Hippy, I saw your post after I posted. Boy this is a B*tch, isn't it? I know exactly what you're talking about and I'm in the same place myself. The are SO many parallels between weight loss and quitting smoking. It comes down to something that you have to get that moment when you really, truly want something so bad that you will go through the pain it takes to get there. Sounds like you're where I was in '98 when I quit the last time. It was right after my brother died and my sister came to me in tears and said "I really wish you'd quit smoking, it's bad enough that we just lost our brother, I couldn't bear to lose you too" God, I felt awful. So I enrolled in a hospital smoking cessation program, bought some patches and tried to quit for other people, even though I knew it was good for me but honestly, I didn't want to do it myself. I stayed quit for 7 weeks but resented every minute of it. I knew I felt better but I thought of it constantly and looked for an excuse to start again. The 10 pound weight gain did it. And honestly, that's what concerns me this time around too. Do I have it in me to really quit? I have more resolve this time around than I did in '98 yet there is still the mourning that I am giving up a "friend" and I know you know what that means even if it sounds creepy to non-smokers. My head is not 100% that I WANT to do this - about 90%.

I am reading alot to keep myself motivated and I have told the world that I am quitting so that they hold me accountable because there is a bit of shame in admitting to people that you're going to do this and then you dash their hopes when you get weak again. I needed to get some cigarettes yesterday. I should have started the Zyban Friday and my quit date would have been this coming Friday when I got off the plane in California. But I didn't start taking the medicine until yesterday which would set my quit date the earliest next Monday - halfway through vacation. I'm waffling about quitting when I come home instead on the 26th instead of the 19th. Reason being is that it will be easy to not smoke in California but we are going to Las Vegas on the 22nd for the weekend. There everyone smokes everywhere and I'm thinking my somewhat steely resolve will weaken and I'll break down like you did at your BBQ. The good me is saying "tough, just deal with it - commit and stick with it". The bad me, the weak me is making excuses. I was trying to figure out how many cigarettes I should take on vacation. I really didn't want to spend $90 for 2 cartons to take with me. I kept going back and forth back and forth. Finally I decided on 1 carton and 3 packs and told myself that if I bought 2 cartons, it was admitting I didn't want to quit and that I'd just have to ration out the cigarettes to last me and that yes, I will quit on vacation even if I have to suck on straws in Las Vegas

I'm trying to focus on what I'm gaining (except for weight ) - breathing better, chest not hurting, more money in my pocket, not being concerned about starting the house on fire (a real concern actually), not having the mess of butts and ashes all over, etc. That's a more positive mental spin than the negative of what I'm giving up. I also am trying to think of the people I know who were die hard smokers like my aunt who actually did quit for good. They suffered no less than me. I'm also trying to think of the people who are die hard smokers who continue to smoke and their somewhat rude behavior and insistance that they will smoke anywhere, anytime they want to. I'm not like that - I try to keep my habit from infringing on others by only smoking outside, away from non smokers, etc. But do I have some nasty traits too? I'm also trying to focus on the fact that this is just another bad habit of mine and I have been successful at quitting other bad habits - like 4 cans of Coca Cola a day and wild, thoughtless spending of all my money, etc...

If it will help you, here's some links to some online resources:

American Lung Association - Freedom from Smoking Program

Why Quit Why Quit advocated the cold turkey method. Two reasons, first either you're going to quit or you're not. It's that simple. Crap or get off the pot as they say. Two - if you cut down as most of us are prone to do, you're waffling more than committing and it takes about 2 weeks for the body to go through withdrawal. If you have even a single cigarette, your brain says - hey I'm getting some and you go through withdrawal again. As long as you keep smoking - even if it's one cigarette a day, you're always 1 day + 2 weeks into withdrawal. And that keeps your body in a constant state of stress. Freedom from Tobacco - An MSN online forum - this one's an online forum - kinda like 3FC for people quitting smoking. Most of these sites you have to register with. I've done so but haven't gotten any spam mail so they are ok to register with.

I started the Zyban yesterday. You take 1 pill for the first 3 days and then take 2 pills at least 8 hours apart for the next 7 to 12 weeks. One of the side effects is insomnia and I have enough trouble getting to bed at night so they suggested not taking the second pill in the evening. I had to figure out the timing so I figured I'd start the one a day at 4pm and then add the second pill at 8am to get me through the day. What I noticed about an hour after I took it was that when I smoked it tasted like "cotton". It's like bumming a cigarette from someone and it's not your brand and it tastes funny and isn't satisfying. I also noticed that while I had the urge to smoke in the evening, it wasn't as strong as usual. I'd think to take a break and have a smoke and immediately I'd ask myself, can you put it off for 15 minutes? And I'd say, yeah, sure whereas typically it would be like no way, I'm going out NOW. This morning the pill wore off and the cigarette was back to being more like "normal" and so were the strong urges. I'd say I'm smoking normally right now. But they also tell you that you have to build up some of the Zyban in your system and that's why you take it for a while but definitely set your quit date somewhere between 7 to 14 days after you start it. The more you smoke beyond the 14 days, the less a chance you have of it working for you. I guess that's because it makes smoking a little less satisfying and if that's not enough for you to resist it, then maybe you're not ready to quit yet. I also had a couple of pieces of chocolate last night and that tasted odd too. I thought - hey, wouldn't this be great if it made food taste bad too We'll see what happens as I get more of the medicine in me.

