I would have been so ticked!!!! I probably would have kept the gift.


We have also done the whole "help them move" when NOTHING is packed. After we loaded up the large furniture items I left and told her to call me when her crap was packed.

My own sister also has a way with tackiness. She usually insists that the whole family come to her house for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner. Then she takes each of the wives aside and tells us how much the food costed and how much we Owe according to how many family members we each brought. Since she is a couple hrs. away and gas costs are enormous, I told her that next time me, DH and our kids would just plan our own holiday meal at home. BTW, she doesn't ask for money in front of her DH as he would be horrified.

I cannot believe that she insisted that you come to her house for a holiday and THEN wanted to CHARGE you for it?!?!?!?? I would never go back there again. Invite people to your place this year - be sure to put on the invite "NO CHARGE".
What ever happend to bringing a dish or a bottle of wine?

tacky funeral behavior? My grandfather died and his first wife's sisters came in, sat in the front right behind me, and started asking me if I'd gone through all of his stuff yet and who was getting what. Not only did I completely ignore them, but I haven't seen or spoken to them since and intend to keep it that way.

These are the same people who packed up all of greant grandma's house - knowing my parents were moving into it - and too EVERYthing... including the toilet paper off the roll!!

Oh I have another one.

My soon to be hubby was married before. Whenever her family came to town he was all but ignored.

It was Thanksgiving, they hosted. When it was time to sit down and eat, my fiance noticed his moms name not at the table. All her family was at the table as was him. His mom? Out on the back porch with friends of the family!

I think the dollar dance is tacky as well. I think any public display of giving money (and also pinning it on a woman in a very expensive dress!!!) is just not up my alley. You may as well set up a tip jar at the bride and groom's table.

As for tacky funeral beahvior- I'm sorry, but it kinda freaks me out when I see people walking around with camcorders at funerals. Is this wrong?

Around here we have a name for people like that.. or something like that anyway.

I have to say that I have been to quite a few weddings in the last 10 years. My own kids in the last year, their friends weddings (Angie and I are the cool parents...oh yeah...so we get invited to those) and several of Angie's teacher friend's weddings. A couple of those teacher friends Twice Although their "second" marraiges were more of the BBQ type and No presents involved.

So....being an expert on some of these matters I want to share my take on them. I don't wish to offend anyone.

#1 ~ My wedding to my first wife was her and I only in Vegas for a long week-end. We had lived together for four years and I didn't feel it was right to marry in a church at that time...my views and morals have certainly changed in the almost 30 years now, actually they changed many years ago. Anyway, we did not want or need gifts. We had a big party at the VFW hall for about 100 people with a very popular and local live band, we had pizza, sandwiches (I owned a sandwich shop at the time), fried chicken and of course an open bar. It was a freakin' BLAST!! That was US! We paid for the entire thing which was over a grand...in '79 that was a lot of money for a PAR-TAY! for simple folks.

Angie and I were married in our church by our Pastor...with...our kids, my sister and nieces...Angie's mom and brother were there. We just told family the day before, anyone wants to come and has the day off come, we will take you to lunch. That was US

My daughter and her husband did not want to have a $$$ MONEY $$$ dance at their wedding....That was THEM

My son and daughter in law had a $$$ MONEY $$$ dance That was THEM She had a little purse...no pins involved.

JUNEBUG ~ The dance can be done in good taste. I will be doing my fly-by Friday...Pretty sure my goddaughter will have a $$$ dance ...the couple is NAVY and broke!

I would say about half of the weddings I have been to have the $$$ dance...I think it is FINE either way! It ain't about ME!

I don't well...but I pay pretty good at least $10 for every time I step on glass slipper

As far as a BBQ for the "B" list. Personally I don't see any problem with that. Although I do see how people's feelings can be hurt . All I will say is that with my son and daughter both getting married in 6 months recently...we have been through this. They both paid a big chunk of their own wedding costs, Angie and I and their mom gave a generous gift to each of them towards it and the other families paid substantial too...but they were quite expensive for sure. The food tab at my daughter's was over $7,000 alone. Anyway, each wedding had 150 guests. Now I would have thought that would be enough to include everyone we would like to have there... Not even close...just our immediate family (what we consider immediate) is over 50 alone! This does not include any of the kids high school ~ college ~ sports ~ work ~ church friends or the parents friends we might liked to have included. Folks there is only so much $$$ that can be afforded...at least we all ended up wedding debt free after them!! All paid for in cash. Anyway, although they didn't have one due to the honeymoons and work...the kids did discuss having a party for the "B" list...but with NO presents! Now keep in mind, the people on their "B" list may actually be closer to them than the A list...family from out of town etc. Any how, many of the "B" listers gave presents anyway because they HAVE BEEN THERE with their own wedding costs.

