Lilion-- We all do it, I think. I know I do. You want to be the one who is supportive and encouraging and optimistic when it comes to everyone else's journey, but regarding our own, we're the most strict, harsh, pessimistic disciplinarian, and it really isn't fair. I know when I see the scale go up, even if I am 99% positive it is only because of water retention, I restrict my calories severely to make it go back down. Would I ever suggest that to anyone else? Absolutely not...just another way in which we are our own worst enemy.

As for my hunger today, my prayers have been answered...it was someone in the office's birthday today, so we had cake in the break room this afternoon. That was PERFECT--just enough junk in the little piece to satisfy my desire to chow, and in a public setting where I would not be tempted to have more than 1 piece. Another health-conscious coworker took a bite and said, "This is SO not worth the calories." I didn't say antyhing, but thought, "Oh, God, YES IT IS!"

You know, yesterday I was telling my husband that I'd read that Longhorn's Chocolate Thunder from Down Under has 1020 calories and 80 grams of fat! When he, I and my son split ONE dessert we STILL have 10 pts EACH! In the final analysis we decided that some things in life ARE worth the calories too...every once in a while at least! I hope that cured your munchies Jilly - and thanks!

Well Lillion that was very interesting to read, it is an interesting concept that we all here want to be smaller, and yet also need to live with ourselves in the meantime. I was talking over the weekend to a good friend who came over for dinner and has recently lost about 42 pounds as in the evangelical phase of dieting. She was saying that she is determined to lose weight so she is not the 'fat' mum in the playground, as that for her would be the worst thing. And it kind of made me laugh in my head, because I WAS the fat mum in the playground, altho my kids are now nearly 10 and 12 so they walk on their own now. Anyway I just thought that was a kind of sad goal really, why if someone is a fat mum are they judged so harshly? Being fat hasn't stopped me bringing up two amazing, clever, fit kids (who are healthy and slim) feeding them well, not inflicting my weight struggle on them, taking them on holidays, cycling, walking etcetc. It is not a given that being fat equals being a bad anything!!!! I am a great nurse (so I think!!) and a great mum, try to be a fun and loving wife, good friend, etcetc and altho I want to weigh less and get rid of some body fat there really is no need to whip myself from here to eternity for gaining weight and struggling to lose it!!

We can be trapped in a negative persistent cycle, which if anything I would think takes us further away from weight loss and long term health. I for one desire to make my life even more positive regardless of the amount of fat in my body, it is important and it is part of me but it is not ME, I am soooooo much more than that

Soooo anyhoo, I am not dieting as such, I am Paul mckenna-ing which is eating when hungry, stopping when full, eating what u want etc, so I am doing that, only hassle is I am maintaining so need to add some exercise in there to burn more off, altho while completing my nurse training that is really tough to acheive. Still we will see, I am sure the more positive I am, I will lose weight and do more as a natural consequence of feeling happier and having a full life

Love to each and every one of you xx

Emily May that is a wonderful and healthy attitude you have! I must admit, I usually have that attitude myself - or try to. Which I suppose was my point...that we have to remember we aren't doing it simply to see a lower number on the scale. It's so easy to forget that sometimes. I know I do, especially when I hit a plateau or the weight loss slows to a crawl. My struggle at the moment is to remember the long term goal is health, not weight.

And I LOVE the phrase "evangelical phase of dieting".

Thanks everyone .. I have told myself to come in here every day ... I kept putting it off cos I knew I was being bad and I just didnt want to say anything lol ... I am about to have breakfast (weet bix bits with low fat milk), Im a little late this morning .. didnt have a good sleep at all last night kept going hot and cold .. but will have a quick breakkie and then get dressed and go to the gym, will have my shower when I get back ... hummm .. actually .. might have a quick one to cool me down first then have another one to cool me down when I get home lol .. I dont like showering at the gym .. never have.

Lillion .. I know exactly how you feel ... there are a lot of days where I feel wonderful about how I have done ... over 50 pounds! and I have maintained that for a month, for me that should be something Im proud of too ... but then I have days where I spot myself in the mirror and no matter what I put on I feel fat .. even if its the same outfit I had on the day before which I thought made me look like I have lost weight lol. It is a hard cycle to get through .. and I have noticed on those days I withdraw from everyone and everything ... its like I dont want to inflict my negativity on anyone. I have got to stop getting on the scale every morning really .. that seems to set my mood for the day lol ..