It is a huge head game more than anything and I think you have to prepare for it and pump yourself up. If you need more time, then take it. Better you get well prepared and be successful than to do it on a whim, give up and then beat yourself up about it.

I was thinking of starting a thread here about quitting smoking. There's a few other people on the forum who are quitting or thinking about it too. I just didn't want to start something and then go away for a week and a half, so I might start it when I come back so as not to clog up this thread with a bunch of stuff no one but us care about.

We can do this Hippy - I know for me it's the hardest thing I will probably ever do in my life. And it forces me to confront a bunch of things I probably don't want to either. Alot like the discipline you have to deal with in weight loss and healthy living.

I'll get off my now as I have work to do. But I'm in there with you, knowing we have to do this but scared, angry, frustrated and quite nervous about it too.

Good post Raven, thanks for giving me some things to think about too! I have accepted the fact that I will probably gain some weight and I won't let that discourage me again. As you say, you have to find another substitute habit. I don't intend to run to Ben and Jerry's but I am going to try and push the exercise. When I get cravings I think I'll go back to what I tried the last time - drinking a glass of water and sniffing men's Brut cologne. But hey, they're non food habits! My new replacement habit may be visiting every toilet I see across America

Okay, back to my regular schedule! Woo, that time off is killer!!

I am going to let you all know I am probably going to be up this week. I've given into the Easter bunny and pms. Chocolate is my friend and is sticking around right now. I hate pms weeks. I've been lucky enough in the last two months to squeak out a minimal loss or maintain, but I think this week is going to be a gain. It's okay, I'm prepared for it and had a great week last weigh in. I'll catch up with it next week. Just really bloated and puffy. I have been doing extra exercising, so that might save me from a huge gain, but we shall see. I'm not stressing over it!

I came to work without my veggies or string cheese. Gosh, I guess it's WW bar and some Wasabi peas for me this morning. Running low on veggies at home, so it's to the grocery store this week for veggies. Gosh, it all hits at once, doesn't it??

Happy: Glad you got the Zyban. Hey, if it makes chocolate taste bad, could I get some?? I'm in need this week!!! Sounds like you are preparing nicely for the vacation, albeit a lot of homework also! Take it easy and enjoy yourself. Give yourself a break, also, and allow yourself to have fun not needing to do anything! We'll be here when you get back!

Raven: I'm glad you are off the accelerator. Maintaining is a good thing or else you were rapidly approaching breakdown speed. I find when I do too many things it all starts catching up with me and I totally fail. I was approaching that last week, but this week I am better. My visit with dad was great and we got so much accomplished!

Hippy: I'm glad you got your confession out. I understand we all have those bad days, and it just seems like things for you are a little out of control. Breathe deeply and try to relax about things. How about tackling one thing at a time instead of both? I'd say concentrate on your quitting smoking. The weight will come off after, but one big thing at a time!! I'm still supporting you, and haven't had any SCows. I have had some of the soda cake I made, but nothing frozen or dessert frozen. I'm going to maintain this for you, not until those 5 pounds are off, but until some control comes back. I know you can do this and Happy is going to be able to help immensely!! Hang in there, girl!

Weather is turning nice, so I have been outside more. Hubby leaves next week for Thailand and will return June 11th. Ahh,,,,some peace and quiet!! ha!

Hang in there, girls, we'll get through this week!!!

Chach

hello ladies miss me? ~grinz n waves~ even though i havent been able to post in the last couple fo days, i have read all of yours. and again i have to say i am so glad i found a group of women such as yourselves. Raven when you told us about your skirt, i sooooooooo related. i have a dress thats packed away, its white leather on the front and back with black sides. criss cross straps and laces up the front. its my grand prix dress. it screams sexy, curvey, vixen on the way. every now and then i can hear it calling out to me........come back. but at the shape i am in currently, my dress would hate me!! so when i hear it calling me now i whisper back........soon dress soon. trust me i could care less when i finally get back to form if that dress is completely out of style. i´m wearing it! ~laughing~ Cachee your jeans...... wow these are exciting NSV`s and sassy wants one of those too! my scale once again is hating me and doing the same dance it did last month. hopefully the song will end the same as last month.

Happy i am thrilled you and your fam loved the recipe. i wasnt sure if i should post recipes or not to this thread. part of me says, i cook, therfore i am ~laughing~ its my gift. also its a quick way for me to say i am here and i am thinking about you, i want to help and be supportive too. i adore reading your posts. your words are tempered with warmth, wisedom , and witism´s. for me inspirational. lately when you have been speaking to Raven and Hippy you can feel the hug. i will miss you while your gone. i know i will be thinking on you often wondering how your doing and hoping your having the time of your life! ~grinz~ you deserve it!

