and some times, it isn't. I'm not really sure how I feel about it today.
I was walking into the grocery to pick up something for lunch. I've been off my program for three weeks and promising myself to start again on Monday. At the door, I'm stopped by a very tiny old man. He asks if I have a pencil and paper. Confused, I answer yes. He asks if I've heard of hoodia. I say yes, now knowing what the conversation is going to be, as he starts to explain how hoodia stops your appetite and you will lose weight. I'm polite, I just nodded and waited til he was done and went in. And bought half a dozen Krispy Kremes. So I guess I didn't think it was so funny. Not today.
What a jerk, I am so sorry someone has made you feel bad!! GRR some people are just thoughtless, maybe he thought he was doing you a favor. Please don't let this get you down. Enjoy a donut and leave it at that..
I am soooo sorry this happened to you!!! You are doing an AWESOME job...just look at how far you have come.....amazing!!!!!! I don't know if it will make you feel any better......but I've come to the conclusion that some elderly people really don't think about what they are saying. As a nurse, I take care of many elderly people and a lot of them have said rude things to me....but I don't think they even realize that they may be hurting someones feelings...
Let's see......I've been asked the "when are you due?" thing about 10 times...all by elderly folks.
Hmmm.....ohhh...some older lady said to me: "my granddaughter is big like you...and I just don't know where to buy clothes for her, where do you find your clothes"....the funny thing about this one was the fact that this lady only weighed 15 pounds less than me (at the time).
Oh yeah.....this one was common too......a nurse co-worker would call me in to help boost the patient up in bed....I'd walk in and (usually an old person) would say "well she won't have any trouble lifting me up"....like I was some kind of huge he-man or something.
Words can hurt.....even if people aren't intending to be hurtful.....just dust yourself off and keep going...you can do this!!!!!!
Don't let it bug you. You can't control other people but your in the drivers seat when it comes to you. There is a down side to no one having the guts to tell you what you look like. With my well warranted fear of the scale ( I knew it wasn't good but unaware of how bad)
I gained 40 lbs in 4 years without really knowing. Then got PG. Thats when I had to face the scale. I personally would have rathered my feeling hurt for a bit, gotten over it and then taken care of it. But thats me. You should really relish in your accomplishment....very well done!
One time I was with my Mom who is this cute little lady. She grew up pretty innocent and is a very gentle woman. Well...I think it was about 20 years ago we pulled into a supermarket parking lot and some freaky looking guys happen to be in the car next to us. I got out (I would guess my weight to be near 300 at the time. I was suffering from the freshman 50 instead of 15.) And one proceeeds to snicker at me and say "uhhh excuse me miss do you have the time?? " And I said no. He said "why not you f***ing fat b*tch?" I calmly got my Mom and started walking to the store. Inside I was dying. They proceeded to yell obscenities at me as I walked with her. Mom got really scared. All I could think about was getting into the store and away from them. I turned and they were squealing their car wheels as they backed out in a hurry. Obviously on drugs or drunk. We got to the store and told the manager and they called the police. They men were long gone however.
I think that episode mentally crippled me for few years afterwards. I could not get a hold of myself and was heavy all through my college years. I know I lost some weight my senior year before I went home but when I actually got on a scale I was 275. Things like that can really hurt and sometimes it just can crush a person because of someone else's cruelty.
I have had kids in classes make comments to other kids about size. I am all over them about kindness etc.... Kids are really cruel to each other sometimes and I look at pictures of myself in middle and high school and realize from about age 14 to 19 I was not really fat I was just made to feel that way. Other kids called me moo moo because I was a size 16. If I had realized then what I know now.....
Yeah, that would have pretty much ticked me off. But then again, if my mother has taught me nothing, she has taught me that the older we get, the more we feel we can say everything we are thinking. My mom is 77 and sometimes she just doesn't know what to shut up.
I'm sorry this happened. Yeah, he probably meant well, but his delivery was crap.
He wanted to help you. His motives were good, even if his delivery was bad.
I was in a restaurant one day and saw this man who must have been 400 pounds or more. I felt SO sorry for him. I'm not a small person myself, but this man was simply huge. I just couldn't imagine how horrible it must be to be in his skin, I wished I could help him some way. Atkins has helped me to lose some weight, I suppose I could have told him about Atkins, or if I believed in some "miracle" like Hoodia is supposed to be, I might have been tempted to tell him about that. But I didn't. I kept it to myself. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but how kind was that? really?
