Harpo, hang in there, sweetie. Put that binge behind you and move on! You know you have the strength to do it. Big hugs...

Thanks ellis, I have been on plan today with a small desire to continue bingeing, but I'm fighting it. Usually it is much stronger than this, so I really feel that I'm getting better as each day passes.

Harpo,

Sometimes binges are not about deep-seating wackiness but just 1) got too hungry because last meal was too long ago, or 2) last meal was not filling enough.

What else did you have yesterday besides the yogurt and diet Shasta?

I know that for me, if I eat some candy, whoa Nelly, ensuing sugar high and then sugar low leads to Binge Party. And I mean, peanut M&Ms? Ack! Tasty, pretty, and sweet, salty and crunchy! They're not just for... ahem... smokers!

(If you just want to vent, that's cool... but if you'd like to analyze the Why, I am happy to lend a hand! )

Um, yesterday I had cranberry walnut salad for breakfast and 4oz chicken breast and 1/2 cup of cottage cheese for lunch. Hmmm, that probably wasn't enough, huh? Now in retrospect, I should have planned more efficiently and brought a meal to my sister's house. I babysat tonight and those peanut butter m&m's were still there and I ate a few, but I controlled myself and didn't binge. I did snack too much though (but all healthy: fruit snacks and graham crackers (the only relatively healthy things in her house)). I brought my mint and rooibos teas with me and drank them to kibosh my snacking. So I markedly improved from the previous night.

You reminded me that the peanut butter m&m's are so many different sensations that no wonder I craved more crunchy, salty, and sweet stuff. So is it possible just to be triggered by a bombardment of physical sensations? Now you are making me wonder if there's any emotions involved at all. But there's got to be, right? Those physical sensations could have easily been satisfied by having just a few of something. I could have had a handful of popcorn instead of the whole bag. I could have had one pudding cup, but I had four. There are natural limitations to physical satiety; it shouldn't take reckless over-indulgence to achieve it or everyone would be overweight. Do you understand? So the first pudding cup is probably fixing that sugar craving, but what am I trying to accomplish with the 2, 3, and 4 ones?

Hee hee, I could imagine a therapist asking me a question like that!!!

Hi there Harpo!

Your breakfast sounds ok, but lunch looks rather light at only the cottage cheese.

I find that with stuff like Peanut M&Ms I definitely have problems cutting myself off. Something about the sweet and the salt together, not sure why. But yeah, the sugar messes with you, for sure!

So your binge was the M&Ms then:
4 chocolate pudding cups, a bag of popcorn, french fries, a honey bun, 6 mini granola bars, doritos, 3 cinnamon graham crackers, and a can of regular Coke.

Sweet, salty, salty, sweet, sweet, salty, sweet foods... (very) sweet drink. 3 salty foods, 4 sweet foods, 1 sweet drink.

Kinda funny but to me it looks like you were running on a sugar "high" and like some other highs (cough cough, heheh), you started trying to get more of the same, going back and forth between the sugar and sodium.

There can DEFINITELY be emotions involved in bingeing... but not all the time.

The physical sensations can be satisfied I think by having "a few" but you need to be really in tune with how you are feeling when you eat them. I find that for me, I practically need to go into "Zen mode" and meditate on the tastes, feel and effect of some foods to be able to control my eating of them. If I am distracted by surfing the web, watching TV, talking like crazy over a meal, I can get into this auto-pilot eat time, and not really get how much I am eating until I start to feel out of control... or way too full

Maybe the babysitting distracted you? Not in a bad way of course, because the kids sounded great, but just in that your body was going through high then low blood sugar levels, you tried to fix it, but ate a bit too much.

The extra pudding cups, for example, were just lost in the sugar haze

That's my guess anyway, in my position as armchair analysis!

Maybe next time, bring along some protein to combat sugar lows? And a small bit of sugar, but then toss the protein in too Protein I think is really great for long-term hunger reduction/controlling the muchies

Good luck!

I didn't start the binge until the kids went to bed, so there weren't a distraction. I was only focused on the food, so it wasn't like I wasn't actively thinking about what I was doing at the time. But I agree it was definitely the salty/sweet combo that kept it going. I guess after I ate sweet, it cancelled the salty out, and then when I ate salty, it cancelled the sweet out. That's why I never could get satisfied.

The thing is, emotions NEVER seem to be involved in my bingeing; I'm always a very carefree and happy person. Unless I've been faking it all these years . . . Anyway, that's why I assume that I'm repressing some sort of unresolved feelings and emotions from the time when my eating disorder began (at 16).

Okay, time's up. Thanks for your analysis, Dr. Berkshire! Same time next week!!!

