The beginning of the year was a terrible binge cycle for me. Looking back, I feel like it was non-stop for 3 months. I withdrew from my BF and didn't talk to him much, even ignored him at times. Since we are long distance, he thought there was someone else...etc etc.
This morning, I finally tell him what REALLY was happenning and he said "Yeah we talked about this before". He knows about my BED, which surprised the **** out of me because I forgot I told him. It must have been 3 years ago when I did.
Does bingeing make you withdraw from the people you love the most? How can I change this. Hopefully, I don't let myself fall back into that situation, but I imagine that those times are the times that I SHOULD be talking about how I feel.
:: I'm sorry you've been having a rough time!! But at least you're aware of what's happening, that's always the first step in fixing problems.
I also withdraw from people. When I feel myself start binging, especially at social functions, I start taking big plates of food, hanging around big groups of people where I won't be expected to talk much, and eat eat eat. When I get more food, I go to another group of people, do the same, repeat. I get annoyed with the kind people that come up to me and introduce themselves and try to make conversation... All I want to say is leave me alone, can't you see I'm trying to shove 5000 calories in my face in about an hour?? I feel so embarrassed afterwards, too, and annoyed with myself. It's hard for me to meet people, and rather than use food/drinks/etc in a moderate way to help me meet people, I just focus on the food.
When I'm not around other people though, my binges can be really out of control and I avoid seeing people like the plague. If I'm with my boyfriend, I find an excuse to go home early, or if he's there, somehow try to be by myself. I'll cancel going out with friends if I binged earlier in the day because I feel so fat and worthless. I'm trying to shake those thoughts - "I'm too fat, a good time shouldn't be wasted on me," or "Everyone will just be focusing on how fat I am." The more I fight back and be around people, the less likely I am to binge.
This year, I started telling people about my BED. I try not to be really dramatic about it, but if people ask how I've lost weight, I say, "Well, I've really struggled with binging and I'm finding ways to deal with it." I almost feel at ease when I say it instead of hiding it, and when other people know I'm struggling, I feel slightly more accountable.
Sorry, you probably weren't looking for an essay lol but I reeeeeeeeeally know how you feel!! Unless being with people is a binge trigger for you, I think it's ESPECIALLY important to talk with people, be around them, etc etc when you're bingey and vulnerable.
Without a doubt, it's one of the worst side effects of it for me.
I have always binged alone, without anyone knowing, and I can't think of anything worse than people finding out. I guess there is a lot of stigma and shame associated with binging, so to do it I always wall people off and become really cold, I don't even mean to...
However when I feel like I 'need' to binge (Basically some kind of trigger emotion) it feels like binging is the only cure, and that I have to do it to feel okay again-Instead of say talking to people who care about me and resolving whatever upset me.
I can definitely empathise with how it can effect relationships, they start to wonder if it something they've done something wrong etc and it can cause a lot of tension.
The only thing that seems to work for me is really trying to step back from the situation and think rationally about it, but it's so much easier said than done.
Yes, I used to do this. What I remember best is how furtive I felt. As if I were doing something illegal or really obscene.
I went to the grocery store or wherever food was sold like a person on a mission, with a laser-like focus driving there, getting out of the car, getting into the store. The sight of & presence of so much food nearly left me physically shaking & overexcited. I thought for sure there must be something emanating from me that other people in the store could see, since, to them, grocery shopping is just another errand, a necessary chore. They must be able to tell that I was agitated in some way. Most clearly, I remember the guilty feeling I had at the checkout counter, with the person scanning all the binge food I'd chosen. I was sure the cashier would know I was going to eat all this bad stuff immediately, in one sitting, and that he or she would be horrified.
Then the thing was being alone with the food. I had to be alone. No witnesses at all. Woe to the neighbor who ran into me at the store & got between me & my planned binge & delayed it by trying to chat with me.
In retrospect, it reminds me of being possessed temporarily. I wasn't myself. No relationship or human interaction was as important as the food & eating.
That's how I knew that I was not well & needed help & had crossed over a certain line.
I did this. For years. Very painful for me now, because the people I withdrew from were my children.
I think it has to do with shame, and wanting to be immersed in the binge experience. When you are bingeing, there IS nothing else.
Thankfully the love for my children came through anyway and I forced myself to be an EXTRA attentive mother when I could (i.e. when I was not bingeing). Try to remember how you feel and reach out to the people you love BEFORE a binge because once it starts it is a lot harder.
wow. It's so amazing to read these posts. Especially "Saef". I know that grocery store excursion soooo well. Just had one last night actually.
I'm still struggling really heavily with this, and it does make me withdraw from people. I DREAD the nights that my boyfriend (whom I live with) goes to work. He works in a bar so I know he won't be home until after 2am, and I know that my night will go one of two ways. 1.) I'll think about bingeing, then binge, then feel worthless and sick or 2.) I'll think about bingeing, convince myself not to, think about bingeing again, convince myself not to again, repeat this cycle about 200 times, which leaves me feeling frustrated.
The day after I do this I also don't want to see people because I feel worthless.
I will say this, I think it's great that your boyfriend knows about it, I think that will help you face it. I finally told my boyfriend of my behavior about a month ago and he also said he already knew! I guess as careful as I thought I was to cover up my behavior he still figured it out.
I think everyone is right on track with saying that talking about it and naming it can only help you overcome it. It's true what they say that if you can name something you take away some of it's power. Good luck to you! You're definitely not alone!
Do you withdraw from people when you binge?
: I'm sorry you've been having a rough time!! But at least you're aware of what's happening, that's always the first step in fixing problems. 
