Totally got an earful from the husband last night. He wanted burritos for dinner, and even though he's lost about 50 pounds now, he's not giving up his ground beef in things like this. That's fine and dandy - but I'm trying to cut back on the stuff and defrosted a chicken breast to use in mine.

So I go to the kitchen to get ready for supper, and ask him to verify what all he wants in his burrito - he'd said beef, some sour cream, onion, lettuce and tomato before. I was just wanting to make sure. I'd left out a small portion of a pack of hamburger meat that was exactly what he was able to eat and stay in his calorie range, and was cutting up my chicken. And he goes OFF.

Says I never listen to him, he's not telling me what he wants in his burritos because he's already told me once, he doesn't even want burritos anymore if he can't have at least three, that there's NO point in me even cooking it because I'm cooking something different for myself and why do we even bother eating together anymore if we're not eating the same things. I didn't think it was such a big, huge deal for me to prefer chicken to ground beef sometimes. I can eat more of it. And it doesn't happen all the time - only every so often.

And besides - it's not like HE'S the one cooking and cleaning. If I want to put myself through more work, why does HE care?

But here's the kicker...I compared my chicken burritos to his wanting onions in his enchiladas when I prefer them without, and he brings up a time a couple of months ago when I forgot the onions. Big freakin' deal. I told him I make his stuff however he wants it and it shouldn't matter. And he replies that he'd make his own dinner from now on b/c I always screw it up.

So I left the kitchen and he cooked his own burritos. I may not cook tonight either.

This is stupid, but I LOVE to cook. I love to create a meal for the two of us, even if the ingredients slightly differ sometimes, and have us both sit and enjoy the things we're eating. I love when he says something tastes good - but apparently all those compliments were lies because I "always screw up" when I make dinner.

Just ranting. He makes me SO angry! What would he do if I became a vegetarian or stopped eating red meat but stuck to chicken, turkey and pork? I'd be making a lot of stuff differently - would he divorce me? Grrrrr....

Mindi, I am guessing the argument wasn't really about your cooking, even though it seemed like it. It sounds to me like he is frustrated with eating healthy and watching his weight and when you eat something healthier than he is, he feels guilty about it, like you are mocking him for not eating as healthy (I know you're not, but he might see it that way). I'm guessing this based on the fact that you said he said he doesn't want burritos if he can't eat at least three.

Maybe you could sit him down at some point that is not a meal time and ask about it. Does he really want to make his own dinner because you screw it up, or does he want to because he wants to eat less healthy food and is embarrassed to do it in front of you?

I'm sorry you are going through this. Sometimes I feel guilty because sometimes I make something completely different from my husband and actually he needs to gain weight so I've been trying to find ways to add more calories to his food.

This makes no sense….

To me, it sounds like there must be something else that he is frustrated about and he just chose the dinner scenario as the time to vent or explode. He couldn’t possibly be THAT upset over something so trivial!!

I’m sorry honey

I'm not sure if this is what's going on in your case, but I feel like sometimes talking about my weight/calories/food choices/food plans etc (basically all the stuff we talk about here) ticks my hubby off a little. He doesn't admit it, but I can see his eyes glaze over; he's sick of it. I never talked about it up until 10 months ago, and all of a sudden there's this new dimension to me. Perhaps if you made it more about the fact that you were "craving" chicken, and not about the health benefits to you of eating chicken over ground beef, it wouldn't make his *weight related crap* sensor go off? I mean, this doesn't really solve the problem, and I definitely think that you and your hubby need to talk, but for the time being, maybe this will cause less tension?

Good luck

Total BS, MindyV. He's pissed off about being on a weight loss program.

Disconnect from his food trips. Especially if he's going to use your cooking as a weapon against you.

My SO and I eat different meals a lot of the time. Sometimes, occasionally, we have a meal where we eat the same things. We were both so happy when we gave up trying to eat alike! Because we like different things, and if I eat like she does, I gain weight.

Yeah, tell him fine, cook his own food. No problem. Who made you the cook, anyway? He knows you love to cook, that's why he's picking on that. Disconnect from his trips...

Jay

I hate that your husband would act that way!! Maybe you need to let him be in control of his own diet and you handle yours!! If he wants to eat 3 burritos, say go for it, then just get extra life insurance, so you are taken care of when you out live him!! Hahahahahahaha

It's definitely more than just the burritos. Personally, I would let him fend for himself.
My hubby and I often eat at least a portion of our meals differently. We always eat together, but not always the same thing (he eats healthy as well, we just like different stuff). We cook together.

Invite your hubby to cook with you if he wants more control over what he eats.

If my husband went on that rant, I would make him eat a little something to level out his blood sugar. I actually would probably burst out laughing at what a big baby he's being, but that would piss him off even more, I know. Seriously, it sounds like a blood sugar thing, or a hormone thing--I sound just like that when TOM visits. My dad used to do that--ranting and raving, saying completely irrational stuff. Then you'd put food in him and he'd be fine. Maybe work on a healthy appetizer first (a jar of strained peas perhaps?).

