Jen - if I can help out, just PM me. I've run a couple of ESL schemes in my time so I know what it can be like. I'm also working with an Italian media collective at present, where I edit a pot-pourri of English from around the world.

I came in at 10,585 steps yesterday. Amazing as I'd just had a slightly busy day and certainly didn't go for any special walks or push myself. I'll keep monitoring things. I had the impression that 10,000 steps were very, very many. I suppose it's all relative and different people have different lives - or indeed different days.

Love and rest to all who need it.

I've been thinking & thinking & thinking about this since reading it yesterday.

As someone who's all about how our feelings and thoughts affect our weight loss, I have great respect for the act of separating those out and focusing on the science behind it.

I believe what you have hypothesized is true. Today, I went back to lifting weights and the Stairmaster and find myself really, really hungry at 10:30 AM. I'm dying for a large handful of peanuts. No, be honest: More than that.

Now my internal debate is going something like this: How much do I want to work out?

Sometimes I talk about it as though losing over 100 pounds & being absolutely determined not to regain it inadvertently meant I'd sentenced myself to a life of hard labor.

But that's a choice, isn't it? I chose to turn fitness into a second, part-time job. And I take it so seriously that I have started comparing myself to the fitness instructors who make a living at it, when that is not at all how I make my living.

So, do I want to deal with being a higher weight than I want to do be, and pursuit this fitness thing all out, going where it takes me?

Or do I focus on the weight, and scale back on exercise to curb my hunger? And regain some hours of my life for other past-times?

This choice isn't as easy as I'd thought it would be.

I wound up working most of the day yesterday and am in our Athens location today, got here at 7:30 so had to leave my house at 6am. That was fun. Will likely be here until 7pm tonight. Long day without much time off this week, I'll try to find some time to take vacation soon. Maybe. Or might go another year with no real vacation. Bah.

Saef -

Thank you, Silverbirch, I appreciate that! I've worked - both abroad and in the States - with English speakers from all over, so most of the time I'm good, but you never know what language students will stump you with.

About your steps - how much walking do you do just for transportation? I teach on a large campus and imagine I get quite a few steps in just going from class to class, but I've always felt that if I didn't have that built in activity I probably walk very little. Certainly, as is probably true for most Americans in the suburbs, I have nothing within walking distance of my house and all errands involve a car trip.

saef, physically speaking, how do you feel right now? I don't mean the fit of your clothes, but I mean the actual workings of your body. You seem to me like you feel strong and powerful and excited by pushing yourself physically.

When I read your posts (and please excuse and correct any incorrect presumptions on my part) the battle for you in weight loss seems much more mental - control over your relationship with food, and satisfaction with yourself.

I'm honestly not sure where I'm going with this, and I know you're not asking for advice. But if your body feels good with the workouts that you're doing, and you feel empowered by them and are eating to fuel them (without undue excess) I have to think that eventually things will fall into a state of homeostasis and the weight will even out. And then, perhaps, you can start to think about losing weight again. Just some thoughts.

Shannon, I know just how long (and probably full of traffic!) that trip for you was. So sorry. Yes, you need a vacation!

As for me, I've been having a mostly blah day. Some stresses and anxieties have cropped up, right as I need to bake some brownies and a pie for my bf's birthday. Awesome! Thankfully, I've been on plan (which means largely off sugar) long enough at this point that I'm tempted but not unbearably so. Also, I'm going to eat a brownie tomorrow and enjoy it.

I hope everyone is having a good weekend!

I ran a 5k this morning in the rain. It seemed appropriate that it was raining and grey - I've only run once in a month, and not in the last ten days. I was tired and stressed out, but I was going to get out there and run it by goodness. It was pouring at 7:25, with a 7:30 start. I got out of the car with an umbrella to see if it was being called off and the race organizer, a friend, came over and told me his radar showed a break in the rain in coming our way. He lined us up at 7:35 and at 7:40 the rain stopped just like that. We had a light drizzle and tree splash for the first 2.5 miles, a 2 minute downpour at mile 2.6 and then it stopped again. I finished in 35:58 - so far past my best time I don't want to think about it, but finished. I'm going to feel good about that.

