Hey everyone! Yuck, Wednesday was not a good day for me. I've decided not to go to my family's Thanksgiving dinner this year, so it looks like I won't have to worry about chowing down after all.

In addition to all that, I had a meeting with an advisor yesterday at my college. I'd been referred there by my fav prof because she wanted me in the Honors program for English. Well, when I went to the meeting, the advisor spent an hour tearing apart my winter schedule and replacing it with classes she thought I should take. I was so upset about all of it! She made my days longer so I'd have to go from 9:35am to 8pm instead of 5pm, and she swapped out three of the classes I was really excited for and exchanged them with two classes that I absolutely did not want to take next semester. It was the worst! I wanted to be polite, so I didn't say anything bad, but I certainly will NOT be listening to ANY of her advice. And what's more, she didn't even tell me one single thing about the Honors program! So now I'm a little worse for wear and feeling a bit blah.

Question of the Day: I imagine how pretty I will be when I am thin!

KimL1214: Sorry about your tv that sucks! I totally get about coming over here and reading goals and mini-goals, I do that too for inspiration and/or self-flagellation depending on my mood. You're right though, getting to the gym and pushing through the 1st 10 minutes is always the battle won already!

Jelbelle: Yeah I get this and have gone through something similar before and I totally agree: just do what you were going to do before. I hate confrontation so I'd probably have just watched her tear my schedule apart like u did and then just stuck with my original plan. Don't be forced into doing courses you don't want to do yet. Your advisor knows you're aiming for Honors so your course selection is probably fine. What year are you? Sorry about your crap day though! Hugs!!!

Everyone: I hope everyone who was sick or injured is feeling better and stronger and everyone is doing great! Let's go team Phoenix!!!


WARNING: Major Pity Party Ahead:
I'm kind of still in my funk but being very strict with my workouts. I'm at about 720mins (12hrs) so far for the month but I'm seeing signs of cracking diet-wise which I need to curb- i've been eating pretty low-cal (1000-1300) on plan but today was kind of off plan- I'm right about in the mid-1800s from snacking not because I was hungry or even particularly craving snacks but just because I felt kind of ambivalent about being on plan. I know it's not exactly tragic (the 1800+ calories for today) but going off plan is not a good sign, and is actually a horrible symptom of where my head isn't. My mid-week (unofficial) weigh-in yesterday put me at 219 (for Bo discernable reason, I'd been 100% on plan) so added to my already existing funk, plus the fact that my hair is majorly effed up (dry and shedding (possibly from low calories or diet plan, I dunno; it started coincidentally when I jacked down my calories, that's why I linked the two)), I think I'm getting an ingrown toenail, and I made a major eyebrow error yesterday, I'm pretty just over everything right now. And I feel bad because all this is nothing major and it feels really shallow and self-indulgent to whine about these things but since I can't be whiny in real life, I'll put it here, where hopefully you have no expectations of me and can't judge me too much! I need to get it together though, I know this and I will!

thursdays question: This is a particularly meaningful question for me right now especially as I'm kind of teetering on the edge. What I'm doing is staying tightly in control of exercise and having my food strictly planned out a week in advance. So for main meals, there's not much room to be off-plan (snacking is possible though, but don't have anything truely awful around). The main thing however is being rigid with exercise. I still don't love to work out (I borderline dislike it, but I don't love to floss either and yet I do it twice a day so...) and in past attempts I've been better with diet than with exercise but one thing I've learned is that being strict with exercise makes me more disciplined with food. The way I think of it is that I have a new appreciation for what it takes to burn a calorie. If I really felt like I was going to die as I ran that last km or did that last Jillian-circuit, I can't in good conscience bring myself to fall apart completely with what goes in my mouth. Sometimes you do what feels like a killer workout and then you discover you've burned 300 calories or something, definitely makes ME more conscious of what I'm eating.

toastedsmoke – Sorry to hear that you’re having a little bit of a tough time at the moment. We all get a little bit disappointed when we see others losing weight at a faster rate than we are but you need to keep reminding yourself that you’ve already come so far. Losing 58lbs isn’t anything to be disappointed with. Don’t think of what you wrote as a Pity Party at all. There’s never any judgement on this board. Sometimes when all the little things pile up on you at once it can be overwhelming. Just take a step back & Breathe! You’ll be okay and back to your regular self in no time.

ferretgirl – The Tamale fest sounds like it was a bit of a letdown. I’ve never tried a Tamale before. Do you make them often or wait until special occasions when your Mum does?