Hippy confessions are good for the soul or so they say ~laughing~ thank you for being honest on where you are right now. i know when i first read about your endeavour all i could think of was.......Wow, i could never...... not 2 major things at once. life on life´s terms is hard enough. and so easily we can get carried away by it. made even harder when we decide to make a change. you not only threw one monkey wrench but chucked two into the mix at the same time!! dont beat yourself up, i am a firm believer that there are enough people who would willing step up to bring us down....... dont be one of those people, your all you´ve got. instead start beating on your resolve.

it appears that the spring bug has biten and left its mark on each of us. ~smiling softly~ at the first sting of spring we are so ready, gung ho, looking forward. this has to be done, that has to be done.oh boy oh boy ho boy!! followed closely by the reflective nature of the season. as the earth slowly wakes from its sleep so do we. we think about the past year, our present, and where we would like to be. its a good time, i love this time even though it might seem like a down time. its an awakening, when the leaves fill the tree´s we are invigorated once again. enjoy your time here. life moves so fast, take the time to nuture yourself as the earth is nuturing itself. reap the rewards of beauty and growth that can only come from within.

where i am at right now. i already mentioned the scale dance. been on program did most of the cooking for Easter, delicious safe foods, but that did not keep me away from the home-made treats. i´m sorry but holidays are a celebration for everything, including taste buds. and if somebody is going to take that time in the kitchen filled with joy and love making something special for the family..... darn tootin i am showing my appreciation for her. ~smiling brightly~ its a meal, one meal. with months and months inbetween till the next fabulous feast! i had a great Easter! and those strawberry cheese cake bites are to die for!

i havent been doing the stair stepping. at first it was because Oma was here and i hate grunting, groaning, and sweating in front of others. (mind you the gym is totally different, there everybody else is so no big deal) they also took off my favoritest show House Invader´s that i was going to do this too....first ainsley now this ~power pout~ hopefully they will bring them back soon. maybe its just a seasonal break or something. but all is not lost ladies...Drum Roll Please........ not only have i upped the length in my walks........i,barbi, a.k.a. sassy........ went down the stairs!!! yes, i did.i really did!! and you wouldnt believe what i found down there.......

right at the bottom of my nemesis has got to be the only Greek restraurant in Upper Austria!! and thy´re open till midnight with glorious seating and bar, and stage and dance floor.....all outside. next to the river.....gorgeous! okies so now we are excited, we have a place to rest before we go back ~swallows hard and looks once again at the 70 ft. climb... squeeks~ up. the incline was steep girls, stairs going half the way, so down was no piece of cake either. anywaysssssssssssss........... we trot happily over the bridge to see what wonders lay over there. to the right a game reservation, state owned forest that your welcome to roam dogs must be leashed. huge signs that said so ~nodnodnod~ k... to the left and on our way to the puppy playground ~grinz n winks~ was putt-putt, shuffle boards, tennis, and canoeing! i couldnt believe it! all this fun stuff to do no matter what your current health level was........again open till midnight. yesssssssssssssssssssss, i win!! ~laughing~ but it gets even better........... i know ......i can hear you saying......"how sassy how??!!" ~laughing~ i past a house, a house that i will pass alot on my way to the P & P (puppy playpark) that flying gloriously atop its pole was an AMERICAN FLAG!! i could almost feel what Francis Scott Key felt, composing our anthem. naturally i peeked over and saw no one........this time ~winks n grinz~

doing a little fast forwarding here.the windy wordy wench going off again.........

up sucked!! up sucked real bad........ everything from the belly button down was screaming at me........and not screaming very nice things i should add........nothing i can write on paper ~laughing~ so i wait a day thinking rest lil muscles rest.i gots plans for you ~insert menacing laugh here~ monday i go down the stairs again. ooo-ing and ah-ing and begging my dog to slow down........please. but this time i am looking for an easier way back up. we dont cross the bridge just keep on our side of the river...and naturally i find it! because if theres an easy way darn tootin i Will find it. maybe i should insert the word easier, because you still have to go back up. but this way is longer slower twistier up. Raven i sure hope your still reading this ~laughing~ cuz guess what i found....... Horse stables! where you can ride, get lessons, like yours!! oh and did i start chittering away to Alcant (you may of seen his post to the mens board...... he is by the way a little disappointed that there arent very many active men here at 3fc, but enjoys the site all the same) about you and your horses ... i sounded just like that girl from the movie American Pie, the band girl....~laughing, does her impersonation~ " theres this girl raven....on the 3fc board.... and and and once at the horse farm she....... and and and" ~laughs harder~

well to cut a long story short.......shhhhhhh, i know ~wink~ its a curse..... lord help these people when i finally learn the language enough to actually converse beyond the a 2 year old level!! ~laughing~

the possibilities are endless for me! keeping it simple........ Spring, build yourself up for summer. Summer, build yourself up for fall. Fall, prepare yourself for winter. Winter, prepare yourself for Spring. simple is never simple........ so signing........

sincerely,

sassy

P.S.
Cachee chocolate is my friend too...............~with a sheepish grin she rises slowly~ hello..........my name is sassy and i´m a choco-holic. i find chocolate calls to me Especially during that time of the month. here´s a little trick i do, same great taste... double the length of savour!! i freeze my favorite or a couple different fav´s.....ya never know which one your going to crave at that time ~nodnodnodnod~ if it´s a chocolate bar i break off two squares and freeze, which usually breaks down to 5 itty bitty baggies of pure unadulterated bliss......~deep sigh~ and when i am in need i pull 1 out and suckle on it. i do not /will not Chew frozen chocolate ( its a me thing ~grinz~) just letting it melt in my mouth till its a tiny tidbit of tantalizing treat. then my tongue will do the mushing not my teeth ~laughing~ savouring every sweet succulent moment. i tell ya that one tiny lil bit of chocolate could last a half an hour or more that way. Yummmmmmmmmmm! i have grabbed my baggie of bliss and my walking shoes and hit the trail seeing how far i could get before all the reminscent choccie flavour was but a pleasant memory. turning it into a game of sorts..... alright a am a wacky wench thats for sure! but hey its the little things in life ~laughing~

Morning

What great posts from you ladies!

