YouTube is a must, Please and thank you.
Your hubby really should be on board with this, and frankly, he should have stopped this nonsense along time ago. This JA is in -your- home, mistreating -you-. That's entirely unacceptable and if can't follow some basic tenets of society then book him into the nastiest motel you can find. Prefferably one that charges by the hour and present him a bill for that and his food when he leaves.

OK, I missed the part about him being in YOUR home (I can be oblivious) This changes everything to me.

I'd simply say "If you can't behave civily, get out of my home, now!"

No one gets to come into my home and make fun of me. I will ask them to apologize or leave (and if they don't apologize I will demand that they leave).

On your turf, you get to call the shots. "House rules," are sacred, whether that be "take your shoes off at the door," "no smoking inside the house," or "no making fun of the host."

I'd also be much more inclined to use the spray bottle (with a little lemon juice, and I'd aim for the eyes).

LOL@ Spray bottle.

I like how my best friend puts people in their right places. If someone makes a rude comment she'll just look at them for a second, smile and say "How do you feel?" And confusion spreads over the person's face and they say "What"! And she'd say matter of factly, " Oh that comment you just made, did it make you feel way better about your pitiful self?"

Forget squirt gun. Target cleaning aisle = Rubbermaid 32 oz sprayer with excellent distance.

A.

ROFL!!!!!!! This thread cracked me up!! I LOVE the spray bottle idea, I would SO do that. In fact I may have a use for it here. Hmmmm...

Also rofl at the "tiny" comments!!! I cannot wait to hear how this all pans out (I do hope the humor makes it more tolerable for you!)

Love, love, love!!! So many good ideas. I really like the idea of giving it back to him in some kind of ego-deflating humor. Personally, I don't think I could keep the hurt-tears back enough to calmly respond with the "Oh, that's so embarrassing for you to have said that aloud!" approach enough to pull it off - but a quick funny stab I could do. If you get angry - it feeds him. And if you choose to ignore it he'll just say it louder the next time, which also feeds him. I think humor is one of the best approaches (and the water bottle is DEFINITELY funny), and if that doesn't work - have your hubby beat him up.

love all these ideas!! I'm gonna have to keep them in mind in case I ever run into a "Jerk" of my own. Good luck, keep your head up (you're doing GREAT!!!), and let us know how it goes!

wow -- that would be tough! My mouth would get me in trouble - I would let him have it and put him right in his place. I hope things go ok for you!

calluna - Perfect, just perfect!

FWIW, I long ago reached the conclusion that some people could be allowed to hurt my feelings (those whom I love/respect/cherish), and others could not. People whose opinions/thoughts/behaviors place them on the NOT list can usually not manage to hurt my feelings - they just don't matter to me.

That said, I also don't allow such people around - I hope your DH supports your determination to be treated respectfully in your own home.

i'd be hard pressed not to say something like "F you in the face with lasers!"

but that's just me...

If he says that he feels tiny next to you, tell him that you feel like a mensa candidate next to him.

Wow, if I was drinking something it would have totally gone all over my monitor. Classic.

Woah I wouldn't have someone like that in my home, "relative" or not. Some of the suggestions are super funny, but seriously that is SO RUDE of him... especially in your home!!

I remember getting up at a nice dinner party right from the table and leaving (with my husband) because of a wildly inappropriate comment someone said (not about me). I would not be cool with someone in my home saying things like that to my face, and neither should you.

The first comment and he would be asked to leave and welcomed back only with an apology and appropriate behavior.

SPRAY BOTTLE!!!! Please, please, use the spray bottle.