Yesterday at work, I overheard a bunch of women in my department planning a shopping trip to New York City. Now, I am not a city person, and honestly wouldn't have gone if asked, but they didn't ask me. Why do these things still bother me? I'm thirty four years old, and felt like I was the last kid picked for a team in gym class! I did say jokingly that i wasn't asked, and was told "oh, you're too shy, we didn't think you would have gone anyway!" What does being shy have to do with shopping?
I also love to bargain shop, and that wouldn't be the place for it either...but it still hurt. I'm moving to a new department on Monday anyway, but I'm still bugged.
Whether we would go or not we still want to feel included. I don't get invited to many co-worker parties because honestly I have turned down so many people just quit asking. I think its our choice often in how included we want to be and then when we feel discluded we feel hurt BY OUR ACTIONS and OUR PAST CHOICES and not neccesarily the meaness of others. Its hard to figure out.
But here is a ((((((hug)))))) and you can go shopping with me anytime!
Miss Chris
Sherry I think that age does not matter in circumstances like this..It makes us feel unvalidated..and unliked??..I too am thirty-four years old..and a very similiar thing happened to me...And it hurt my feelings sooo bad!..One of my co-workers that I work VERY close to (in the same dept.) had a birthday..so instead of the usual birthday cake..I volunteered to cook a lasagna for her..which is one of her favorites. So I cooked a large lasagna..enough for all 12 of us...this was on a Friday!..She seemed to really enjoy it. Here's the kicker...
A couple of days ago..I overheard the other VERY close co-worker how several couples had taken the birthday girl OUT to a nice restaurant the next day for her birthday?....and didn't invite me? And this had to of been planned..because we all discussed what to do for her birthday..when I graciously offered to cook the lasagna?....And no one spoke up and said..Don't bother Kim..we are taking her out to a nice restaurant?....Talk about hurt feelings..I still feel sad...And I have worked with these people going on three years..and have never had a cross word?...Go figure?..Makes you kinda question sometimes What do we do wrong?
Sorry to hear that, Sherry. It still bothers you b/c you have feelings, too! Maybe you wouldn't have gone, but that's not the point. It would've been nice to have been included, or even thought of.
I get pretty mad at ME when I let myself feel hurt by the actions of those sort of people - because when you really think about it, those you allow to make you feel bad about yourself are usually thoughtless, insensitive, ungrateful, selfish, clueless or a combination thereof and generally lack the qualities we should look for in the type of people we'd choose to associate with. So then why do we let people we really don't have much respect for in the first place affect our own self-respect? Doesn't make much sense does it?
i am the worst at this. i hate to not be included in EVERYTHING. i'm the type of person who wants everyone to like me, you know? i'm too nice, i invite everyone, and i like everyone. why isn't everyone else the same way? sigh.
but yeah, it's a problem with me, not them. i'm working on it. always.
Yeah, I can certainly understand this--I'm sorry it made you feel bad. It does hurt not to be included, and it's really insensitive of those people, IMHO.
I will tell all you youngsters that age really helps with the wanting to be liked thing. I think somewhere in my mid-40s, I gave up caring about that, and figure, hey, if you like me, fine, if you don't, that's your loss. It's rather freeing.
why do these things still hurt me?
And this had to of been planned..because we all discussed what to do for her birthday..when I graciously offered to cook the lasagna?....And no one spoke up and said..Don't bother Kim..we are taking her out to a nice restaurant?....Talk about hurt feelings..I still feel sad...And I have worked with these people going on three years..and have never had a cross word?...Go figure?..Makes you kinda question sometimes What do we do wrong?