As far as "showers" go...As long as the shower "theme" is NOTED on the announcement, I see nothing wrong with having a "candle/avon/whatever" party" One is not obligated to buy from the hostess, but if you like what they are selling why not? Why give to Wally World or another box joint. And NO I do not know anyone that sells things but Angie does have friends that need to earn money that way. Again, as long as it isn't a secret before you get there.

As far as the registry goes...why not click on expensive items...some people DO have money and want to buy expensive stuff. The kids I talk to don't really think they will get all the stuff...they have been to weddings, they see that most of the gifts (at the weddings we go to weddings anyway) are around $25-$50) I know that there were couples that went together on gifts for my kids. As for me...they all get the same thing...everytime...$100 to Home Depot if it is a young couple just starting out or $50 for friend already playing house. That is for the first wedding....a hug for the second! If they are family or close friends I find other ways to help out financially...but they all get the same gift...makes it easy on Angie and I.

As far as funerals go...it is a sad time for sure. We have tried in our family to get away from funerals and have memorials. Sometimes several weeks after the death. We find it gives people a chance to grieve and then come together, although sad, but happy that our loved one has gone home! My family knows WITHOUT A DOUBT that there better be a BBQ in my honor when I go!! Angie and I didn't buy this shuuffleboard court and pour over 5 grand in cement for nothing! Seriously, I even have the list of songs I want played at the memorial...if they choose to have one. Angie and I are fine to just have our bodies donated to research if needed or cremated. Then we want our family to focus on having a cool GOOD-BYE party. You see...WE KNOW where we are going...it isn't going to be a sad day for us.

Again I don't want to offend anyone at all...but if I am looking down...and my grandkids...even my adopted ones ENNAY are having a snack....hey! I am all for it! Little ones don't quite get it. I almost always have bags of fun fruits in my pocket at church, have quieted many a kid down over the years. Angie and I sit on the side with little kids ON PURPOSE! We love the activity...and I don't mean RUDE behavior either...there is a big difference...common sense PEOPLE!

My daughter had coloring books and crayons at her wedding for the little guys...wouldn't be a bad idea at a funeral either I suppose.

Pictures should be taken at weddings! But use your head PEOPLE! Don't infringe on the professional photographer that has been hired...don't be rude...if they are...do as my brother did at my daughter's...say "GET THE blankity blank OUT OF MY WAY...I WAS HERE FIRST!"...they will back down. and wait to take cake pictures...everyone must be respectful of each other and know THEIR place in the "moment"!

These are all so tacky!

I don't know if this counts, but it just happened to me yesterday.

My brother is getting married next July. He's had this girlfriend for over 5 years, they live together, I see them often.
My sister calls me yesterday and says "Pam wanted me to call you and tell you the dress and shoes she wants us to order for the wedding, and to order them today because they're from a catalog." I was like, "I'm in the wedding?" I was NEVER asked... or even TOLD... just supposed to assume, I guess. Still haven't heard from Pam...

Tracy...some people are just not that smart....

Hey Gary- I didn't mean to offend you and yours. I've been to so.many.weddings. that I have some definite ideas on what I want to do. But you are right- to each his own. I do have to say that the most tasteful affair I ever attended was probably the most inexpensive wedding and the most FUN I ever had at a wedding was at a VFW !

I guess as far as the dollar dance goes, I just never understood the idea of pinning money on the bride as I've seen done and I think that's what turned me off to it (but I'm all about the dress).

Now this is truly tacky:
I attended a family member's wedding wayyyyyy down south a few years back and the combination of the bride wearing verrrrry exposed pink slippers and the sight of people SMOKING as she as walking down the aisle made for some interesting commentary. I think the groom may have even had a chew in....

More tackiness from my distant relatives at weddings: the money dance, not only do they insist on going up to the couple, they make a game of folding the dollar bills and tucking them into places i.e. behind the bride or groom's ear, the spouse must them get the money without using their hands--like retrieving it with their teeth and then tossing it to the side to another family member waiting with a collection basket of sorts. Then each successive money giver will try to think of even more creative places to place the money--like in the brides cleavage (if she has any showing), or in the groom's waistband etc. Now that's TACKY!

