Hey everyone! I'm wondering what kind of experiences people have had with dating after and even during their weight loss. I'm about 30lbs down and have about 100 more to go, but I can already tell a difference in the way people are acting. I think it is some to do with the fact that my attitude is different too, I've always been super funny and always had lots of friends- I guess you could say I am sort of like the stereotype of the fat girl who's really cool and sweet and smart and likes to laugh and make others laugh but that guys tend to never actually make moves on- but I know I'm projecting a better air because I KNOW that I will reach my goal (I have never been so sure of anything in my life, and it feels good to know that I'm at this point!).
Anyway, I'm already seeing some differences in the guys I knew at my heaviest. Whereas it used to be more about them staring at me while I wasn't paying attention (perhaps thinking what a great catch I was aside from the morbid obesity??), and they are gettin more openly flirty. Anyone had experiences like this and what did you do? There are a few guys that I am still sort of interested, but I am torn. On one hand, if I wasn't good enough fat, why am I now good enough skinny? But on the other hand, I am a hypocrite for only being attracted to fit men (don't have to be super hot or something, but I have to find them cute and I don't find excessive fat sexy). Plus, I do have a little place in my heart for the guys that did find me very attractive despite my higher weight, even if nothing happened with them. Anyone help??
Granted, sometimes you find someone physically attractive just because their personality is so attractive; little things that could be totally unattractive otherwise become more endearing and whatnot; and sometimes you start off ONLY sexually attracted to someone and it turns into something more.
I think we need to admit that being physically attracted to someone IS important, whichever way it comes, first or second.....
You mentioned being more confident now. Sometimes shyness/self-loathing/unhappiness/dissatisfaction/whatever part of the spectrum you were at, can be a turn off to many people. There could be a million reasons.
I'd say just take your time and date whomever you feel comfortable dating. It doesn't need a lot of analysis.
I think you're totally right on here! I've often thought that but you put it very well. And I really believe that my personality had been so attractive that I still got hit on all the time! I've never been at a loss for crushes and even for admirers, but you are very right! As far as confidence goes, I will say that I have always been very confident, the product of absolutely amazing parents and brothers and sisters who never ever treated me like I was anything less than incredible. But my body confidence is a lacking area for me, and I feel almost like people are picking up on the energy that I've started projecting ever since the weight loss started clicking and I recommitted. Anyway, thanks, you helped put it into perspective for me. I'm just going to take it at my pace and feel it out. Thanks!
Something else to consider: with all of them it might not just be the weight loss that is turning their heads. Maybe it is your motivation and hard work. Maybe seeing you do this and be so confident has shown them that you are even more awesome than they previously knew.
I agree with Sonata. Maybe they notice that you are sticking with the weight loss, and the fact that you are committed to your health/committed in general to do something that you want to do. In my opinion, a guy can be very attractive if he goes for someting he wants, and that could be how guys see you now?
I think the confidence, the motivation, the energy, the empowerment you are exuding are probably peaking the interest. I definitely agree that people will be physically attracted to who they are and theres nothing wrong with that, however, physically speaking, I don't think that a man who didn't find you attractive at 300 lbs would suddenly find you attractive at 271 lbs. (or vice versa, if that makes sense) Chances are they maybe always liked you, but maybe you didn't seem as approachable, confident or self assured then?
I think the confidence, the motivation, the energy, the empowerment you are exuding are probably peaking the interest. I definitely agree that people will be physically attracted to who they are and theres nothing wrong with that, however, physically speaking, I don't think that a man who didn't find you attractive at 300 lbs would suddenly find you attractive at 271 lbs. (or vice versa, if that makes sense) Chances are they maybe always liked you, but maybe you didn't seem as approachable, confident or self assured then?
Yeah, I think you've got something here. I've always sort of overcompensated in the personality department, and I've heard that I can be intimidating to some guys. I've always been pretty confident and self-assured, but not in a body sense, and I do know it is hard to approach me sometimes. I think I'm just going to chill out and not worry about it, I decided I am just going to stop thinking about it and if something is meant to go down with someone, then it will. Thanks everyone
It's funny how guys who were "just friends" or viewed you as "one of the guys" become so different around you when you've lost a lot of weight. You can't blame them, I suppose.
Iīm a married woman, iīve lost 30 pounds (30 more to go) and i HATE my husband hands cause now they are over me ALL the time i asked him why this change and he told me that iīm some kind of different after i begin to lose weight (not only my body) and that he feel more attracted to me (when we met i was overweight too, not as much as i was when i started dieting)
This morning i was wearing a black hot pants and black sleeveless shirt and he said if i was going to appear in flashdance, that i looked hot in that kind of clothes. And i was like WTF? and later realized that even when i was 20 pound thinner i wouldn't dare to wear those kind of clothes in front of him, but now as i feel more confident i really donīt care about it... as if i have to go around the house naked (we donīt have kids, so, thereīs no problem ), i just stopped feeling ashamed of my body and myself and i think that men can smell that, donīt really know, but i think it has to do with attitude in 60% and the weight loss in a 40%.
ielena, my fiance is the same! He admitted to me he's turned on by the fact that I'm trying so hard to take care of myself and my health. The confidence also helps too! I'm wearing new things that I felt I couldn't wear as a bigger girl and he likes the change too.
Dating guys who knew you when you were fat??
i asked him why this change and he told me that iīm some kind of different after i begin to lose weight (not only my body) and that he feel more attracted to me (when we met i was overweight too, not as much as i was when i started dieting)
), i just stopped feeling ashamed of my body and myself and i think that men can smell that, donīt really know, but i think it has to do with attitude in 60% and the weight loss in a 40%.