Raven, I thought alot about what you said and well, here goes!! First off I don't panic when I think about eating healthy. Actually, knowing that I feel better kind of calms me. To be honest on the weight issue, I just get tired of being soooooo limited on what I can eat. As you know I hate veggies. When you like just 4 or 5 veggies it's rough. I have tried new ones, new ways of cooking old ones and it boils down to I don't like them. I'm not real worried about weightloss because I know if I set my mind to it that I can do it. I have discovered that as much as I love it here and all of the support from all of you I need more. I'm thinking about joining WW so that I have the meetings to go to, I surely wouldn't want to go to weigh in and be the one that didn't lose a pound or that gained a pound. I think combining coming here and going to WW might be the answer for me. As far as the smoking....YES!!!! I go into a dead panic. Now, I don't know if this is going to make sense but I will try to explain. I do feel like I'm ready to quite but I will leave room for accepting that maybe I'm not. Anyway, I feel like I'm ready but I don't know how. I know that sounds stupid but listen.... Smoking hurts me, literally hurts me, My lungs, my chest, etc.....they stink, they upset my belly, they make me cough so yes, I hate it that I can't seem to throw them away. I don't know what to do if I don't smoke. I know, again, that sounds stupid but I tried replacing one habit with another. Chewing gum, sucking on candy, exercising, drinking water, scrapbooking, cleaning, etc....ANYTHING to keep my mind off of smoking. I could not stop thinking about it. Even when I didn't want a cigarette I couldn't not think about smoking. Do I enjoy smoking???? NO!! For all of the reasons and more that I stated above. Is it a habit? Yes, but how is that this habit is so hard to break? I have no idea. What do I replace it with? I don't know. It's hard to get past the mental addiction. I have no doubt that that is what mine is. I went through a few spells of nicotine withdrawl but that part wasn't near as bad as not being able to stop thinking about cigarettes. I know we are no closer to knowing why I am still smoking but I sure feel better

Happy, when you come back, fire up that smoking thread!!!! I'll be there!!! I'm so glad you started the Zyban and glad you didn't buy 2 cartons of cigarettes. I feel like you are going to be successful and that you will be helpful in helpinmg others kick the habit also.

I have not given up. I did alot of research online last night. Getting ideas on how to deal with the habit breaking and so on. There's alot of info out there. I even read about Quest cigarettes. They are low, lower and non nicotine cigarettes. They are made to reduce you to no nicotine and then you break the habit of smoking yourself. Here I am!!! Back to square one, how is that habit broken?

I did very well on eating yesterday and drank alot of water. We got 6 inches of snow around here yesterday Snow in April!! It's gone now and it will be 80 over the weekend!!!! Today it will be in the 60's so I will get out and take care of some things and keep myself busy.

Hello to Chach and Sassy, thanks for your kind words.

Catch you ladies later!

Good morning ladies..

Wow.. what a lot of wonderful stuff to read!

Sassy - First off.. Congratulations to you for making it down and UP that hill!!! I know how intimidated you were, and look at you!! All sorts of new adventure! So now does that mean you're going to start horseback riding lessons!? Phoo girl, pretty soon you'll be RUNNING that hill! And as far as the recipes go? Dang.. PLEASE post them!! I thought that was wonderful! I may have a lot on my mind, and not respond too well to everything, but I LOVE new recipes from people who have talent in that area, because I surely do NOT. If I get a recipe, I can tweak it here and there, but I have no imagination when it comes to that kind of stuff whatsoever. That dress sounds like a knockout! So .. when you fit into it, we get pictures, right!? You know, the scale dances for me on a daily basis. It's down three, up two, down one, up two, down four, up ... you get the picture. As long as the general direction over a period of time is down, then we're doing good. I think you're right about that spring thing. And this spring is being kind of poopy here... yesterday it actually snowed a little north of my house. It's cold and windy and .. yuck. This compared to a couple weekends ago when it was in the 80s and I got a sunburn. Hopefully this weekend will be better.

Chachee - I *always* gain on my PMS week. I hate it, it's annoying, but I deal with it. I know that the week after will reflect more accurately what's really going on. So just relax, let your body do its thing, and move on. You know.. my boyfriend always goes up to visit his mom twice a year for a week each time. Once for her birthday, which is coincidentally like the day after Mother's Day or something like that, and once in between Thanksgiving and Christmas. So this time I told him I'm going to take a couple days off while he's gone for a week so I can kind of destress too, and he got all pissy about it. "You're going to take time off while I'm GONE!?" He'll get over it. Men. OTOH, he still expects me to pick him up at the airport (which is about an hour away from our house) at 10:00 pm on SUNDAY night - and I have to go to work the next day. Guess that's nothing huh? Sorry, didn't mean to turn that into a BF rant. I hope your time is productive and relaxing while Hubby is gone!

