick up some more lozenges and various things to try to tempt him to eat. I hope he will drink the tea..please let him drink the tea!

I have been exercising every day...I can't remember how many days straight even. I am considering taking the day off...I might not though...we will see. The grand experiment of no goodies before 4 pm is continuing...and working...tea seems to short circuit the munchies/craving cycle. I have even used it for anxiety/anger with great success. Boy, this is a lot harder than it used to be though, the weight used to come off much faster...now I have to wait a week to see any movement...that is a part of what has been tripping me up I think, I would have a great day or two and in the past that would have been enough to see movement on the scale but now...so much longer...ahh well...now that I know for sure it isn't totally in vain I know that I can do this!

I feel like I am finally getting myself back...even with areas of the house still in shambles and so much to finish. (I can't even do it on my own because DH would just go behind me and do it 10 times better and it would have to be re done) it just doesn't matter to me...I am so happy here...aside from some problems with medical care issues (don't want to go there this morning...) I can concentrate on my exercise and meditation..my school...(which I got a 100 on my last lesson!) and breathe the peace for awhile... I know I must sound like Pollyanna to all of you right now...but I figure you guys could all use a cheerleader anyways!

Holly! Wonderful that the Happy Light is making you feel better!
Mom! Where are you Hon? How you doing????
Hope! Fly by! Swoosh!! Miss ya Girlie!
Amy! Nice to meet ya! Hope to see much more of you around!
Summer! (summer is traditionally my least favorite time of the year...but I will not hold that against ya! heheheh And the fact that your avatar looks like a beach in Hawaii...well I won't hold that against ya either! (I am thrilled my time in Hawaii is over...I can breathe again...) Take good care of yourself!

I held a puppy yesterday...now you may remember how much I love dogs..and the conspiring of the universe to prevent me from having my own...but I held one in my arms for a few mins...I felt it's little warm body snuggle into mine and it's cold wet nose against my neck and I just took that moment...let it fill me with the happiness that it brought me...and when I had to hand it back, I let it go...but the warmth it brought me still lingered. Seize every beautiful moment you can and don't let the movement of time...the passing of it or the change...rob you of that warmth...that is the lesson I am trying to take to heart. Make yourself fearless!

~raven~

Good Monday morning to you all...

The light in the morning definately helps me to get motivated. i hope it is helping you all too. Really busy weekend, my middle son tured 11 yesterday, so between cleaning and baking i did not have time to worry or be anxious. I did not eat any cake which is a huge deal for me. I made a Weight watcher keylime pie for myself and my mom and we both ate that. It was really good and super easy to make. I did have to make a huge effort not to sample what I was cooking. So I have some hope for thanksgiving and christmas now, even if I have to make separate things for me to eat I am going to do it.

Holly- I think you should always post when you are down, I think that is what we are all here for is to listen, offer comfort and advice. Good news about the insurance..

Raven- great job on the exercise and feeling like yourself again!!!

Summershine- When I first started taking zoloft I could not sleep but it is much better now. I also take xanex sometimes is the afternoon and evenings and that helps a lot too. Hope you figure it out soon..

Amy