Hey all, real quick post. Happy, how did the job interview go? Derry, the hair cut is short and sassy - a very modified shaggy bob sort of thing, with lighter blonde highlights. The outfit is a maroon/plum pants with a striped tank top. Actually looks pretty good.

I went to Merle NOrman tonight and got a makeover. Really brightened up my makeup - no more camoflauge for me. Pinks. Again with the pinks. I bought the lipstick and gloss there, just because it is so much brighter than I am used to that I knew if I tried to match it elsewhere, I either would be way off or chicken out. I matched the rest with Maybelline. Expensive day, but I am happy. Now will see how i do tomorrow.

I let myself get too hungry, and my sandwich spoiled, and went to Old Country Buffet for lunch. I didn't eat as much as I would have, but still way more than I needed. The ONLY good thing (other than eating less than I HAVE in the past) is that I am listeneing to my body now, and not having any dinner. I am off to do part of my grocery shopping, then to bed.

Have a great one all.

He everyone!
Red, keep on track at the gym, sounds like it's keeping you "centered"! Though I get sore from my work outs, I call it a "good sore" feeling. It makes you feel powerful!
We don't live in a quake zone but have occasional earthquakes here in New Hampshire. We had one a few years ago that was 4.5 and I thought there was an explosion nearby or something. Didn't know it was an earthquake until hearing about it later. There was a vibration, sort of, and I happened to be on line and the computer monitor rocked a bit, and there was an accompanying rumble sound that made me think of an explosion.
I woud hate to live in CA near some of the major faults. As lovely as the climate is out there, I don't think I could live with the feeling that "the big one" might come any day or any time. However, that is not unlike the fear we all have of terrorism nowadays, one could go anywhere and something could happen I guess? I have a hard time dealing with the concept of people hating so much that they want to kill nameless people just becuase of where they live, not knowing who they are or what they believe. Talk abut emotional eating, I swear most of my re-gained weight was after 9/11, I just couldn't deal. Love that mammoth remark, Red, you are SO right. I often feel that we are all trying to be so civilized, us humans, but we still have very primal feelings. For example, I started grinding my teeth after 9/11 in my sleep, having never done that before. I did it so hard that I actually broke a tooth! I told my dentist that I thought I was responding to some primal instinct to sharpen my teeth for "war" and I think he thought I was absolutely bonkers!
Jolly, I think the luau (sp?) is a great thing as well. We can MAKE anything we want happen if we set our minds to it. If you miss the ocean and want to create an experience or environment to please yourself, you go girl! You are really doing so well, don't let a setback get you down!
I am hoping today will be a better day for my 16 year old son. He's on antidepressants and had a very bad night last night. I almost dragged him to the emergency room as I was so worried. I keep wanting to hover over him like I did when my kids were infants and had a cold or something, but he is almost all grown up and he ordered me to leave him alone last night.
Today, I face facts that he is still as depressed as he was last night, I will get him to some kind of treatment today. Wish me luck!
Linda

Morning gals

It's a beautiful morning here.

First off, Linda, I hope your son is okay. You must be worried to death. I hope all goes well. You asked why I chose SB since I like carbs. That is the only plan I have ever found that I am able to lose weight. I see results, have energy and feel wonderful when I follow it. I don't crave sweets and so on but I do suffer major burn out.

Red, you have some very valid points. Thank you so much for your input. We had a quake here last summer. We live along a fault line but it was the first one that we ever really felt. It sounded like something exploded and the shaking started. It was a 5 on the rictor scale and I don't want to feel one any stronger

Raven, Jolly, Happy, good morning to allof you!

Off to the bank and grocery and so on. Have a wonderful day!

Good morning all. Derry, good luck with your son. I hope all goes well, and he starts feeling better.

I had a good workout this morning. Then, had a NSV afterwards. I was very hungry after working out. I had some apples in my bag. No lunch, as I am meeting up with a friend. I stopped at the store by habit. Was looking for some cheese, or something very healthy. The "healthy" started slipping. i realized what I was doing, and that, I would probably feel fine if I had an apple and some liquids. LEft the store without buying anything except a paper. It was a good feeling. In control. And I was right, I feel fine with just the apple.

