This Saturday our roommate brought his new girl friend home and during the night he was bragging to her about how much weight I have lost and told her what I was doing and asked me to show her my before picture at which point she gives me a dirty look and says "you will gain it all back in maintenance" REALLY!!! I then became irritated said there was no way in He_ _ I was gaining any of that weight back and made her sit and listen to how maintenance and the IP program works.
I refuse to let people like her drag me into their negative world..
I just don't understand nasty people like that! Gotta toss something negative into something that's obviously positive to you! My guess is she was jealous of his raving about your loss. He's obviously proud of you.
My best friend, whom I haven't seen in over 2 months came for a visit on Saturday. I had not told her that I had been on a program and I couldn't believe that she didn't say or even notice my 20 pound weight loss. The way I see it, if someone acknowledges or doesn't acknowledge at all in a negative way that it is jealously on the weight loss or the lack of will power they have to not do it themselves.
My best friend, whom I haven't seen in over 2 months came for a visit on Saturday. I had not told her that I had been on a program and I couldn't believe that she didn't say or even notice my 20 pound weight loss. The way I see it, if someone acknowledges or doesn't acknowledge at all in a negative way that it is jealously on the weight loss or the lack of will power they have to not do it themselves.
How frustrating! I have a friend like that. The more time that goes by I think I'm realizing that she's not really that great of a friend after all. Kind of a sad realization. I've lost 35 lbs and not one word either!!! But this is all for us anyway, right?! All I know is I feel so dang good these days! I sure don't miss that bogged down feeling I had every day!
I think I read somewhere on here 35 lbs is that "noticeable change" that causes people to say what are you doing different? So if they ain't saying nothing either they are blind or jealous! Keep reaching for that goal...
I like to think that those that don't notice a weight lose are ones that never saw us as overweight to begin with just as a person. That may be naive but I usually try to give someone the benefit of the doubt unless they give me reason not to.
Now those with snide comments I usually have a nice, flippant response that lets them know how I really feel about them. But having a dry sense of humor hurts often because a lot of time they're too dense to get the insult.
I think it is a double edge sword for people to comment on your weight not knowing how it will be perceived.
My best friends have never asked how much weight I have lost .... I appreciate the fact ...unless I bring something up ....there is soo much more to our friendship then the weight.
But I did tell them about losing weight ....briefly commented .....and we move on.
I do not like to have spotlight on myself soo maybe my friends are sensitive to this.
I only discuss openly weight loss with my IP Coach or here on the Boards ....other then here I feel exposed and uncomfortable...but that's just me.
We are all different ...I like to compartmentalize things in my life....I do not talk about my kids constantly like some parents do and their" Perfect Mates".
Maybe if you want to talk about the weight maybe initiate the conversation so your friends will know your open to discussing weight loss.
IMO Weight Loss falls into the category of things you don't talk about along with Politics and Religion.
Many years ago I had another dramatic weightloss and was recieivng a dramatic increase in positive attention for it, well my buddy, who was used to being the center of attention really didn't take well to being out of the spotlight. As such the typical snide comments he would make included "He'll just gain it all back" "Sure he's lost weight, but not in a healthy way" and so on. Finally having enough of his crapola I called him on it and told him to knock it the fack off. If he couldn't be supportive then to keep his mouth shut. Success, he did shut up and we are still best friends.
Jealous, judgemental people are everywhere, don't let them get to you. Nothing would give them greater pleasure than to see you fail, don't give them the satisfaction.
I've recently lost a friend (within the week)...a long time friend...and I truely think she's comparing my life to hers. I'm positive she thinks that because I've lost weight I'm in this incredible place in my life. We all know that it wasn't losing the weight that makes us happy. Truthfully I was happy before I lost weight...but losing that relationship and really just letting it go...(there was a definate end to our relationship)...really pointed out how different people treat us when we change ourselves.
I agree with someone else's post, she sounds a little jealous and perhaps a little threatened considering your roomie was bragging about you. Maybe she sees you as competition.
I personally don't feel that either her comments or your comments really are correct.
Whether one loses, gains, or maintains is always a matter of calories. The phase 4 rules do not prohibit fat gain even if the rules are followed 100% and this forum shows that even people who follow the phase 4 rules are not immune to regain.
In my opinion, her comments are ignorant and your comments of why you won't regain due the rules is naive.
I personally don't feel that either her comments or your comments really are correct.
Whether one loses, gains, or maintains is always a matter of calories. The phase 4 rules do not prohibit fat gain even if the rules are followed 100% and this forum shows that even people who follow the phase 4 rules are not immune to regain.
In my opinion, her comments are ignorant and your comments of why you won't regain due the rules is naive.
John I'm in NO way naïve I have spent the past 6 months giving this new way of life my full attention and know that if I want to maintain my weight loss it will take a lot of will power and dedication, I just wanted her to understand the IP program before putting her negative two cents in.
John I'm in NO way naïve I have spent the past 6 months giving this new way of life my full attention and know that if I want to maintain my weight loss it will take a lot of will power and dedication, I just wanted her to understand the IP program before putting her negative two cents in.
I completely understand what you're thinking now and as of now - you're 100% right. Having read about the experience of others it's likely that will power and dedication that you're feeling now are going to diminish. (Maybe I'm wrong but stastically speaking ... I'm not)
I wasn't there and I'm not her but it is likely that she make those comments because she knows phase 1 is not a sustainable lifetyle. She didn't know about the phases.
Phase 4 doesn't mean you can't gain fat even if you find the rules agreeable. (I couldn't live with phase 4 rules)
Not trying to be negative, hope I'm not coming off that way. I really think what every dieter needs to do is figure out how to limit their caloric intake in such a manner that they can live with it forever. If you can live with the phase 4 rules forever, than you're mostly on your way there because the rules are set up to limit caloric intake.
Always nice to have JohnP jump in and say basically the same thing your roommate's girlfriend did all the while saying "I'm not trying to be negative."
"Statistically" or not, whether someone gains weight back is a matter of the future. The now is someone trying to improve either their health or their image and people saying "you're going to gain it back" or "statistically, people gain it back" is not really what a weight loss support forum is for.
Negative Nellies
How frustrating! I have a friend like that. The more time that goes by I think I'm realizing that she's not really that great of a friend after all. Kind of a sad realization. I've lost 35 lbs and not one word either!!! But this is all for us anyway, right?! All I know is I feel so dang good these days! I sure don't miss that bogged down feeling I had every day!