I had never even heard of the dollar dance before my first wedding. The DJ took it upon imself to announce it, having never discussed it with me first. I was pretty embarrassed but the guests all seemed to enjoy it. Noone pinned money to me but just handed it to us. I think my embarrassment faded a bit after my mom counted it! Wow, we made alot of money that way!

My new husband and I were married from a registrar's office here in England and went back home for a big reception my parents threw for us. I absolutely forbade the dollar dance! It was informal, fun, Mom, my sisters and I did all the food ourselves, Dad and his band played. I agonized over how to present the invitations because we knew it'd be too expensive to try and ship gifts back to England. I finally just settled for "no gifts, please" because I had no clue how to ask for cash donations without sounding totally tacky (even though we still received alot of cash and checks from people who wanted to give us a gift).

A month or so ago, hubby and I were invited to a wedding and it said at the bottom "As ___ and ___ have already set up housekeeping together, they respectfully ask for donations towards their honeymoon instead of gifts." I thought that was worded well. Seems very practical not to mention saving the gift giver alot of time and wasted money.

Oh, hubby just mentioned to me that the dollar dance (he being English and never having seen it done) sounds like the Jewish tradition of pinning money in small envelopes on the bride. So it's not just greedy capitalism. At least there are traditional roots!

Oh my JUNEBUG

You DID NOT offend me in ANY way. I am so soory if you felt that! Please except my apology

All I was trying to say ...... remember I ain't no english major AND I tend to ramble so that confuses people sometimes .....

Is that I USED to think the same about the money dance. The first one I ever saw was when I was about 28, as you know that was A LONG time ago for me . I totally thought it was tacky then, all the pinning and, as NOELLE mentioned, the hidden places. However, since that time and many more money dances, I have seen it done very nicely. I was trying to get across that each and every wedding and person are different. They do things different. Some of those weddings I have been to were on the lower end of the $$$ scale, but the couple WANTED ... even though it was at their cost ... their friends and family to SHARE in their magic day. They really needed the $$$ from the dance so they could pay for the food that we had just eaten

As you mentioned VFW weddings can be fun! Ours was a blast, our friends still bring it up from time to time on how much fun it was. All it was for everyone was a huge party with tons of food, drink and dance. But if you saw that same VFW hall now ....oh my ...I won't venture near it. Honestly, there is NO WAY my kids ...especially my son in law would get married or party in one. That was then for me and my ex-wife, the guys that ran the joint for weddings were men that I bowled with in league ...got that? Bowled with! That outta tell ya somethin'

I bring some of what I say up because of a situation at my daughter's wedding earlier this month. The photographers they had were awesome, however, they were looking for "artistic" shots and they got a ton of them. I can't post them because the purchases have not been made and their site doesn't allow it. If you really want to see them PM me and I will share it with you ...you have to seat through about a 20 minute dvd of them though ...over 500 pictures ...but at least ENYA is playing in the background) Anyway...they WERE NOT about getting family pictures with the kids. They led my daughter to believe that this was going to work out fine....nah...didn't happen because of the situation. There was MORE than enough time for it, they chose to spend hours...or so it seemed...on my kiddos shoes! Nice pictures I will say but not family with them. Now, to be fair they did take some for us.

Here is my point ...see how I ramble ... ...As Angie and I drove to the reception I was so freakin' pissed off! All of a sudden I realized that I COULD NOT allow this to bother me. I still had a dance to do with my kiddo and a toast for them ...I wanted this to be perfect for her ...not about my complaining ...this day WAS NOT ABOUT ME!

Things worked out pretty darn good though. We got tons of pictures and cd's from all the folks that had their digitals. These were way better pictures than the "pros" used to take anyway.

Over the years I have learned to be less critical of these things, so many people involved with their own ideas it can get confusing. I just go to them with the attitude that it is THEIR day and I hope it turns all well for them. Oh, and if they have those little weiners and MY MGD'S ....well then ....ALL IS GOOD!

When I was helping my MIL clean up after the death of my FIL 2 yrs. ago, I noticed that a lot of her nice dishes had names on the bottom of them. So, I asked about it. Lo and Behold her DD (DH's sister) and DH's XW had already put their names on what they want to get when MIL passes away. Even antique furniture and other things in her home have their names on it. Sheesh, can you imagine. I guess they are thinking she won't be far behind him and they need to already get their hand in the pot.