Okay, so continue with my boy whining from the Weekly Chat thread -

What has happened with the boy situation... Um...Nothing? He stopped by with one of our other friends late Friday night. They were in the neighborhood at one of their friend's birthday dinners, so at 11pm I got a call WE'RE COMING OVER. I was like ook. Wound up just watching movies and slightly cuddling for a bit. Its what I do, he's warm, he likes his head scratched, I'm exerting my powers.

I was talking to one of my girlfriend's who's familiar with the situation - she is 150% convinced that he has no idea how I feel about him. We hang out alone all the time - if he knew I had a crush on him and he didn't feel the same way, he wouldn't come over and/or email me. Which, I kind of agree with.

So...I'm going to continue on this "let's hang out kick" but also try and gain the cahones to either say something, or make some sort of subtle move (which may or may not result in me throwing the boy down on the couch).

I also have to think POSITIVE. When I was heavier, I didn't think I deserved or should be allowed to have someone, a GOOD someone, not just a jerk to sleep around with. There's this guy from work that I have a tiny crush on (very miniscule) - he's cute and plays hockey, which really, that's all I need. We went to Happy Hour, and I was able to hold conversations with him without thinking omg I'm bothering him, or omg he doesn't want to hear this, Jennie shut up. I'm really shy and I always think I'm bothering people when I talk - this is issue Number one with my ex roommate. I think I'm not worth it, or that I'm bothering him, etc etc. And I really need to effing get over it.

I think I know where it comes from (thanks mom) but it needs to go away. Like now.

I'm going to work on this. I don't know how, goshdarnit, but I'm going to do it.

Stella You're too funny... We should probably have a weekly chat just for boy issues haha

You seem so chatty here... take that into your real life... the truth is you arent bothering anyone when you talk... I enjoy when you talk so I'm sure they do as well... Also if they dont want to talk to you they wouldnt seem interested... You are TOTALLY worthy

Ex Roommate lets you touch and cuddle him... so there is probably something there... Just take it easy... RELAX... whatever happens happens... but it wouldnt hurt to drop a few hints... Throwing him down on the couch could always work... maybe he likes an agressive girl.

As I lose weight I have a hard time believing that a guy might actually want to DATE me instead of just screwing around with me... I know its a crazy concept... but I've become more aware of guys motives.. And its sad I know its sad but I'm like darn when I'm thin I might actually get a decent guy... I know horrible horrible thinking

Good luck with whatever you decide to do...but definitely keep us posted... Everything will be just fine... wouldnt hurt to flirt a little more with the guy at work... might help with your confidence in the ex roommate situation

Stella,
You go girl! Boys are silly silly creatures and all the chatting in the universe won't help us figure them out...lol...With boy number 1, is he shy too? Maybe he's too shy to make the first move or he doesn't realize you're interested. Boys can be really stupid sometimes. As for Boy 2, go for it. Why wouldn't he be interested in you. You are a beautiful, motivated woman who he should be lucky to have (do I sound like a mom yet?). I know how you feel, thinking "jeez, guys shoudl not be interested. why are they suddenly into me?/ he couldn't be into me..." That's just the way you used to feel. It totally isn't true but our minds will continue to revert back to our old selves until we force ourselves in a different direction. I'm not sure how coherent this post is, as my brain is entering tailspin exam mode but yeah...Anyways, good luck!

Haley - I know, the internet allows me to open up Its very difficult for me to do so in relationships - its a fear thing. I do flirt with the boy from work, very gently. Work is delicate lol

Redliss- you sound like a mom, but not my mom, so its appreciated My ex roommate is shy, so yeah.

I'll put my 2 cents in....I think if you're hanging out alone quite a bit, and cuddling while watching movies, then he HAS to have some sort of an idea that there's more feelings involved than just being friends. And if he continues to wanna hang out, then I think that's a good sign he's feeling the same way. You've already made a subtle move with the cuddling! That went well, so maybe try something a little LESS subtle. I think that physical moves are more effective and less awkward than SAYING something to him.

I hope that helps a little! I've been out of the dating game for a while...but I HAVE been married for 6.5 years, so I guess that's a good sign I knew what I was doing when I was dating lol!

Here is my stream of consciousness:

To steal from Kaplods the Wise in another thread, we need to disassociate "fat" from the "worthiness" spectrum. They are not the same thing at all. Obviously we know this on a rational level, but it's really hard to make ourselves believe it...that's where my motto comes in: Fake It Till You Make It.

There are millions of skinny girls in America. Being thin doesn't really set you apart or make you unique or pretty...those are things you have already, regardless of your weight, so think about all those things (like you are getting a higher degree, you are outdoorsy, you have great hair and are a really good friend--that combination of things that makes you awesome and unique) and let your confidence emanate from there.

It's nice to dress up and feel hot, but for me, 5 minutes spent at a bar makes me realize that looking hot in a dress is not something that makes me stand out from the crowd. My personality, accomplishments, and confidence do that for me. Feeling confident in my body helps, but you don't have to be thin to have body confidence--it just sometimes helps for a lot of us. Losing weight can be a path to confidence, but it's not the only one and for many people it's certainly not the best one, because your body is a gift, not a given, and it will not stay the same throughout your entire life.

