Welcome Fire Lollipop! Fellow newbie here, albeit a month or so longer than you

And Happy New Year to everyone!

In follow up to my posts in the old thread, I got back to the gym! I found out I could email them to ask about my membership and then all I needed to do was go in and get a new key card. In a way I'm kind of grateful it took me until the New Year to do it, too, because it meant I was able to blend in with all the New Year crowd and it felt much easier, though it was difficult for me to actually get through the explanation at reception when I picked up my card (I get inarticulate when I'm nervous).

But I wanted to say that as I was making my way home on the bus I started to have a panic attack -- like my breathing started to do that thing where it catches, constantly, which is how I know one's coming on -- and I was trying to figure out why, and then I had this moment where I just thought, You got to the gym and now you're going home. You know what you're having for tea. There's nothing to stress over and it ebbed off again.

And that's never happened to me before, but it felt amazing.

Yesterday was horrible and I slept through most of it and couldn't bear to leave my bedroom or talk to my flatmates, but I know exactly what I'm going to do today, and that includes gymming this evening before I go home from school.

good morning friends! welcome to Fire Lollipop and Whiterose !

I'm sorry to "phone it in" again but I slept late and have to get ready for work, but I have the next 2 days off so I will get back soon.

Welcome to the new posters. We are so glad to have you here.




We got snow today. Elvira loves it.

I have had depression and generalized anxiety for 14 years. Usually, it comes and goes as I handle (or fail to handle) certain types of issues. If it goes on for too long, I seek medication. Within a month or so, the depression dies down and I inevitably stop taking the meds. I can go months, years even, without a serious problem, just general anxiety that I handle on my own. But ever since September, I've been a wreck. Long story short, my parents and I parted ways after years of abuse that I finally couldn't endure any longer.

Knowing that we're done, really done this time, seems to have pushed me over the edge. I have been on meds since September. At first it was one medication to help with the depression and anxiety. Then I had to add another pill just to sleep soundly at night. Now - and this is a totally new experience for me - the pills seem to be failing. This is after we increased the dose twice already.

I dream about my parents, my fears, my weight, my husband, etc. almost every night. Even if I make it to bed early, I still wake up throughout the night for seemingly no reason. I wake up in the morning so tired I can barely stand to get out of bed. Sleeping more doesn't seem to help so I force myself out of bed and hope for the best.

Such problems have sort of dug me into a slump. I thought I was doing better last week, I decided to try to lose weight (again) and my husband even joined me; I got off to a great start. But only a week in, he's dropped 10 pounds already! I know a lot of it is water weight and largely because he had more bad habits than me that, once he cut them, had a tremendously positive impact on his overall health. But watching the scale hover around 153-156, even when I eat less, hurts. It hurts to go over and gain several pounds. And I can't help but think it's because of my meds and/or my sleep but how would I ever know? I don't even have health insurance now, I'm down to my last handful of meds and can't afford health insurance for a few more weeks.

I am trying though. I put myself to bed earlier than usual. Even though I was tired this morning, the first time I woke up - which was at 9 - I got out of bed rather than rolling over in a desperate attempt for more rest. I did the dishes which only requires unloading and loading the dishwasher but for some reason this can be a big deal for me so I'll still count it as an accomplishment.

I just wish so hard that I could be thinner, not feel so bloated, so disgusted and uncomfortable when wearing regular clothes. It's all linked together and I don't know where to start.

Hi everyone!

We did too - Murphy didn't know what to do with himself! I threw his Kong around for a while until I couldn't feel my fingers. He enjoyed digging the snow up and eating it LOL

I definitely understand waking up with so much on your mind. I still struggle with that time to time, but I found that writing down everything that's going through my head when I wake up helps. It feels almost like an "outlet" for your thoughts and clears your head so you can get back to sleep.

Those who are heavier will see the weight fall off really fast, but it eventually slows down. Those who aren't as heavy will have a tougher time moving the scale. Weight loss isn't overnight or instantly. It does take time (which stinks, I know).

