Okay, so I've been struggling with this for a while now. My 7 y/o daughter weighs 88 lbs. I am very concerned about her weight and I just don't know how to help her without upsetting her. She is a very emotional person and gets her feelings hurt easily.
Ok...let me go back just a little. When my daughter turned 6 she wore a 6x maybe a 7slim or size 8 shirts just for extra room. I had a mental breakdown and had to allow her to live with her father and his fiance so I could get better. In a matter of two months she went from her size 6x to an 8. Two months later it was an 8plus...then a 10plus...then a 12plus. She was almost in a size 14 one year later when she returned home to live with me.
During her time at her father's house she was kept pretty active participating in upward cheerleading & soccer as well as being in tap and jazz dance classes. But was allowed to eat very large amounts of food and dessert almost every night.
I was able to bring her back down to fitting comfortably into a size 12 jeans in just a few months.
So on long weekends/holiday visits they get to eat a bunch of crap.
I've told him about my concerns and he said that she is just a kid and she will grow out of it.
Well...with all of these childhood obesity cases and adults who are morbidly obese and were overweight their whole life, well I don't want my daughter to end up that way.
How do you tell your 7 y/o daughter that she can't have the extra food. How can I tell her that she is beautiful just the way she is, but that she needs to lose weight so she will be healthy.
My daughter is beautiful...but she is overweight and I don't want her to end up being fat for the rest of her life.
I just don't understand...when she was at my house (before going to her dad's) she ate very well (good size "child size" portions) and was active and she was average weight for her age/height.
I really do hope that she will "grow out of it" but I'm afraid that she won't and I don't want her to struggle for the rest of her life. I am trying to show her how to eat better and we do get as much "exercise" as the weather allows (can't go outside to play when it is freezing or raining cats & dogs). We got a wii for Christmas and I hope that will help. I'm going to get the wii fit plus next week and I hope that she will take interest.
Am I being paranoid or what? Help

In my honest opinion, it is a REALLY bad idea to put a child on a diet UNLESS instructed by a pediatrician.

I noticed my son was getting a bit on the chubby side, but I waited it out to see what happened. Within a couple of weeks he grew a few inches and slimmed out.

We keep healthy food in the house. I do NOT limit healthy foods. If my kids want another serving of steamed brocolli, sure help yourself! If my kids want another serving of applesauce, sure help yourself. If my kids want another cookie, no that was a treat but your more than welcome to have some more fruit or vegetables. We have a limit on tv time. We go for walks, lots of playtime out in the snow.

Personally I think the absolute best thing you can do for your daughter is be a good role model. Eat a well balanced diet. Keep the junk food out of the house. Keep treats a special occasion kind of deal. Encourage her to go out for a walk with you.

I don't think it's apropriate to tell an 8 year old girl she is fat and she needs to lose weight. Soon enough she'll be at the age where kids are really mean and judgemental. Kids will be expected to be thin. They will get teased for being on the upper end of "normal" weight. They'll be exposed to magazines and movies full of very thin women who are portrayed as being gorgeous, beautiful, etc.

Off my soapbox now.

I wouldn't put my daughter on a "diet" but I do think that watching what she eats is VERY important. Especially when she eats pretty good at my house.
The problem I have is when she goes to her fathers house she is allowed to eat adult size platters at restaurants (which they seem to go to an awful lot). For example: Olive Garden = lasagna along with the free salad & breadsticks plus "dipping sauce" (alfredo) or Joe's BBQ = adult portion of friend shrimp (12 med to lg shrimp) fries & cole slaw. That is entirely to much food for an almost 8 y/o child.

I do try very hard (not always successfully) and we are active when the weather permits.

I would never call my child fat. But the fact is she is 30 lbs overweight. It isn't healthy. This isn't a short period of time. She steadily gained weight in a years time and is now considered obese for her age.

I understand this...that is why I am asking for help. I don't need someone on a soapbox telling me that I shouldn't do this or that. The problem isn't with me...it is when she is with her father.



Yes...I am overweight. Yes I don't eat right when I know I should. Yes I don't exercise like I know I should. BUT...my children were healthy and of "normal" weight before they went to their dad's house last school year.
I am concerned and I wanted advise from someone who can understand what I am going through and how to help without upsetting my daughter.

I don't need anyone trying to bash me.

Woah, who is bashing you?!?!?! I was NOT bashing you, was NOT telling you to do this and do that. You asked for suggestions, I gave you my opinion on what I would do. Take it or leave it. Sorry for taking time out of my day to try and help you out. I was just a mom trying to help out another mom, but I'll think twice next time about trying to help anyone out.

I don't think anyone was trying to bash you, but it's a really touchy subject that needs to be handled very carefully. You are right to be concerned about your daughter, because IMO, it's really rare for kids to 'grow out of it' and gaining that much weight in a year is not normal. A lot of parents try to kid themselves by saying that.

The problem is that you can't change her father's house, and you can never let on to her that you think she's too big, so you've got to remove all crap from your house, and let her overeat on really nutritious, low calorie food. Set an incredible example -- that's the best thing you can do. Show her without beng obvious that you stop when you're not hungry, and food is not comfort, it's just nutrition. Don't talk about what her father lets her eat unless she brings it up, and then the (not obvious) message is that you would miss vegetables and feel sluggish all the time if that was all YOU could eat.

