I can't sleep. The consequences of some of my actions (non-weight related) have just hit home. I feel like an idiot. I can't tell you what I did cause i'm kind of ashamed to admit it but boy do I feel like I am worthless and stupid. Not sure here is where to say anything, but no one else is awake here.
You should talk about what you did. We've all done things we're ashamed of. Someone might have done something similar and have some retrospect for you. We're all here to support you...not judge...weight related or not.
+1 to what Mel said!! I am one of those who dwells on my stupid actions. In fact I still have moments of feeling like a complete idiot over stuff from YEARS ago. lol So I feel your pain.
I do foolish things all the time, even though I know better. You just have to forgive yourself and try to correct the problem as best you can. Remember, NOTHING is the end of the world. Sometimes the biggest problems just need to be put into perspective.
If you need to talk, feel free to PM me; I'm around all afternoon.
I agree, we're all here to support each other no matter what was done. Judgement free zone!
If you dont feel like sharing to everyone then maybe PM someone you really trust, I havent been on the board long but I'm around if you wanna chat
Just know everyone has those things they wish they could change, things theyre ashamed of doing. I know I have a couple.
We ALL do stupid things we are ashamed of, regret and sometimes yes, even beat ourselves up over. ESPECIALLY in our 20's. In my early 20's I was constantly doing dumb ish and paying the price for it and when I didn't...I would beat myself up over it constantly. My father once told me not to judge myself too harshly or, 20's are for making mistakes and learning how to own up to them.
Regardless of whether you want to talk about it or not, we are all here fighting this same battle of LIFE in general with you and no one is perfect. Don't beat yourself up and remember, you have the rest of your life to learn from the mistake and keep on moving...same as when we fall down and cheat a little or a lot while tryign to maintain a healthy lifestyle, we have to get back up and wipe ourselves off, forgive ourselves...and keep it moving. Even if someone else doesn't forgive us. WE have to forgive ourselves.
You're always free to PM me too if you need to talk about anything. It might help to share at least a little on here, we've all done stupid things we're ashamed of, but I know it always feels better to talk about it.
Thanks everyone for all of your kind words. I want to talk about it, but the support circle I have is either the not-talk about emotions/weight loss/anything type (my best friend) and doesn't respond when I talk about it or would be outraged if I told them what happened. Especially since what happened may hurt some of our friends and put a marriage on the rocks. I fooled around with a married guy. I knew he was married. He knew it was wrong. I knew it was wrong. I am a *****, by almost every standard for women out there. So I didn't really want to post that for fear of half the site coming down on me. I'm good friends with his wife, too and now I am realizing I probably have hurt her, even if she doesn't know yet. Not to mention the worry that is eating away at me now because he wants to come clean. I am not that strong. I would rather just let it go as if this never happened and avoid hurting anyone else. That probably also makes me a *****/selfish since not talking keeps me out of trouble too.
Ok, I said it. I hope you don't all hate me now. But if you do, I understand.
Thanks everyone for all of your kind words. I want to talk about it, but the support circle I have is either the not-talk about emotions/weight loss/anything type (my best friend) and doesn't respond when I talk about it or would be outraged if I told them what happened. Especially since what happened may hurt some of our friends and put a marriage on the rocks. I fooled around with a married guy. I knew he was married. He knew it was wrong. I knew it was wrong. I am a *****, by almost every standard for women out there. So I didn't really want to post that for fear of half the site coming down on me. I'm good friends with his wife, too and now I am realizing I probably have hurt her, even if she doesn't know yet. Not to mention the worry that is eating away at me now because he wants to come clean. I am not that strong. I would rather just let it go as if this never happened and avoid hurting anyone else. That probably also makes me a *****/selfish since not talking keeps me out of trouble too.
Ok, I said it. I hope you don't all hate me now. But if you do, I understand.
Like I said, we ALL make mistakes, the first step is owning up to them!
I will say this, and people can agree or disagree but this is just my experience. When one person cheats, usually they only want to confess for one of two reasons. 1. They are over the person and ready to move on or 2. The guilt is eating away at them.
