I have 3 kids. My oldest son is 21. He's a health nut and is really encouraging me on my journey. He's also the one who nagged me to quit smoking. He didnt push me to exercise or lose weight but once I made the decision he was right there with his pompoms. He goes to the gym every single day. He gives me exercise tips and offers to help any way that he can and is always there to remind me not to overdo it.
My middle son is 17. He thinks I'm prefect as I am and that I dont need to do anything differently with my life other than hand him the car keys as often as possible. Everytime he sees me weighing my food or counting points he complains "why are you doing that!" "stop that! you're being ridiculous" "you dont need to lose anything!"
Then theres my youngest. He's 12. He came home from school today with one of those 25 cent bags of doritos. He comes to me and says "hey mom, you want some? oh noooooo you cant.... you're on a diet!" He had an ice cream sandwich last night "hey mom!! dont you want some? too bad you cant!" I told the kids that I ordered a Wii Fit today and he laughed. "what are you going to do on a wii fit? sit on it?".
I lost 3 pounds. My oldest (smiling) "wow, that's great!".
Middle son (confused) "why?"
Youngest (laughing) "only 3? maybe you should just stop eating"
It's probably my fault. I've made jokes about my physical limitations for so long. It's my coping mechanism. Back hurts? laugh it off... cant walk up the stairs... laugh it off. pain so bad I cant get out of bed? yep... laugh it off. My poking fun of myself created that red headed monster. He's only echoing the same types of things he's heard me say for years. It never bothered me when I said it to myself. It tears me up inside to hear my son say it to me. I've tried talking to him but he just doesnt get it. He honestly doesnt mean any harm and doesnt think he is doing any.
OK. I haven't had time to really think this through, but here's my initial thought. Your weight loss scares him. Either he feels that time you used to spend with him is being spent "weighing food" (or any other weight loss activity) or he's scared that you'll change (you probably really have started changing) and this is making him feel insecure. If he can just convince you to eat/act like you did before, then everything in his world goes back to normal.
My advice, for what it's worth... Love on him lots and lots. Explain that it hurts your feelings when he teases you. Go on about your business regardless of whether or not he changes.
Another thought just popped into my head as well. Is he overweight? Maybe he's scared you're going to take away his food and make him eat like you do now.
I guess explain to your middle son it's not about being thin per say, but about being healthy and that at your weight you have a higher risk for health problems and want to make sure you are around as long as possible
As for the youngest son- REMIND HIM who buys that ice cream and gives him his allowance- that might make him stop teasing lol I can just see it now "haha mom you can't have that" - "well haha son now I'm not going to BUY IT for you either! :P"
HAHA thats slaping would be very stimulating . I would say u have children that would be from a story book very different personalities. With your middle i dont mean to pry but is he very athletic or does he work out at all maybe he feels threatend that you are trying to lose weight. I dont know the situation but it also seems he just might love you the way you are and he thinks you losing weight might change how you feel or act around him.
Ooohh..I love Beerab's point...there is a reason there is ice cream and Dorito's in the house....next time he starts in just gently remind him,
"Mommy giveth and mommy can taketh away."
Honestly, I understand what you mean about the joking bit. It is difficult for them since you have joked about it in the past and maybe allowed them to cross boundaries that shouldn't have been crossed. Surely, if he is a decent kid, you can talk to him one on one and tell him you need for the comments to stop.
They are all incredibly active & fit. As I said, my oldest spends every spare minute in the gym. He just passed his police exam and wants to be ready for the academy when/if they call him. The 17 year old plays football and boxes and Mr Lucky-if-he-sees-13 is a football playin, basketball shootin, skateboardin nut.
We used to be active as a family until my back blew up. For the past few years instead of me playing ball with them I have to be satisfied driving them to the field and watching. But! I get all the good parking spots at the mall
I have thought about smacking him upside the head but isnt that illegal too? lol
Quote:
Originally Posted by TwynnB
LOL...
I read the topic as my 4 year old DD was screaming for me (actually, sobbing) to wipe her butt.
I did let them cross some boundaries that probably shouldnt have been but we honestly thought I was always going to be in that wheelchair forever. None of the doctors knew what the problem was but they all agreed nothing more could be done. Up until about a few month ago I couldnt walk 20 feet without being overcome with pain. We dealt with it with humor. You know what they say, you can either laugh or cry. We were tired of crying.
I dont know what happened but about 2 months ago things started getting better. Nobody knows why and I'm not asking anymore. I can actually stand up long enough to do the dishes now. I am convinced that with diet, exercise and the grace of God I can someday play basketball with my boys again.
I dont know where his fear would be coming from. You'd think he'd want those things for us?
The way your youngest is behaving sounds like the kind of things bullies do at school. Does he bully others, or are others bullying him?
You need to tell him that he is hurting your feelings saying those things, and you want him to stop. Just that directly! Not that people "need to be nice to one another," orthat he "shouldn't" behave that way, but that he is hurting your feelings. And you want him to stop. And don't let him laugh it off!
And if he still behaves that way, then some kind of punishment would be appropriate. He seems to think he can be disrespectful and mean to others without consequences. Maybe you did set the wrong example earlier, but it's not too late to change that.
LOL at "children.... is it really illegal to kill them?"
Been there. Felt that.
I agree with those who suggest that the youngest is just clueless. Mine are adults and they still have trouble remembering that their parents are humans.
Okay, first of all, I'm not a Mom. Feel free to take my advice with a grain of salt, since I'm inexperienced in the parenting department.
The youngest, quite honestly, sounds like most 12 year-old kids I've known and know now. I used to work with middle school aged kids. I think you just need to lay the law down and let him know that there are consequences to being a wise *** (I put the astrix in there myself .)
As far as the middle child, I'd just explain that you are doing this for your health and your recovery. Let him know that you really love the fact that he loves you as you are, but that you want to be around for them for a long time. Explain that it's not about looks or a number, it's about health.
Kudos to your oldest! He sounds very mature for his age.
You are obviously a great Mom, I think you just need to tweak the boundaries at home.
Also, congrats on whatever is causing with your miraculous recovery! That is so awesome! It's always so frustrating when the docs can't tell you what is happening.
You need to tell him that he is hurting your feelings saying those things, and you want him to stop. Just that directly! Not that people "need to be nice to one another," orthat he "shouldn't" behave that way, but that he is hurting your feelings. And you want him to stop. And don't let him laugh it off!
And if he still behaves that way, then some kind of punishment would be appropriate. He seems to think he can be disrespectful and mean to others without consequences. Maybe you did set the wrong example earlier, but it's not too late to change that.
children.... is it really illegal to kill them?
. I would say u have children that would be from a story book very different personalities. With your middle i dont mean to pry but is he very athletic or does he work out at all maybe he feels threatend that you are trying to lose weight. I dont know the situation but it also seems he just might love you the way you are and he thinks you losing weight might change how you feel or act around him.
Merely clueless
