Ailidh
I am going to just say what is on my mind, throw out a couple disclaimers so no one bans me from the forum, and have faith that you are not going to be offended by what I say.............(by the way that WAS my disclaimer!)
I think I have read most of your posts, and I see a common thread. After seeing this common thread I really think I should point it out to you. You can tell me I am nuts and to shut up, take it with a grain of salt, what have you. But when I stuggle if I should say something or not I always ask myself if I was in your shoes would I want you to say something to me....(OK there was yet another disclaimer!)
SHeesh, let me get on with it.
What I see over an over is a dependancy on a number on the scale. YOUR identity is not connected to that number at all. I really think that if you eased up on yourself a little bit, relaxed a little bit, you would have a better chance of success in the long run.
I follow your thinking pattern, trust me. I like numbers and like to see consistant patterns in the numbers (consistant loss every day, etc) That is great in something you have 100% control in. But your body is different. There are so many factors that effect that silly number. Some you have control over, and some you have no control over.
Now, since I know you are a woman of the cloth, I will say this as well....Your identity with God is the same at 210 pounds as it is at 199 pounds. Now I certainly don't want to discount that milestone of crossing that 200 mark, but STILL it is just a number.
I just pray that you are able to relax a little bit, give yourself a break. I pray that you find other ways to measure your hard efforts, so that you have constant reminders--other than just a number on the scale--that your efforts are going to pay off in the long run.
So there, that is my thoughts....be good to yourself, physically and mentally!