So. I was supposed to get stuff in on Saturday so I could make sugar scrubs. I waited around for the mail to come around lunch time... And no supplies. Boo. Tracking info showed they went to the wrong place and were being rerouted. BUT! What *was* in the mailbox was the thing from the dental insurance about how much they would pay and how much I would have to pay to get my surgery done. SO I CAN FINALLY SCHEDULE THAT. I meant to do it today, but kiddo had a doctor appointment and hubby went back to work after a week off, and things were a bit hectic. I'm calling tomorrow though! FINALLY. Cannot wait to get this painful situation in my mouth taken care of.

Kiddo got some shots today, and the only possible reaction I'm seeing, is he's a little bit tired a little earlier than normal. Silly boy. He tried to eat the bandage they put over his finger after he had blood taken for some routine blood work for breast fed babies (which was normal, btw, he's just perfect - doctor's words!). He's 32 inches long and 22 pounds, 2oz. 95th+ percentile for height, 75th percentile for weight. Lanky boy, and already so hard to dress.

I am doing an okay job of things right now, but with pain and sleeplessness I really am having a hard time even caring about it all. But I get to look at this adorableness all day long, so life is good.

Good morning! Good morning!

Diane - Glad to have you back! And with fantastic scale news, too! I know that 230 is a huge demarcation point for you, so I'm thrilled to see you under it again! And you're right. Focusing on continued success can be the hardest part to truly succeeding long-term. But I know you got this.

Amanda - So sorry that you've been ill. Getting off-track often makes it difficult to get back on track, but glad that you're starting your journey back on track with exercise with a loss on the scale. Glad your new job is going well. Can't wait to hear about your success in completing the certification process.

Mandy - I am super excited to get my Mandy-made products! And so, so relieved for you that you are finally able to get the mouth pain resolved. Glad your baby boy's check-up went well. Sounds like things are looking up in general for you.

Had a bad eating day yesterday, beginning at about 4:00. Weighed this morning anyway, because I needed to see the damage. I am up about 5 pounds in the last week. I am often surprised at how variable my weight truly can be. But I have been craving a snack food for about a week now, and I decided this morning that I would just stop and buy it. I stopped at THREE convenience stores before I found it, and I am so proud of myself for having the discipline to do it. I could have accepted a substitute, but I would have still craved that one food, so I would have doubled or tripled the calories. So, I purchased it, consumed about half of it, am feeling really blah because so much food is sitting in my stomach (and I almost never eat in the morning), and hope that this will be my turning point.

Starting now, today is a white-knuckle day. I need to feel better, and I need to get my weight loss back on track. I am up over the "magic" 189 number that sidetracked me last time before I gained (and lost, and gained, and lost) up to 263.

I can do this. We can do this. Hope everyone has a great day!

Dread: Glad you're feeling better. It makes it so hard to do much when you're not feeling well. But, at least you had a good weigh in! Here's to a good monitoring at work!

Mandy: Aw! Such a cute boy! Love seeing those pictures! I'm also glad you can get the dental work done. It is tough to always have that pain as a reminder of what needs to happen.

Laurie: Dang it! I'm sorry you've had some bad food days. I do think you did the right thing, in just getting that food you craved. I think it is just best to get it, and then you can move on.

For me, I went to Body Pump this morning. It went ok, but I can tell that I will be plenty sore tonight/tomorrow. It is starting to feel achy. Oh well, just have to get back to it and fight through the soreness. I'm still thinking about going running tonight. I think I'm just going to go and run at least a little bit, just to get back there. I don't think I'm up for where I was before, but I need to get back to the gym tonight just to keep it in my routine.

Food wasn't perfect yesterday, but I was at least mindful. I'm getting that back in line, too.

Oral surgery is scheduled for November 7. Which is perfect, because that means I'll have really good painkillers on November 8. I'm sure I'll want it with all of the 'fall out' likely to happen, regardless of the outcome. Still fighting with the insurance, though, because they are trying to get me to pay more than the insurance says I'm supposed to be paying, because of they way the insurance handled my deductible... they put it all on one line item, which makes it look like the insurance won't cover that particular item *at all* so they want to charge me the full amount, which is another $100 over what the insurance says I'm supposed to pay. And I got the same "we have to collect this amount at your appointment, if you don't want to pay this we can either send another predetermination request, or you can call your insurance provider." Whatever. I'll pay the extra to get this pain out of my face, but those hookers better reimburse me.

I hope I'm recovered enough in time to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner!