Laureedee – Hopefully you’re feeling a little bit better now!!

KimL1214 – I think it’s a great idea that you keep a journal and have the opportunity to read over it to see the changes your going through. What do you normally go for when Mexican food is on the agenda? I always seem to struggle staying within my calories.

Jelbelle – Sorry that you had such a bad Wednesday. Is everything okay with your family? We’re all here to help if you need to vent. By the sounds of things, your advisor would be making your life **** if you followed all her recommendations.

Thursday’s Question – I actually thought about this question for a while as my motivation waxes and wanes more often than I’d like. When I hit a rough patch I just remind myself that I’m working towards leading a life less ordinary. I crave adventure and new experiences. When I think about all the things that I’m striving for, it just reaffirms why I’m doing this.

toastedsmoke: I don't think you're being whiny! It's just when things-- even small ones-- start to pile on, it can really be the straw to break the camel's back, and we DON'T want that. Just try to refocus yourself, like with Kim's question; remember all the reasons you're doing this, and how all of us here are rooting for you and wanting you to continue on track! And yeah, the advisor was a pain in my behind. I suppose I'm still a freshman, but I don't know how credits translates. Technically speaking, this is my second year.

oOPeanutOo: I think that's exactly what she was trying to do! Ha XD Well, for Thanksgiving my grandparents asked if I would prefer to invite the extended family or just have the four of us, and I said I wanted it to just be the four of us, because I really don't like the extended family. It's really awkward and just unbearable to be around them; they don't have senses of humor! Ugh! And last year they had to set up two tables, because the dining table wasn't big enough, and I got seated with a bunch of people I didn't know, and they didn't speak one word to me, and I was completely separated from my main family. I don't want that to happen again, I would rather just spend it alone than all of them. =( sorry for the rant!

Everyone else: It's so quiet! WHY!

Aaaagh! Jelbelle, you've convinced me that the time has really come to post again. I don't know how the week gets away from me like it does.

I've been kind of struggling this week (against or with what I really couldn't say, but not really with my weight loss), and I'm feeling kind of down. Maybe it's because the sun sets at 4 pm. Maybe it's because I overanalyze myself and every relationship in my life. Or maybe it's because I allow myself to agonize over future decisions that are still months away. I guess I could summarize my thoughts about this week in a series of wishes: I wish that I was more outgoing. I wish that I could just relax and enjoy the moment more easily. Is it possible to learn to do that or are people just born knowing how? Also, I wish I wasn't the kind of person who wants so badly to be in a relationship. I feel ashamed of the fact that I want to get married, especially because I'm not even currently dating anyone. I just feel like wanting something you don't have is kind of pathetic, even though that is clearly not true!

Anyways, I mostly just wish that I was more comfortable with myself, and I am trying to work on that.

Toastedsmoke: I'm really interested in that round the world trip, and I love the idea of going to Madagascar. I think if I had to choose just one place on each continent (taking into account where I've already been and where I know I'll be going within the next year and assuming that money's no object), I'd probably do the following: Madagascar, Poland (I really want to go to the Białowieża National Park), Bhutan, Indonesia, Brazil, and Prince Edward Island (did I mention that I'm strangely obsessed with Anne of Green Gables?). On that note, Gilbert Blythe is definitely my ultimate fantasy in terms of literary love interests, but I'd fight you for Mr. Knightley if Gilbert turned out to be unavailable. I also kind of have the hots for Roger Hamley from Wives and Daughters, but he's not quite so desirable as the others. I like the constancy of the former two!

princessdi86: I don't have a Forever21 around here, but I'll keep it in mind for when I head back to the States. Thanks for the suggestions! And your purse sounds awesome. I also like the sound of your hair dye; I used to dye mine dark in high school, and I loved the way that it looked.

oOPeanutOo: Thanks for the Melbourne/Sydney suggestions! What kinds of adventures and new experiences were you alluding to in your last post? They sound mysterious and exciting!

