I thought I would share a bit of a mental process NSV that happened this morning.

So this morning, my ex posted pictures of me on Facebook from his visit here.

I looked at those pictures and was immediately depressed, because I thought I looked pretty horrible in them. It is still hard to see how much weight I gained, and a part of my brain still thinks of me as being at my lower weight, so pictures continue to be a shock. I know I am working on it now and I will get back to where I was and further, but it is still painful.

So, I am getting ready for work and this conversation happens in my head:

Ugh, I feel so depressed. Those pictures were awful.
I could remove the tag, and then no one would see them.
No, I won’t do that. I won’t fall into that trap of being ashamed of who I am.
But I am still so depressed. All I want to do is crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head.
… (a few seconds pass)
Wait, back up a sec. What did you say?
um… all I want to do is crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head?
Nothing else?
No, is there something else I should want to do?
Um, hello? What is your normal go to response for being really upset and depressed?
Oh! You mean soothe my emotions by eating something sweet! Well, huh, isn’t that interesting. No, that didn’t even occur to me until you just said it.

So at least for now, that cycle is broken and that is a VERY good thing.

And now I just have more before pics.

Even though you felt totally awful about the pictures I can't help but be happy for you because you are not resorting to food for comfort. I am so the pictures were awful. Just think when you get to your goal weight what great pictures you will have. I also cringe and get depressed over recent pictures.

Lynn

Congratulations!! The sadness from looking at those pics will fade but the skill of not comfort eating--that's a lifetime achievement, at least in my eyes. Awesome!

I did some gardening today and its absolutely beautiful outside.

Lynn

Nancy - I too have a picture in my head of how I look and its not nearly as bad as the reality.
I used to think I was quite pretty but the fat has all but obscured my face, I just look round and fat in the face now. Thats really sad isn't it....
I think I might have one before picture, if that. I avoid the camera like the plague - BECAUSE it shows me how other people see me....

YES its DEPRESSING

BUT it's done, it's over, we were there - and we can only move away from that place. You can't unring a bell -- ( my favourite saying -- applies to a lot of life)
BUT if you are not eating yourself to a standstill over it - then BOY HAVE YOU COME A LONG WAY!!!!!!!!! congratulations on that . You're a big step away from those piccies now.


Hooray for you!!!

Hi there JuliaDH =) Happy to see you posting instead of lurking.

Yay Nancy for that NSV! - I know what you mean about that mental picture. I took starting photos my first week on plan, and oh my goodness... I was like "Wow... didn't realize I'd gotten to that point."

Lynn - Glad it was nice out there. It was it kinda rainy here. Heard it wasn't gonna be nice until Sunday... blah... long few days it'll be.

CDP & MrsTee-

@Anyone who was kind enough to ask, I'm from northern Canda, just below the arctic circle and we are having a fairly cold spring/winter this year. Temperature is consistently below freezing still though b/c of the way the sun is reflected some of the snow is melting especially on metal surfaces like roofs and such. I had a great trip I was tired and almost napped but it was still good to be out in nature even if I didn'tdo much. Everyone had a good time and i put on enough sunscreen that I didn't burn.

Nancy that is so great, way to look at silver linings definitely.

I am going to have a lot of alone time this weekend and that is wonderful.

Northern Canada eh? I'm guessing nothing like Australia then! This is why the internet is great!!!
Sun screen - now that is something I am familiar with!

Time alone is often a great thing to sooth the soul. Hope it is restful for you Silent!

Silent,
I really hope you enjoy your alone time. When I get alone time its almost refreshing and makes me happy to see my husband when he comes back. Not that I am not happy to be with him but everyone needs a break from each other. Ya know what I mean?

Lynn

Okay guys, I'm back after a long time away. April was awful for me physically. I was in the hospital 3 times from April 3rd until my last time was May 2nd I got out. UGH. So right now they are trying to find out what is wrong with me but in between, my cardiologist retired it may end up being a blessing because he was just using the initial cardiologist's test results so I have a new one and my first appointment with him is the 27th of this month. In the mean time I have been on "modified" bedrest for the whole month. I didn't want to come here when I was feeling so icky and also scared silly to be posting a gain. It was TOM and I actually got to update my tracker today with a -.5 lol.

Missed you guys and feeling a bit more positive and feeling like I was really missing you all. Have seen some of your posts on Facebook and it really reminds me to get my butt back here and say hi and be a part of my weight loss journey with you all again. Missed you all and no way I can catch up but wanted to welcome anyone new and hugs to everyone.

Will try to be back again soon.

God's blessings to you all and many hugs,
Annie

@all, yes, I'm chosing to enjoy it, I have one of my friends dogs, my roommate borrowed the skidoo and is going out with other friends fishing. Me and my puppy pal re having a good sunday, she's taken a couple naps already she has a hyper/nap cycle lol. If it wasn't so muddy we would go for more walks but I had to bath her right after I took custody of her because I took her for a walk and the streets were MUDDY and she was all covered in mud. And I didn't want to get that all over the house.

Annie - Hi there! So sorry to hear about your troubles through April! I'm very happy to see you posting and continuing forward despite everything

to everyone.

I took a nap earlier today. Probably means another late, late, ridiculously late night for me.

@lovely - Ahh hate trying to balance out sleep patterns I find it easier to stay awake at night than get up early in the morning. Definitely doesn't help my roomate is even MORE of a night person. :-| This weekend though I got up at 8:30 to walk the dog. I really need to be able to learn to get up for ME not just for someone else if I am meeting someone or have to take the dog out i CAN wake up earlier than normal. Ah well!

Lovely: Thanks I bet I know you if I knew your "old" name Glad you are back and hope it wasn't a too late, late night for you yesterday.

Silent: Nothing like having doggies to wake you up in the am. Ours are alarm or not ready to get up now at about 10 min to four!!! One is a year and 6 months old and I think he has a tiny bladder. lol. The female is not quite a year but she rarely tries to wake us up. Lucky for me that I don't have to get up that early anymore but poor DH has to get up at 4 a.m. anyway every day except Sunday and I hear him tell our male "Moose" can't you wait 10 more minutes for the alarm to go off?? lol.

Hope everyone is doing well. I "got" to sit in our car and read while my DH went into all the grocery/Costco stores to do the shopping for us. "modiefied" bedrest. lol.

Blessings and hugs,
Annie

Greetings!

I got back from camping with my camping group this weekend. Had a GREAT time. Nose got a little sunburnt. hehe.

The goldens were bathed and all soft and pretty for the weekend. There were 7 campers, 9 people and 7 dogs. The dogs all got used to each other and the goldens did all the cute things to get hugs and kisses from everyone. Petting junkies!!! They were so tired at the end of the weekend, they didn't move the entire 2 hr drive home.

The cat is all happy that I'm home and the parrot screamed for 30 minutes while I unpacked.

Annie, I'm so sorry you've had a rough month. My little sis had a bad one with the asthma too (you guys are about the same age). I'm so so glad you are posting again (quietly and on modified rest!!). I know change is scary, but perhaps some good things will come out of it with new doc. I'm sending healing thoughts your way!!

Still on the plateau from ****. The iron is slowly creeping up. The camping is lifting my moods despite all the rain.

Hugs to all my Peeps out there!
Ratkity