Try taking a leisurely walk sometime during the day, even if it ends up being 10mins on a treadmill. Just moving and getting active will trigger the endorphins to start flowing

Thank you for the kind words. =)

I am doing better today, I think. I did some things that I normally wouldn't, that would normally cause me stress. Only one made me break down in tears - cleaning the rat cage. If it was a one story deal, that would be fine, but this sucker has a bottom and three levels. I can't take it apart to save my life. I fling poop here and there, I struggle to get it put together right, I dump smelly shavings everywhere, I just generally don't handle such a big container on my own.

I tried though and I made a huge mess. It was gross. My husband, of late, has seemed unwilling to do it for me anymore. It was the only task that I genuinely felt I needed legitimate help with but he bowed out of it. I said that may mean having to re-home them because this is too difficult alone, so he said if that's what it means, alright. It was like a kick to the gut because he comes home and does almost nothing from 6-midnight most days, and his weekends are just about as productive. So I cried. Hard. But I got that damn thing cleaned anyways, it just took me over an hour to do it...

Oh well. I'm feeling more in control but still not quite as chipper as I did before the whole debacle of cleaning out the rat cage and then giving them a bath, which they absolutely despise. But I'll be good. I'm going out tonight with friends and I know what I'm ordering already.

Nope, nope nope. I would just avoid it LOL. But I'm glad you went through and accomplished the task! Maybe once he sees you helping out, he'll *hopefully* jump in as well.

I hope your evening out went well!

Hello finally!!! I just wanted to wait til I could do a proper post. I hope to goodness it doesn't spin out into cyberspace when I hit submit

Lisa - how are you?? I was so sorry to read about the chipped tooth, have you been able to get that smoothed down? I was sorry to hear about the tough morning you had with your client (even though I know that was like over a week ago) I hope you haven't had more slow motion from the client. Oh and I LOVED the pic of Elvira!!! Have you gotten a new therapist yet? and glad to hear your relationship with J is mending.

Kathleen it was great to hear from you!! YES I also think 2016 has GOT to be better for you!!! How is your son doing in his first year of college? (I have that right I hope)

Fi It is just so awful to think of you not being able to walk...don't know how you have arrived at such a good attitude.

EasySpirit - I always look forward to reading what you write Are you still kicking sugar's butt??

Wendy Hi and welcome!! you have such a nice friendly face from you avatar pic WOW the range of your children's ages is quite the spread! I am also a long time member here, and I have twice done a major (for me) weight loss, yet gained back. I'm sorry that your friends moved away and you don't have anyone close to talk to. Great husbands are great!! but unless they are a trained professional they don't know what to ask us, or know what;s going on in our heads. Yay to you for your yoga!

ap14 hi and welcome! I love your avatar, is that your dog? I am so very sorry to hear of your mom's passing and you must have been quite young, that is awful. very happy to have your here!

Hi Coop27 OH MY gosh when I read of your first day back to work...I was then and then how could it get worse?? with you feeling sick, oh man!

Hi and to Whiterose! congrats on getting engaged and i hope you can get to the point of looking forward to it instead of dreading parts of it.

Hello to Fire Lollipop and I like that user name May I be super nosy and ask if you are an American living in Central Europe, or are you European? I think you are right on in saying that we need to deal with our weight problems by examining our attitudes towards food, dealing with failure in positive ways, learning control, instead of focusing just on diets.

Hi Wisteriarcana and I'm so glad you were able to take care of the gym membership thing! and that you calmed yourself down on the bus. Way to go!!

Well the big event I was nervous about, our fundraiser, was last Saturday and went very very well! However the winning ticket holders were not there, they were on their way driving to Florida but we reached them by cell phone somewhere in Virginia to let them know they won the motorcycle!! they are friends of ours and have supported our organization for years so it was cool that they won.

I had yesterday and today off, and I did so much housecleaning, it really shows and looks so clean and tidy in here, but you know how dust starts accumulating so quickly it will look dingy again soon, but I also did laundry, put bedding outside in the 23 degree briskness to air out, and got to Goodwill yesterday and bought 2 pair of jeans that fit!!

I also have been working out (at home) 4 to 5 times a week and I am so glad I feel into the habit now. It is just for functional strength and flexibility and stamina, and to burn a few calories.