Mother's Day shot me up 1.6 pounds. in the overall scheme of things, not a lot of weight, but I have learned any added poundage thinks it is here to stay.

Jen, I live in the countryside so I'm in the car much more often than I'd like. I have to park the car some way from the house so that's probably 500 steps for a round trip and sometimes it's two or three times if there's a lot of stuff to shift. At work, I always go out for a walk through the woods and shopping in a town will involve a lot of walking.

I think the pedometer may miscount when I'm at home unless I'm restlessly prowling around our rather small house. That is a possibility as it needs a lot of tidying up just to stay habitable. Anyway, I think I'm going to start looking at the "active calories burnt" and "fat grams used" as a way of looking at the "quality" of daily steps. Quality as in moving around the kitchen vs striding along the road. I'll use these metrics as comparators not as what they purport to measure as I know that's inaccurate and pointless.

I always wonder whether the UK is really part of the "Europe" described by North Americans as where you walk and walk. Perhaps it is.

*Shannon*, glad you got out for a run! Work seems more demanding for you than a few years ago or are you just telling us about it now?

Birchie - I have friends in London and they walk all over, but they also live in the city right close to everything. They make mention also of biking - one works at King's College and bikes to work most days I think. When they lived further out they did more driving though. And work comes up and down - I've had some pretty trying things lately that were new, and the healthcare changes here in the States are complex. So yes, a little more complicated than before. Or maybe more problematic now, which I hope improves.

*Shannon*, I thought all those English and Spanish presentations sounded either fun or pretty demanding! London's lovely for walking and there's a lot of biking. King's College London is in a good spot for that. I walk round about there at least twice a year or pass by on a bus.

Not a great day for food. I was knocked off my perch on Saturday by a meal out and haven't found my equilibrium yet. I had soup at a cafe for lunch as their main meals are too big for me. No protein! But I'd had a hard boiled egg mid-morning and I thought it would be enough. It wasn't so I had a pudding. Very nice pud but the whole thing unbalanced me. I've decided that next time I'll have an omelette.

I'm so disappointed in myself. BF's birthday was Monday and I used that as an excuse to eat my weight in whatever sweets I could get my hands on. This continued after I was alone at home that evening. A good old-fashioned gorge in the unhealthiest of ways (mentally and physically).

I hate being a broken record on this one issue - every 2-3 weeks it's the same story. I was back to normal eating yesterday, and activity, and so today is going better. But I feel dumb. Sometimes, for a smart woman, I do stupid things.

This week I'm in Louisville visiting family and helping my parents clean and pack for a move -they're retiring soon and moving to Atlanta. The good thing is that being on plan here is relatively easy.

Hope everyone is having a good week!

Jen, it happens, don't beat yourself up over it. Put it behind you and move on.

Jen,
So it happens every 2-3 weeks? The point is that you got right back on track. Try not to beat yourself up about it. Good luck helping your parents move. That would put me over the edge for sure!

These binges sound almost cyclical. Is it a timing thing, do you think? Like the pressure builds up, and after a certain almost measured interval, the only release is a binge? Or is it a circumstantial thing? That when this happens, and that happens, certain conditions converge, a binge becomes more probable? I'm asking because with me, binges don't just happen. There's a certain setup. I know when I'm entering a danger zone, and when I consciously decide I'm just going to let it happen. And then afterward: "Oops, I did it again." Only it's not really an "oops." At some point, with the binge rushing toward me like an oncoming train, I decided to stop in my tracks and just let it happen. I'm interested in scenarios that repeat themselves, and whether I learn anything from binge to binge.

Well, perhaps. But, as a smart woman, you can have a serious look at what happens, in the cold light of day. Analyse a bit and look for patterns as saef's saying, I think.

If I'm going to jump the tracks it tends to be in the late afternoon when certain other factors come into play. I try not to let those factors start operating. But they are at the moment and that's another story.

Jen, do you binge to make up for lost time because "normal" is too regimented or strict even though it really "shouldn't be?"