KimL1214: I'm sorry about your Great Aunt. My thoughts are with you and your family. I agree with you about the importance of having a funeral. All of my grandparents passed away within a year of each other last year, and I didn't go to the funeral of one of my grandfathers because I was sick of dealing with death. I really regret it now. Even though it's sad and hard, I think grieving with the rest of the family is important and can even bring something good (a stronger family bond) out of the pain.

Jelbelle: I don't know where you go to college, but I found that at my last school (a large state university), advisors were often best ignored. In all seriousness, I often went into advisory meetings better informed about core curriculum requirements and course prerequisites than the advisors themselves. I think you're right to ignore her. Of course, that doesn't make having to sit through the b.s. any easier. I hope that the rest of your week was a bit less frustrating!



As for Thursday's question, there are two things that keep me going when my motivation flags: I want to be the outdoors fitness queen that I see in my dreams, and I want to look hot. I hope the latter doesn't make me sound too shallow; I'm just trying to be honest! But seriously, I'd love to hike the Appalachian Trail and be all one with the woods, and being out of shape interferes with such plans.

Hey Team Phoenix! Today is actually a much better day than yesterday or than I've seen this week. I don't know whether it's a natural Friday high or if I've just kind of gotten over myself and just realized that the goal by New Year is to be lighter than I am now or at the very least, not heavier than I am now. Onederland will come in it's time, and I just need to take each lb as it comes, and chill out. It's not a competition. <Exhales>! Anyway, I'm kind of happier now that I've taken the pressure off New Years', I don't feel as much like I'm failing or like I have to do comparisons, everyone's journey is individual and unique to them. Now if I could just bottle this thought and these feelings and have a daily sip of them before every meal! <sighs> Thank you guys soooooo much for your support and kindness and understanding and advice, it's sooooo appreciated and I'm really glad I have my team Phoenix!

Jelbelle: I get what you mean about being between a freshman and a sophomore. I'm sure by now you're over the whole thing and are going to just register for what you wanted originally. About thanksgiving, sorry about the situation, I totally get it. Personally, I prefer to do holiday dinners with just my immediate family (parents and brother), but sometimes extended family gets involved and to be honest, I don't mind my dad's family (in small doses). But I get where you're coming from- sitting at a table where no one talks to you like you're Jilly-No Mates and then having to pretend to smile and look engaged so that no one draws attention to the fact that you seem to have no conversation or social skills. Yes I've definitely been there with my mom's side of the family and I'd rather avoid another experience like that,so I definitely understand. <shudders>

Nienna: This will be rather long because there is nothing you said above that I can't 110% identify with and that I don't feel as well. First about having a major decision coming up, I totally get it, and I suspect that our decisions might be similar (i.e. what next?! -maybe i'm wrong). I've always been someone who plans and overanalyzes and has back up plans up to Plan G in case plans A-F fail and now I'm coming to a crossroads in life where it's like I have to make a major decision soon and it freaks me out. Very stressful!! Then Second, about wishing you were more outgoing and in a relationshop and wanting to get married. ME TOO!!!! I feel like deep down I'm an outgoing and friendly person but it doesn't come through and so maybe I don't attract people, and so that makes me even more shy to go out and seem like I have no friends in public situations, which makes me antisocial, which means I never meet anyone, which means I'm going to end up single and alone...ARHHHH! My parents met when my mom was 17 and my dad 19 (and got married at 26 and 28 respectively) and so I feel the pressure to at least meet someone potential; especially since I don't see myself as a whirlwhind romance+marriage type. And of course, I have to pretend like I don't care that I'm single or that my mind isn't on marriage right now, but it totally is. And yes, I'm a strong, educated, independent young woman but I want a good man, darnit, and kids too at some point! It really sucks and I feel pathetic too (although when I was reading what you wrote, I didn't think you were pathetic at all, but feeling that way too, I can see why you would feel that) believe me I understand. THIRDLY Ooooh, Roger Hamley from Wives and Daughters is a good one. Ok you can have Gilbert and Mr. Knightley if you let me have Roger Hamley. I ADORE him in spite of his temporarily bad judgement. He is perfect! You know who else I wouldn't throw out of bed but would never marry, Mr. Thornton from North and South, he has kind of a dark, cold, misunderstood Mr. Darcy vibe going, and it's strange because I usually don't go for the bad boy (re: Roger Hamley). I'm actually wavering between Roger and Mr. Knightley, if I had Mr. Knightley, I wouldn't be stressed about what decision to make about my future, he'd know exactly the right thing for me to do and wouldn't hesitate to tell me, and he IS always right... hmmm. something to think about lol! FOURTHLY, about the round the world trip, those are some really interesting places. About your Anne obsession, I can sympathise. I actually still thought she was real after I was wayyyy to old to do so (can you say 15) mostly because I loved her sooo much and kept hoping I could go visit her (or at least Rilla (of Ingleside)) before she died! Ridiculous, I know!

