I wonder, do you suppose (and our token men may know ), do men focus on our bellies nearly as much as we women do? It's my one remaining hang up. I have two beautiful boys, but they came with a belly that may not melt away. I am about to re-enter the dating world, and it's a hang up I have.

So what do you think? I know what men DO focus on...and I wish I had less of that! I want less belly too.

I find that men focus on the assets so to speak. Typical things like breasts, butt, legs, face, etc. I've never had anyone I dated say 'wow your belly is huge'. It is more like 'I like your <blank>'

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I'd love to know the answer to this question! I HATE my stomach. I feel like it's out there too much and it's not really smooth feeling. Now, my DH has never said anything about it to me (like your stomach is too big or it looks nasty). He says it's cute. Really, cute? I would hardly describe it as cute!

From my experience, they are distracted by the things above and below the belly.

Heck no. Men are just happy to know that a woman is interested in taking her clothes off for him. We are far harder on ourselves than we need to be. Men are pretty simple. Naked lady = good. Naked lady wants to be in room with me = awesome

I always figured the flat stomach fixation was fairly recent. I mean, in terms of historical time. About when the midriff suddenly turned into this major erogenous zone, when tops were cropped & the waistlines of jeans dropped & suddenly you started hearing more about "abs" than you did about any other body part.

I've seen a lot of men pat their potbellies self-consciously, and use the term "beer gut" when describing themselves or other men, and Men's Fitness seems to regularly put six-pack & abs in the headlines, so I'm guessing the answer is yeah, men think about abs. I mean, their own abs.

As far as women's abs go, I think they don't break us down into various cuts of meat as much as we do ourselves in our most dissatisfied moments in front of the mirror. They see us in a general overall haze of "hotness level" but occasionally focus a bit more on breasts & butt, and then also on our faces (as the phrase "butterface" seems to indicate). My perception is that the abs are more of a package deal than an absolute fixation. But hey, most people have their kinks, and I am sure there are guys that are into belly buttons, just like guys that are into legs & even specifically into feet.

Unfortunately my husband does
He is 6'2" with 34 inch waist. He has had that same waist measurement since High School, and he has always been sort of a health fanatic. (we are in our 40's)

He fell in love with me when I was 100 pounds. Very petite. I managed to stay at 108 pounds for years, even after our children were born. I started gaining weight because his job moved around (11 times in 8 years). Each time I started feeling settled in, we moved again; and I ate

When he started complaining about my belly, I fired back that quit moving me around....

I just posted at another thread, that I gained weight to "fit in"...it was easier to make friends, when I looked like a mom. Not size 0 twig.

This time I am doing the weight loss for myself. I want to feel me again. Bonus may be, that my hubby will be happy

I'm not convinced I'm ever going to have abs! Actually, I think they may be starting to pop, but it just looks like mounds of fat instead of mounds of muscle right now, if that makes sense. I'd think it was fat if I hadn't been carefully staring at my belly every. single. day. It's that lower pooch that I hate. I'm very happy with my waist now. It's 29 inches and clothed, frankly, it's tiny. But that pooch!

I like my rear! I love that I like my rear because it was what most disgusted me at my heaviest. That's where all the excess fat went. But it also came off quickly from there too. I hope my face is ok. Can't do much about that one.

This was so much easier when I was dating my friends. In HS and college, that's what I did. You didn't have to be nearly as self-conscious when the guys knew you for you first. But now all my friends are married, and my remaining guy friends are more like brothers anyway. And I know absolutely zero men. So anyone I date will be someone who will likely judge me first on appearance.

My dh could care less. I am so self-conscious now when he touches my mid-section, since the 10 lbs. I gained back all went straight there - ugh! Also, he thinks my pooch is cute, which is a good thing because I know from experience that without surgery, I'll always have one.

On a shallow note, he has a pretty big belly himself, and I think he'd look a lot better without it

I sure hope not, at least not when I'm out of my clothes. I can stand up straight and not have much of a tummy in the right pants/shorts. NOW, when clothes come off, I'm so worried. I actually have someone that's interested in me but I'm so worried about my tummy. I don't worry about my arms, I figure guys don't notice flabby arms, but my tummy, that's too close to other parts that men definitely notice.

Even if some do, I don't think it should stop you from going out and dating Eliana.

Actually I think its kind of a blessing to have something to ward away the obsessively superficial guys. If they are going to be the type to not date you just because of some extra weight on your stomach, then who wants to be with them, right?

But, if you don't feel confident in yourself then maybe you should wait. Because even if you meet a nice person who thinks you are completely wonderful and sexy, if you are worried he's thinking about your tummy all the time then it won't work.

Be happy and confident and I think the men will respond

I'm very comfortable being naked with my man even in a 51 year old body that carried an extra 100 lbs for 20 years. That said though, it makes me a bit crazy that when we're spooning, his hands will invariably settle in on holding my belly. Not the waist/rib cage which feels very fit or even the still impressive boobage (34G). I hated that pot belly long before I gained the 100 and it's even less attractive with the loose skin. But he just snuggles in with a sigh so obviously he doesn't find it as repellant as I do!

I guess too you guys are making me realize I WILL know a guy first before he sees my belly because I don't bare it...ever. LOL! And I suppose when I stop and think about it, guys are not analyzing our bellies when they're talking to us clothed, right? That's just a girl thing. So I will know it's hiding under there, but he will not. And once a guy has gotten to know me, it would be terribly shallow of him not to like me because of a little pouch.

Still...I'm glad I have time to attempt to fix this problem area. I still have some pounds to lose. We'll see if that area should improve.

As a female I don't actually find soft, female bellies unattractive at all. Especially with curvy hips and a tiny waist, it has always read as feminine softness to me, not a spare tire. I think it definitely gets more fixation than it deserves - generally only young, childless women have that flat belly, and while I understand the fixation with youth, expecting or desiring an older woman to have the same shape is unrealistic.

I think strength training and further reducing innsize will indeed minimize it, but unless your body fat wss unhealthily low, I wouldn't expect it to go away. It's part of the fat distribution on the female body!


That said, my own lower belly definitely needs to shrink in size. A little fat and sagging skin wouldn't bother me, but right now I am losing everywhere but there (partially thanks to breastfeeding, it preserves belly fat stores for hormonal reasons) and so my ribs are a size 14 and my lower belly remains a full 18. It's annoying, to say the least. My only hope is that as I am continuing down the scale, it will have no choice but to reduce a bit