I had an interesting talk with a friend of mine last night. She said that the coolest thing for her has been the fact that I am actually taking care of myself. Not like I was one of the great unwashed before, but I am not hiding behind my fat and trying to camoflauge. I am trying to do the best I can for myself in every way, and to really celebrate myself.

Have a wonderful day all.

Hey ladies...


Chach - I hope and pray everything goes well for you! I'll be anxiously awaiting your update! With bells on and everything.

Jolly – It makes me smile to read your posts. I love the way you’re changing your perspectives and working to make things happen. And your posts help me.. today I was heading out to go get taco bell for lunch. Again. I had read your posts before I left, and on my way, I thought about it, and realized I really didn’t *want* taco bell. I was going to eat it because I was tired, and feeling down, and I realized that eating there would only compound the problem, not help resolve it. So I went to the grocery store and got Healthy Choice lunches, and my fruit, and yogurt for my snack. And felt much more at ease about it than if I’d eaten junk. Financially AND physically!

Red – You seem to be feeling better than you were the other day, I’m glad to see that. I don’t meet many women who are built like I am, so it’s very interesting to read your mental noodlings. I may not be able to reply to them all the time, but they are fascinating to me. I’m trying to remember how old I was when I truly accepted that I was never going to be “small.” Not just not overweight, but slender, delicate… petite? It’s something I am glad I finally accepted because it’s helping me to try to get my daughter to accept herself too. She inherited the big bones and massive muscles from both sides of her family, and it’s difficult for her. Add being 30 pounds or so overweight on top of that, and you have a recipe for a self esteem meltdown. I’m working hard to encourage her to see the positives, the beauty, the strength in her, rather than the so-called “negatives.” Thank you for posting the stuff you do, because you remind me I’m not alone.

Derry – If you don’t mind my asking… why is your son on antidepressants? I really hope he can find his way out of his unhappiness.

I’m sorry if I’m missing people.. running short of time, as usual.

For me, this week has been some victories and some failings. After Arashi’s accident, I was so tired the next day and day after I fell down on the exercise and the food. Today, I didn’t get up early enough to exercise, but I did reel myself back in on the food issue. And TGIF, that will give me time to get my sleep back in line. I also bought myself some of the good vitamins, which I’ve been out of for a while. They make a difference for me, I know.

Red – You asked about how Arashi hurt himself. I was training him in the round pen, and it was his first time. Some horses move off fine, but some don’t, and he’s not a mover. It was taking a lot of pressure to get him to move off, and that made him anxious enough to try to bull his way out of the round pen. He was sticking his nose through the bars and whatnot, and he found the only #*$!@% weld that was sharp enough to cut. When he pulled his face back, it acted as a knife and sliced his face open. Messy. We all went over the round pen *AGAIN* to see if we missed anything else. I sure hope that was it. He’s not a palomino, he’s a cremello… which is palomino times two. Did you see the picture I posted of him and me? I’ll toss it up here again so you can admire the pony.

Tomorrow I’ll get on that treadmill again. I’m feeling good, just tired.

Hey all. Raven, I am glad my ramblings help. Way to go on the save at lunch. You can do it.

I have a couple more NSVs to report. I went out to lunch with a friend. We went to this Italian buffet. I had a large salad, and slice of garlic bread. I went back up once more, and got another large salad, and two slices of pizza. I ate part of the salad, and a couple bites out of each slice, and realized I was full. I covered the rest up, and stopped eating. It felt really good to realize I was full, before I had licked several plates clean and was in a carb induced coma. Then, I decided to give myself what I hoped would be an esteem boost. I stopped at Target, and tried on pants. I was able to fit into a size 18. Not so well that I would want to wear them publicly, but I was able to get them zipped without a struggle. Hurray. I came home, and tried on a pair of 18 jeans I had lurking in the closet. I got them up easily, and buttoned, but couldn't get them zipped. But hey, a few more pounds and who knows?

Have a great weekend all.

Good morning everyone. It's getting late here and I want to get to the gym but I do want to get something out to you all. Sure enough, the posts were building up but I didn't realize it because I wasn't getting email notifications. This happens because when I go into work I check in there but because I'm not logged on it doesn't register that I've visited and so thinks the last notice hasn't been seen yet. Ok, do you really need to know all this. This babbling is the result of a mega caffeine influx coupled with being a fast typer. Motor mouth meet motor fingers.