I also second Jelbelle's shout out to everyone- please come back and let's hang!

Nienna: I certainly will ignore her. She "advised" me to take technical writing, which is not in the field I'm going into, and it just made me so angry that it is her job to guide people and she doesn't even know what she's talking about! And also, I don't think the desire to be hot makes you shallow. =) I find it's more of an acceptance within ourselves. We want to like what we see, is that so bad? Nope!

toastedsmoke: Yes! It is the worst situation, they try to make it awkward, I'm certain they do =( I think, why should I let that drag my holiday down? My mom said we could have a Thanksgiving after Thanksgiving, just the two of us. So I figure I'll just pass on the family dinner and just celebrate a separate day. I know if I go I'll just end up angry or irrirated and I don't need to put myself through that.

P.S.: I'm a BIG Mr. Darcy fan, so if I can pick someone, can I have him?

Jelbelle – I know family dynamics can be difficult at times. I don’t talk to a lot of my extended family so I’d probably rather chew my own arm off than have to spend time with them. I think it was a bit inconsiderate to make you sit with people you didn’t know in any case.

Nienna – Sorry to hear that you’re having a bit of a tough week. I wish I could offer you some helpful advice but I feel a lot of the same things.
When it comes to the new experiences, I want to be more adventurous and try things that I’ve never had the guts to do before. Some things I want to try are: rock climbing, skydiving, white water rafting, climbing the Sydney Harbour Bridge & snorkelling on the Great Barrier Reef. I lack the confidence to participate in these activities at my current weight.

toastedsmoke – It’s good to hear that you’re having a better day! Taking the pressure off yourself will make things easier in the long run. I’m going to use some of your advice for myself and just “take each pound as it comes”.

How is everyone else doing? Hopefully everyone is on track this week but if not, please let us all know so we can help you out!!

princessdi86 – I’d choose wisely on which Kangaroo you choose to pat. A lot of the ones in the wild will kick you if they feel like they’re being threatened. Best to stick to the Kangaroos at the Zoo. I went to the States when I was really young so I don’t count that as having “been” because I can’t remember it. I do have plans to visit within the next 5 years and do all the touristy things Los Angeles and New York have to offer.
Your week sounds like it’s been incredibly frustrating!! I can’t believe someone had the audacity to steal your Blackberry out of your purse. That’s crazy. Hopefully everything will work out for your boyfriend. It’s a bit rough when they really like him for the job but a ticket is getting in the way. Make sure you keep us all updated as to whether he gets the job. How did your Mum’s birthday go??

My Sunday is almost coming to end which means work tomorrow for me. I’m not too excited about it as it’s going to be a full on week for me. Hopefully the stress doesn’t get to me and I can stay on plan.

Don’t forget to Weigh-In guys!!

Lost 3.4lbs this week!! I'm in shock that I'm so close to Onederland! I haven't been in Onderland since I was in MIDDLE SCHOOL!

Well, it's been awhile since I've been on here. Just as an update.. I'm still sick, diagnosed with a horrible sinus infection. Haven't been running/working out at all since I can't breathe WHATSOEVER. On top of being sick, we are having some absolutely brutal personnel issues at my office which have been adding on a lot of stress to my daily life. It's been an incredibly rough two weeks to say the least. But I am down five pounds this week!!

I pinky promise that I will try my hardest to get on here more this week! I miss chatting with you ladies!