Your hubby is a lot like my hubby in that respect. If he sees a younger woman, he says they all appear like babies once they open their mouth b/c they lack life experience. Plus, he said that I'm the mother of his children so that definitely makes me extra-special. I feel the same way, if I was with someone a lot younger, I'd feel like I have to explain some things b/c we would not be on the same page, lol.

But you're still young (I can't even remember 27, lol) so you may feel a little um, differently when you're facing 40 like me. I hope I didn't insult you, didn't mean it that way. No one can know how you're going to react to something until they are personally faced with it, that's all I'm saying. In theory, I know it sounds silly but being three months and three days shy from 40 is kind of clouding my thinking on it. But that's me but thanks for your response just the same.

I'm not insulted, merely giving you the "younger wife" perspective. I really don't know where you're coming from and might never get there. I already have greying hair (among other things) and am OK with it. My stylist mentioned coloring and tried to yank one out. I balked at the idea! I'm a lot like my mother in that aspect. I remember when she hit 40, and 50 and going on 60. She just doesn't care!

Despite the 12 year difference, my husband and I are on the same page with most things. I'm slightly more mature than my age gives me credit for and he's slightly immature. I like to think the math balances out.

I do hope you're feeling better. 40 will come and you will rock it. Take care!

I do not think it is expected but I think that is because most people over 50 are overweight (neither of which you are). I have heard my dad speak to this several times (appearance as you get older). He has 12 years on you so it is different but as it relates to people who are 50+...most are overweight and many have stopped caring. The cheerleaders, the football players, and the jocks are all hidden behind bodies that are out of shape. The good news is that the best looking people are the ones who do maintain a healthy weight!
I would like commend you for maintaining a 117 lb body! I do not think I could do that at 24. You are a rock star and I am sure that your hubby appreciates your hot body and especially at 39!!!

Geesh, a rock star, huh? Well, move over Pink! LOL. I will agree that some people upon hitting 50 let themselves go, unfortunately. Although there does seem to be a trend in middle-aged folks trying to turn back the clock and get into better physical shape so who really knows.

My hubby tells me all the time that I look great and all that but it doesn't make the number 40 anymore attractive to me, lol. I don't think it's necessarily about the scale at this point, it's how fit you are. It's funny because ten years ago, I would have said the scale was the end-all, be-all of my existence so I guess with age really does come wisdom...to a certain extent.

And congrats on the weight loss thus far, very impressive!

I think most of us reach an age where we really don't want to get any older!

Seems silly now that I am 57 but when I was 30 I thought I was old....now that my son is 30 I know that is still pretty young! But when you grow up with parents that married at 17 and 19 then at the time 30 did seem old....

it was my parents!

My wife is 51 and reminds me all the time....she is very much in shape and healthy but I have to say she doesn't take it as well as I do...

maybe it's because I drink more

seriously, any guy that thinks a 40 year old woman, in shape or not, should look like a 18-21 year old in a bikini has already lost their mind.

Most guys are just happy to have a woman that wants them at that age and isn't too concerned anymore on looks...

Reminds me of the time my son was about 19. He was really upset and complaining about a haircut he thought was a too short...I laughed and said at least he still had hair...

he got and said "You don't have to worry pops...you already have a wife!"

My DH (we've been married for 12 years now...I'm 33 and he just turned 36) has always had a thing for older women. I've always laughed at him and told him it will be so great once I hit about 40, cause then I'll finally be his hot ideal MILF! LOL!!!

I really think for him, he doesn't care about the age, it is how a woman presents herself. How much she takes time in her appearance, etc. You obviously are in great shape and have a man who is proud to be with you!

(I also find aging more appealing than the alternative)

I just turned 48 last week. My husband turned 40 last April. Yes, I'm 8 years older.

Imagine my crazed thought pattern when *I* turned 40 and he was just 32. ACK! - but I made things easy on myself by jumping out of a plane (wiht a parachute of course!) WHEEEEE!!!!!!!! -that was fun!!!


We make jokes all the time, like the "I'm going to trade you in on two 20-year-olds" and other such guffaws. We're always poking & laughing at ourselves & each other.

