If this is a serious problem, then my partner should leave me, because I got about twelve quilt blocks through the post from total strangers as part of a block swap, and they were themed around sexuality as well (it's appropriate for the charity the quilt will be going to). For heaven's sake, folks, it was a daft random gift swap, all very low-key. A novelty pizza cutter is not a warning sign of impending adultery. Incidentally, you don't need to make your own pizza from scratch to need a pizza cutter, they are equally useful for take-aways or frozen pizzas.

If you're this worried about jealousy, then I suggest that you sit down with your partner and have a chat about what monogamy means to you, how you feel about it, which areas make you uncomfortable, how you feel trust balances out and so forth. Maybe say you were reading an article that got you thinking, if it feels odd to be having this conversation this late in your relationship. Personally I had it with my partner a week in - I was fairly sure we were on the same page but I didn't want to be guessing this time. I turned out to be right, but that didn't stop it from being a useful conversation, particularly as a trust-building exercise. I've read some excellent articles on trust and negotiating within a relationship on polyamory websites, and even though I'm thoroughly monogamous myself, they have been useful to me as it's stuff that's important for all relationships.

If you feel that it's really about gift-giving and feeling neglected in that area, then again, sit down and chat about it. Gift-giving is an important part of human cultures, it's common for it to be something that seems as if it should be minor but is actually the site of great stress.

We're socialised to expect that a perfect relationship runs on mindreading. Of course it's total nonsense, people need to be told things about each other, and we all need to work out when we've unconsciously assumed that the other person knows something without actually telling them. Either way, work out what is really triggering this anxiety you're feeling, and then go and talk about the real issue rather than the silly gift swap. Don't go in with ultimatums, and do go in prepared to think more deeply about things you've been taking for granted.

But did he know she didn't like such things like the exchange, explicitly? My husband is absolutely incredible, our marriage is such a joy and he is so thoughtful - and yet, he still doesn't see things the way I do, or mind read where my brain might assume his intentions would go. His brain just wouldn't go there. He might be thinking 'this is a fun little swap' not 'I'm checking out women online and am kinder to them than my wife!'. As someone who has done these online exchanges without asking my husband first, it would have never occurred to me that getting a present for a swap with a stranger would be akin to a slap in the face and spousal neglect for him, because in OUR relationship it wouldn't! This is where each marriage differs greatly, I suppose.

I live out my life trying to give others the extensive benefit of the doubt - triply so, for the man I am tied to irrevocably, for the rest of our lives. I assume the very best of him and his intentions and thus rarely get let down, because every little thing is thoughtful and gracious, each action is another way he say he cares... It makes for a very happy time, honestly. I would never leap from his getting a nice present for a stranger and perhaps a less nice present for me as some sort of damning or intentionally hurtful action. That would only make us both more miserable.

I have to say, I think you're being a bit petty in this, but I am operating on very limited information. It could well be this has been discussed in depth and detail to where he could be expected to 'know better', but it honestly sounds like sour grapes of a bitter wife (and please, I say that in kindness! I don't think you're intending to come off the way it's sounding to me).

Graciousness to a stranger or a fun online exchange just doesn't translate to spousal neglect to me, but I fully admit I am operating off a very different paradigm.

Wow, what an insightful and kindhearted reply. Your relationship sounds like what we all strive for.

reddit is an awesome site... I think the gift exchange on there is a riot especially when the people post what they got.

I think you are madder that he bought her something and folded your card wrong. more hurt than anything.

he is a guy, they are clueless at times.. ok some more then others. mine BIG TIME! what mine thinks is a caring gesture is like nothing to me. I usually think did you think about this. could you have bought me something you know I would like? but after 18 years I still find it hard to accept at times. I wish he was more thoughtful, but I love him anyways.

explain to your hubby that you are hurt that he put thought into her gift and not into something for you. He may understand, he may not, be prepared for that. If anything, you will feel glad you said what you needed to..

Then have him show you posts on reddit with the pics of what people got!

I don't get the impression that she is upset about him being in the forum, it is not knowing. If he had said something like" hey , I found this forum , sounds like fun" and explained briefly how it works ,she would have the opportunity to say, "I'm not interested. ", and the important thing here is that she din't know about it and was caught off guard when he got the gift.
In marriage it is always best to keep your spouse aware of what you are doing, not every minute, of course, but things that are a little unusual are best to be out in the open.

Just a thought, but maybe the OP could just join the site for kicks and giggles? Maybe it would be a common bond for you and your husband. Or you could just get a decent gift from a new friend? lol

just wanted to let everyone know, I got an enterprise pizza cutter for christmas.

hope you guys sorted out your issues and he bought you something nice for christmas.