Weight was down this morning! Hurrah, hurrah. I've switched to weighing the very first thing in the morning so can't really compare to the recent weights. But the previous day I'd done the same and it was down from that so I guess I'm down a touch. Legs are pumped though because I did a real heavy workout last night. I was squatting 220 lbs at 10 reps. It's starting to feel easy. Before I needed to get a really good spotter just to keep me focused but last night I practically did it alone. However, I did have an audience of a few guys who are very appreciative of strong women so that was a major boost. And I was on a Starbucks jolt and was so angry from a lousy day at work that I was throwing all my frustration into the weights. It's a great thing, that. I really wish I had a squat rack at the office! I get an adrenalin rush from getting so ticked at the goings on but I have nowhere to put it and so just usually shoot off my mouth. Not looking good for holding onto the job.

Foodwise, I had a few no-nos but, seeing as I couldn't find a beer buddy it was a lot less than if I'd hit the pubs and I walked 50 mins. home after working out. I brought my lunch in to work, brown rice and vegetable curry and kept the snacking down to . . .well, less than normal.

Ok, over to you. . .

********

Raven -- I'm really sorry I keep asking about Arashi. I know you've told me he's a cremello many times and I keep forgetting. It's not a color I remember on my own and then when you say it, I go, "Oh yeah, she's told me that before!" That was a very close call I'd say with the accident. He could have easily injured his eye. No wonder you're exhausted. Scares like that take a lot out of you. Good luck getting onto the treadmill again soon and glad to hear you're feeling better.

Also glad to hear that my posts do somebody some good other than me and getting things off my chest. Yes, accepting who we are, first perhaps LEARNING who we are is crucial. And often it's probably a case of ugly-duck syndrome. If we're around people like us or people who, though different, can like us for who we are, then it's a major boost, a fuel instead of a drain. And not just the body image. It's sad how more often than not people block others because of jealousy or fear of being different or being seen with someone who is different than the norm even when that "norm" is just some little clique of friends or co-workers.

Raven, I am feeling better and I really thank you for your concern. The other day when you wrote that you wanted to reach through the monitor and give me a hug I got all teary eyed. I'm getting teary eyed again remembering that now. I'm feeling better because I've been going to the gym and taking advantage of the guys there who admire my strength (taking advantage of men, huh?!?!) and trying my hardest to not let the people at work who are blatantly rejecting my abilities and desire to do something more challenging get to me too much. That is hard and even last night after a good workout I came home and cried at the frustration I had felt at work all day. I mean, after all, it was that frustration that partially fueled my workout.

But this morning I feel better because I'm trying to wrap my mind around the fact (and keep it wrapped!) that there are people who support me and people who, not only don't support me, but would harm me. I have always had a problem with this concept because I just cannot understand the vindictive personality. I was always the dog, faithful, ready to please, who looked at someone who struck her with hurtful shock and utter sadness. Slowly I built up the anger but kept it inside, turning it on myself. It's only now (and I'll be 45 tomorrow) that I've started to try to dissipate that anger and if I do anything with it, turn it in to love of myself and a conviction to protect myself WHILE not striking back. You, Raven, sound very similar, and if your daughter has someone like you on her side then she is way, way ahead of the game.

****

Heh, I must get out the door now if I'm going to get to the gym and be able to do anything meaningful. I will be back to talk to you all later. Derry, hippy, jolly, happy, lurkers of like mind, I wish you all a great weekend. I'll be back. Ciao belli!

Raven, just saw the picture of Arashi. I can see the color very well here. Thanks!

Happy Birthday Red
toasting you with a protein smoothie and low carb cake. Hi fat balloons tho Here's to a fabulous year for you starting with today!

Glad to hear you are smiling at the scale too. I agree that life stinks, take your aggression out on the weights. Use that oof-duh to push that bar even farther. No matter what, someone is not going to like what you do. Don't give people permission to treat you like a doormat and don't give them permission to allow you to feel inadequate about yourself. After all, I like you and my opinion is the only one that matters, right? - ha ha, made you smile Seriously, the way I look at it, we all have something to contribute in this world - be it good or bad. Be honest, be true to yourself - that's what matters.