Then hope that you're the one she emulates. If she sees you doing things you love, being healthy and active instead of avoiding the stairs and taking several kind of medications, she'll start following your lead.

I know & I'm sorry if I over reacted. I'm just so upset about this. I've tried to be "inconspicuous" about it while she is at my house, but I'm getting scared. I don't want her to have to turn to this board when she gets older because her whole life she was overweight and never had the opportunities...etc.
I just know how unhappy I am being like this....I want better for my kiddos!
I looked it up and confirmed with the doctor...she is 30 lbs over what is considered "normal" for her weight. She should weigh approx 55lbs.

I don't want her to be self conscious, but just about every woman in my family has weight issues. I really do wish that someone would have said "hey Sam...you should eat better and exercise to get back in shape" instead of telling me repeatedly "you will never lose the fat so there is no point in trying". Yes...my stepmother drilled that in my head to the point where I gave up.

What is her height like on the growth chart. That is the second part of the equation that a doctor would look for. Say if a child is in the 90th percentile for weight, but 10th for height, he/she is overweight. If a child is in the 90th percentile for height AND weight, then the doctor probably would not be concerned.

FWIW my son is 6. He's 65 pounds. 97th percentile for his age I believe, but he's also in the 97th percentile for height.

Have you taken her to the doctor recently? Perhaps a checkup would be a good idea, and bring her father. You and your ex could have a frank discussion with the doctor. Even if your ex isn't open to you, he might be more open to accepting the truth from the doctor. I know you said you have spoken to a doctor, but maybe a trip with all 3 together is a good idea.

This is a really good idea, also you could just adjust what she's eating as a matter of course. If she notices an increase in veggies and whole grains, I'd be like "what, I'm trying something new." Try to find fun activies to do together. I wouldn't bring her weight into the conversation at all. I looked up hula hooping, and you two could try belly dancing. "why" to dance like shakira does.. Yeah, all of this is a lesson in misdirection, but this way, when she is with you, she is eating what she needs, and doing that 5 days a week ain't half bad. also it will spare her feelings. after all, she's just eight and no one wants to hear that they are flawed...even at our age its rough. But if you creep these changes on her, and she sees you doing it, it will become her new normal. Also get her in the kitchen. Kids like making their own foods. Pick out healthy recipes, don't lead on that it has anything to do with her. If she asks, say "its an easy one we can do together."

anyway, thats my 2 cents.

Hi there! Sorry you're dealing with something so scary. My mom grew up being tormented about her weight, so when she had us kids, she decided she wanted better for us. She was therefore strict about what we ate. I was never overweight as a child, but my younger sister was. My mom was so afraid for my sis' happiness that she tried to encourage her to eat better and lose weight. The result being that my sister felt like she was constantly being watched and criticized, and that junk food was good as gold because she knew she wasn't supposed to have it. In essence, everything my mother was trying to shelter my sister from backfired on her. My sister has, with age, settled in to a healthy relationship with food. Although she does want to lose a little weight.

Children learn by example. I never even thought twice about food or how I looked until the day my mom told me she wished she could have been skinny as a kid, like me. And I know I overeat now because I was accustomed to watching mom and dad scarf down snacks all the time.

I agree with above posters that setting a good example for your daughter is the absolute best thing you can do. Also, if she's athletic, get her out of the house and into some serious sports!

Just remember, for kids, if food is not made to be the issue, it won't be an issue.

Good luck, and lots of hugs!

Children simply do not understand weight loss in terms of being healthy. I don't think they understand it at all, actually. I never realized there was something "wrong" with me until the day came when children started pointing it out. Then food became a comfort and so on and so forth. I also had an unstable childhood with lots of "shuffling" and that only compounded the problem.

I don't know why your ex refuses to understand the importance of healthy eating. Perhaps it's his way of compensating? Maybe he feels guilty?

I really think the very best and most effective thing you can do is set a stable, positive example of healthy living for your daughter; that even if she goes nuts on the weekends at her dad's, she always knows she will come back home to you and the healthy lifestyle you lead. It really does start with you, as her mom.

Good luck- I can't imagine what a difficult battle this is.

YEP....what JUNEBUG says

Be very careful not to turn this into a mom/daughter vs dad/daughter thing...you will regret it later....

find a way to turn it into a mom/daughter bonding experience....you won't regret it later....

He wouldn't be willing to take off work to do that. He would send his fiance...aka "Step-Mother of the Year"...

They supposedly asked the doctor they took her too while she lived with him and supposedly he said it was fine.
We took her to the doctor yesterday for some bumps on her legs that just won't go away and the doctor said something about her weight (in private). I guess that is what got me stirred up. She is average height for her age.
Unfortunately due to a change in the insurance...she no longer sees the pediatrician that I took her too (very very expensive to go there).

We got a wii for Christmas, so I'm hoping that will help on the days they can't go outside and play...along with the start of a new softball season.

Thanks! I don't want it to be a battle with her father. I just want him to be a better parent when it comes to this. I know that she likes lasagna, so if you go out to eat, allow her tohave it, but ask the waiter to half it in the kitchen and only bring out the smaller portion. Ask the waiter to only allow 1 basket of bread and 1 bowl of the salad. That way everyone gets some and there is no more temptation.