[COLOR=purple]*HUGS Tamara*

Though I know you already know this, you deserve better. Sad to say but, the past will only continue to repeat it's self as long as you allow it do so. People do have ways of changing for the better, but unfortunatly, most "betrayers" only continue to betray. You owe it to yourself and your children to do the right thing. Life is too short to be in so much pain constantly. It sounds like your stuck, so your going to have to figure out a new living situation. Can you afford to stay where you are now, if you some how get him to leave?

I wish I were closer so I could help. You sound so desperate. Just remember you must be strong, and you will be okay. It all seems scary, I know. But it's scarier to think you could live like that for the rest of your life. There has to be a way for you to either get him out or you and the children can leave. Your in my thoughts. If the only thing I can offer you is my shoulder or ear, know that it's always here for you. I am thinking of you...

COLOR]

Tamara -

My heart really goes out to you . My husband has a thing for internet porn. I hate it. It makes me feel so fat and ugly. I've asked him to stop, but he's chosen to "hide" it instead. I've taken the chickensh*t's path and have chosen to turn the other cheek. I think I'm just afraid that if I said "it's porn or me," he might choose porn. (Other than that, he's not a bad guy )

I will be thinking of you through this. Maybe your hubby will wise up.

Jennelle

Tamara,

I really feel for you. If my husband cheeted on me I would be devistated. I think you need to do what your heart tells you to do. You said that you don't love him anymore, and I don't blame you. I think with that one saying, you gave yourself the answer. I commend you for not wanting to take it anymore. I wish you and your kids the best of luck. the road isn't going to be an easy one.

Jennell, My husband likes porn as well, but that doesn't bother me much. I don't know why, but it just doesn't . I know he loves me and that no matter how much he looks, it's me that gets him in the end. But we talked about this. And we came to and understanding. I suggest that you sit him down and tell him how you feel. Let him know that it bothers you. And ask him what about it he like. Who knows, it might makeyour love life better. Or he will understand that it really bothers you and maybe he'll tone things down. But tiit woudl make you fell better if you talked to him about it. I'm sure it would. I wouldn't yell or tell him he is bad, just tell him that you want to talk about it and you want him to stop hiding it. If my husband hid what he was doing, that would worry me more then if I knew.

Well as far as op days go, I had a not so great day. The food that I ate wasn't bad, but it just wan't on program. I go to the gym tomorrow and I'll see if it hrut me bad, or if it wasn't as bad as I thought.

Well my puter is acting up on me so I'm going to let everyone go. I hope my advice helps a little. You all have a great day.

Bella23

Tamara......I am so deeply sorry and totally understand. I to used to choose men who abused me in one form or another. You remember this.......No Matter how you feel you are not helpless, you are an adult with children who look to you to set good examples of values and security and you ARE totally able to do this for yourself and for them. It is scary and every fear in the world will jump up and assail you but in case you hadn't noticed we women are really much stonger inwardly than our male counter parts. Not I think because we are more able in reality but because we do not base our identies on what our jobs are, or titles of any kind rather , we build our identies and strengths on our relationships and those values and people near and dear to us. Now there is a pitfall there which is where you are at this moment....... your identity has just been slammed in a major way and what you have based your life on but from experience I know that this passes. Don't be afraid to be alone...... believe me even if you want to be it won't stay that way. For a time you don't want to be involved anyway discover the woman you don't even know yet. Strong and capable. After my second marriage... I said no more! I stayed single for 8 glorious years. Yes there were hard times and a lot of fear to walk through but I had time to heal , no one to hurt me so deeply and tear down every fiber of my being. I had time to consider what I really wanted from a relationship and what values I had to have in order to be anyway near happy. I was never....NEVER sorry to be out of that horrible marriage based on lies and pain. I vowed I would never take care of a man again he would have to take care of me! Once that was established I was free to care for a man the way I wanted to because I can totally trust him in all the vital areas of my life. He will not hurt me due to anything other than male stupidity concerning female mentality and responses. No marrige is perfect but I will not stay with someone who does not respect me as a person , put me first( so I am free to do likewise),and care deeply about my well being ,mentally, emotionally, and physically and spiritually. You Deserve no less. My ex and I "worked things out" five or six times and what I didn't understand was the change was wonderful and oh so temporary because by my action of forgiveness ...over and over I had told him he could get away with it and I would forgive him if he cried, begged,pleaded, and promised. Which he did well. It meant nothing in the end and in my heart I knew it because I wanted out. That was my spirit talking, I just kept ignoring it until he began to act out . Mental abuse and a small amount of physical. He had no respect for me how could he I was willing to put up with anything, I had no respect for myself. My blessing was I had no children to see my lack of self respect. Right now your emotions are shredded and your spirit is crushed that is what your child is responding to but you are hurting yourself by giving someone permission to do you that way. I know only to well it is not what he did that was hurting me but how I responded to it by being a doormat. I know it feels like you are dieing inside but you will come out the other end better than you could ever dream of if you give yourself a chance. This is a pattern for him. It is not you it is him and you can't change that. It is his problem not yours please in no way take it as a failure of yours ....I promise you it isn't. There are many organizations and people out there to help you find them , don't let your pride or fear hold you a prisoner. Get free and rebuild ....... something wonderful for you, and for your children. I am here if you need to talk. I will always be totally honest with you. Sometimes that means I will tell what you need to hear not what you want to hear. Sometimes I won't have any answers but you can bet this...... I will tell you straight every time. Count on it . If that's what you want and need to hear. Talk to me any time. It is the only way I know to deal with life toe to toes and on an equal footing. I will keep you in my prayers. God Bless you and keep you and yours safe and content.
Pam