Interview went well yesterday, thanks for asking. I think I had a good fit with personality and experience. It's a bit farther than I'd like to have to drive - especially with our winters but you can't be picky any more. We'll see if I get selected for a second interview. I also have another interview on the 23rd.

Jolly, you are doing fantastic with the mindset changes. Keep up the good work. Your new haircut sounds really cute too.

Raven, I'm sorry to hear about your poor pony. As you said, leave it to fate to find that one single sharp spot. Hope he heals quickly and that it doesn't distract you from getting back in the swing of things again.

3 times I've been in California - Los Angeles and San Franscisco when an earthquake hit - nothing big by the native standards but enough to unnerve me. I did miss the one we had here a few weeks ago - I was up at the time but didn't notice it - perhaps because it was a loud bang and the kids down the street have been blowing fireworks for the last 2 months. They are still shooting them off occasionally I guess we live right over one of the biggest fault lines in the country - it's just not as active as the west coast. I hear that in New Zealand and Japan there are pretty commonplace. I guess you adjust to it as we do with tornadoes here. Actually it's those 30 foot wall of water tsunami's I'd be terrified of

Hippy, I am right there with you on South Beach - it works better, I feel better and I don't know why I can't stick with it. I am a carb addict too I guess. *** sigh ***

Linda I hope you find some help some way for your son. That must be both scary and hard for you at the same time. They say that teens have so much more on their minds than we did growing up. I totally understand your fears after 9/11 - I felt the same - can't ever look at things with the same eyes again.

Chachee, sending you the good vibes for the upcoming week.

Can you believe we're one week down in August already? Summer is almost over I swear the time just zooms by... At least we're having another delightful weather weekend to enjoy. Hope you do too!

Good morning all. Red - Happy Birthday! I hope you do something nice for yourself today. Happy, I am glad the interview went well, and I hope something wonderful works out soon. Is it computer stuff that you might be allowed to work from home some days out of the week?? Just a thought. Everyone else, a wonderful good morning too you.

I have a busy day. Gym, golf, barn, movie. Stopping at a farmer's market this morning in hopes of finding some good stuff. Have a great day, everyone, and check in later.

Good morning!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR RED, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!! My gift to you is you not having to hear me sing that BAAAAAAD singer

Jolly, won't be long and you will be prancing around in those size 18's. Good for you!

Raven, I just reread some posts because I missed the one about your horse having to have stitches. Glad to hear he is okay and I'm sorry for not commenting about it sooner. I know how muchyou love him!

Happy, I have no idea why that plan is so hard because it does truely take away my cravings. Sometimes I think it's due to my own bullheadedness. Have you ever checked into The Zone plan? I haven't but I heard someone say it's along the lines of SB but a little more linient on when you can have fruit and other things. I thought about buying the book but I need another dieting book like I need a hole in the head

Me and and friend of mine are going shopping today for some luau decorations. We plan to have lunch and I plan to have no chips and salsa and will have a taco salad but won't eat the shell. Better run, wishing all a great day!

Boy, isn't that the truth! I dragged my feet about buying South Beach for a long time - finally used up a gift certificate for that. And I just recently broke down and got Dr. Phil's FIRST book - I'm probably the last on the planet. I swear from now on, if I'm interested in something, I'll check it out at the library. Of course I have Bob Green, Body for Life, Dr. Phil, Atkins, South Beach, WW - and I'm still a tub - what does that tell you? That I'm not willing to stop eating the stuff I like! I'm not a huge soda drinker, I don't touch the candy and cookies and cakes hardly at all. BUT I do like the bread and pasta and pizza and I've become addicted to Edy's Grand Light 50/50 flavor ice cream. Just that particular flavor though.

I think it will help a bit going back to a regular type of job. Working from home is fabulous but there are down sides too. I will definitely be moving around more - a lot more. And I will plan my meals better because I'll be taking lunches and if I don't plan breakfast, I won't get any. I'm sure my days of being able to work from home are over with. It's probably back to management again and all the fun stuff that goes along with that

Looks like it's going to be another gorgeous weekend weather wise. Hope you all enjoy yourselves, I will after I get the junk (cleaning, cooking, laundry) out of the way.