Happy - Girl you crack me up. Visiting toilets... It sounds to me like you are putting so much thought into this whole smoking cessation thing. I truly hope this works for you, because it sounds like this time you really WANT this to happen. Not for anyone else, but for you. I'm sure going to miss your posts while you're gone!! I really hope you have a great time, especially after as much preparation as you've put into this.

Hippy - You feel the same way about quitting smoking as I did about losing weight. To me, it doesn't sound stupid at all to say you don't know how to quit smoking. I truly didn't even know where to begin with this healthy life change losing weight thing. I mean.. I thought I did, but really, I had no clue. Thank God for this site, because when I stumbled across this place is when I really started to learn about the mental connection, the healthy eating, the fact I could actually EAT and lose weight, all that stuff. I didn't realize I had so much to learn. I think you and Happy starting a thread on smoking cessation would be awesome. I have no doubt that as you learn more about you and the habit and all that, you'll figure out how to break this one. And Hippy - you know Chachee found success with WW, maybe you will too! Whatever it takes, woman! I get tired of the same kinds of food too, Hippy. I really do. OTOH, I don't have a lot of time at all, so doing the new recipe thing for me is always tricky. It has to be fast, easy, cheap, and feed a lot of people, AND it has to provide leftovers!! Oh, don't forget low in calories and fat. And kid friendly. *twitch* Sometimes it just gets really old having to think all the time about crap like that and I wish I didn't have to.

Ok .. I am in such a weird headspace. I don't know if it's just stressed out tiredness, weather, money.. all of the above... I have no clue. My body is acting strange, my thoughts are all over the place. Yesterday I was simply starving all day long. I NEVER have trouble when I get home waiting till dinner is done to eat, but yesterday it was like some alien being posessed my brain and *I* sat back in a corner throwing pebbles at it. Not that I did anything really off the charts, it was just so out of the norm for me that it kind of freaked me out a little. I had a banana with a little peanut butter before dinner, and that really helped. But obviously not enough, because then I ate TWO pork chops with dinner, which I never do, and then.. the really awful one... I ate my Healthy Choice caramel ice cream sandwich and .. then ate another one. The last time I remember doing that was what... a year ago!? Of course about a half hour later my tummy was aching something fierce because it's just not used to that at ALL. Today I woke up still with a little bit of a tummy ache, and feeling kind of weird, shakey even. I ate my oatmeal and that helped, but ... I just feel odd. *sigh* Maybe I'm just really, really tired. That's kind of what it feels like.

Tonight I need to take Nickie to the stables again because she must work hard on her canter. There's a lot behind this, and a lot riding on it (no pun intended). She worked her butt off Monday, then yesterday Shadow was being used in a lesson (lord I wish we had her paid off already), so tonight she's back on her trying to get to the point where her fear and Shadow's behavior with her (and only her, because Shadow has her number on the canter/sharp turn means she gets scared and lets me walk crap) are no longer an issue. This all goes back to when Nick flipped over Shadow's neck when she pulled the canter/sharp turn thing, and it was a bad fall. I know it's hard for her. I wish we had all the time in the world for her to work this out slowly, but we don't. Nick can do the walk/trot with NO problem whatsoever, but Rosa is telling Nick that she's going to put another trainer up on Shadow in about three weeks to resolve this canter thing, and Nick is desperate to get this ironed out before it comes to that. I wish she didn't have this hanging over her head, but I have no say in it because we don't own Shadow yet. I know Nick is capable of doing this, but Rosa doesn't. It's maddening to Nick, and it's painful for me. Yes, I know the rhetoric of putting a trainer on the horse to help the rider... I know that. But not in this case, because Nick desperately needs to work through this issue with this horse or she's going to hang on to this fear. Hence, the push. So tonight, she rides hard. And tomorrow is her lesson, which we've moved so that she will now be with two other girls, one of whom is much more advanced. It's a big challenge for her, but I think she needs it. My daughter is a young lady to whom things come far too easy. She's very smart, and consequently, rather lazy. She's been able to skate through nearly everything I've thrown at her. But not this. This is taking a huge effort on her part, for nearly the first time in her life. It's good for her, it really is. But watching this as a parent is both heartbreaking and making me very proud of her. All I can pray is that Rosa finally opens her eyes and sees what Nick is actually accomplishing with that horse, instead of blathering on about how DeeDee (the trainer she's bringing in who used to be a student of hers and is now two or three years into an equestrian college) could make Shadow do ANYTHING.. the point is that Shadow was unusable when Nickie started riding her. She behaved terribly, she bit, kicked, and couldn't be ridden by anyone except really good riders who could ride her through the BS she would throw out. Bucking, swerving, head tossing, the whole bit. She may have been trained at one point, but when Nickie started riding her, she was NOT, and Rosa refuses to see how much work Nick has done with this animal, and that's coming from a kid who'd never ridden english before in her life!! *vent vent vent* I'm sorry.. I don't think I realized how much this was bothering me till I started typing it out. And there's precious little I can do about this if Rosa doesn't open her freaking eyes. I just have to keep making payments.. a little at a time. I'm afraid this situation is going to come to a point where as soon as that last payment is made, we'll have to switch barns and instructors. It's not that Rosa isn't a good teacher, I just think she's being really, really blind about this situation because of her need to use Shadow because she let herself get into a situation where she didn't have enough lesson horses, and now that Nick has put all this work into Shadow, she can use her again. I dunno.. *sigh* It's very frustrating to me. Wow. Rant. I know that Monday night Nickie actually got to the point where she could keep Shadow in a canter almost all the way around the ring without her trying to drop to a trot or without shying off into the middle of the ring. I know Nick almost came off at least three times because of her nonsense, but she kept trying, kept pushing. I am SO proud of her. And at the end of two HOURS of this, Nick was laughing and breathing hard and enjoying the **** out of herself, and Shadow was looking at things a little differently, and starting to try to behave, and she was breathing hard and sweating a little, too. So tonight.. we shall see. Please keep your fingers crossed for her, will you? I know it sounds silly, but this is so important to my girl(s?).