Also, I am convinced that I gave birth to the happiest child alive. I swear, he's only grumpy for like 5 seconds at a time, and only when he's tired or hungry. The rest of the time he's perfectly happy to sit and play or run around giggling like a mini-madman.

Mandy! - I have missed the hookers references! And thank goodness you are finally getting a resolution to the teeth issues. Yay for happy babies too! Good luck with the insurance. Those are the headaches that tend to annoy me the most.

Diane - Sounds like you're gearing up for some fantastic holiday success! I know you struggled last year, and I know that holidays are a time when people typically struggle, so I love that you're kicking it into gear right now. It's inspirational.

Right now, I am fearful that I am letting my bad eating habits and subservience to food take over my life again. It is sssooo easy to do. Especially at trigger weights, and for whatever reason, 190 is a trigger weight for me. Yesterday was better. I planned on voting at my county auditor's office, then going to the gym, then going to a child's band concert. After voting, I desperately wanted to go get junk food -- either fast food or just garbage from a convenience store. Almost to the point where I was shaking. I took a deep breath and texted my daughter, telling her I needed inspiration, and she came through for me, so I headed to the gym instead of the store. Still, I continued to struggle with outsized cravings for the rest of the evening.

So, for the next few days, I am rewinding back to my liquid diet. For three days. Just to fight the creep of junk food and cravings. I don't love the liquid diet, but it helps reset my mind to appreciate the healthy, wholesome foods that I want to make up the majority of my diet. And I really, really hate the desperate cravings that sometimes sneak up on me. Deep breath. And let's break!

Hope everyone has a great day!

Laurie: I think that's good that you are catching yourself on the food thing now and taking steps to stop the cycle. I'm sure that the liquid meal isn't great, but at least it might help to stop the urges.

Mandy: Just love dealing with medical issues/bills. I'm sure you'll be glad when all of this is done! So happy for you to have a happy baby! They do bring such joy!

For me, I'm just sore today. Went to Body Pump yesterday and I made it running last night. I didn't run all that long, but I wanted to make sure that I started to work it back into my routine. This morning I went to spin, but I am feeling soreness all over. It is part of getting back to it, but ugh! I'm not going running tonight, so looking forward to getting home and relaxing some! My food was pretty good yesterday, but I'm feeling a little bloated. Not sure why, but maybe sodium was out of whack, or something.

Diane - Check you out with all your great choices and execution despite challenges. You are what it's all about! Hopefully, the sodium issue resolves itself shortly and the soreness is short-lived as you get back into routine.

Yesterday was so much better foodwise. I decided to eat with the family, but I was able to take an appropriately-sized portion. I was also able to avoid the "I could have just one of these and it won't be a big deal" mindset, as I had decided not to snack at all. And the protein shake was much better than I remembered it being. Work-out wasn't great, but I did go, and I did run. I just need to stop letting myself off the hook with it. Maybe I should jettison the planned intervals and just commit to some steady-state running for a while. I know I can run a mile at 5.0 mph if I can stay out of my head. I will try that tomorrow, I think. Tonight is all about the lifting.

Super busy day at work, but I am going to make it a point to get in my two 15-minute walks (one in the morning, one in the afternoon). This has got to be a lifelong commitment.

Hope everyone has a fantastic day!

Guess who had pizza after 9pm for dinner last night?! Typical Wednesday night, because of church choir practice.

I took the munchkin and he entertained the people that were singing, walked around the sanctuary, danced to the music, and was generally an adorable distraction. Bonus: I got the choir ladies to be guinea pigs for my sugar scrubs! I had some leftover scrub (not enough to fill a jar) from the batches I made, and put them in ziploc bags and took them over.

2 negative reviews: "I'm not big into scent, and this is pretty strong when you open it up (rosemary), but it's pretty light on the skin." (Easily fixed by using a different scent, or an unscented variety!... and the other "My skin feels oily"... (she had just rinsed the sugar resting on her skin off). Well, you have to rinse well and pat try to blot the oil. If you rub to dry it smears it around instead of absorbing the excess. She did that, and it fixed her issue. Woo! All other feedback was positive, and they all loved how it made their skin feel after one use, and how the scent left on their skin was light and not overpowering.

No reviews on the lip balms, though, because I don't have samples of them. I guess I'll have to wait to get reactions from paying customers.

Laurie: Glad you had a good food day! And with the running, lifting and walking breaks, sounds like you're doing well. I think we sometimes get frustrated with ourselves when we're not progressing like we want to. I think that sometimes stepping back a little gives us a little boost to continue. So, if changing up your running sounds like a good plan, I think that's what you should do!!