I think most of us do ok when we're in public because we're ashamed for someone else to know that we are a binger. Even Thanksgiving dinner is nice small portions for me because people are there. In private is another matter though isn't it? Luckily my binge was salmon and couscous this week Anyone else feel hungry minutes after a full meal? what is THAT about??

It's sort of funny when you think about it, particularly for those of us who are overweight. I don't want anyone to see me chowing down in public, because I don't want them to look at me and think, "Look at that fat chick in the corner eating like a pig."
Yeah... as IF! More likely they're looking at me and thinking, "She must have some metabolic/hormonal problem. She's hardly eating anything, and look at the SIZE of her!!"

I think I would rather have people think I have a medical condition rather that just overeating haha I was sort of relieved when I was pregnant and could use that as an excuse haha

When I wanted to binge in the past I have gone to several different fast food places right in a row so I'm not ordering too much from one restaurant. I hate it when they look at me like "should you really be eating that??" Well, no....no one should be eating that haha Did everyone see Supersize me? If you haven't you SHOULD I haven't eaten McDonalds fries in months!!

Hi I am a binger too

I was doing awesome since January and then last week got a really bad virus and since then i cannot get back on program. I have my exercising back to pre-virus state but my eating is out of control.

It is almost 9am here and after getting up at 5am (to get hubby off to work) and taking a shower I have gone downhill. Breakfast was fine.

1 serving Honey Bunches of Oats with Peaches
1/2 cup 2% milk (after skim since Jan. this was heaven..is 2% OK?)
one orange
one piece whole wheat toast with one serving low sugar strawberry preserves.

24 oz water.....now in the last 30 minutes

1 package devil squares and about half a (big) bag of CheezIts Crisps. I just shut and sealed the bag right before beginning to type this as i saw i was putting them 2-4 at a time in my mouth I was NOT hungry and even now I want something sweet again...its a never ending cycle with me (sweet then salty then sweet ect....) but this time it WILL end.

I am going to do my best to turn this bad day around I am so upset with myself for being so off program since being sick and i think that is what triggered the binge and its not just today, it has been every day since my virus was gone (Monday afternoon). Not big binges but enough to make the scales rise again.

I am not overweight I am more wanting to get my lifestyle healthy. I have a history of bulemia (sp?) and my first "diet" was when i was 8 (29 now). My mom doesnt help. she told me i needed to lose weight when i was at my heaviest (155) and once i had it down to 128 (now back to 135) she told me i was pale and looked like crap. I can't win for losing. I was not pale I was recovering form a 6 day virus that would not let me hold down ANYTHING (not even water for SIX days!!) who wouldn't be pale? but couldnt' she have said Wow you have lost alot. I mean heck i can see it in the pictures, my face is so much thinner than it was a few months ago and my once jiggly tummy has a curves and indentions showing the beginnins of toner muscles. Could she notice this? NO all she mentioned is my paleness. For the record she has an eating disorder as well and is 5'7"(at least) and 118 lbs. But that subject is untouchable with her, i am the only one with a weight problem in her eyes.

I love having this site to come to because now i feel like working out instead of eating.(because honestly I am P!ssed at my mom now ) And I did not mean to mention that stuff with my mom but will not delete it because for the first time I can see a reason to my binging and sometimes purging.

Going now to take puppy out (12 week old poodle) and then to drink more water and attack the treadmill.

Good luck everyone and thanks for having a friendly ear

Oh and some are bothered by my 120 lb weight goal.. My Gyn. says this is a healthy weight for me with my body structure as long as its a healty 120. This is my Prebaby weight (kids now 6 and almost 5) so I would love to see it but a toned healthy me is fine too even if its toned at 130 or more.

Welcome, Lealee (you have my sister's middle name and my best friend's middle names for your username!) Thanks for sharing your story. Regardless of your goal weight (you can see my goal weight is only 5 pounds more than your heaviest weight) we still share the same problem and know how difficult it is to suffer through it. I know I couldn't be 120; I'd be skin on bones. I'm still 38 pounds from my goal and my collar, back, and shoulder bones are already sticking out, so I couldn't imagine what they'd look like at 120! The truth is, that those of us who have a tremendous amount of weight to lose, are sometimes jealous of those who only have 15,20,30 pounds to lose. It's a far cry from having to lose over 100. So sometimes it's hard to get support on here if you are already under the goal weights of the majority of the ladies on here.

I have issues with my parents too and learned my eating disorder from one of them. I've been really struggling with bingeing too lately (again) and the longest I've gone without bingeing has been 8 days. It's just so hard to be dieting and suffering from an eating disorder at the same time. I heard someone say that bulimics aren't supposed to go on diets, but what exactly is it we are supposed to do then? I don't know. I keep putting off the idea of therapy (which I know I need) because I'm scared of it. I'm scared of everything. I'm even scared to be at 150 pounds.