Ok. I feel better now. I think that's been eating at me for a while.. maybe that's why I ate so much last night. I'm sorry I went on for so long, and I know it might seem silly to attach so much importance to this - for Nick or for me... but we do.

I really need to get to work now.. thanks for reading all that, if you made it through it.

Sassy, that dress of yours sounds so gorgeous - you get back in it and strut your stuff woman! Congrats on conquering your hesitance at going down those stairs! and what wonderful things you have found all around you in the hills and valleys. Sometimes that first step into the unknown is the worst part of all. We look forward to hearing more about your area. Sure is nicer than the cement I'm looking at here Yesterday 2 hawks nailed one of the doves that feeds here. My husband saw it all. I just saw the hawks and thank goodness could not tell what was going on. Bird feathers ALL over the yard. Ick. There are some things about nature that are hard for me to deal with.

Hippy - I know exactly what you're talking about. One of the most amazing things to me is how smoking just totally takes over every waking thought. Especially when you want to stop. This morning, before I read your post, I was thinking that my resolve today is not as strong as I get nearer to the quit date. The logical part of me says that it's time to start cutting back and weaning myself off. The illogical part says NOOOOOO smoke even more because your days are numbered!!!! I think that's part of it too. If you say you're going to give up chocolate or soda or ice cream for a month, at least at the end of the month you know you can have some - even if after 30 days your taste buds say - hey, this isn't as good as I remember it being. But you can have it. With smoking, it's forever, just like an alchoholic - when you stop, that's it. Forever. Just one taste of a beer or cigarette and you're right back to where you started from. Maybe it's because your brain is hardwired to your addiction as I have been reading. Last night I was thinking about this. I stopped smoking in my house many years ago and I wouldn't even THINK of lighting up inside. In fact sometimes I absentmindedly light up as I'm walking out the door or I'll run inside with a lit cigarette to answer the phone and I feel as if the police will be right behind me It took about 6 months before I got used to smoking outside. And during that time there were several moments when I so desperately wanted to light up inside. But I told myself no, I can't and hubby would have hollered at me anyway which would have started world war 3. All I can suggest is that you start to break some of your habits - no more smoking in the house starting today. I have found that helps since I'm a habit smoker - stop the triggers that remind you of a cigarette and put yourself into situations as much as possible where you can't smoke. My husband just totally doesn't understand how I can say I want to stop this habit and still have so many problems trying to deal with it. He said if I keep thinking about it, maybe I don't want to stop after all. He said to grit my teeth and just make up my mind that I'm going to do it. Arrgghhh. Wish I could just go into a coma for 30 days so I wouldn't have to think about it. And good luck with the WW program. When you don't know where to start, an organized program is the best way to go. I've always liked WW - they are nutrionally sound. The only thing is you have to sometimes hunt around for a meeting with a good leader. I've had some awesome ones and some duds. The best leader I ever had was actually a man! He gave all sorts of tips and motivation each week. Some of the bad leaders just kinda stood up and read through the materials like a robot. But weighing in and paying money to do so is motivating. My only criticism of the Flex points system is that I've seen a number of people posting here who eat crap but as they say - still stayed within their points! Weight Watchers really stresses that first you get your proteins, fruits and veggies in - THEN you work in the treat stuff. And some people with obsessive personalities said it made them more obsessive trying to figure out what was the maximum amount of food they could take in while still staying within points - even if it was odd combinations of foods like 1 orange and a bowl of spinach vs 4 small apples. But hey, take it for what it's worth - it's a good program. Can't hurt to try it, eh?

Wow Chachee, you are going to be on your own for a long time once hubby leaves. In a way it gives you time to get some things done for yourself, but it must also be a little hard on your own for so long. Your phone bills must be monsterous Enjoy your last few days together.

Wow Raven, what an incredible story about Nickie and Shadow. As you say, there may come a time when you and Rosa part ways because of different styles. The thing I really admire is when you said you are pushing Nickie because up until this point things have been somewhat easy for her. Maybe I'm showing my age but it does seem to me that we worked harder as kids for what we wanted in life and it didn't kill us. Maybe I'm just old and cranky but it seems that the younger kids - I see it in my nieces and nephews - have a different perspective of things. If she learns that sometimes you have to really really work hard at something - the pleasure that can be gained when you finally get it is SO rewarding. A really important life's lesson, especially at this stage of her life. And it will help her so very much build self confidence! Good for you for supporting her through this as stressful as it may be for you. Hopefully you've worked out the foodie issues or at least you're aware of them now which is half the battle. Onward we go, eh?