Like you I spend all my day thinking of food in one way or another .. and water ... and then when you get so focused on it .. it becomes the enemy because it feels like it is controlling your life again .. after all .. food had to have some sort of control over my life to get me up to this size to start with. I know the control may be a more positive direction .. but it still occasionally feels just as invasive into your mind. You wake up thinking of food .. then go to bed thinking of food ... before I started this journey I never thought of food .. I just ate it when I was hungry lol.

And Lillion, youre right ... we are harder on ourselves and for some reason cant seem to follow our own advice even tho we know its what we need to do lol ... maybe that is another lesson we need to learn .. we need to listen to our positive little voice instead of letting the negative one talk louder.

Ammi, if I didnt say it before you know I am so proud of you .. I knew you would do it .. but then I didnt get the chance to know you until a few months after your journey had started .. and never once did I see your "I cant do this" attitude that you may have had at the beginning, maybe that is what made it so easy for me to not think I cant do this, between you and a few others you let me see that I COULD do this .. and whatever else I wanted to do too. So from the bottom of my heart I thank you for being you. And yes I will do what the doctor said .. I woke up this morning feeling like I had been hit by a truck .. if I decide not to go to the gym I will dance with Richard instead .. or WATP .. but I will do SOMETHING in the form of exercise today.

Right .. time for breakfast .. oh and Jilly .. Im with you .. there are some empty calories that are darn well worth it lol .. its all moderation ... and sometimes all your body is asking for is a taste .. not a binge lol .. and from my experience .. if I dont let it have that taste on occasion .. binging will become the next step if I get the chance .. so I dont regard those calories as wasted .. to me they are my balance .. so instead of calling them wasted or empty calories .. I call them my balancing ones

Huggies .. love and laughter everyone .. oh .. my 5 positives ...

1 - My heatstroke while leaving me rather weak and drained is getting easier to do things

2 - My nephew is now off the ventilator and breathing on his own, while still in ICU it is more hopeful that he will survive the pneumonia and go on to battle his leukemia, I knew he was a fighter

3 - I managed to make enough at the boot sale to pay half of Ashleighs phone bill (grrrr) as well as the vet and doctors bill .. yayyy .. incredible how some people want the things I call junk rofl.

4 - Its a beautiful sunny day, but there is enough of a breeze to keep me cool still.

5 - Sootys leg has fully recovered and she is walking around well .. still tries to climb trees .. darn lamb didnt learn from the last time apparently rofl.

So have a positive day everyone .. remember .. its a journey .. it doesnt actually have an end destination ... this is a lifetime lifestyle journey we are on .. and there will be side roads, bumps, hills and occasionally mountains to get over and through ... but believe you can do it .. and never give up .. love and hugs!

Well that attitude has taken 12 years to cultivate!! I was very slim and never had a weight problem until I got pregnant for the first time, my dd is 12 now. I have been through the entire range of the weight gain/loss journey. A few years ago I lost 60 pounds very slowly over a couple of years. However I have had some gynae health issues and chronic pain and needed a lot of hormonal treatments and operations. In the end i had a radical hysterectomy and ovaries out 3 years ago this april. So I hit surgical menopause at 32!! I raised two kids on my own from 2 & 4 for 6 years!! All sorts of stuff has happened as it does to us all, anyway with all this going on, the weight went up and down on all sorts of diets etc, I have put on the last 50 pounds rapidly in the first year since my surgery and menopause. Soooo I don;t really blame myself too much or even feel that bad that I am this big, I know I haven't done anything shameful to get this size, just eaten a bit too much most days and not burnt enough off - nothing criminal!!! lol I do feel the time is right to start losing and I have been the same weight now for around 18 months. But I am now allergic to strict dieting and have no desire to do that, but I do want to eat just a little less than I need and also start exercising more, my main struggle is that I am already a busy working /studying mum of two, so making exercise a habit is proving hard.

I love reading the posts on here tho and following others progress, I hope to have some to report too one day, but it will be bit by bit I suspect!!

Val: What joy I read in your post about your horses and your students. I am so happy for you that you have something in your life that brings you such obvious joy!

