Hi Dawn,

I'm sorry this happened to you. I definitely agree with everyone's posts. Your trainer probably has never ate emotionally in his life, and must not work with many who does (or at least they fib about it). It is very hard explaining to my husband, who is 6 foot 3 and never been over 175 pounds in his life! But, maybe is words is something you can chew on (pun intended) for awhile. In fact, I think I will also. I'm not sure what it will take for me to become completely healthy and at goal weight. In truth, I'm not confident I can get there, but I at least have to get to 200. So, if that means only eating 3 Reeses Eggs every day instead of the whole bag every day, then that is a start! You can build on that.

Sounds like you had a rough day.

I would think -- "What are you talking about?"

I don't know where you are in this business relationship... so maybe he's asking you for your X, Y, and Z and you are still in the intro phase. If in intro, I'd be inclined to explain my needs better if that is what he means by "What does it take to change your ways?"

I would describe my needs:

• I need a plan that takes my (insert health concerns or issues) into consideration.
  
• I need you to be (insert your preference) with me. (Ex: No drill sargeant, no cheerleading, )
  
• I need a workout plan that is... written out? Includes group classes because I like those? Some other preference?
  
• I need a plan that can be done in X minutes to fit my work/home schedule. (ex: I workout during my lunch break and I only get an hour or I travel a lot so it has to be workouts that will travel well)
  

Then I'd reconsider if this is the right client-trainer fit after I give the suggested plan a fair try after the intro phase.

But if this is an established relationship well past intro time, I'd probably be thinking -- "What a strange question! Do you HEAR me? I've told you my X, Y, Z. My concerns are X, my abilities right now are Y, and my goal is Z. Make a plan that takes X into consideration, improves my Y and get me to Z sanely and safely. If I knew how to do it safely and sanely, I wouldn't need to hire you to make me the plan!"

And then I'd start thinking new trainer that's a better fit.

A.

I just had to call this out and quote it because it's such a cute and funny thing! In the past, both would have sounded like legitimate breakfast foods to me and in fact, I still won't have cake in the house because I WOULD be eating it for breakfast.

I don't consider the trainers response tough love, I consider it to be inappropriate and extremely unprofessional. I wouldn't expect to tell a mental health professional about OCD issues or my anxiety problems and have them stare at me in disbelief or act like I was way crazier than any other person they had ever worked with, so it shouldn't be accepted by a nutritionist/trainer. If he was/is unsure of what to tell you or how to help you, instead of acting like you were a freak (not that you are by any means, this is how I would have felt though), he should have been upfront with you. Told you he hadn't encountered a similar situation, so he would maybe need to make more adjuastments to your program or refer you to someone that would be better at assisting you with your plan.

I hope you can find someone to work with that can and will actually work with you instead of making you feel bad. There are plenty of chicks here who definately understand where you are coming from.

I actually do see the point to the trainer's question. Think about it. How many of us have dieted in the past, tried the various ways we read about somewhere and failed? He is asking a perfectly legit question. I applaud you for being honest and I would ask the trainer if he has worked with obese clients before. If he's taking a more Bob vs Jillian approach, I can see why he wants you to question what YOU are willing to do to be healthy. Afterall, if he gives you the tools and you don't use them, do you blame the fact the tools don't work on the tools....or on the user? Maybe he's simply looking for insight into how serious -you- are about this. How many of us here have previously joined gyms, gone for a few weeks/months, then let the membership expire? I have. I joined a gym with personal trainer sessions and after the first 3 meetings/workouts, I quit going, so I imagine this may be a common occurance in his line of work. There's a good possibility he has had many obese clients come to him, expecting immediate miracles, who then discover it's just to hard, that there's no magic pill the people in the gym get to be healthy and fit, that it's actually hard work. So, they quit. Maybe he wants to know if YOU plan to stick it out, so he can give you his all. And it could just be he's a very empathetic man whose heart hurts when he sees what we have done to ourselves. I know when I see a child who is clearly already heading towards obese, and I see the obese parents all stuffing horrible food inside themselves, my heart just breaks for that family, but most especially for that little kid, who never stood a chance.

There's alot of ways to look at things, and I think looking at things from his angle, may help. Good luck and I'm glad you've posted here.

I would question a trainer who didn't ask what I was eating! When I first joined the Y last November, the trainer and I talked for awhile (I wasn't paying extra for her, it was just a "getting started" type thing). She said she used to be heavier, and she wanted me to know that even though she used to walk 5 miles a day very fast etc etc she never lost much UNTIL she changed her food intake. She said it's a misconception that you can work out a lot and expect to lose all your weight (maybe for somebody like an Olympian who burns 10,000 calories a day, but let's face it, that's not us and will probably never be us). To inquire about your food is part of the package, if the trainer shows you some exercises and you continue to eat too much, it's kind of wasting their time and yours.

Welcome to the group Dawn! I am not sure I can add anymore to what has already been added. I think sometimes its hard for us to find that meaning other than we love food and love to eat. Just hang in there - keep logging what you eat and keep being honest. It doesn't help anyone if you lie only you!

Welcome to 3FC Dawn!

First I would like to congratulate you in willing to get healthier. It isn’t easy when you live (eat) your whole life. Been there, done that.
My question here is:
Did you look for help in the right place?
Doesn’t seem like this trainer is a match for you and your current situation. If he only works with already fit people, I don’t think he has much of experience to work with you. Maybe you are just wasting your $$$ with him.
To me is like to bring a horse to a dog’s vet. The veterinarian still an animal doctor, but he is used to work with a very different kind of animal than yours.
So maybe you should just try look for help with someone who has experience working with over weight people.
It is very hard for naturally thin people understand what food means for us.
Try to explain to them just make me feel like I am a freak. If it wasn’t this way, we (people with weight issues) wouldn’t try to hide our food habits from them. That’s why we don’t talk about it and try to avoid the subject, if you know what I am talking about.
So, If I were you I would look for a professional who fits your needs. It would save you money, time and stress.
Actually, insist to work with the wrong professional can frustrate you and make you give up all together.
Good luck to you!!!