[Rosinante]

I'm almost certain that if M. had noticed I'd lost weight, she'd have mentioned it. Truth is, if you're wee and dumpy at 225, you're still wee and dumpy at 200. I was only disappointed because it obviously isn't that evident yet - but it will be, believe me, I'm keeping at it.

I think that beyond a certain level of fatness, people just don't notice. Of course no-one would call me that skinny woman but people don't look at me and pass out in horror. It's just me that feels that way about me sometimes.

Last year in Germany I went to a concert up a high tower. It was a small elevator, maybe only 8 people at a time. Eventually it was my turn, and I was head of the queue and walked in as far as I could go. 7 people followed and then another woman got on. The lift refused to start until she got out. She was not big at all, just the extra person tripped an overload. So they're all standing round going, well we're none of us That big.... and I'm dying inside in case they notice me, the elephant in the room or at least the big gal in the lift. Like they could have missed me, there were no nooks and crannies! but no, they're conversational gaze just roved over me and didn't register anything untoward.

What I'm saying is a lot of us are so self-conscious about our weight and our looks. For the vast number of the population, they don't really notice. Not in every day life anyway. That's one of my reasons for not telling folk I'm dieting, it's almost like I don't register as beyond normal until I make it so.

[WarMaiden]

Originally Posted by cfmama

I was trying to cheer her up and was joking around. I did not mean to offend or bother you with my comment. I'm sorry that you took my reply as me being uncharitable. I can assure you I meant nothing of the sort.

Phew, OK, sorry I misread

Ailidh, if it's any consolation, my husband STILL cannot tell I've lost weight. At least, not really to look at me--he can tell a little by touch. And I look really, really different! I'm no longer dumpy, but have a nice womanly shape.

I never told anyone that I was "dieting" either. Eventually the comments came, starting at about 40 pounds lost, which was about 15% of my weight gone. Now they are more frequent, but still not all that frequent--every few weeks maybe. I know that people notice, but most just won't say anything.

These days I think I get most of my positive reinforcement not from the scale, not from comments, but simply from checking myself out in the mirror :P I'm hot stuff now!

[Redflame]

Ailidh

I am going to just say what is on my mind, throw out a couple disclaimers so no one bans me from the forum, and have faith that you are not going to be offended by what I say.............(by the way that WAS my disclaimer!)

I think I have read most of your posts, and I see a common thread. After seeing this common thread I really think I should point it out to you. You can tell me I am nuts and to shut up, take it with a grain of salt, what have you. But when I stuggle if I should say something or not I always ask myself if I was in your shoes would I want you to say something to me....(OK there was yet another disclaimer!)

SHeesh, let me get on with it.

What I see over an over is a dependancy on a number on the scale. YOUR identity is not connected to that number at all. I really think that if you eased up on yourself a little bit, relaxed a little bit, you would have a better chance of success in the long run.

I follow your thinking pattern, trust me. I like numbers and like to see consistant patterns in the numbers (consistant loss every day, etc) That is great in something you have 100% control in. But your body is different. There are so many factors that effect that silly number. Some you have control over, and some you have no control over.

Now, since I know you are a woman of the cloth, I will say this as well....Your identity with God is the same at 210 pounds as it is at 199 pounds. Now I certainly don't want to discount that milestone of crossing that 200 mark, but STILL it is just a number.

I just pray that you are able to relax a little bit, give yourself a break. I pray that you find other ways to measure your hard efforts, so that you have constant reminders--other than just a number on the scale--that your efforts are going to pay off in the long run.

So there, that is my thoughts....be good to yourself, physically and mentally!

[thistoo]

Originally Posted by Ailidh

Truth is, if you're wee and dumpy at 225, you're still wee and dumpy at 200.

As a fellow shortie, I can attest to the absolute truth of this statement. It took until I hit about 180 for me to really *see* a difference, although my sister assures me it was noticeable before that. I'm sure it was, but when I got under 200 the changes really started happening rapidly. So you're getting really close to drastic changes, if we are anything alike at all! Hang in there. I know exactly how frustrating it is, and how disappointing it can be when the people close to us don't recognize our efforts the way we think they will.

[Rosinante]

Thanks, Red, I appreciate your words. I'm really trying to break my number-dependency, so a lot of what I say is me thinking out loud. I know my intrinsic worth is not depended on weight or girth or height. I am trying to be logical about this weightloss journey, and accept numbers that I don't like or stalls or people not noticing or not needing new clothes yet as just part of the scenery of the journey but sometimes I need to comment on the scenery; but your point about self-worth is well taken.


Caroline, thanks for the encouragement to persever another day, that if we keep on doing it right, it Will happen! You're proof, congratulations on your 70lbs!