Catherine: I love your posts. They are always funny and soooo informative. Thank you so much if I haven't said it yet for coming back. You were so very missed! It sounds like you married a superstar! Blessings to you both! Your children will be Canadian Royalty. lol.

Sharon: Good for you staying op.

Erika: I'm praying for Amanda's health. Hang in there. Hugs.

Jilly: I am so glad after reading your post that Jackie has you and your sister to prove her mother wrong! It is so obvious that you both love her.

Katt: I think it is wonderful that you confessed or came clean as it were. That way no guilt can get ya! You will do well sweetie. Just hang in there.

Ammi: You are such an inspiration. So many of us want to have healthy lives were we can enjoy going on amusment park rides and other misc. things that the "normal" sized people take for granted. Thank you for sharing with us that it is doable with hard work and perserverance!

Patti: I love to box and spare in real life. Well, I used to be in good shape to do it. I want a Wii too. I put it on my reward list! Hope you feel better soon and have fun. Have you seen a Dr. about your leg yet? I think you should!

Lilion: Hugs. You pretty much sumed up all that needed to be said. You will be looking back thinking remember when I wanted to badly to reach that 100 pound mark. It will come.

Emily: Wonderful insite. I really got teary eyed because so many times I say to myself or occasionally to my hubby. I don't want to be the fatest one there. I am happy if there is another fat person where ever I am. I need to stop that thinking and just be. Thank you for sharing.

Well, I am op still. Yesterday I was extra hungry I don't know if it is from all the exercise. I upped my exercise this week. Who knows. I just used some of my extra points. I seem to be a bit better today. I am so excited about this journey. That is a first for me. Today when I was lifting my tiny little 3 pound weights and doing my 30 reps of each exercise, I wasn't thinking about anything in particular and found my mind saying I love the way my muscles feel right now. Popping and working. It cracked me up. I felt like running to the mirror and saying, "who are you inside of me". I feel like a different person so much now days. I am thankful that the old Annie who just sat around saying, "I can't" or "Why bother" seems to have, like Elvis, left the BUILDING! lol. Yea.

Well, hope you are all op and having wonderful days full of things you enjoy doing.

Blessings,
Annie

Well girls I didn't have ART today so I went to the house and got on the gazell thing for 15 minutes. My legs were killing me and now I've had 5 minutes of walking.

Gotta get more. I won't make my goal ( I don't think) But I am going to make a good FEB goal and STICK IT!!

Ammi-- still no word. I'm kinda pissed at the dr office now.

I'm gonna go -- Gotta get to class. But first I must update the miutes!!

Jill - I hate those days when I am legitimately hungry, with the loud grumbling tummy and all I had a few days like that last week, and I don't know if it was because it was so cold, or what the problem was. I managed to get through those days with the help of lots of low fat snacks, and it sounds like they are helping you too. that the hunger does abate for you soon.

Lilion - I am so much like you, I come here and I try to cheer others especially if they have had an unearned gain, yet if I have one I just know I will be absolutely gutted and my first thought will be to pig out. Of course I like to think that my next thought will be NO don't pig out or you'll never get the weight off I am sorry that you didn't hit that 100 this week. Next week will be the week I am getting my fingers ready to go crazy with those emoticons for you. Keep your chin up my friend, go look at yourself in the mirror, go look at some of those photos you put on the photo page because I think you look stunning even now with a bit more weight to lose. I am sure if you look at your most recent photos and your 'before' photos you'll start to feel proud of yourself and much happier

Em - I am thrilled that you are maintaining on Paul Mckenna's plan, it just goes to show that it does work. The exciting thing is that you are learning to eat properly, and with that kind of mind set the chances of you gaining back any weight you lose is pretty small. I hope you get to exercise a bit more though so that you will start seeing some losses. Oh and I totally agree with you about how being fat doesn't mean we have to be bad mum's, bad employees etc. You talk a lot of sense