So, if he wants to move on, then he is going to tell no matter what. However with number 2, it is the most selfish reasons EVER. If this guy is a horrible person and cheats on her constantly then she deserves to know. BUT If it was a one time mistake sometimes it's better to just keep it to yourself. That is just my opinion but I've dealt with this more than youw ould think (not from me lol but I have a few friends who have gone thru similar situations). Sometimes it's like why hurt the person if it's never going to happen again? Not every man is a pig just like not every young girl who makes a mistake is a bad person. Things happen, don't drag the wife into it if it was a one time mistake...you'll break her heart.
On another note, if he is planning on coming clean. You should give her a few days (not more then 3) before contacting her afterwards and apologizing. She probably won't forgive you but you have to try.
I know I'm brand new here and don't know anyone very well, but we've all done things we're horribly ashamed of and beat ourselves up over for years afterward.
I was in love with a married guy. He was one of my best friends and I was really close with his wife too. I never could make a move on him or anything, but I used to dream that he'd leave her of his own accord or that she'd die or something so we could be together. Really horrible things like that would go through my mind. And I loved her like a sister, so I was constantly plagued with guilty feelings. Nothing ever went too far between us, but years and years later I still can't cope with being in the same room with them.
I know that what you're going through must be awful and no one can really know how you feel but yourself. But we ALL do things we regret and we ALL wish we could turn back time and change something we've done. We've all been hurt and we've all hurt other people. The only thing we can do is learn from our actions and do whatever it takes to make things right. If he does come clean, after awhile you should give her a call and beg her forgiveness. Tell her you'll do whatever it takes to make things right or to fix things. If she doesn't accept it, then you can't beat yourself up over it. Just do your best to keep moving forward and learning from mistakes. We can only do our best. So just do the best you can. That's all you should expect from yourself.
I fooled around with a married guy. I knew he was married. He knew it was wrong. I knew it was wrong. I am a *****, by almost every standard for women out there. So I didn't really want to post that for fear of half the site coming down on me. I'm good friends with his wife, too and now I am realizing I probably have hurt her, even if she doesn't know yet. Not to mention the worry that is eating away at me now because he wants to come clean.
He should not come clean, nor should you (as long as he knows you are STD-free, he does not need to tell her). That only hurts the wife more and clears his conscience at her expense. On his part, he needs to work at being a better husband and being more engaged with his marriage. That is his responsibility. On your part, you're already halfway there because you have empathy for her and have taken responsibility for your part.
The other half of this for you is working at understanding why this happened. Were you seeking validation of your own appeal? Do you have inappropriate feelings for another woman's mate? Did you lose control while drunk? Knowing what compelled you to do this will present an opportunity for growth and preventing you from finding yourself in this place again.
We all make mistakes, and beating ourselves up for them has no value. The only value you can take away is using them to become a better person. Your next step is self-understanding and damage control. Consider the most you can do to mitigate the harm you may have done and then move on.
I definitely don't judge you for this - like everyone has said, we've all done stuff we shouldn't have. I'm sure as heck not perfect, so I won't judge someone else for also not being perfect. Honestly, I think it's good that you feel bad about it - because you know that it's wrong. In my opinion, it's up to him to either tell or not. If he does tell, I agree with Krizstyling, give it like 2 days and call her. I wouldn't give any excuses, like "I was drunk" or something, I would just apologize and let her cuss and scream at you. I also don't really think you'll get an apology, at least not soon, but I'd be more likely to forgive someone if they called and owned up to it, rather than just ignore it and hope it passed.
I would definitely let yourself feel bad, guilty, etc for a *short* while, but don't continually beat yourself up. Hopefully this experience means that you'll never do it again, so grow and learn from it.
I definitely agree that if it was a mistake (obviously) and a one time thing, and he isn't going to cheat again, then it shouldn't be brought up. The only problem with this way is that a lot of times men cheat (or women, whatever) and then decide 20 years into the marriage to come clean. The wife feels like an idiot and it is just awful. It's kind of a now or never thing. In my opinion. But I think if you KNOW that he is a cheater, and going to do it again with another person, the wife doesn't deserve it (or better, he doesn't deserve her).
I'm sorry you feel like sh!t, but don't dwell on it. Lesson learned. We are all here for you and I feel like nobody can judge. Good luck! Stay strong!
Hindsight is 20/15
Sometimes the biggest problems just need to be put into perspective.
