[erin9598]

Hi everyone. I am a 35 year old mother of four and an army wife. I have always been at least a tiny bit overweight, although I really started packing on pounds in 2006/2007. Before that it seemed like every time I reached my goal I would get pregnant and gain 100 pounds. My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer back around that time and moved in with us. My husband also came home from deployment and our teen daughter seemed at odds with everything her dad said or did. I quit smoking and used candy to do it. Every time I had a small urge I put a piece of candy in my mouth. I gained the first 30 pounds in three weeks. They say you can't gain weight over night but I sure did.

I realize now that for the first time in my life I was truly stress eating. I always had issues with overeating, but once upon a time I exercised enough to compensate. Every time something would go wrong I would pick up food and start munching on it. Even when my dad died on my way home from hospice I went through the drive through.

It seems to have just gotten worse. I will make or buy a cake and share half of it with the family then hid the rest for me. I even had a time last year when I bought a big loaf of the warm fresh bread at the grocery store and ate almost the whole thing on the drive home, and hid the last little bit in the car hoping no one would notice. Yesterday when I opened a box of pop tarts, I ate on package and I hid one so I would know it was there when I had a craving later. I sit down in the evenings and eat. I will open a back of chips or pretzels and start eating them and before I realize it the bag is most of the way gone. I put it back and get something sweet next just because it sounds yummy even though I am already full. It is isn't full out of control binging where I eat as fast as I can, but I never seem to want to stop in a slow methodical way. I have hidden food in the nightstand before and waited until my husband fell asleep to eat it so I wouldn't be embarrassed. I do eat meals fast at a much faster pace than my evening snacking, usually eating two or three helpings, and often get up feeling miserable uncomfortable bloating in my entire abdomen.

I have realized for awhile that I need to get things under control. I have been in a holding pattern where I am able to slow down if I start to gain more but then a week or so later it gets out of hand again. I feel sluggish and don't want to exercise. More pressing is the fact that I seem to have developed reactive hypoglycemia which means diabetes isn't too far down the road. I live in Hawaii and just took up scuba, but it is really hard when you carry this kind of weight. You have to carry extra weight to sink, you use oxygen faster, and it is embarrassing being the person who has trouble climbing the ladder onto the boat or climbing up the shore. I want to be able to really enjoy life and all the activities I am jealous of because my fabulously in shape husband is able to do them.

So, right now is the time. He will be deployed for another 11 months, and it is the perfect time when I can do this for me. I can celebrate my milestones and the goals I set, and hopefully get my portion management under control. I can learn more about things I can and cannot eat when he gets a wild craving for thai food or something and wants to go out to eat. I can start exercising again so we can go back to enjoying that together when he gets home. I just really want to recapture my life. It starts today. I made my breakfast (and didn't eat any while I was cooking to sneak an extra serving) and sat down here to type this. My goal was to slow down and simply take a bite and continue putting thoughts down. I still made too much, but I packaged it up and put it away before I sat down to eat, so I will not be tempted to go back and eat more. His unit is having a walk to afghanistan and back thing and trying to accumulate 15,000 miles so I am going to use that as an additional incentive to exercise.

I know this was really long, but I really needed to get it out in order to admit it to myself. In any case I am at 240 pounds or so right now and would like to get down to 140. I might not be able to do that all while he is gone, but I would like to know that I am capable of doing it before he gets back.

Erin

[Lovely]

Welcome Erin =) You aren't alone.

You aren't the first person to eat for emotional reasons or stress. You aren't the first person to hide your eating. You aren't the first person to write a really long opening

You're just like all of us. Though our stories are not the same, every single one of us is here to eat healthfully, move more and take one small step at a time towards permanently losing weight.

Most of the people that I see around the site do certain things.
A) Keep track of their food. In some way shape or form they log their food. Counting Calories, carbs, fats, using Points, or even just writing down the list of different foods they ate. They do this so they won't fool themselves into thinking they've eaten less. So that we're mindful of our eating.

B) Do some form of activity. Now that doesn't mean immediately running out for 2 hours a day or anything. It means they choose to start doing something more than they have been. Myself, I am using my treadmill 5 minutes a day to start and will slowly be increasing the time as I lose weight. Someone else might join an aerobics program. Someone else might start lifting weights. Someone else might just take a stroll around the block. Or park further away from the store. Or climb the stairs one more time during the day. Anything more that you do is a plus.

C) Have a support system in place. Maybe all of their friends are losing weight. Maybe members of their family. Maybe they don't have a whole lot of in person help, but come online frequently and use the site as a place to connect and find advice. Find some way to ground yourself. It's easier to keep going when you do.

Lastly, remember it doesn't matter how fast the weight comes off. It doesn't matter if you're perfect. What matters is making changes that stick. Making steps towards being healthier. There might be days in the future where it seems impossible. Or days where everything that could go wrong does. Doesn't matter. You are still in control of making choices that are better for you.

Look around. Post. Participate! You can do this. So do it!

[wuv2bloved]

Hiya Erin,

You are not alone, we are all in the same boat fighting the same thing to get the weight off that we have put on through the years. But now we have this great support system on here, where we can come and hang out, get to know people and keep each other motivated with all kinds of ideas to stay on track. I have to loose 135lbs to prolong having a hip replacement. I am 45 and have always had a weight problem, I think I may be at my heaviest but I don't really know because I hated the scale. Keep the positive attitude, if you ever feel yourself slipping sign on here and post, its always good to say it than it is to keep it inside. You can and WILL do this!