Sometimes you don't know what kind is and what it isn't when it comes to someone else. Sometimes depending on how it is said, or what is said, saying something can be the loving thing to do. If the man felt compassion for you, then he was trying to assist you in the only way he knew.
From what I understand Hoodia isn't a drug, it is a part of a cactus, that exists in Africa and if you get the real thing, it does work as an appetite suppressant. The tribes over there who are suffering from famine use it to prevent hunger when they are starving. I've also heard that here in the states most of what they say is Hoodia isn't really the real thing.
I don't know. I just think maybe he was trying to show love by offering what little help he could. Not like the horror that screamed obscenities at Darlene. Two totally different motives there.
I wonder if ANY of the hundreds of people who read this site (maybe thousands!) have found their "click" based on advice from a stranger? It seems to me that the change begins with an internal motivation to improve one's lifestyle. I can think many things about many people based on what I observe (and, sadly, obesity is one of the easiest things to observe), but I would not go up to someone and say, "Hey, you need to change." I advise strategies of change to my patients...but then they are not strangers...and they have sought me out and paid for my opinion.
Besides, maybe that man in the restaurant used to weigh 500 lbs, and lost 100 pounds. There is so much we don't know about what is going on in someone's life.
By nosing around in someone's life like the man in the first post did, is it caring? Is it judgement? Is it any of his dang business? I'll add you, my dear Sherri, to the list of people in this world who are nicer than I am. Boy, that is a long list!!!
By nosing around in someone's life like the man in the first post did, is it caring? Is it judgement? Is it any of his dang business? I'll add you, my dear Sherri, to the list of people in this world who are nicer than I am. Boy, that is a long list!!!
My 2 cents.
Don't put me on the list. I would have gone completely mental at that guy I'm afraid. Just who does anyone think they are to give advice. Walk a mile in my shoes buddy.
Barbara, if the man upset you then he upset you and I am sorry you felt that way. I am especially sorry that you let HIS actions lead you to the Krispy Kremes.
I agree with everyone that it is inappropriate for a complete stranger to offer any weight loss advice. I don't think I would ever do it. BUT...
I think Sherry is right too. Most of us who struggle with our weight are bitter on some level or another and that makes it easy to take things out of context. Assuming his approach wasn't mean spirited (and it doesn't sound as if it was) I think it is safe to say that his intentions were good even if his method was inappropriate. Losing weight successfully has as much to do with out attitudes than anything else. If we learn to take these comments at face value it is much less likely that they will lead us down the donut aisle. We don't HAVE to react with shame and anger or let someone else impact our weight loss efforts. We can CHOOSE to take such comments positively and continue on with the the plan that is working for us.
And, as long as a stranger's advice is well intentioned, why not take the opportunity to thank them for their concern and politely tell them that most overweight people find unsolicted advice insulting? I would never suggest that someone not stand up for themselves. But, I do think it is easier to maintain the positive attitude we need to be successful if we separate well intentioned interactions from purely negative ones.
I guess I too would be on the not nice list and would've instead written down a couple of numbers to some nursing homes and told him he looked like he should be put out to pasture.
my stepson has to deal with these small minded people too. I was proud of him one day because they again were picking on him because of my weight (this is just one of the hundreds of things they pick on him with) and said your momma is so fat when she puts on a raincoat people start hollering for a taxi to which he responded your momma's so fat when she sees a school bus she thinks of a twinkie. :P
Did the fact that these kids called me fat bug me? Not in the least because I know they only did it to make themselves feel better. I wish that he wouldn't take things so personally and his counselor is working on that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by midwife
I advise strategies of change to my patients...but then they are not strangers...and they have sought me out and paid for my opinion.
That's what I like about my OB. After I had William, he did make mention of my weight and that if I could take off at least 10%, I would be decreasing my chances of developing full-blown diabetes and such. It wasn't the preachy, you have to lose weight but it was a suggestion to which I could open the dialogue for more questions and suggestions or I could've left it at that.
Some times it's funny