Katt - when I first joined this site in July 2005 I was determined to lose weight for the same reasons that I have done it now. For a while there I was doing good and I lost 22 lbs by November. BUT I hadn't got my depression under control, and I didn't have the right mind set to getting the weight off either. So when November 2nd came, it was Daren's birthday, followed by Caleigh's, then fireworks night, and then our anniversary all in the same month. So I decided to stop dieting from the 2nd. Then as Christmas was so close to our anniversary, yeah a whole month and two days later lol, I decided not to diet again until January 2006. By the time I weighed in January I had gained that 22 lbs back. I got back on track, and although I spent most of my time in bed thanks to the depression, I did manage some exercise and I stayed 100% OP. I only weighed once a month and I can't even remember what I lost for the first few months of the year. It wasn't a lot, and then one month after being a WW angel I weighed and lost NOTHING. That was a worry so I went to the doctors thinking perhaps I had a thyroid problem. I didn't, but I did need to have my anti depressants changed. That was at the end of April in 2006, and that is when my life turned around. The meds worked, I didn't want to spend my life in bed anymore. I wanted to be up, I wanted to be active, and I wanted to shift this weight. And now here I am 100 lbs lighter and feeling wonderful!

Thank you for saying you are proud of me and that amongst others I make you feel like you CAN lose the weight, well you CAN It won't be long until you are coming here and telling us all that you've reached your 100 lbs lost

Patti - if you tape that Wii remote to a weight it will give you an even bigger upper arm work out

Glad you haven't given up on getting a Gazelle, now you just have more time to find the best bargain

Annie - YOU are an inspiration, look at how you are exercising. A lot of people at your weight would just say, nah, can't do it, and never try. You are doing 20 MINUTES a time on your bike now Yes I remember when you were struggling with doing 2...look how much you have come on in such a short time

Erika Leigh - that sucks that you are still waiting to hear from the doctors office, any idea what the hold up might be?

on working out on the Gazelle, did you have fun? I know your legs ache now, but the more you use the Gazelle the less your legs will complain

Hugs,

Ammi

I think we are brave and courageous women and I searched that on goodle and found this;

It might be said that being a plus size woman requires a special brand of courage, one where just to be brave in the face of the continuous onslaught of bigotry and hatred is a warrior’s act. Like the cowardly lion, we sometimes think we don’t have enough courage to face it all again and still love ourselves, because for the plus size woman, loving herself is a private act of courage moment-by-moment.

It takes a lot of stamina to maintain that kind of courage day in and day out. It takes the endurance of a warrior. We get that endurance, that stamina, from self-care and comfort. When we renew ourselves, each and every day consciously renew ourselves, we pay attention to the most basic and elemental part of ourselves, our bodies and our spirits.

hey girlies
Been busy here. Getting lots of photos taken and eatin and sleepin and treadmillin' and of course workin but all the while I am there, I am thinkin bout eatin... n tmillin, n taking pics n... well most of all sleepin I have been super tired and lazy today. The only thing that is getting me off my butt is knowing that for the first time ever I am reaching my january exercise goal! A little walking tonight and alot of walking tomorrow *L*

Anyhoo, I too am having a super hungry day. Are our cycles in sync yet? *L* Seems like last month this time we were all wanting to eat our faces full And this too shall pass.... stay strong... (that was just as much for me as you all )

Tonight is idol night so I am in a rush to hop on the ole beast and sweat out some fat... speaking of which... last night I was RUNNING on the treadmill!!! Mind you it was only for 30 secs at a time but hello!! I was RUNNING!

Hope you have a super day tomorrow.

BTW Ammi, I was talking about you and your accomplishment today at work. They are all proud of you too

Brenda

Annie i know you will reach yout reward and get the Wii . Ammi that boxing is a good enough work out without the weights lol and would you beleive my hubby actually plays the Wii and loves it!

Hello Everyone, Hope all of you are doing well.
I was op today....hooray!!! Things were WONDERFUL!!! at work. The mean team leader who's been causing all the stress and division, whom I really do like, but not as a team leader, was removed from her position last night and our new team leader, who had been our previous team leader a couple years ago, is now our team leader again and another team's team leader too. She watches over us to make sure we don't abuse our freedom, but she pretty much lets us just be and do our job. It was just wonderful.


Catherine, Thanks so much for the info on fat/blood vessels etc. I had no idea but it makes lots and lots of sense. I appreciate you info and opinion. ...sorry to sound like a dork, but what's a MBE??


Sharon, resisting the beer! I don't know if I could have done that or not. I do love my beer ....and long islands, and margaritas, and screw drivers and and and. And walking 100 minutes, that's nearly 2 hours! That's GREAT!


Erika, I admire you for trying a vegan diet. I love veggies and fruit, but I know I couldn't do it.
I'm waiting to hear how Amanda is doing.


