So something turned on in me yesterday, and something I thought was difficult to control (my love of sugar), seems to be relaxing a bit and I very quickly decided yesterday that I would severely limit my sugar intake whenever possible---my usual soda was replaced with diet soda, and my much loved sugary 32oz. drink that I buy multiple times a week, sits in my refrigerator, untouched since Monday.

I feel like the longer that I am able to go eating healthy and avoiding my temptations (mickey d's double cheeseburgers, sugar drinks, bread), the stronger I will feel in not having to give into my cravings or binge on food---especially when in a large group of people.

I feel somehow renewed in my energy and zest to accomplish weightloss. I am writing down my food again, tracking my weight, and really being conscious of avoiding those foods that make me end up acting ravenous.

On the emotional front, I feel like I am feeling the issues between me and my ex more and more. I feel more like even though I know that we had problems, that there was something he didn't like enough about me to want to stay with me. I know that this is a usual feeling, and need to just ride it out. It is weird because since we have broken up, he has been contacting sometimes more than he did before the break-up. He gave me money to help with my bills this month (and believe me, this is the first man who ever did that for me---I think my ex did it because for many months I helped him financially), and he paid another bill yesterday for me. I told him he didn't have to, but he was adamant that I let him (he seemed almost upset when i was telling him he didn't have to).

I wonder if he feels obligated to me because I helped him before. I don't want him to feel that way. I also wonder at times if when he figures out what he wants (he has said he sometimes wants to be in a relationship, and sometimes doesn't), if he will choose me. Of course, I realize that I have power in whom I CHOOSE to be my significant other.

I am dealing with the sadness best that I can. At times when I am driving somewhere, it will just come up out of the blue that I am alone again. Of course this created a fear in me of being alone, and what if I need help, etc. I know I am a strong person and have to take care of myself. I just have fears that I will be one of those people found alone in their apartment, all because no one really checks in on them. Sigh. I know, I know, I am just being a bit melodramatic. I am sure that as time goes on I will feel better. For now, I am focusing on making myself feel good by watching my food, my looks, and just making time for myself and doing things that make me happy.

Thank you everybody for listening to (or reading) my ramblings. this site really helps me to stay on track with my fitness goals and not feel alone.

Million,
You're not alone, we're all here for you.
Way to go on the food front, awesome first step to take!
I'm very proud of you.

You never know what the future holds, but if you take care of yourself, it'll hold wonderful things. The best is yet to come.

Thank you so much! When I made my lunch today I really thought about my goals of what I want to eat and what I am trying to accomplish, and packed my meal accordingly, even though I was diverting a bit from my usual meals.

The scale shows I am down 2lbs!! I am soooo happy!!! I know that I think I have the whoosh effect when I lose weight, in that I won't show any weight loss for days, then all of a sudden, 2lbs lost. I am sooo happy!!

I did good and stuck with splenda over sugar. I am also adding everything I eat to my online food diary so I can keep track of the carbs to protein ration.

I am trying to not feel discouraged---something happened here where someone was acknowleged for something and there was this big hoopla, but when I experienced the same thing, very few, if anyone, had the same reaction. I guess it comes to feeling just generally unliked and unappreciated--though I try so hard to do my best. It is like I have to put on a smile even though I know I am not respected. Sigh.

On the relationship front, I felt like my soul was crying last night. I texted my bf and he said some stuff and it just hurt a bit because he seems to want to distance himself more and more from me, even though we agreed to be friends. I am going to give him some space and not contact him for a while. Maybe that is the best thing for both of us? It still hurts though, and I wish he would have told me how he felt a while ago, because it is like I saw him slowly moving his things out, but he wouldn't admit that was what he was doing. Sigh. It just hurts because I feel like I failed in that relationship and I worry if maybe I am unloveable--I know, I know, more mellodrama. I am just expressing my emotions---they are not always rational, ya know!

Other than that, I am doing ok. I am just focused on this weightloss thing.


high 336/316/210

Million...there have been many dramas played out in my head while I'm driving, which is why I'm so prone to the drive-thrus! I'm still trying to figure out how to drown out the drama in my head, racing thoughts and emotions that surprisingly bubble up.