Please share more if you feel inclined to do so. Confess anything and everything. Lord knows I do.

Thank you for the welcome harpo and thanks for understanding that although I am lower than your goal weight I still struggle with it all.... If I could stay 155 and just look toned I would love it its not the number for me really, I just want to play with my kids and not feel breathless.

Today has not gotten any better for me at all but I am recommitting myself tomorrow. I am letting today be the past and tomorrow be my future. I KNOW I can stick to this and not binge I did it for so long but now i not only fell off the wagon but I am being dragged by it. Right now it is so hard not to purge I want to so bad but I will retain some of my control. Every time I walk to the bathroom (on my way to purge) I get on the treadmill and walk till it passes. Its helping but Im still eating and can't stop it. Even my son noticed it earlier. I told him I was having a bad day and asked him to understand and be patient with mommy today...

Again thanks for the welcome and understanding it is much appreciated.

Oh and my screen name is my middle name and last name pushed together

i love this thread!! THANK YOU!! kudos (not the edible ones) to the chicks that started it! everyone is so brave to share their story!! wow i am just floored. i have to spill now.....
i am a binge eater, i've been in control for 3 straight weeks. prior to those 3 weeks i was totally out of control. not just with food but with life in general. i have been this way as long as i can remember sweet, salty, sweet, salty always searching for that combination that makes me feel better. i sneakily eat at night alone in my room, i can make 10+ trips to the kitchen a night with various combinations, looking for that one thing that makes it feel better, none of it EVER makes me feel better, i just get exhausted and go to sleep. i eat sometimes because i am feeling empty and lonely even though i have a wonderful DH and great kids. i eat because i am stressed. i eat because of money, and my mother, and my childhood... and the list is endless. i know i could very easily be an alcoholic or drug addict or gambler you name the vice, but i picked food. why?? well because food is socially acceptable to me, heck being overweight is socially acceptable anymore. to me the rest of the vices are not. so my answer is to control the food, to think more clearly about what i need and go for that in re: emotions. just use the food to keep my body going, not to make life better. if i eat that piece of cake and bag of chips will i suddenly have the money i need to pay the bill i am stressed about?? no!! will it make me feel more loved or secure as a woman?? no!! will it make all the little stuff that just happens in life go away? no!! maybe it just makes me feel something?? i don't really know the answer here i'm still searching. anyways thanks for reading this ramble of mine. it just feels so good to know there are a lot of people in this boat!
hugs to all you brave women!!!

Welcome Jodie!! Congratulations on your 3 weeks! We're all here trying to figure out why we binge, what we're trying to get out of it, what we're trying to escape from, what pain we are trying to pacify. I try to think of food as nourishment ONLY and not any kind of pain/stress/unhappiness/anger reliever too. I agree with you that food is a socially accepted addiction. It's a highly misunderstood addiction, but accepted nevertheless. I wish people would recognize it more as a serious physical and psychological addiction, but they just don't understand.

****, I don't even understand. I don't even have a craving for the food I binge on anymore. I literally had to convince myself to binge tonight (because I plan to recommit tomorrow, we'll see). I ate a double cheeseburger, fries, 2 burritos, 2 chocolate bunnies, a chocolate covered marshmallow egg, 6 pecan delights, a symphony bar, a chocolate chip cookie, and a bag of popcorn. And now I want to eat more. I was exhausted when I went out to get the food. I didn't even want to but I did anyway. This week has been so weird. One day I only ate 6 sugar free pecan delights, 6 marshmallow chocolate cookies, and 2 chocolate bunnies. The next day, I lost clumps of my hair, so I know my body didn't appreciate that all too much. All I have had an appetite for is chocolate. Nothing else. Isn't that strange? I'm having an RA flare-up so I'm thinking that may have something to do with it, because it throws a lot of my systems out of whack.

Ahh, see the cyber purging worked! My "eat more" urge has faded away! It does work a bit, yay! I'm not going to eat anymore, I'm going to bed!

Bonne nuit!!

LeaLee, let me know how your recommit goes tomorrow, I'm doing the same thing! My knee is better now so I have NO excuse not to get in some major aerobics. I just hope I can stave off this insane chocolate craving!!

harpo- good for you!! glad the cyber binge helped out! i see by your tracker you have come a long way! fantastic job so far! when i am in a binge mode i start everyday trying to get back on track, just keeping it in my mind. i know from my own experience there is nothing i can say to make anyone else stop doing it. just want you to know i am in the same boat, work it through ! we all have the power inside, finding it is the hard part. i really believe loosing large amounts of weight is a very emotional thing. good luck today with your recommit you too lealee good luck!!