LOL. Very cute.
So, I'm going to play the Pollyanna attitude here, and put my positive two cents in about your period, (in her defense

)
I know from past posts that you are wanting to have babies and that is a big motivator for you, SOOOO maybe when you get your period and have these gains, you should TAKE COMFORT in the fact that your TOM is effecting your body exactly like it is SUPPOSED to.
In other words, if you didn't gain water weight, feel bloated, etc, your cycle would not be doing it's functions that it needs to do to prepare for the next time of fertility. The fact that it IS doing that, shows the process is working and it's keeping that area of your body clean, motivated and preparing for a time of fertilization.
So much of life is about accepting short term discomfort (eating at a deficit comes to mind!) in order to achieve a long term goal.
I don't like not being able to eat everything I want, but I surely like the results I see when I don't.
I think that is true for you and Ms. Period. You don't like the short term effects of her presence, but THANK GOD she is still visiting and making her presence known!