I've had to play games with myself in order to achieve mastery over certain overly-indulgent situations. Lately, in the car, it's either loud music (I'm loving The Heavy's How You Like Me Now lately) or NPR with lots of chatter. I am going to stop eating while watching TV, because I tend to eat mindlessly when I check out with the TV. I've gone to cocktail parties and not had any alcohol, just walked around with a club soda and a twist of lime, because once I have a cocktail, I'm a slut for the buffet table!

Before I even approached another "diet" I had to troubleshoot all sorts of situations once I realized they were a danger to my goals. I also slowly traded out or quit using certain ingredients, much like you're starting to do. No sodas for me was the easy part. No cream in my coffee was tough! But I'm now down to black coffee with a little Stevia in it plus a spoonful of nonfat dry milk.

I gave up butter (so, SO hard for me, and I never ate margarine) and now only use olive oil. I gave up most dairy (except for feta cheese). I gave up all processed food. I had to quit everything with soy since I turned up allergic to that. Now I'm suspecting a wheat allergy, so I'm giving that up to see how I'm feeling.

It was a series of these sorts of steps that got the first 40 lbs. off me. I didn't worry so much about calories and nutrient percentages and all that at first. Just shot for a balanced meal every time and avoided all sorts of stuff. And the weight came off in about a year. And slow progress is better for me since it's now a habit that I won't go back on again.

My latest trick is to lock my purse in the trunk and have only my driver's license and proof of insurance on me in the front seat. Can't swing through the drive-thru without inconveniencing myself. Being lazy is helping, for once!

I love those double cheeseburgers too! I used to order the meals, then figured out that I really didn't like the fries and didn't want the soda, so I just got the burger. Then I figured out I really didn't like the buns either, so I switched to the Carl's Jr. Low Carb Burger or the Jack-In-The-Box Grilled Chicken Strips. That's where I am now on the fast food battle. I really need to give those up, because I watched the documentaries Supersize Me, King Corn and Food Inc. and I feel very compelled to never eat out again. I'm on the hunt for grass-fed chicken and beef now. And I've come to enjoy cooking with grass-fed bison. But they're all pricey, so more beans and rice for now!

You had me roflmao! Slut for the buffet! How true! Yes, a buffet is really too much temptation for me.

I do suggest continuing to watch the documentaries and movies and read the literature---it can really help to cut down on even wanting certain foods. I have been good, for the most part, about avoiding certain pork products. I still have to avoid them in certain Asian foods, but with my new diet, I can't eat those things anyway (they are very bready dim sum).

I also find that if I pay attention to how I physically feel after eating junk food, I can notice that my body is saying wth?!?!

I suggest cutting out the wheat. I hear that a lot of people drop a good amount of weight just when they cut that out, as well as flours and simple carbs (non-complex).

I think you do can do whatever you set your mind to!

Hang in there, Million. One step at a time.

I like the idea of locking the purse in the trunk.

The only thing about locking the purse in the trunk is making sure to remove it whenever you park somewhere.

Million
Hey don't forget to change your signature and post your loss of 2 pounds!!
Way to go

Well, when I made my ticker I was 316, then I went up to 318, and now I am back down to 316.

I want sooo bad to buy a new scale---the one I have now is dial, but it goes over 300lbs. I almost bought a digital scale today that goes over 300lbs, but wasn't sure about it. I have a good digital scale that works fine, but doesn't go over 300lbs. I guess my best option would be to get under 300lbs pronto!

On the relationship front, I had a hard time last night. My bf texted me and it was emotional because it seemed at one point like he was trying to forget about what we had in our relationship, but then he stated that that wasn't it, and he is just trying to figure out what he wants in his life, and he is not sure what he is feeling in regards to our being together. Sigh. That hurts. I think it would be best for me to focus on my diet and other things I want to accomplish, and just let him have his space to focus on himself.