Mandy: It's so tough when things get busy and it throws your schedule out of whack! Glad you are sharing your little man with everyone! I'm sure they enjoy seeing him.

For me, I was feeling pretty stiff and sore this morning. I went to Body Pump and that helped me feel better. I will probably go to do some running tonight too. We'll see how it goes. I'm feeling a little tired, but I still want to go to keep up the routine.

Still sitting slightly above 230 today. Annoying... but I'm hoping it will go back down. I was pretty good on the food plan yesterday. Just plugging along.

So a couple of ups and downs through the last few days! Haven't gotten to post recently; every time I get all prepped and start typing stuff out, something happens and needs attention and I can't bear to post halfhearted things.

Still haven't been back to the gym (boooooooooo on me), but in a surprise turn of events...I actually lost more weight! I'm down to 264 now, starting from 269 about 10 days ago. I have no doubt that a bunch of that is just water weight but I've been 50% better about my food and have been meal planning my lunches. Made myself a stack of tupperware lunches full of rice, baked fajita chicken, black beans, corn and bell peppers/onions. Delicious, mostly healthy, and very filling. My breakfasts and dinner still leave plenty to be desired but I'm just tackling it all one step at a time. I also downloaded an app called Plant Nanny that encourages you to "feed" your baby plant with cups of water (that you're supposed to be drinking) through the day. The plant gets sad or happy and even grows or dies based on how much you drink. Definitely succeeding at guilt-tripping me into being good with my water.

Work is picking up steam. I'm at a plasma donation center now, and between being short-staffed/desperately needing more medical staff and more donors coming in for upcoming holiday money, my training is getting pushed faster and faster. It'll actually be done and I'll be signed off completely in the next couple of weeks, but my trainer is making sure I'm scheduled alongside at least one of my trainers so I'll always have someone there to ask if I need help. I like this job so much more than any of the other ones I've had a nurse so far...I don't regret working at those other places because I got plenty of skill-practice in that I won't need at my current job, but it's just so much *better* here.

My anxiety and depression are sort of leveling off, I think. Now that my insurance is about to start at work I'll be able to afford to go see my primary care doctor (who wasn't on my last insurance plan) and possibly a mental health specialist. I keep thinking that I'll be able to "tough it out" if I wait long enough, that I don't *really* need medicine or treatment, that I can do it on my own, it's not a big deal...then I stop and play the scenario out in my head but as Nurse-Me listening to Patient-Me. In my head, I tell Patient Me that it's perfectly fine to not be able to handle it on my own, that that's what doctors and psychiatrists and psychologists and counselors are for, that I don't have to go on medicine but that it may be an option to try just for a little while, that maybe I just need to talk to someone who can help me work through it, that this is normal, that I don't have to force myself to do it on my own. I tell myself to first and foremost to be *kind* myself and give myself a break.

Laurie: You're absolutely right! It's a life-long commitment and something is better than nothing at all. I think that's been the hardest adjustment for me and I'm trying to do it differently. Little changes and no more excuses.

Mandy: Your baby is so adorable! Congrats on getting your product out there.

Diane: Hope relaxing gets some of that soreness out!

Y'all are so inspiring! Always making good choices, posting here, never giving up.

Diane - Reading your words about the things I'm doing made it seem like I am actually doing quite a bit. I am not *currently* progressing like I want to, but I am maintaining habits and working through this bump, and I can do this. Thank you. And Amanda - You are exactly right as well. Something is better than nothing. I am afraid I am giving into "Perfectionist Me," who likes to assert that if I can't do something perfectly, I might as well not bother. Your words -- both of you -- really give me heart.

Diane - 230 is your nemesis! May it get behind you soon, and stay behind you. Glad Body Pump helped with the soreness, and hope the run is spectacular.

Mandy - I am looking forward to trying your sugar scrubs! I have never used one before, so I appreciate the "how to use" tips. =) Happy to hear that your business is starting to bloom and that your baby boy is so loved!

Amanda - Packing lunches is a great strategy! I need to get back into the habit of planning meals better. Glad to hear that you are loving your job, and that the insurance is better. And woot! for losing that 10 pounds. Water weight just means it's quicker to lose -- but it is great getting that off and not having to drag it around with you. Looking forward to hearing about your gym successes when you are able to make it back there!

