He sounds like a tool. Get out now, before you beat yourself up even more about your weight.

Never even thought about that omg!! MOST FOR SURE!! His ticket to US!! I met this guy online, omg, from an Asian country (I think - gah, its on the tip of my tounge too - this was when I was like 15 - sorry don't remember). Anyway he came here to go to school and he was a nice guy, sent me hot pics of himself (said he was a model) - I was stupid and met him in a public place. Anyway long story short he started to scare me and then started saying he was gonna rape me and kill me. Yah - people from the internet are BAD NEWS!!! I had another guy that did kinda rape me (it turned out okay in the end and I am fine with it and him and still talk once in a blue moon). I WILL NEVER date or meet people off the internet again! I chat with people still but will never meet them again.

Butter Butt
We haven't heard anything from you in a while, are you ok?
I hope what we said hasn't hurt your feelings or upset you in any way we are just trying to help you be strong!!
And to see things through other peoples eyes who don't care for this man..
I also wanted to give you a

Yea just because we are hard on him does not mean that we will be hard on you. We still want to help you lose your weight. We just want you to do it for the right reasons.....

Agreed. Sorry if I came on a bit strong I am just really worrid about you and don't want to see you end up unhappy like my family.

Sorry I didn't mean that at all. I have just had too many bad expierences PERSONALY with people off the internet (ie. people saying they are going to kill me if I don't sleep with them) that I won't try it again. In no way did I mean for her not to meet people off the internet. But you are right, he is a jerk already and she hasn't even met him. I know many people who met their loved ones online - it works - I know it does.

Butter, honey, please run away from this guy. If he is acting like this this early in your relationship just imagine how he is going to treat you later on when he is more comfortable expressing himself and doesn't have to impress you anymore.

Love yourself Butter. Don't let some jerk treat you bad and bring you down. You are better than that. There is someone out there that is kind and loving and perfect for you, I just know it. This is definitely not the guy. Be strong and do what you *know* is right. {{{Hugs}}}

Butter-
How are you doing?

I would like to offer my words of advice here. When my parents split, my mother was at an all time low, and she let herself get involved with someone who showed signs of being domineering and a control freak at the very start of the relationship. She felt bad about herself for her failed marriage, and so she got with someone who walked all over her.

To make a long story short, my mother was in a mentally and PHYSICALLY abusive relationship for over a decade. I went from a child to an adult, watching my mother get belittled and beaten regularly.

I want to say to you, and mean this wholeheartedly, that you should step back from this relationship. The other posters are correct when they say that with this sort of controlling personality, that it doesn't matter what you do-the person will find something wrong with you. If you lost 100 pounds and looked great-then it would be something else-your parents, your housecleaning, your sex life, SOMETHING. There is always an "excuse" for an abuser to make the recipient feel like they "deserve" this treatment.

I know that this is going to sound hard, but rather than looking for happiness in a relationship with someone, you first have to find happiness in yourself. Self confident and happy women are not targets for abusive relationships. I have seen beautiful, young, and thin women (like my mother) who were mentally and physically abused because they thought they deserved no better-and I have seen older, or fatter, or less physically attractive women who are happy, and vibrant, and in control of their lives. Attitude is a BIG thing here.

I also want to let you in on another secret-people will treat you exactly how you LET them treat you. By staying with this man, you are letting him know that it is perfectly okay to treat you this way. The first time I would have been given a "weight range" that I was to get to and stay in-he would have gotten a swift kick in the kiester.

If you let someone treat you badly, and you keep them around and let it be "okay", then you are basically telling them that they can continue to do this and you will continue to take it.

There are men who will love you no matter what you weigh. You just have to be good to yourself, and show the wonderful qualities that you have inside-and your self esteem will show that you are worthy of that love.

My husband loves me at 140 and he loves me at 211 (low and high weights) and he would still love me if I were 300 pounds. It isn't about the men, really...it is about our own view of ourselves.

Think about it...walk with yuor head held high when you are in public. Wear bright nail polish. Do the little, every day things to be good for yourself, and to show the world that you love yourself. When you show confidence, it intrigues others, and makes them want to know you better.

Hugs,
Aphil

You have good points! And I guess I didn't read the post closely enough. Oops!

And BTW, I hope everything's okay with you Butter Butt!

Aphil -- Well said!!

BB. I feel bad for previously making such a blunt post to you - especially since i am new to this forum - and because you haven't replied to anyone. I meant to read through the forum before i posted anything or introduced myself but your post just totally drew me in.

Anyway ... I hope you feel able to listen to the advice of these good women above. You can tell it's heartfelt. It's hard to take advice - god knows i've ignored it in the past and learned the hard way! But if you can learn from someone else's experience - believe me it is far preferable than going through it yourself.

A previous poster, who admitted she didn't read your story properly, made some comments about your man maybe having a point about you needing to lose weight and take exercise and not moan about being fat. This is an irrelevant statement. Everyone in here knows we need to lose weight, this is not the issue, we shouldn't preach at each other about this of all things. I have 80lbs to lose and look with envy and admiration on someone with only 10 or so to lose , or who is naturally able to keep slim, but they don't need to make anyone feel worse than they already do.

The issue is his unreasonable demand that you be 110lbs. There are few people for whom this is a healthy weight. It is an unrealistic request. He may know this. He may know that hardly any medium-framed woman could easily and naturally reach this weight and maintain it. Why has he made this a condition do you think?

Internet relationships are often intense. sometimes more so than if you are just dating because you can share so much more with someone in letters - really spill your guts. So I don't underestimate how hard it will be to step away and leave this realtionship and leave the way open for you to find a truly loving man. Especially since you have been friends for two years. But as someone else pointed out friends don't do this to each other.

Being on your own doesn't mean "alone". Being happy and confident in yourself is the most attractive thing you can be to other people - friends or lovers. I don't underestimate how hard this is to achieve either. But being in a couple doesn't automatically make you happier - it can be just the oppposite if your partner is not the right one.

Men get a bad rep sometimes - but I know several single men in their 30s and 40s who would be so grateful, and who I know would thrive, to have a loving woman - size irrelevant.

As an aside ...

I know of a woman who lost a drastic amount of weight. She was pleased about this - rightly so, it was a great achievement. She found that as a fat woman she had a lot of male interest from certain quarters - while as a medium-sized woman it was much reduced. She was disappointed. "I was sought after" she said.

There is an enthusiastic 'market' out there for big women - and while i'm not sure this is entirely any healthier than men preferring very thin women only, it shows that there is someone out there for everyone. Sites devoted to men who love big women are fun though (I have found) because when you get the worry of whether someone will find you physically appealing out of the way you can get down to the hard bit (and the fun bit) - finding someone who is emotionally compatible.

However I can't help thinking that someone who has a very very specific "type" , fat or thin, is maybe rather unimaginative.

VERY WELL PUT!

LOL - unimaginative is a great way to put it.

Butter, I agree with everyone else, you need to get out while the gettins good! You deserve better. If he is this way now, can you imagine how he will be later if you continue your relationship. Don't settle for someone who makes you feel badly about yourself or who doesn,t love you just the way you are right now, today. It will never work. And don't let him "guilt" you into feeling sorry for him because he has noone else. It is probably for a reason. Sorry to be so abrupt, but he sounds like a heartache waiting to happen.