I am plodding along through things. Food's good - yesterday I had grilled salmon, grape tomatoes and steamed green beans with strips of red pepper and a little parmesan cheese. It looked so pretty on the plate and I realized how much there is to the look of food as much as it's appeal. I am struggling with the hungries about 10:30pm. This week I have so much to do before vacation that I work until 5pm, walk into the kitchen (thank God for 30 second commutes ) make dinner, we eat around 6pm and by 6:30 both hubby and I are at our respective computers churning away at the homework. The thing is he quits at 10pm and I'm still going strong until about 1:30am. Not getting enough sleep, been waking up groggy and achy as I am all twisted up. Today my neck really hurts - way too much time on the computer! I will miss you guys when I'm gone but I have so much stuff to take with me I can't fathom dragging my laptop with me. Why do I need a suitcase just for toiletries? Hmm shampoo, conditioner, detangler, mousse, hairspray, moisterizer, soap, deodorant, toothpaste, etc. Would be much simpler to just go "au natural" and be stinky and homeless looking - kinda like that famous picture of Nick Nolte when he got picked up by the cops for drugs or drinking or something. Someday I aspire to going on a trip taking only a toothbrush and a sarong.

Well I've written a book here and used up my lunch hour and it's not even lunch time yet so I'd better get busy. Have a good one ladies!

Hello Ladies!

Sassy: Your posts crack me up. You are such a creative writer! ~scratches head wondering why Sassy doesn't write books??~ Thanks for the tips on chocolate. You know, it's like the first two days of pms that kill me, then I don't want it. By the time it took to freeze the stuff I'd be over it, but I might stick a bar in the freezer for emergency purposes!!

Hippy: I think you might like WW. I love the fact that not only am I accountable to you all here, I also have some people in person that are struggling with the same issues. I've met three in my group so far that I would like to do things with and it's so social, minus the eating/drinking that usually comes along with the social settings. I don't think $9.95 a week is too much to pay for better healthy and being accountable. You might want to check it out. I know they are having Open House up here where you can visit and decide after the meeting if you want to join.

Happy: Would you consider me a toiletrie and pack me???? Puh-leez???? Aw, come one!! The good thing about my hubby deploying is that he is the Superintendent of the Combat Communications Squad that is going. He will be able to call whenever he wants for free, just using the satelite phone. The big problem is the 18 hour time difference. He's sleeping when we are getting up, etc. Kinda tough!!

Raven: Hey, I'm sorry to hear about your horse problems. Too bad you guys don't see eye to eye on this issue. That is where your eating came from last night. Stress, girl! And, in all honesty, you didn't "blow" it like you might have a year ago. Sounds like you didn't do too bad, nothing you can't correct today. Pick yourself up, brush off the negatives, and have a great day!!!

Weigh in tonight for me. Egads. I am guessing up 2, hopefully not more than that. I can get that gone by next week. We are going to Chuck E Cheese this weekend, though. Thank goodness there is a salad bar there now.

I'll check in tomorrow.

Chach

Chachee I'd certainly be game to pass you off as a tolietry but they weigh the suitcases now and if you are over 50 pounds they charge you horrendously. Not sure either of us could afford that. But if you can squish yourself under the seat or in the overhead luggage bin, I'd try and pass you off as a carry on... Of course you'd have to get yourself to Chicago and then we'd just take you back west again. But southwest this time...

Good luck on the weigh in tonight!

Here is a story about a woman, an overweight average woman, who attended a meeting expecting to be up a couple of pounds due to the Easter chocolate she ate and it being TOM.

Upon arriving at "The Twi-weight Zone" she cautiously and apprehensively stepped onto the scales. Through all space and time, the Scale Gods smiled on her an not only allowed her to maintain her lowest weight, but also loose an additional 0.2 pounds, bringing her loss to 15.4. Strange but true.....




Okay, so I'm stumped but happy. Down 0.2 pounds to a loss of 15.4, weight down to 239.6. Wahoo!!! It must be based upon my ultimate goal of being a carry-on bag with Happy! (Althought I believe 50 pounds is a bit little for my frame!)

Anyway, it was a great night and I am so excited to see what I can do these next 8 weeks while hubby is gone. Talk about a boost. I can't remember the last time I lost when I was TOM. Actually, last month was a 0.6 loss on that week. Excellent! WW is awesome and I am so motivated!!

Chach

Hi everyone.

Wow what a lot of great reading I just did, but now I have to go to bed as I must get up in 6 hours to get ready to go to work.

Chachee I also sat and wondered if maybe Sassy wrote books also and if she doesn't then maybe this should be the new career.

Raven, sorry about Rosa and Nickie and Shadow. I am surprised that Rosa doesn't see what Nickie has accomplished already.

Hippy hang in there. Oh and about Jordan, Cody is about to turn 13 in 2 weeks. When he starts to shave, can I cry on your shoulder? They grow up way to fast....

