Wow that's terrible!

I unfortunately have a friend who made a comment similar to that one time, though not nearly that bad, and I just looked at her like she was crazy and pointed out to her that when she doesn't go to the salon to get her hair done or a pedicure because her hair and nails look great -- it's to make them look better. Same difference with the gym.

Blah.

Well its just rediculous.. i dont know if most of you are from America or not..but here in Canada..i disagree with the thought that we are "Polite" because really...those guys were older than 18..and older than 21..And its not like they say it to there face..what they do..is say it around you but not to you..so you hear it but its not said to your face...so you cant just go to the person who owns the gym or works there and complain about it..I really honestly, just wanted to punch the crap out of those guys..they think they are better than anyone else..just because they are so fit and they have muscles..but seriously..there not better..personally..i would have thought it would have taken an insecure person to say something so horrible..Yes its true..im fat..im obese.. i have weight to lose..and thats why i go to a gym..to get fit..to get into shape.. and yes.. sorry to say..my post-pregnancy boobs are going to jiggle regardless of my use of my sports bra and bra underneath that..And yes.. my tummy will bounce up and down and my bum doesnt look the greatest in my yoga pants..but i need the workout and im not going to apologize for using the gym to do that..

Wait wait wait... it doesn't matter if they were saying it directly to you, if they were saying it ABOUT YOU, you have a right to either A) ignore them, B) politely tell them where to stick it, C) let it get to you and seethe.

I prefer A. They're just ignorant people. There's an abundance of that everywhere. You have to learn that you can't fix stupid. Nothing you say to them will really change their mind. You can call them names, scream at them and tell them how rude they are and all they'll see is that they've managed to piss off an overweight person. If they're rude enough to say that in public, I'm guessing they won't give a crap if they hurt your feelings. Ignore them. They aren't worth the time and energy it takes to flip them the bird. Just keep up your progress, go to the gym with your head held high and to **** with the stupids.

And this is the first I've heard that Canadians were supposed to be polite. LOL

Quite! I don't know where that silly rumour got started.

Actually you can. Or you can respond to the nasty person directly, but most people don't. It's what bullies count on. They feel safe in their nastiness, because they know most people won't respond. It's like poking a caged bear.

But if you do respond, it not only shocks them, it often scares them witless (Uh oh, the bear got out of it's cage, now what do I do?).


I am pretty good with thinking of the perfect thing to say to put someone in their place, but I also have a few stock replies for cases in which my mind goes blank, most are on the order of "Why would you even think to say something so horrible?" Or even just laughter and to myself say loud enough for them to hear "What an idiot (or other appropriate derogatory swear)!


I think the essential bit is confidence. When you truly believe that you are strong, powerful, and wonderful (yeah, I guess I do), then idiots don't bother you, because well they're idiots. Who cares what an idiot has to say? (And that attitude really makes the idiots mad. I've learned that anyone who isn't afraid of seeming nasty, is afraid of seeming stupid).

They only have the power that you give them. You can't be bothered by it unless you half believe they're right, and you also have to believe it's a horrible thing. I no longer think being fat is a horrible thing. Yes, it's not good for me, but it's a lot like my diabetes. If someone shouted "you have diabetes" to me, trying to use it as an insult I'd only laugh. And I've learned to see "you're fat" comments that way as well - Yeah, what's your point?

One of my first jobs out of college was working on a psych floor of a hospital, and one day a mentally ill woman told me I was in league with Satan because I was wearing a unicorn pendant. (I don't remember my exact response, but I do remember that I had to try very hard to keep from laughing).

Now if that same woman had told me I was fat, I would have been crushed (at that point in my life).

Why the difference? Isn't being in league with Satan worse than being fat? (In our culture, maybe not, but that's another issue).

Was it because I knew I wasn't in league with Satan, but I knew I was fat?

What if she had said accusingly "You have blue eyes!"?



Some people say you can't learn confidence, but I think you can. You can at least learn to have more confidence than you have now, and that's by acting as if. "What would a confident, strong person say or do?"


I don't always confront idiots, but sometimes I do. Mostly it's because although I'm usually a very nice person, I also have a bit of an evil streak (not to the in league with Satan point, but it's still there), and I like playing mind games with idiots (well, minor idiots, not mentally challenged people).

