Feeling better today after a somewhat good night's sleep. We're in a huge turmoil at work and it is really compromising getting a full 8 hours. I wake at midnight and then stew about things for 2-3 hours and then finally get back to sleep only to have very odd dreams that keep waking me up. I don't expect this trouble at work to end soon--in fact our lawyer said a minimum of 6 weeks AFTER he gets back from vacation. I just hope it's all resolved before we go on vacation at the end of July.

Saef - Major HUGS!

I identify SO SO strongly with everything that you're saying! I know that this won't make you feel any better, but you are certainly not alone!

It sounds like intellectually you know what the truth is, but emotionally you don't. I totally get that.

I hope you feel better - emotionally and physically!

Jen

JenMusic - hello! Thanks for saying nice things. I've been admiring your hair for ages. Is it *very* long? I don't set out to be challenging in my language but that's sometimes what happens! Mince is, I think, what you call ground beef. Nippy means, and this is only really in Scotland, very spicy or hot. In general, nippy means fast. I'll nip to the shop means that I'll go quickly, usually for something small.

Bargoo, Fats and I will have to differ: I'll take responsibility but I won't take blame. That's because I think blame is on the road to guilt and unhelpful negative things. I suppose that's why he's a great singer and I'm more of a nit-picking arguer.

Saef - a love of beauty sounds so good, so vast with potentially so much roo to explore, both inside oneself and out.

I have my new pedometer and it's showing 8155 steps at 4.30 pm. Granted today has had one or two short outings in it (= a headlong tumble of unplanned ...) but I think that's pretty good going. A walk to the end of the road and back this evening and I could get to 10,000 and see what happens. I think something may pop up on the screen.

Silver, I was picking up on the shame when you said that's a shame and I did mean it tongue in cheek, However, in my own case I have to take responsibility for everything I put in my mouth so I guess I am to blame for my extra poundage. Not blaming you in any way as I can only account for my own transgressions.

Well, I'm disappointed. I recently read that Chobani yogurt has a low fat banana flavored Greek yogurt. I love banana yogurt and it is next to impossible to find. I can make my own with plain regular or Greek yogurt and chopped up overripe bananas, but I haven't had bananas around here for months. And I don't feel like buying a bunch and letting them get to that overripe stage. Anyway, I finally found the Chobani and I bought two small containers. I had one this morning for breakfast. Um, not so good. At least it isn't as good as if I made it myself. This was way too sweet. Turns out they add "evaporated cane juice" to it. Sounds sugary.

Allison, have you tried Oikos Greek Yogurt ? I like it better than Chobani. I don't know about Banana yogurt, though. Yoplait also makes a Greek yogurt.

Allison - if you get your bananas to desired ripeness and then stick them in the fridge they will stay that way for up to 2 weeks. The PEEL will turn BLACK but the banana inside is completely fine!

I freeze my overripe bananas. I peel them and slice them and put them in a Tupperware or Rubbermaid container and put them in the freezer. They freeze beautifully. I use them in making protein shakes.

saef - I hope you feeling (mentally and emotionally) better soon. And I would snarl at my doctor if she reproached me for my weight when I was there for an illness. I identify SO strongly with the idea of "conventional standards of beauty." As much as I tell myself that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and that I've been culturally programmed, I can't escape it. I guess my programming stuck.

Silverbirch - Thank you for the compliment! My hair is long but not very long, perhaps (to be slightly indelicate for the ease of explaining) to the top of my bra strap in the back. And thank you for you for the explanation of nippy mince. It sounds delightful. I should say that I teach adult ESL (English as a Second Language) here in the States, so I try to stay familiar with as much world English vocabulary as I can. Every once in a while students will stump me with a word they learned "back home" and it's my job to determine if it's another English dialect or just plain wrong.

Allison - I'm sorry for the stress and resulting lack of sleep. Even more sorry that it's for an extended period of time.

Shannon - Happy birthday! I only lurk occasionally in the chat, so I didn't realize I missed it. I hope you had a good day.

I don't really want to run this afternoon, for no other reason than sheer laziness. I always enjoy the run once I get started, so I'm going to head off now and get my clothes on. Grumble, grumble, grumble . . . .

I do freeze my overripe bananas. I peel and chop them first. I just don't have the patience to get them to that overripe spot without eating them all first!

Has anyone seen a nutritionist before? My dh suggested I see one. He (I think) is tired of hearing me complain about gaining weight despite my best actions. He thinks that a professional might point out some things I could change in my diet. If you have seen one, was it beneficial? Anything that I should look for or avoid? Is a nutritionist the same as a dietician?

"Birchie, my moment of crystal clarity was that, if all the exercise, eating certain things and eschewing others, and watching my weight was about health, then why did I get so sick? And why do I feel so guilty at stopping most of those activities to heal?"
Saef, you got sick because you were exposed to someone who carried a virus you were not immune to. This is, I think, different from why you feel so guilty at stopping doing those things that for you are a talisman against more weight gain and poor health. Clearly, those things have not been working well for you in the last few months, yet you don't want to let go of them for fear that any alternative may be even worse. But- and I say this with utter empathy, from a fairly similar place mentally - something's got to change about your routine since it's no longer giving you the results you need/want. From my prior experience, you may be overexercising and thereby driving up your hunger levels to where you can't control your calorie intake. Decreasing physical activity (and allowing yourself more sleep) may allow you to drop your intake enough to lose weight as well as replenish your strength. This is, of course, just one person's opinion and I don't live in your shoes, so take it or leave it as you will.

Michele, a nutritionist does not need a specific diploma/degree like a dietician. Basically, anyone can call themselves a "nutritionist," so check their creds. But if you're 127 pounds at 5'5" (BMI 21), I doubt you'll get much advice on weight loss - she's more likely to lecture you on body image, which you may find less than helpful :>)

Michele, my Doctor. a GP sent me to a dietician , not a nutritionist, but a dietician. I do not think it helped. Everything I learned from her I could have learned from the hundreds, of books published about diets and the many TV shows about diets, in short , there is plenty of info out there, the dietician had nothing new to add. Then there is 3FC I would say some of the most valuable tips about dieting I got right here......from dieters.

I saw a registered dietician last fall shortly after I hit maintanence. I walked into the room and she had all this plastic food laid out and enlarged pictures of nutritional labels and my heart sank.

But then she opened up the floor to me and we talked about running and muscle mass and BMI and how many calories I should eat. We also talked about fiber and carbs and protein. It was really useful.

Jen

Saef - you and I are so much alike I think. I read your words and they so often echo what is in my head. I've gotten sick more in the last six months than I have in the last five years. I've had flu, strep, colds, allergies, more flu... I've blamed myself for losing touch with my more obsessive 'healthy' habits and believed the illnesses and the weight gains were ny punishments for that transgression. But as Andrea said - I got strep because one of my employees came to work with it and spread it. The other things came from other viruses and issues, made worse because I was run down. When I was sick I didn't exercise. As soon as I was well I dived back in too far too fast and left myself weak for getting sick again. We've talked about it more than once, but how do we forgive ourselves and really learn to live?