I just keep telling myself that I'll be the sweetest little old lady because it will all be out of my system. This is what I get for being a goody growing up.

I just got a visual of you as an old lady in a gay bar!

Jane: Yeah, we're sure he has PTSD from all of the crap from his childhood (abusive mother). My stepmom lives with a PTSD guy and is a doctor - she says he has all the classic behavior issues and life "problems" that a PTSD person has. I love him, but need the tools to deal with his idiosyncracies - because they ARE different than what a normal (whatever that is) person would think. No wonder my mom can't stand him anymore - she still thinks PMS is all in my head, too. but, he can be different when it comes to interpersonal relationships... but still a great guy who loves me. There are still days I think I'm a saint, too.

Jina - Hey! Yep, we're moved in. Haven't unpacked yet (see the "New Home Improvement Diet" thread from a couple of weeks ago) but are at least living there. The owners left the house in such a state of disrepair and DIRTY that we are having to clean things several times over. Like the counter tops - took steel wool to them and discovered after much elbow grease that they aren't actually cream colored!! So, we are living in the upstairs, but are totally redoing the main level. It is a much bigger project than we really wanted, but we love the house so it will be worth it in the end.

Today dh is starting a new job selling ADT security systems. Sounds good to me - he will be home with dd during the day and work in the evenings. We will still have most of our weekends back together which will be good (and we might actually end up with dd#2 ) Maybe someday I'll get to quit my job.

I am not doing Atkins right now. Can't do it - but am gearing up to getting there. I had been counting on being able to actually USE my kitchen to prep meals and lunches. The best news (for me personally) is that my dh will be gone most evenings which means I can go back to losing weight by skipping the large, late dinners - also reference my Home Improvement Diet. I'll snack for dinner early with dd and then sleep early, too. For some reason, I can't do that with dh around.

I am happy you have all allowed me to stick around through such horrible times that we've had these past several months.

Star - I think you'll be an interesting old lady... but can't picture you in a gay bar.

Hmmm... and please don't be put off by the female strippers - they have nothing on you, trust me. You probably make *them* feel insecure because there YOU were, all beautiful and fully-clothed (I assume) and happy.

Lisa - I could just kiss you (in a non lesbian sort of way)! Thank you for saying that. And yes, I stayed fully clothed. And after checking with my friends that were there, I behaved rather well, too.

FOTFL!!

Okay, well, then I'd let you. We just have to stick together at times. I know that when I weighed 120 pounds less than I do now, I still saw myself as fat as I am now. I never knew how thin I really was until I compare pictures of myself then and now.

If you truly look at yourself in the mirror and let the overweight insecurities go, you'll see the real, beautiful, thin you. I know that is sooo hard to do... but you'll do yourself a favor by forgetting the fat Star and introducing yourself to the thin Star.

It's hard though, isn't it? After a lifetime of being told that I'm fat and ugly, it's so ingrained in me. Do other people have this problem? I just never feel like I measure up.

It is VERY hard. Nearly impossible - but just like when you set your mind to "doing" Atkins, you have to set your mind to being thin - or being good enough - or being "just as pretty" as that gal over there....

One day, very soon, you're going to be shopping in downtown Portland and you're going to walk by one of those big picture windows and see a beautiful girl walking with you. Then you'll realize it IS you.

Why, dear Star, do you think you've had other women treating you so badly. Hmmm?? They are INSECURE because of the way YOU look. You make them feel "not good enough" and even though that is not your purpose, just the fact that you are thin and they are not is enough for them. You've been there, you understand. But now you're on the other side of the fence and you'll have to get used to it.

Hmmm we need a support group for changing that mindset.

I'll have to post my "goal" picture... how I looked 10 years ago.

Wow, Lisa! I never thought about it quite like that. I'm so glad you're back! I needed that. Thank you!