So, tomorrow is Valentine's Day and so far I have no vday plans. I am feeling pretty sad about that, and have been giving into donut temptation lately. My bf says he doesn't know if he wants to celebrate, and he doesn't know why he doesn't know. Ugh. What can i say about that? So, I feel like I am in a relationship, but with someone who doesn't know if they want to be with me from day to day. this is hard because I know he is going through a lot of hard times, I just feel like I don't know how long I am supposed to be patient while he figures out what he needs or wants, ya know? Sigh. I am also having some inner feelings because a lot of people around me are having their 2nd and 3rd child, and I am worried that I won't find someone who would even want to make a baby with me.

I am still watching the scale, though, and I am happy because a friend said that I looked slimmer, AND, my size 24 pants that I had stopped wearing a few months ago because they were uncomfortable, now feel super comfy. Yay! I also took some time with a friend and did some retail therapy, and I saw how I can make myself look better, so I want to spend the time in the morning putting a bit more effort into making myself look nice.

AND, I am cooking a huge dish of vegetables today. Yay!

Happy Valentine's Day everybody!!

I'm feeling pretty low this V-Day Eve. X never wanted to do something on V-Day, but here I am feeling lonely and sorry for myself. My kids are off doing their own thing this weekend.

I've been struggling with my emotions for a couple of hours. Decided to touch base with someone here, so thanks for posting! I looked up some tips on managing loneliness. One tip was to find something creative that really sparked some excitement on my part. I think your choice to give your wardrobe a makeover is a great idea. I may do something similar.

Another tip was to do something for somebody else. Not sure how to go about doing that today, but tomorrow I've made plans to actually go to church for the first time in many years. I've done some research and I think I found a plan where I can feel accepted and nurtured, and they do a lot of volunteering in the community that doesn't involve proselytizing as part of their work in the community. I'm really looking forward to that.

I've read a lot of the posts others have written to you about your relationship. I have to support a lot of what people were sharing about the mindset of men...when they act like they're not interested, they're not. If their character is weak, they won't do anything to participate in the relationship until you're forced to walk away. It's very painful to be in this circumstance. If you're not inclined to be the one to rip off the bandaide, then make sure you're working at having other more supportive people around you to make the process safe for you to do for yourself. It really is less painful (but absolutely not pain-free) when you're in control of your life when the break-up happens.

If you're so intent to have children, prepare your circumstance (financial, physical and emotional health) for that eventuality. Don't wait for a guy to make that happen for you. You can choose to get the "stuff" you really need from a guy in more than one way. Or make the decision to adopt. I'm planning on doing just that, after my sons are grown. I want to adopt some older girls, not babies, who need to be loved and cared for.

Wow, just writing all this down makes me feel better. Thank you!

thank you, geoblewis. I think w. my bf I was there for a large part of it because I thought I was being helpful and supportive and, to be honest, I do think that I helped my bf. He did tell me a while ago that a lot of other women would not have stayed around that long during his difficulties. So, right now I am dealing with the reality that though my bf and I love and care for each other, we may not be best for each other romantic wise. I am also dealing with the fact that he is so unsure and I wish he would tell me how he feels, so I can begin to feel the feelings I need to feel and heal in a lot of ways. Not knowing if he wants to be with me or if he is trying to slowly end the relationship is like dragging out an uncomfortable talk. It also makes me feel upset that I have asked him again and again how he feels and he says he doesn't know.

I am going to spend time with my friends tomorrow. I am trying to not feel upset that my bf can't look outside of himself to think about what I may be needing. sigh. I feel like he may be doing this so I will break up with him.

Ouch that sucks.

I'd say if you are financially independent or can stay with a family member (assuming you live with this guy) then DON'T wait. I know that sounds so much easier than it is but you don't need that- move on- take care of yourself, be single for at least 6 months (make some time to be selfish) and then try again. I bet in 6 months you'll feel like a whole new person and will have no trouble finding someone who wants you!

I ditto beerab, after my daughter had her heart ripped out over Christmas, she's got a little selfish and taken some time for her, addressing what she wants and what she needs. She's already changed so much from then to now. Her progress is stunning. She's got a long way to go, but as she said recently, "When I'm treating myself badly, I attract guys who treat me badly. I'm done with that, it's too much work for not enough return"
Maybe you should think about taking back our own power.

It seems to me this man is providing you more unhappiness than happiness. I think the whole idea men don't know what they are doing, they are different than us on an enotional level ect ect ect is an easy cop out for them to be able to treat woman however they want and and to give most of us an reason to feel better about it and to accept it. I say a big fat **** NOOO to that. Honestly he is pretty much proven who doesn't care about you much and probably is only with you cuz he knows you will be there if he needs something unlike most women. Honey I say move on and be with someone who is as caring, lovable, and generous as you seem to be. But as someone previously has mentioned give yourself time to truely love and respect yourself so you will ultimately be with someone who will love and respect you also. and that love and resepct will be a known vocalized fact not a oh I'm not sure how I feel.
Oh and by the way I am not in anyway as mad as it seems and I am definitely not trying to make you feel bad but I hate seeing any woman feel they are stuck with someone who makes them feel the way you are feeling. We are worthy and deserve sooooo much better than that.