My food is going well, even though I overate on my calories today. I DID NOT, however, overeat on foods I shouldn't, like fast food or sugar (there was some sugar in my salad dressing, but I think that isn't so bad as long as I am not eating too much of it) or yummy delicious carb-heavy foods.

I really hope that the scale is nice to me tomorrow. I want to be 316lbs or less. When I keep a weight for more than a couple of days, then I feel more confident that it isn't just water weight.

I am feeling so pumped about my diet! Yay!

Million,
I've got a digital scale and I love it. The dial one used to drive me nuts!! Being a fat lady with bad eyesight and trying to read the stupid little numbers on the dial didn't work out to well. Lot of cursing in the morning in the bathroom. LOL

I'm sorry about the conversation with the ex but you know texting is a wonderful thing...you don't have to text back. If he really wants to speak to you, he'll call. Remember you are worth the time, you are worth the effort. Don't sell yourself short.

Way to go on eating healthy, that's a huge part of the battle. Are you exercising? You know I'm going to keep cheering that on until I see you as a regular on the exercise thread. Nothing but love for you baby, nothing but love.

Sweetcakes, you are so....sweet! You made me smile when I read your and everyone else's response. It so greatly helps me during this time.

I did good today and avoided a lot of temptations that I usually binge on. So I am very happy about that. I am also tracking eveything I eat, and my goal right now is to eat less than 1300 calories a day.

I am trying to keep a smile on my face right now. I have noticed some things going on in regards to preferences based upon appearance. It hurts a lot because I try so hard to be friendly and helpful, and yet, I still feel very disrespected and treated as if my abilities are lacking. Sigh. It is hard when I see the favoritism happen towards those that may not have the same love of the project or dedication. Sigh. And when part of that preference is based upon image, it is kind of discouraging. But rather than pig out, I am just trying to keep a smile on my face and focus on getting rid of this weight and being happy.

The relationship is well....the relationship. I wonder how long he wanted to break up. It is so weird....he says things at times like he doesn't want to be around me, then he says things that he does. Sigh. I try not to think about what my prospects of finding a good person are.

I am feeling so good about my food and how I have been eating lately.

Even though the scale is not really going down, and even though I have a hard time sticking to my calorie goal of 1200 calories per day, I do feel good about not eating fast food, not binging on barbs and bread and sweets, and about avoiding sugar. I have been really good at not adding sugar to my coffee and avoiding sugary soda. I am really happy about that, as I wasn't sure I would be able to avoid sugar because even though I don't eat a lot of sweets, I probably drink a lot of sugar in my average day.

I went food shopping today (yay!), and focus on healthy foods. I am so happy about that! I bought veggies and some healthy snacks. I am really hoping that the scale starts to go down.

I was tempted to go and buy a new digital scale that goes over 300lbs, but I couldn't find one I really liked. I figured that it would probably be better to just wait until I get below 300lbs, and use the scale I already have that is digital and goes up to 300lbs. I will continue to use my regular analog scale to chart my progress.

things are getting better relationship wise. I have days when I feel ok, and usually in the evening I feel a bit sad. I think focusing on taking better care of myself has been helping to make me feel better.

I love the idea of locking the purse in the trunk!!!!!!!!!!

I love that you are able to do so well while going through an emotionally trying time. I know for me those are the worst. I tend to eat my emotions. way 2 go on the 2 pounds!

I also like the idea of making temptations incontinent, I will for sure use that in my own life

I am soooo happy! The scale is moving! I got on the scale this morning and it was hovering below the 315 mark. OMG! I am so very happy about that! I was worried because I overate yesterday, so I thought that may cause me to gain weight. I am going to stick with the healthy eating cause it appears that it may be working!!

I am trying to stay happy and positive, but got very discouraged this morning with the usual stuff----the lack of being treated equally, the fact that some people are given a usual standard or even overly enthusiastic greeting, but I get largely ignored. It is so very discouraging when you feel like no matter how well you do, those that may have more responsibilities fail to see your abilities because of their own biases. Sigh. I am trying to not let it bother me, it just feels like it has been happening a lot.