I am so glad I am feeling 'on top of things' - not on top of the world, I mean but on top of being able to keep up with housework, paying bills, and finding beauty in a cold winter's day, even though I hate winter

Oh and here are two pics from the Harley Raffle, one is where the Raffle is just near the beginning, because you can see most of the numbers on the board are not covered; the second is with a co-worker who came to the raffle who i love so much She and I keep each other sane during the winter and she is always so sad when I leave for my other job. She is the tiny one on the left, by the way I do LOVE the top I am wearing, I bought it from Amazon and it was under $25.

(This cute photo was posted by Lisa in an earlier post.)

We got snow today. Elvira loves it.




Lisa: Oh my gosh, Elvira is adorable!!! Such a cute photo! I am not sure if this will work, but I am going to attempt to post a photo of our dog, Lucy, in the snow on our back porch. Like ap14 said about her dog, Murphy, Lucy loved digging up the snow and eating it!

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"What do dogs have to do with a 'weight loss and depression' forum?" some of you may be wondering. Well, I absolutely LOVE dogs! My dogs have helped to pull me out of multiple bouts with depression. I simply cannot live without the unconditional love that my pups give to me daily. Also, walking my dogs helps with both my mood and my waistline!

Hi...new here...thought I'd jump in on this thread as well.

I've had a hard time with anxiety and depression since I was quite young and over the years have put a lot of time into figuring myself out and working through some things, with sporadic success. I've had general low mood for most of my adult life with periods of more extreme depression and/or anxiety coinciding with life's ups and downs and tied very closely to my use of food. In the past two years, things have improved (over all) substantially. Annnd, that's me in a nutshell. Mental Healthss wise.

Since Christmas, I've been struggling. I don't have a current counsellor...I'm living in a remote location and tried the only one in town last year, and wasn't very impressed...or much of a support system. I visited family for Christmas and then returned here, which was tougher than usual, and have been pretty low since. My routines are all off the rails and I'm having a hard time motivating myself to take the steps I need to to get them back on track.

Healthy living stuff is a bitter cycle...it's vital to my mood that I exercise and eat well. I haven't been doing that, so my mood is low, so I struggle to do those helpful things, so my mood doesn't improve...etc, etc.

I know I just need to force myself through a few days of grumpy compliance with healthy choices and I will feel better...which will make it easier to re-establish routine. It's just hard.

Hello,

Holly, you look absolutely wonderful in those photos. And, I agree with Kathleen, you look the same size as your friend.

I found a bag of Hershey kisses that I had bought to make peanut butter blossom cookies and forgot about - needless to say, I ate half the bag in a wild chocolate frenzy and then unwrapped the other half and put them in the garbage disposal. So, I went back to no sugar the next day - - this is really tough. I have not lost one pound since giving up sugar - I have replaced it with popcorn, nachos, chips, etc. I really need to get back on track, but my hunger has really gotten hold of me. I never feel satisfied because I am not ending a meal with something sweet. I am going to keep at this a few more weeks, and if it is not working at all, I will try to add a small amount of dark chocolate for dessert or after dinner snack. I was losing weight when I was eating a small amount of chocolate, then I went on a two month binge after Halloween when I bought 80 large chocolate bars, and for the first time since I have been here, did not have one trick-or-treater.

Fi, I was happy to hear you are reading the posts and did two collages. I am also thinking of you and hoping you feel better each day. You have really been through more than most people.

Kathleen, it is good to see you back with us. I was concerned when we did not hear from you for a while.

Lisa, your posts seem upbeat again. Elvira is adorable, and I love her name!

Librarian, men always lose weight much faster than women do. Please don't compare your success to your husband's.

Bookmark, if you can convince yourself to exercise, even for a few minutes, every day, you will soon fall into the routine. Exercise and yoga have helped my depression tremendously. I can honestly say I have not been depressed in some time, and my anxiety is much better, although I still have issues with family matters - as we all seem to.

Hello to everyone else. Be well.

Thanks, Easyspirit, I know you're right! Knowing doesn't always translate to doing, unfortunately, but I will try to do SOMETHING today. I've woken up with a massive sugar hangover. It's 10am and still dark outside. It's -20C. Nothing is making me feel like getting out of bed...except maybe a trip to the store for some food :P

But I will rouse myself and have a stomach settling/gentle breakfast within the next hour and try to at least do a few sun salutations at some point today.