I'm sure your dad's sitting there thinking you're overreacting or that it's teenage female hormones, MEANWHILE every other human on earth recognizes it as the usual "dads can be such insensitive clods" thing. Heck, I think it's a mandatory requirement of being a dad. My dad had a gift for deflating my teenaged ego - for example, once I was showing off a new outfit I had saved up for weeks to buy and thought looked great. It was pink (early 1970s okay) and he said I looked like a big bottle of pepto bismol. I didn't want to ever wear it again.
I'm sure he didn't mean it unkindly and most likely it was a lame attempt at being supportive (if you think about it in a really, really warped way, I can see it as him showing an interest, but using a poor (naw, ridiculously poor) choice of words.
Don't be too hard on him, after all, he's at a disadvantage, being male and all
Jill - Your Pepto Bismol story reminded me of an occassion about 10 years ago. I'd purchased a fancy outfit to wear to my husband's command Christmas party. It was a pair of velvet palazzo pants with a short, beaded, long-sleeved jacket. I thought I looked fabu, but when I asked hubby, he just sort of hemmed and hawed. I finally said, "Just give it to me straight" and he finally 'fessed up and said, "You look like a refrigerator with a head."
Normally, it would have crushed me, but it was such a comical description. I burst out laughing and changed into another outfit.
For me it was a royal blue dress with a matching royal blue hat that I bought for myself when I was about 20. I KNOW it looked great but DBF said it looked like a potato sack because it was sort of a lineish. I haven't forgiven him yet though I did marry him anyway.
I'm sure your Dad hadn't a clue but it doesn't sound like it meant it in a meanhearted way and you two have always come across as close so hope you can clear the air.
Apryl, I'm so sorry your Dad was so thoughtless. Your post brought up a lot of stuff for me, too. What is it about Dads?
I weighed between 145 and 155 when I was younger (I'm 5'9") and my Dad still was on me about weight. When I got older, I told him that if he talked to me about my weight, we wouldn't visit him, and I meant it. I haven't heard a word about my weight since. Like Anagram, I, too, hope you can clear the air with your Dad and get back to a great relationship.
Apryl - Have you talked to him yet about he made you feel? I think that's really important, and men will be men... So he's probably going around, not even realizing that he hurt you and shouldn't have said what he did.
I have no idea how I missed thios thread!!! (((HUGS))). I am so sorry that your dad said such an insensitive thing. Men - I swear!!!! But I agree that maybe you really need to stress to him how much he hurt your feelings. Even if it is just to ward off future insensative comments.
You are a sweet, sensative, talented young lady. We love you!!!!!
Apryl you are a beautiful girl and don't let anyone tell you any different. I know it hurt and hopefully he meant something else and it just came out wrong. As for all men being that way we are not. I think it is a dads most important roll to instill in his daughter a since of self worth and beauty. I'm truly sorry yours is not doing that Apryl. I hope you can take some of that away from here.
Aww Howie, we were just teasing about "all men" being insensitive (I, for one, was just waiting for you or Si to show up all offended).
If you and Kimberley eventually have a daughter, I'm sure you'll be one of those dads who instills confidence in your little girl - and we won't even try to take credit for enlightening you
I feel like I must say that my dad is not a jerk in any sense of the word. I think that's why it hurt so much, actually. He's always supportive of me.... except on the subject of weightloss at which he is CONSTANTLY saying the WRONG thing. Maybe he is trying to "help" but his comment Saturday night was WAY out of line.
Awww Apryl, how crappy for you to have to be going through that. It hurts so much when it comes from family. I realize it hurts coming from any source but when it comes from someone you love it makes it so much worse. I can't add much more to what has already been so far. Try to keep your chin up and work past it. It's very possible he might now feel pretty bad for saying it. Sometimes men don't think before they speak and end up really regretting the things they say. Try not to let it make a huge wedge in the father-daughter relationship. Maybe once you have cooled down you and him can talk it through a little bit more and you can get to the bottom of what made him say it like he did. Big hugs Apryl. Let us know how you are doing.
Apryl, I am sorry to hear how much your dad's words hurt you. Why people say what they say I will never know. I think it especially hard when it comes from a family member or friend because it is these people that we feel we are safest with and can take refuge with away from the world. Heavy people are always wondering where the next nasty remark will come from and we never expect that it will come from someone we love and trust. that is what makes it most shocking. Of all the people......these hurt the deepest.
I have been "chubby" and "overweight" for the majority of my life and I am 29 now. I was always considered "sturdy" and was anything but frail. My grandfather, bless his heart, used to tell me when I was around 13 or 14 that if I had been a boy, I would have made a great football player. Gee...just what a blossoming girl wants to be compared to - a line backer. Then once, when I was around 11 or 12, I was playing with my Barbie dolls in the living room and some older relatives were visiting. As this couple was about to leave, the man came into the living room and out of nowhere told me "You know, young boys don't like fat young girls. You should watch your weight". What the??!! Gee, thanks for the info. Just in case I wasn't sensitive enough about being big this virtual stranger nicely told me that no boys would ever like me. Maybe someone should tell that to my fiancee! hehe. Someone, I wasn't surprised to find out several years later that this man's beloved grand-daughter was being treating for anorexia and bulimia. I can't imagine why.
My point is, once something is said, it can't be taken back. It hangs in the air and man, can it hurt. Some people have no idea that a comment they may forget about in a day can haunt someone for a lifetime. I am getting married in a few months. I am educated. I have lost 30 pounds and have 60 more to lose. But I still remember those words. We have to learn to not be the kind of people who say those things to others.
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