Just being mean back isn't fun enough for me, because it's too normal, something a bully might expect. I like to mess with their heads by being nice or at least neutral (it automatically gives you the advantage of seeming to have authority. If you're not even upset, then you must think they're unimportant, you must be smarter and better than they are).

So I'd be more apt to say (with a smile and a very kind voice) something like "Watch what you say, dear. Anyone hearing you would think you're a b**** or an idiot."

If I didn't feel like being nice, I might say neutrally "Anyone who says that out loud must be a b**** or an idiot, which are you?"

it's bad enough that i feel like that's what they're thinking when i go there, now i have to hear it too? that would make me very uspet and i'd probably never go back.

the one thing that gets under my skin is all the "encouragement" from people. i work out at my works gym, which also has the nicest bathrooms so there's a lot of traffic through the work out room. and i'd get comments all the time or interrupted by i'm sure well meaning coworkers that i don't even know to tell me "good for you!" in that way that sounds a lot like "wow you're so fat i never thought you'd try to do something about it" to me.

head down, headphones on, and work out- not socialize. geez, there are rules here!

This is one of the reasons I stopped going to the gym. I never actually heard anybody say anything negative but I did get looks. I think it's so crappy that people have to act like that because we are ALL there for the same reason -- we want to be in shape. It's just rude to say something like that because the person is trying to change their life & they should be admired and respected for the effort put forward.

It this may just be my personal opinion but (thin) people who say that are just insecure and worried that you will one day look better than them. I have a co-worker like that, she does nothing but brings me down & HATES when I loose some weight but she's afraid I'll end up looking more attractive than her..it's just ridiculous.

I agree. The b**** is an idiot for saying really hurtful things about overweight people at the gym, but at some level she's probably insecure about herself and she's projecting her hatred of herself to, well, overweight people.

I'm sorry that you have to experience this. But just like what the other people have said on this thread, you have the choice on how you will deal with these ugly comments. You can a) ignore them; b) stand up for yourself; or c) sulk and feel sorry for yourself.

Anyhow, I hope you feel better now. Hang in there.

well its sad because i had just bought a gym pass and was planning on going almost every day..but i really dont want to go there anymore..i dont want to deal with other people saying crap around me.. it doesnt help encourage me ..its hard enough for me to step out in public honestly..let alone a gym in my spandex..lol

First, talk to management about the hostile environment. No one wants to go to a gym when there's talk like that, even the skinny mini's. Plenty of thin people have their own insecurities and don't want to hear that sort of BS.

It's possible that others have complained but no action has been taken yet. If that's the case, it's possible they gym may just yank the membership of the trouble makers. They don't want to lose many customers due to a handful of jerks.

If most in the gym have this attitude that creates such a horrible experience, you may check and see if there's a 30 day opt out clause or try to sell your membership to someone else (if allowed) and move to another.

Good luck. Hope it all gets worked out.

Dude - you have EVERY right to be there. Next time anyone says that to you call them on it.

"Honey, I can heaaaar you! I'm working on my fitness here at the gym. You may want to work on keeping your thoughts to yourself. GL!"

And report them to management. And to national just in case management is too namby pamby to put a halt to that crap.

Put on headphones, do what you gotta do. But don't let some teen ding dongs stop you from enjoying the gym membership.


A.

It's true you do, but there are other gyms too. I personally go to an all girls gyms and the chicks there seem to be more relaxed and more in the zone to do their own thing then a male and female gym where most chicks go to get picked up by ugly loser guys anyways. Shop around if you didn't get the memebership yet then you're not stuck, maybe try a different gym or look for an all girls gym. I got to Spa Lady and I'm sure they'll have one in B.C and if not I'm sure there is other's.

Wouldnt i love it , if there were another gym, but are town is only 5000 people and we only have one gym, not even our local rec centre has a gym..they just have a pool.. And the nearest next gym is almost 4 hours away..i mean.. are town is out in the boonies of BC.. and this gym, isnt by membership per year..its a month thing...there is no commitment..and whats worse..the person who owns the gym, is selling the gym, so now we will have no gym once its sold..

I've only experienced people being really nice and supportive at the gym. maybe you are going to the wrong gym?

well....people can be jerks whether they are fat or thin....definitely not defending people who are jerks, especially those who make fun of people trying to better themselves..those people are just threatened by pretty much anyone who is doing something that THEY should be doing..like working on their character/empathy for example