Tamara -

*BIG HIGS* I'm so sorry . Life just pretty much sucks sometimes. Everyone here has given you some awesome advice. Just remember that you are very special and you deserve to be treated that way. I hope that you can find a place for you and your girls. We are here for you sweetie.

I have managed to have 2 completely OP days. I have stayed within my points, drank my water and moved my butt. I did gain today, but onward I go. Slow and steady is my new motto. I even past up sweet rolls that were in my classroom ALL day. I am no longer cocky enough to think it will last, now I pray I can get through the next challenge. I am currently craving carbs, I am avoiding food by being on the computer. 9:16...I think I'll make it. Thank you everyone for all the kind words. I don't think I could do this without you!! You guys are all so awesome!!

Well, despite all my good intentions, my day yesterday was not great. BUT, there are a few things that happened that I think are going to make it possible for today to be a good day. I feel much better about myself, I'm slowly but surely catching up on sleep lost this weekend, and my good friend finally had her baby! Hooray! AND hubby is definately shaping up.

To all you girls out there, just to offer my opinion, my hubby used to look at porn also. I say used to because he became addicted and had to give it up. A little looking now and then is ok, but please protect yourself, because it can rapidly slip into horribleness. He has done really well though and I am so proud of where he is today!!!

So, its a new day.. I always love new days. I get to face up to Mr. Scale Monster tonight, but I'm pleasantly in the dark as to what he is going to say, which is probably a good thing! I just can't wait to get moved and settled in so I can get back to normalcy, because obviously right now we are trying to eat our way through everything so there is less to pack, etc... which is completely throwing me for a loop.. I have a desperate need to replenish But I'll be ok.

hope you girlies all have a great day!

Well, I'm here... barely, I'm BEAT... but I ate within my calories yesterday, and not even at the high end of them... and that was even having a nice bowl of popcorn after everyone else went to bed... no exercise, decent on water.... hubby is now sick, goodness we just can't get away from this thing, so I babied him, and took care of Ravyn, and didn't take the time for a workout, I'll catch up tho, even if I improve one thing at a time, I'm still improving... My scales don't like me, they have me once again right back where I started...and once again, I could blame it on being sick, being busy, whatever, but I'm going to blame it on being irresponsible in my choices... if it all comes off at once, after all the rotovirus is gone, then lovely, if not, I just have to keep working... I need that same wake up call I had not all that long ago... because just because I've got a little bit of footing now, doesn't mean anything when the next temptation comes along... I'm sorry, I'll have to do individual replies later, I'm tired, have cleaning and breakfast to do, and my extra kiddies just arrived

Hi all,

Well the day has started out great!! I have been totaly op!!, It's 12 noon here and I have already drank 64oz of water, my food has been great, and I just came from the gym. Today I did the ab. workout, step, and lower body wieghts. I'm proud of my self. Tomorrow I'm going to try another aerobic class, and my upper body wieghts. I can't wait. I'm ready to go.

Jen, Great about the gym. Let us know what you think. And good luck.

Ba, so how are things going with you? Are you feeling better about yourself? I hope so.

Everyone else have a great day.
Bella23

Starting a new thread...

Morning All..it seems as if for now, I have once again, found my way. I had 3 days OP and I am working on a 4th. Staying within my points, drinking my water and moving my butt. For the moment, it seems effortless and I am going to ride this as long as I can. And when I hit my next obstacle, I WILL overcome it!! This must be ome who I am, just something that I do.

Bella - You have been doing so awesome. I just want you to know how proud I am of you. You have really been giving this 100%. You just keep it up, we are all inspired by you!

Jennifer - How you doing sweetie?

Tamara - We haven't heard from you, are you doing ok? I'm worried about you.

I wish everyone an awesome OP day!! We are pulling ourselves out of this slump, let's keep it up!

oops! sorry sandi