The other day I got what I like to call a "candy-coated comment". They told me I looked great, and then followed it up with; "not that you looked bad before." I have a feeling I'm not the only one who gets those kind of comments.
I understand that people don't want to offend you, but I'd much rather have someone tell me I look great and leave it at that, rather than tiptoe around like that.
I don't care whether you thought I looked good or bad before - it's what you think I look like now that matters to me. The past is the past. A compliment would sound so much nicer without that sentence added to the end, truly.
Is it just me?
Last edited by singforthedayx; 12-06-2010 at 11:42 AM.
Nope. I interpret that to be a quick shuffle. It makes me feel as if I didn't look all that great before.
At my advanced age, it shouldn't bother me but it does.
Location: On Planet Earth...I'm waiting for the Oxygen levels to go up on the other planet's before I move
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My friend use to tell me 'you look so much better now then before.' So at least your 'candy-coated comment' had more postive then negative. I don't really take it personally though my friend practically has aspergers so I've come to expect it. Stay postive!
I went through one fairly sizable weight loss about 10 years ago, and I got a lot of that. It kind of seemed backhanded at first, but then I thought to myself "Wait a minute...I look in the mirror and notice to myself that I look better than I did before. Why does it bother me when people notice the same thing?"
Everyone is different, but I just realized I was being too sensitive. It is meant to be a positive comment...and we're the ones who decide how we want to take it. Once I realized that people weren't going out of their way to insult me, but to encourage me, I didn't even notice anymore.
Last edited by DroppingPounds; 12-06-2010 at 12:12 PM.
There are posts here all the time with people who are complimented (ex: "You look great") and then they get offended because they assume the person means they didn't look good before. Maybe the person who complimented you didn't want you to feel like he/she was saying you looked bad before.
I think this is the reason some people just don't comment on others' weight loss at all. It's like whatever the person says, chances are it'll be taken the wrong way.
It only really bothered me when someone I didn't like said it. Then I would respond in a way that made them uncomfortable just to be a smarty pants.
But I do recognize that it can be a tricky thing to compliment. It IS awesome. And I DID look better and it was a big deal. I have friends that have lost a lot of weight and I go back and forth in my head on how to compliment them without suggesting that they looked bad before, which is an unfortunate implication in many "you've lost so much weight!" comments.
Well, I can say this...if people don't tell me I look great when I reach my goal, I'll be bummed. I have stopped kidding myself about how I look. After all, that's what helped me get into this situation in the first place, convincing myself that I looked better than I really do. Then I saw some pictures taken at a wedding and was aghast. I mean, who am I kidding? I DON'T look all that great right now. I'm NOT healthy right now. So I'll be happy when I do look and feel great and people notice.
*me* but it is what it is...I know I got pretty "big" with this last baby and I am on my way to getting my "sexy" back. It just reminds me of reality and it does hurt my feelings, but as long as the comments are coming, I know I'm headed in the right direction.
I think sometimes other people can't win. I see threads where people complain that no one comments on their weight loss (and five pages of "me too" and "they're just jealous!"), followed by threads where people complain that others won't STOP complimenting them ("me too" and "they're just jealous!"). Then there are complaints about HOW people compliment.
Someone was trying to be nice, don't pick it apart - say thank you.
one time a guy said to me...”you look great! what’s different?” hahaha. no reading-in required. i just laughed at him as he fumbled over apologizing and insisting that’s not what he meant.
I learned a while ago to just say thanks because people would say nothing at all if they weren't trying to compliment you. I heard it too when i lost 70 lbs. a while back
I think sometimes other people can't win. I see threads where people complain that no one comments on their weight loss (and five pages of "me too" and "they're just jealous!"), followed by threads where people complain that others won't STOP complimenting them ("me too" and "they're just jealous!"). Then there are complaints about HOW people compliment.
Someone was trying to be nice, don't pick it apart - say thank you.
THIS! I take that as meaning, "You've always looked good to me, but now you have just improved and you look great!" It's a great compliment.
i equate that sort of comment with the "you have such a beautiful face" compliement. i always felt like they were really trying to say is, you're pretty, but the rest of your body sucks. it might be me, as i've never been good at taking compliements.
i had lost a lot of weight a few years ago, and the "wow you look great" stuff bothered me from certain people...does that make sense? like if it was my mom's friend, it would bother me to no end. if it was someone i hadn't seen in a while, it was nice and i felt good about it. for me, it was about who was saying it. maybe that's that's case here?
Last edited by fillupthesky; 12-06-2010 at 01:47 PM.
Does this bother anyone else?
so I take whatever comment they give me and only read into the positive. 