Happy have fun on your vacation. My mother will be at the imperial... (she told me now I forgot) If you see her she looks just like me. Make sure you say hi... Oh yeah we look exactly like Pamela Anderson

Well I have been trying to cope with teenage daughter issues. She is only grounded until she is 18. Maybe longer we shall see.



Have a super thursday everyone.

Good morning all,
Nice to see you checking back in again Kathy. Chachee another and to you too for last night's wi.

This will probably be my last post before I leave early tomorrow morning. Today is going to be SUPER BUSY and I'm sure the day will fly by. My goal is to actually get some sleep tonight and not pull an all nighter as I usually do. As long as the important stuff gets done, the rest will just have to wait or do without

Wish me luck for Las Vegas but more than anything - wish me STRENGTH to carry through with my committment to stop smoking. Tuesday the 20th is my quit date. I waffled about waiting until I come back home on the 26th because I wasn't sure if I could make it through Las Vegas with smoking all around me, but I decided that I just HAVE to take a stand, grit my teeth and commit. Otherwise I will always find an excuse because that's what I do best Will miss you guys and if I get the chance to check in, I will. Take care and be good!

Morning Ladies!

Happy, I know I missed you but just incase that you might check in real fast, I hope you have a wonderful vacation and sooooooooo much luck on not smoking

Lucky, by all means please cry on my shoulder Everyone here thinks I'm crazy because that stuff makes me cry! They just don't understand, he's my only child and WOW! he's almost grown!! Glad to see you posted!

Raven, I'm so glad that you can relate between our situations! I was ready to take an earfull from the BOSS

Chach, does WW have alot of material that you have to buy?

Tonight is Jordan's big night! He has been so funny since he shaved, almost like he aged a few years! He's been acting so grown up. I can't wait to see him getting ready this evening! I can see it taking forever! The hair has to be perfect

Busy day ahead so I gotta run. Talk to you later.

Hi All.

I thought I posted yesterday, but I guess not. Duh, Chach!!

Hippy: When I went to WW, I bought the stuff I knew I would use. I bought the big book set, which comes with some handouts and a nice black carrying case and a nylon tote bag. That was $20.00. It has the restaurant guide and the other companion book that lists a lot of store bought items. I then bought the spiral 12 week journal because I felt it would hold up better. That was $4.00. They still give you free journals and take as many as you want/need. I've been buying their candy bars and their fruit candies. They also have smoothies and other things, but I wasn't interested in those. Their 2 point bars are wonderful for when you need a chocolate fix!! A box of 4 of those is $4.50 and well worth it. They are smaller, but they are wonderful! A 2 pack of the fruities is $2.50 and they take forever to get through. They still give you weekly handouts and on week three they give you another slider for your activity points. My meetings are $9.95 a week and I pay for missed meetings. I did that plan because I needed a firm committment from myself. The other plan is pay as you attend but it's $13.95 a week. You have to weigh at least once a month if you take that plan or you pay a new registration fee. At the time, they were waiving the registration, which I think is still going on until May. You are going to have a busy day, so good luck and enjoy watching your son grow!!

Lucky: I thought I was the only one who looked like Pamela!! How is your daughter doing??

Raven, where are you? Sassy, where are you????

Gotta scoot!!

Chach

Hey ladies!! I'm here. Please don't mind me if I'm a tad quiet for the next couple weeks. I have some stuff going on that is kind of occupying my time and brain extensively.

I'm feeling far better than I was, I'm still reading everyone's posts, and I'm doing good. I dropped another pound - only 1 away from my 5 pound goal for this month. I need to start running again, and I need to pay better attention to my water. But really, I really will be very happy just to hit my 5 pounds. I think I needed to drop back a bit like I said earlier. There are so many things fighting with my brain right now, and as you know, the constant push push push of food and water and exercise takes a lot of focus. I couldn't do it all. But I did learn that my eating has changed substantially over the last year plus. I went to the mall with my daughter and instead of heading to the Smoothie King or the other food court wonders, we trekked to Pannera Breads and had the most wonderful sandwiches with green tea to drink. I know that doesn't sound like much, but when you think about the cucumbers and tomatoes and fresh chicken over a greasy processed burger and fries... it makes a difference. And I really had a good time, too. I didn't sweat it. It's so cool that my whole attitude towards food and my life has changed so much. And Nick? She's lost another 3 pounds. I'm so proud of her!! And she's working her BUTT off on Shadow, she's been riding for around two hours at a time, all that at trot and canter, and she did that Monday, Wednesday, Thursday - and she'll be riding tonight, Saturday, and Sunday.. then start all over again. I think somehow she's going to get that horse of hers to behave, yes? I saw her fear change to determination Wednesday night, and I saw laughter and joy in her face last night as she raced around the arena in what she calls Shadow's "wild horse canter" which is completely different from the "collected dressage horse canter." Just watching her confidence blossom again is a dream for me, it's so beautiful to watch!!

Gah... I'm rambling on so much. I'm sorry.. I need to get my butt off the computer and on the road. I will do my best to sit down at some point this weekend and really respond to all of you lovely women!! It's my son's birthday this weekend, wheee!!! Mexican, cake, and ice cream - fun to be had by all! Plan? What plan!?!?