Quote:
Originally Posted by Porthardygurl
And its not like they say it to there face..what they do..is say it around you but not to you..so you hear it but its not said to your face...so you cant just go to the person who owns the gym or works there and complain about it...
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Actually you can. Or you can respond to the nasty person directly, but most people don't. It's what bullies count on. They feel safe in their nastiness, because they know most people won't respond. It's like poking a caged bear.
But if you do respond, it not only shocks them, it often scares them witless (Uh oh, the bear got out of it's cage, now what do I do?).
I am pretty good with thinking of the perfect thing to say to put someone in their place, but I also have a few stock replies for cases in which my mind goes blank, most are on the order of "Why would you even think to say something so horrible?" Or even just laughter and to myself say loud enough for them to hear "What an idiot (or other appropriate derogatory swear)!
I think the essential bit is confidence. When you truly believe that you are strong, powerful, and wonderful (yeah, I guess I do), then idiots don't bother you, because well they're idiots. Who cares what an idiot has to say? (And that attitude really makes the idiots mad. I've learned that anyone who isn't afraid of seeming nasty, is afraid of seeming stupid).
They only have the power that you give them. You can't be bothered by it unless you half believe they're right, and you also have to believe it's a horrible thing. I no longer think being fat is a horrible thing. Yes, it's not good for me, but it's a lot like my diabetes. If someone shouted "you have diabetes" to me, trying to use it as an insult I'd only laugh. And I've learned to see "you're fat" comments that way as well - Yeah, what's your point?
One of my first jobs out of college was working on a psych floor of a hospital, and one day a mentally ill woman told me I was in league with Satan because I was wearing a unicorn pendant. (I don't remember my exact response, but I do remember that I had to try very hard to keep from laughing).
Now if that same woman had told me I was fat, I would have been crushed (at that point in my life).
Why the difference? Isn't being in league with Satan worse than being fat? (In our culture, maybe not, but that's another issue).
Was it because I knew I wasn't in league with Satan, but I knew I was fat?
What if she had said accusingly "You have blue eyes!"?
Some people say you can't learn confidence, but I think you can. You can at least learn to have more confidence than you have now, and that's by acting as if. "What would a confident, strong person say or do?"
I don't always confront idiots, but sometimes I do. Mostly it's because although I'm usually a very nice person, I also have a bit of an evil streak (not to the in league with Satan point, but it's still there), and I like playing mind games with idiots (well, minor idiots, not mentally challenged people).
Just being mean back isn't fun enough for me, because it's too normal, something a bully might expect. I like to mess with their heads by being nice or at least neutral (it automatically gives you the advantage of seeming to have authority. If you're not even upset, then you must think they're unimportant, you must be smarter and better than they are).
So I'd be more apt to say (with a smile and a very kind voice) something like "Watch what you say, dear. Anyone hearing you would think you're a b**** or an idiot."
If I didn't feel like being nice, I might say neutrally "Anyone who says that out loud must be a b**** or an idiot, which are you?"