But since I've gotten "old-older" and also have the extra weight that I didn't have when we met & fell in love (I was 29, he was 21!!!) ...I sometimes feel self-conscious about my body & the fat that I still have to lose. Most of the time I don't worry about it, because I'm pretty solid in our relationship, but I AM A NORMAL FEMALE! ...and sometimes I do get the "oh-my-god-what-if-he-wants-someone-else" b.s. and feel the need to clarify that he STILL LOVES ME. So a couple weeks ago I JOKINGLY told him "you have my permission to oogle other women, but only if they're super hot & not someone who would usually go for you - just don't fall in love, OK?" and he turned to me in all seriousness & said "I'm already in love" & kissed my hand.

Sometimes we really do judge ourselves way too harshly. We are much more critical of ourselves than our spouses. My advice is to just try to keep YOUR thoughts out of HIS head. Because in all likelihood, what he's thinking is nowhere near what you think he's thinking.

So this is totally normal to feel this way? Thank goodness, lol. Seriously though, your DH sounds like a sweetheart and not to mention a keeper. I never used to get um, get intimate with the lights on until recently because I was so ashamed of my frumpiness, lol. But along with getting back into shape, I was like, 'this is me and it's okay to not be perfect', you know?

Admittedly, most of the time I'm pretty self-confident (believe it or not!) with the way that I look now, it's just every now and again, that sliver of self-doubt sneaks up on me and whispers in my ear, lol.

He does repeatedly tell me that I actually look better than when he first met me (when we were both 19) - that I've aged really well and fared pretty well after birthing two kids too. I do believe him (for the most part) but getting older just stinks, lol.

BTW, I saw your photo that you uploaded on the celebrity thread and you don't even remotely look 48, at all. Thanks and happy belated birthday!

Great topic and what a wonderful array of responses!

I am all over the place on this one. First, it IS possible for a 40 something woman to look pretty damn close to a 20 something in a bikini. It has to do with life long fitness and genetics. In some cases, it has to do with surgery.

Secondly, is looking like you're younger the motive? MAYBE, but I like to think my motive as a 41 year old is strength rather than appearance, independence over relying on a man.

Third, while I am elated when I get comments on how young or fit I look, I think I intimidate the older opposite sex. There aren't many in my area that could or even would want to keep up with my active lifestyle. Not that I want them to be interested in me, because I totally want someone who will keep up with me, but it's not like a lot of men have asked to spend time with me.

Which leads me to the 4th part - you're in love, life is good, 40 is just a number and you rock. Don't even sweat it. When you hit 41, you realize how unspecial 40 was. Especially when you're stronger or can do more active things than the year before.

I have to say that I'm guessing it would matter to a man at 40 if it mattered to him at 20 and at 30...and it'll matter to him at 50 and beyond.

I turned 40 in April and I'll be honest, it's been the toughest birthday I've ever had. Turning 30 was nothing, turning 35 was a little weird...39 was a little anxiety-inducing -- but 40 truly has been tough for me. My DH is 4 years younger than me and he laughs it off. We'll see how he feels in 4 years!

HOWEVER -- I am doing things to improve myself this year that I've not done in the past, and that's a good thing. Yeah, I'm getting a bit frightened about "growing old" like I've not been in the past -- so my reaction, as yours has been, is to get healthy & fit. I'm sick to death of feeling crappy about myself AND feeling crappy physically. I just won't do it for another decade!

It's my belief that over emphasis on the shallow surface part of people is a childish thing - I've always believed that. I don't think a 30-year-old man who would divorce his wife because she gained weight is going to be any different at any age. So yeah, I think it's just as important to "those men" at 40 as it is at 20.

That said, sounds like your husband truly loves you and isn't one of those men. My DH met me when I was about 150 lbs and 24 years old - and he's stuck with me all these years and up to my highest weight of 230. Do I think he was as attracted to me at 230 as he was at 150? No, I honestly don't -- but he's never said or done anything that made me feel like he was gonna leave me if I didn't lose weight. Now that I am losing weight - he is more supportive of me getting healthy than "getting sexy" (hah!) and that's why I love the guy. Sounds like your guy is like that, too!