You know not to take it personally, and let him know he is more than welcome to prepare his own meals and clean up after himself since you can't do it right. I'd tell him that you were going to suggest it anyway since you have enough work to do just preparing your own food, and if he's going to be rude enough to demand something other than what you're cooking, he's on his own. Make sure you lay out plenty of rules for how he needs to clean up your kitchen! lol.

He did apologize yesterday. LouisaH, I think you might be right about his blood sugar. He's always gotten cranky when he's hungry, not to mention shaky and sometimes nauseated. I tell him he needs to get his blood sugar and all checked, but he hasn't done it yet.

See, the problem was that we splurged a little on lunch. We'd had to go out of town and skipped breakfast, so we stopped at a fast food place on the way home for lunch. I got a grilled chicken sandwich, and he got a footlong chili cheese hot dog and large fries. Good at the time, but very high calorie and NOT filling at all. He was upset that he'd burned a ton of his calories on a single meal and was STARVING by dinner time. He didn't see how two "little" beef burritos and rice or beans might fill him up but when all was said and done he was stuffed.

I hope it was a really sincere apology! I wanted to speak out on behalf of those who do get these blood sugar lows, but that was a pretty bad rant and I would have been pretty upset no matter what the cause. I do experience what you described your husband as having. The first step can be cranky, then shaky and nauseated. The fact that I recognize what is happening really helped me cut out the cranky step, and luckily my BF doesn't stand in my way if he's there. Usually I can just tell him "I NEED to eat" and he tries to help me find food ASAP! (Ha, maybe that's conditioning from some of the first cranky episodes I did have before I realized what was going on?) And when I'm trying to stick to an eating plan and I'm upset about having an unplanned snack, well, that's an unplanned snack and I've learned to just eat it and take that over the nausea and shakes.

Does your husband seem to recognize that this happens now? Maybe you could sit down and talk to him, suggest that he thinks about what he was feeling, identifies it as "low blood sugar" feeling, and recognize that he should try and find something sensible to eat as soon as he starts feeling it. As a kid I would get really cranky if I hadn't eaten, my mom was actually the first person who ID-ed this in me, then I sort of "forgot" about it for several years (umm... probably ate so often and so much I didn't get as many painful blood sugar lows), but at a lower weight I seem more sensitive to it again. I've learned to never, ever leave home without snacks. I follow closer to 5-6 small meals/snacks a day instead of 3 square meals, and it really helps to minimize this reaction. Even if I'd had a huge chili cheese dog and felt horribly guilty for eating it... apple and almonds in my purse. Good luck.

Your follow-up makes me definitely think it's more about himself than you. feeling frustrated with oneself usually ends up with a spouse as the easy target. I know there have been times where *I* get upset with hubby because he insists we eat at home/eat healthy rather than go out. It's not HIM I'm really mad at... it's ME for placing such a high importance on food and eating.

In the end, he's the one that makes the choices what to eat. I sure learned pretty quickly that if I was going to lose weight, I couldn't blow my calorie budget on high-calorie but small food items (fast food!) He will either learn this in time, or won't, one or the other. Either way I'm glad he apologized!

As far as fast food goes, he hasn't come to the realization that I have - it's good sometimes, but not filling at all! I'd much rather make a big pan of squash and green beans at home to eat with a homemade chicken sandwich and oven baked fries I make myself than eat a small, greasy burger and anemic order of deep fried french fries.

Any day of the week he eats more calories, but volume-wise I totally eat more than he does...

We all have to learn these lessons by experience don't we? But it certainly isn't fair for your hubby to take out his frustration with his own choices on you. Glad he apologized and I hope he remember this next time he's about to order the junk food (it's called junk for a reason).

BTW I really loved that idea someone suggested of offering him an appetizer of baby food (jar of strained peas?) the next time he throws a

Dagmar

It also sounds like low-blood sugar and diet frustration to me. Not to excuse it, but I understand it, because I'm very prone to irritability when I'm hungry or when my blood sugar has dropped. When it happens to me, it seems like hubby is choosing to be the biggest jerk on the planet, and my side of the argument doesn't seem unreasonable (to me) until after I've eaten.

My husband and I, for the most part do make our own meals. Occasionally we cook for each other, or we'll offer the other person what we've prepared for ourselves.

We diet differently. He'd rather have higher calorie foods and fewer meals (maybe one or two meals and a snack). I'd rather have three meals of larger portions of lower calorie foods, or grazing all day on small portions of lower calorie food. He tends to follow the same pattern every day, I tend to go through phases. We had to learn to see different as ok, because at first we played a tug-of-war over whose way was "better." When he cooked we did it his way, and when I cooked we did it my way - and neither of us was very happy with the other person's way.

Fending for ourselves, more often than not has been our solution, and it's working pretty well. Hubby is a bit more disappointed than I am, that we're eating different foods at different times (but he's always been extremely proud of his cooking skills, and I think part of it is his disappointment at not being able to show off. Unfortunately his showing off, often means something richer or heavier than I want to be eating).

We initially thought we both had to be on the same plan to be successful, but we were wrong. Doing our own thing, and being responsible for our own thing has worked better than trying to find a middle ground we could each live with (in other words, neither of us getting what we really wanted/needed).