And a last thought, as I'm waxing philosophical, lol: you may feel like the dating pool is larger when you're not fat, but the ratio of jerks to good guys is pretty much constant.

YOU'RE WORTH IT!!!! Don't you ever think otherwise! I've figured out that what guys like to see in a girl is confidence, and despite being pretty shy myself, when Im with a guy (and this is how my boyfriend and I ended up together) I make sure every ounce of confidence I have is shining through! You're a gorgeous girl Jennie, don't doubt it for a second!!! I hope this all turns out well for you

Also, don't underestimate communication. My boyfriend won't know if something is bothering me until I explain it to him, so I'm always very open and honest and to the point when we're talking. There's no point in trying to subtly beat around the bush about the important stuff!

Good luck!

Did I ever mention how awesome you girls are?

Here's the funny thing - I can't really see much of a difference in my weight. I see it in my face and my legs, but I just never had an accurate picture of myself (body dysmorphic disorder, what?). The difference is lately I feel more comfortable. Maybe its my subconscious saying hey, look what you've accomplished so far, chill out and enjoy it! Lately I've been seriously considering therapy. My mother (may she rest in peace b/c I'd have a lot to say to her right now) gave my sister confidence by putting me down, which I think has a LOT to do with this whole effed up situation.

Mary - That's what my friend Jessie said. He probably has no friggin clue because men are just dense. And he's a sweet guy, he wouldn't be leading me on if he DID know.

Forest - thank you.

Amba - This is the time of year when my friend Jen usually says "do you want me to tie mistletoe to his pants? That ought to be un-subtle enough for him. My baby sister gets so excited when she sees pictures of us together - she's like OH LOOK YOU GUYS ARE TOUCHING. If you go on FB, there's a picture of us and she "liked it" - I forbade her from making a comment.

Oooo he's CUTE! I think the mistletoe tied to his pants is a PERFECT idea! lol! You guys look good together! Seriously!

The one with you in the green shrug and your arms around him? He is really cute! My only reservation about telling you to put yourself out there is the whole friendship dynamic, and I have absolutely zero experience with trying to turn a friendship into something more. But my attitude last summer when I was interested in my current bf (we met through a mutual friend, he was fit, I was fat) was to just put myself out there, and I had enough confidence in myself to be able to deal with the potential rejection like, "this is who I am, I'm happy with it, and if he's not, it's not a reflection on me and I'm not going to let it determine my self worth."

stella, I think you should just tell him. I agree with the others, if he's snuggling then he must have some idea (however, the dumbness of guys will never cease to amaze me). I would be gutless and do it over the phone or by text, so if he doesnt feel the same you can both pretend it never happened, but thats me. You probably should do it in person.

Yes, my advice is "maybe do something". How useful. No matter what you do we will still love you though

Stella he is a cutie of course I did some facebook stalking... Maybe write a letter? kidding

can you get him slightly intoxicated and pounce on him...and if he gets weird you can just blame the alcohol?

Another GREAT idea!! lol! In all seriousness though, maybe a couple drinks when the two of you are alone together really would help loosen things up...and give ya some "liquid courage" to make that less-subtle move...just a thought

I was in a similar situation a few years ago, so here is my experience, it may or may not help and maybe it's not even relevant. Me and this beautiful boy were good friends, together all the time, there were glances, clandestine chats, when we were alone at university he leaned over me to help me with my work on the computer. His skin smelled so good and I loved the warm body in the cold uni department. Unsurprisingly I was feeling all tingly inside and very excited because it was all so secret. My other friend (a girl) kept saying ooh you'll have such lovely blonde babies together, and to totally go for it. So finally I said something and it all fizzled out to nothing, I guess with telling the truth the excitement of secrecy just died and he said he was in a confused state of a mind and he just didn't see me in that way. I felt like he might as well have gone over my heart with a tractor, then reversed and gone over it again. So my advise would be to wait a little longer, maybe a week and see if he really is interested. In my experience if a guy is interested he will make it known someway unless he is very shy. Let him chase you.

Haha, yes that's him. He is cute, and what's even better is he doesn't realize it.

Um, that's kind of happened lol.

Well, he was really drunk and I was sober (and really confused like what this his happening huh) and then...he got arrested. Literally some of our friends came in (and saw me half naked, yay) to warn him that the cops were coming, and as soon as I put my shirt on, bam. Hello police officers.

It was stupid college stuff - it was our annual fair, and he knocked his screen out of his window, and the cops were being jerks. I didn't see him for about a month after it happened and then I tried to kiss him again, but we were at a house party and there were people around and he was like no, not here, and yeah, never went after that again. This was a few years ago, but we've had some close calls after that.

My birthday last year my friend Jessie told him I needed a birthday kiss, and he was like oh, I can help with that. And then I almost got arrested. My sister was our DD, the 3 of us were WRECKED - the cop didn't believe she was sober despite 3 passed road tests and made us sit there for 3 hours and wouldn't let us leave, so he had his dad come get us.

Yes, I'm a moron.

And if he comes over this week for dinner (which is a maybe) I'm opening the OTHER bottle of wine he gave me.