Today is going to be a great day. I decided to eat candy yesterday, and I felt blah about it. I think I really just need to add a late afternoon snack / small meal, especially on Tuesdays and Thursdays when we don't eat until 8 p.m. or so. The small lunch I eat anywhere from 11:30 to 1:30 just does not sustain me, and I get dangerously hungry. (Dangerous as in I seem to be making bad choices.) So, I am going to give that a try. I find that 80-90 calories can make me feel relatively full (so long as they are protein calories) long enough that I can fend off the hunger.

It's the weekend coming up! I am going to be super focused this weekend, I think. I need to conquer this 190 monster. Sunday is when my community trick-or-treats, so if I can survive that, I will be able to hopefully have a successful weigh-in on Tuesday.

Have a great day and weekend, everyone!

Dread: Sounds like things are starting to turn around for you. I'm sure that it has been tough. I'm so glad you like your job. That is so important since we spend so much time at them!!

Laurie: Sometimes it is hard to give ourselves any credit, especially with the perfectionist gene! Next week will be a great week!

I changed my mind and will be going out hunting one more day, so we're heading back up to camp and we'll go out tomorrow. Then, Sunday we'll pack it all up and get everything home. Should be good. I was just going to relax, but I don't want my husband going by himself and it won't kill me to get out one more time.

Have a good weekend!

Well I have had a really sucky fall so far. There's been a deluge of challenges at work, and my kitty had to have his leg amputated at the beginning of the month, and all the stress and upset has fuelled a combo of not caring about looking after myself and turning to the old stand-by binging to cope. Sigh. I am ten pounds up from Summer, and trying to be positive about this. It could be a lot worse. I've had some decent weeks in the midst of the muck. But over all I'm feeling pretty out of control, and really disappointed in myself.

So I'm back here seeking support and accountability.

Hi Bookmark! Good to see you here. I'm sorry you had some rough patches and have gone up on weight. But, very happy you are back here and ready to get back on track. We're here for you, we totally get it! Just forget the past and move forward!!!!

For me, I am up a little from last week. I kind of expected it, but still hate to be above 230 yet again. I think I get a little dehydrated from hunting, so I think getting back to being hydrated and settling back into work life, it tends to jump back up some, even after a great loss during the hunting season. It's ok, and I'm moving forward. I need to get back to the 220's, this week!!!

I didn't go to the gym today, as I was just so tired from the weekend. I also did something in my upper back, and it is still stiff and sore. But, I'll head back there tomorrow and stay on track. Keeping food plan in control is the key too!!!!! Diligently recording my food and staying under my calorie goal - that's my goal for this week.

Good morning!

Bookmark - So glad to see you back! And excited you're cutting off the gain at just ten pounds! I gained 75ish pounds in about 18 months and, after another 10 months or so of consistent effort, I'm right about back where I started before the gain. I'm so sorry to hear about your kitty, and hope your challenges at work are getting under control. You're definitely in the right place for both support and commiseration!

Diane - Hope your hunting weekend didn't wear you out. I have the same problem -- I plan a weekend of relaxation, and then can't help but tackle some project or another. I can't decide if that's a good or a bad trait. On the other hand, your hunting trips seem to have a positive effect on your weight loss, so hoping that holds true for this one.

I thought I had conquered the food demon this weekend. Well, not conquered. I don't think that is ever in the cards. But at least tamed the food demon. I had a great weekend. Turned down pizza in favor of tuna. Did not dip into the candy bowl at our house at all during trick-or-treating last night. Ate slowly, mindfully, and well. And had good work-outs both Saturday and Sunday. And then last night happened. I went to bed a little bit hungry. I try to eat enough close enough to bedtime that hunger doesn't interfere with sleep, but also to avoid heartburn. I went downstairs to take care of something I had forgotten, and decided to eat a small protein snack. I then followed that up with a bit of candy, and then pizza. And I suffered for it. I was awake most of the night, trying to sleep in a sitting position, as every time I laid down acid would come up and flood my mouth. **sigh**

I'm still not feeling good, but I am humbled at the reminder that food has so much power over me. My new FitBit has a "relax" feature that is guided breathing for either two or five minutes. I am going to practice using it two or three times a day, and then I will commit to using it when I get the desire to do something that I KNOW is stupid and sabotaging. That does not mean I will never eat candy. I hope it will help to avoid the truly damaging binge issues I fight, though. I may also schedule another appointment with my therapist. I was doing really well, but I need to know when I need help. Last night was definitely an indication that I need help.

Diane - You Ninja'd me! Boo on that stupid 230 number. UGH! But I love your plan. I hate tracking, but may need to accept that it has to be in my life as well.

Hope everyone has a good week!