Well, just typed this LONG response and my computer went nuts and I lost it all... don't you just hate when things like that happen!
Now, I am almost out of time.
Let's just say, for now, that things are going a bit better with my son.
Raven, I don't mind you asking, at all, why he is on antidepressants. He's been depressed for a long time, mostly since we moved in December. He's having a hard time adjusting and misses his old friends and hasn't made many new ones. His band broke up, and he loved them and the music. It's been hard. Then, a girl.... we all have "been there" with the teen romance stuff, etc. He confided that he's had thoughts of suicide and I got him help. He's seeing the doctor on Monday and I think we'll start therapy for him, or he may even go into a mental health facility for a period of time. We need to help him.
Have so much of your posts to read and respond to, but not time.... will get on track with this tomorrow.
Linda

Everybody, thank you SO much for the birthday wishes!! It was so sweet of you and really made my day.

Hope you're all having a good weekend. See you soon! Thanks again!!

Well my good news for the week is that I'm down 2 pounds. It's not a lot, could have been more. But I need to not just blow it off, I need to claim that victory so I don't quit trying. It wasn't the easiest week, but I made steps in the right direction. This week hopefully I'll make more.

Red - Ok, this time I was the one in tears. Yes, you and I seem to have a great deal in common. I think several of us do. The anger, the trust issues, having been hurt, self punishing, the whole bit. I really appreciate your comments about me helping my daughter more than you know. I often look back in my life and wish I'd had just ONE person who had pulled me aside and said "Look... it doesn't MATTER what everyone else thinks, it doesn't matter if you're overweight, it doesn't matter if you're not a size 4, none of that matters. What matters is how YOU feel about you, and that you pursue what touches your heart." And so now, I'm pursuing that. Mostly because of the things I've learned about myself in the last couple years by being here at 3FC. Talking to people like you and Jolly and Happy and Hippy and Linda and Chach and Lucky and all the chicks over on the journal side, too. This has been a safe haven. A place where people understand. I can just be me here. What I didn't know was that I could have just been being me all along, but I'm learning. And chickie.. I'm so sorry I missed the birthday party!! Happy Birthday!!! I know things with work aren't so great right now, but I really hope you were able to have a wonderful day, because you deserve it.

Linda - I'm so, so sorry that your son is having a hard time. Life sucks sometimes, and it's worse when you're a teen. I was watching my kids' self esteem get totally trashed by the school system, by a society that has forgotten to value independence and free thinking, by kids who's parents forgot to teach them that life is precious. I pulled them out of school, and now I'm struggling to home school them. It's not easy, but I've watched their self worth soar. They understand now that there really are no rules about what they can or cannot do, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone. There is nothing stopping them from accomplishing what they want. Whether they just want to noodle through life and do what pleases them, or whether they want to excel and be the absolute best at something - that is up to them. As long as THEY are whole with what path they choose, that is all that is truly important. I hope that counseling helps your son, I know how hard it is to see your child hurt.

Happy - Congrats on getting through the interview!! I am the world's worst interviewee, I truly believe that. I hope very much that something comes through for you soon. I know about the drive... I drive an hour one way to get to my job now. But, I needed the work, and honestly the people I work with are fantastic. And that they are supporting me in my dream of becoming a hoof specialist means SO much to me, because of course it means that eventually I'll have to quit working there, but all of them are so happy for me that I have a chance to follow a dream, to pursue a passion. I hope you find a job where the people you work with are good to you.

Hippy - Your luau sounds like it's going to be a blast! I share with you your wondering why it is so hard to get back onto a plan even when you know it works, isn't that hard to be on, and you don't deal with the cravings. I've been having that problem a lot lately myself. I just wish I could flip a switch and make this my LIFE instead of having to deal with the way it WAS and the way it SHOULD BE.

Jolly - Awesome NSV there, girl! I have GOT to get my rear going here and get back into my smaller jeans. I can still squish into them, but it's uncomfortable and I'm sure doesn't look that great.

Today's exercise - Round penning Arashi and Eve. That consists of running pretty much consistently for about 20 minutes at a time in about 2" plus of sand. Talk about a workout. I truly believe that is the ONLY reason I lost any weight at all this week was all the running I've been doing in the RP with Arashi. He's making progress, now I need to work on MY body language to differentiate between turn towards me or away from me. That will be with Eve today. Arashi is doing good just to keep moving, but we're getting better with that, too. I hope everyone's weekend is going well!