Jilly Jill, Thanks for your info too on the "4 idoits" program. It does sound extremely restrictive and I have enough trouble doing what my dh tells me. let alone someone to be "the boss of me over food." That's one thing I like about fitday.com It tracks all our stuff, fat, protein, carbs, vitamins etc.
Give that special little neice of yours a special little treat. (the 7 year old) Do you have a dollar store you could pick up something cheap, but really cute for her? Poor little thing..
And what a mean, mean mother she has. I found with my grown up kids, that when I had another baby if I called the baby their baby too, it helped a lot.! Maybe that would help them too. A new baby is exciting. Hopepfully the 7 year old can get into that excitement. Good luck with it.
ps, my dd says you're pretty. she saw your pic by your post.


There's my Katt! I'm sorry you're feeling poorly. BUT, you
are ahead of the game here cuz you figured out you WERE complacent. But you're not anymore. I think I have been suffering with the same thing. I read your post and
thought, gee, that sounds exactly like me! It can be overwhelming to think of the long journey part of this. That's why the little goals are so important. I always have a hard time being happy with a little goal and not putting it off. Hang in there my friend and we'll all get to the end of our journey together.
Please, hug your little lambs for me.


Patti, Your leg is still not better??? I was off the site for a week or so, and am kinda out of the loop. I thought it was doing better. I certainly hope it starts to behave for you.


Lilion, I am completely with you on the silly buffets and "being good." I don't know if it's possible. I'm always afraid to eat the cold stuff,. salad and raw veggies cuz I've had friends get food poisioning cuz the veggies hadn't been cleaned. We rarely eat out. We're kinda paranoid about it.
Maybe once a month we go to a mexican restaurant, but
we know the owner, so we trust them.
If you went over your flex points, it'll be ok, TOMORROW is WEDNESDAY, the start of a new week for ya!
..............just read your last post, I totally do understand and sympathize. Your post exactly why we're all here on this site. Because we ALL have times where we're feeling like you do now. Hang in there my dear friend, ... and forgive yourself. big big


Elliemae I was stung when I read your comment, "I haven't done anything shameful to get to this size....." I do indeed look at my weight as a shameful thing. I know I'm a good mom, wife, employee etc, but I do feel ashamed because of what I weigh. Does that help me to do better? Not usually.
Just depressed, and so I freakin eat more, feel more shame, get more depressed.........
I'll definitely be giving the "nothing shameful" some serious thought. Hard reflective thought. Thank you.


Annie, loved your comment about asking yourself who you were. And, you said something else that meant a lot to me. You were using your free weights. I often forget that that activity really does count as exercise. Often I'm so tired, and unmotivated to do cardio stuff. But using my
weights brings strength through muscle and a toned body!
Thanks for such an important reminder.


Brenda What a cool NSV running on the tread mill. I still only dream of that. It's a great, great accomplishment!

Ammi Hope you are having a great day.


Well, my friends, I have a lot to think about tonight. I just want to thank you for all your support, stories, advice and wisdom.

I just started the journey of weightloss a couple days ago. Who knows how many times I've started but never finished. Even today I was beating myself up even though I exercised and ate healthy. I was thinking how am I ever going to do this? It's just too much weight. Then I found myself on this thread and realized thanks to all of you it really could be done. Hope is not lost. haha I joined this site today, and I can already tell it's going to be that extra push I've needed for so long. I wanted to thank all of you who have posted. Just by reading your comments I felt like I finally fit somewhere. I can relate to a lot of what's been said, and it's a comfort. I hope I too can become a part of such a wonderful community of women. Thank you all!

ok.... I did the math.

My exercise goal for january was 1000 minutes. I am going to acheive it tomorrow. My treadmill says that at the speeds which i walk/run and my weight I burn about 8 calories/minute. That means by exercising every day except 2, I burned 8000 calories. That is roughly 2.5 lbs.

At this rate, I will have only lost 30 lbs in a WHOLE YEAR!!! All by sweatin my A$$ off!! It will take me till 2012 before I reach goal by exercise alone.

I didnt say it was good math

Krista Marie.... you certainly have found what some of us call home. It is a place that everyone will support you through the good and the bad.

ok... going to wallow in my selfpity and watch tv...

Have a great night
Brenda