I don't feel stuck, and he isn't a bad guy. I feel like we went through some really difficult times together, and I thought that things would get better for him, but it seems like things have been more difficult. As he has been more stressed by his family, and I don't agree with it, we have been drifting apart more and more.
He still encourages me to be happy and to make time for myself. It is just that we are spending less and less time with each other.

He has never, in our relationship, put me down or been a mean person. I feel like I have been far more critical of him than he has ever been of me.

I think that it may be an issue of he wants to break up, but doesn't want to hurt my feelings. It could also be that he doesn't know what he wants, etc. I could definitely be friends with him as he is very caring towards me, but the romantic aspect of our relationship is what has deteriorated (not the care part--he still shows me more care than any other person). I think that maybe he is just not in a relationship mode at this time in his life.

I am going to back off a bit and not call or text for a while.

So does this mean maybe a perfect V-day present to your self will be helping make the decsion and breaking up with him???

I really think that me and my bf need to talk and really discuss what each of us wants and feels. I think that would be the best thing. And maybe chocolate.

Well I'm glad you made plans with our friends tomorrow. I hope you have a WONDERFUL Valentines Day!!!!!

Honestly, you may not want to hear this, but life is far too short to be with someone who may or may not want to be with you. He may be a great guy, and if you want him in your life as a friend...great, but honestly he sounds like he is just sucking the life out of you and stringing you along. The only person who can make the choice to leave and get on with your life in a positive way is YOU. I personally would rather live a happy, fulfilling life ALONE than to be always wondering "How will so and so feel about "us" today?" Never going forward in your relationship...stuck in the mud.

Until you make YOU the priority in your life and start treating yourself like you want others to treat you, ie. treat yourself like the wonderful person you are....this is the type of guy you will attract. Period. When I was single, I was still obese and I would not put up with this type of treatment. You are either IN the relationship or you are NOT. Staying together because you endured through tough times for him is not a reason to stay together and its a waste of precious time. Being so in love that you are HAPPY and cannot imagine life without each other is a reason to stay together.

Find a way to love yourself...even if it means being alone for now and take care of YOU. The rest will fall into place.

Don't throw away your woe for Valentine's Day! Staying on plan is a wonderful gift to yourself.

Million...let's be our own Valentines today. It's a great way to start your journey, from this day forth, making decisions and choices that will improve your life, heal your heart and give you great inner strength. It goes beyond getting a manicure or indulging in chocolates.

Surround yourself with those that genuinely love you, starting with yourself.

If you ask my two cents worth?

I would far rather be ALONE for the RIGHT reasons than hanging on to someone for dear life for the WRONG reasons. It doesn't seem like this guy is up to snuff with what you NEED! To thine own self be true my dear! Give yourself the Valentine celebration YOU want! Don't wait for him to do it for you.

When you clear the junk (sometimes that includes people) out of your own life the road will rise up and meet you. You won't have to go in the gully!

Happy Valentine's Day--from a gal that's been there. Hugs!

Ding, ding, ding. NOW THERE is a winner!

Thank you, everyone. I do feel that I have a lot of power, and I also feel like if my bf is going through a really hard time, that it would be mean of me to be like Well, you aren't doing enough, etc., etc., and be yet another person who is asking more from him than he is able to give. We talked briefly yesterday, and it just seems like he has been having a lot of problems lately and everyone is asking for something from him, and I don't want to be another burden on him. He has never been a mean or bad bf, I just feel that it got to a point where the other things in his life are very stressful and they have to be a priority in his life right now. I totally understand that, I just wish he would say that he can't put into a relationship right now. And I would be okay with that, and things would be a lot clearer. It is not the same situation as a guy who just opts to not participate, but I really feel like my bf is pulling away from everyone who seems to be asking for things---me included.

I do agree that there are things I need in my relationship, and that he could make the effort to do something nice for me today. i think that tomorrow we are going to have a talk about where we want to be in our relationship. That may mean just being friends, because, seriously, not making an effort to spend tonight with me, on one of the most romantic days of the year, is really not a good sign. I think he doesn't want to see me today because of what the day means, and he may expect that I want romance, and he hasn't been interested in that for a while, so....he is probably avoiding the situation. All in all, I do wish we could just openly talk and make a decision one way or the other. I feel like I am being really patient, but the longer I wait, the more it doesn't seem so good or help the situation.

Today, I will spend time with friends and have a good vday. I already treated myself to a mini make-up shopping spree.