Thank you so much Julia.

He talks to his parents almost daily on the phone and sees them at least every other week when he goes to their house to stay with his son who he gets every other weeekend. I talked to both his parents a million times on the phone. They are not a military family, per say, but his daddy is a veteran and so is my bf. His son and ex live in another town but not like a million miles away or anything. I am not sure now who asked, but no, I have never spoken to his ex. He does not have a friendly relationship with her. It is cordial for their son's sake but not friendly by any means.

His work is about 3 minute drive from here and he never really interacts with co workers outside of work.

Michelle, I still believe that you are in danger. I don't believe this has opened up his eyes completely or long term. Please, please, please look into other avenues. PLEASE! Tread softly with him and be very careful. And stay in touch.

I will, I promise. Thanks Robin


I know I am probably being naive and letting myself be lulled into a false sense of security and that everything is okay but for now, it has me not crying so that is good at least :|

Why does his parents have visitation and not him alone? I don't understand why the child doesn't or isn't allowed to just come to his home?

No, he has visitation. Before I came here, his son went to his parents because my bf works weekends 3-midnight shift so they were essentially babysitting. When I arrived, I had already stated vehemently that I did not want to meet anyone so he kept that arrangement.

But my bf does go to his parents and stay with his kid. When he gets off work on those Friday nights when his son is at his parents he goes there and doesn't come back home until Sunday night when he gets off work and his son is back at his mother's.

Let me ask you something . . .

You dated online for five years before he came to get you, right? Does he feel like the same person now that you used to talk to online? Is this what you expected of your life when he pulled you out of your situation in TN? I'm sure what you wanted more than anything else was to get out of there at the time, but what about now?

You're ready to get out, ready to meet his family and others, yet he seems stuck in keeping things the way they've been the past year and a half. I really hope what you've said in your more recent posts are a sign of positive changes on the horizon, whether you end up staying with him or not.

No, he had given me hopes that I would be always feeling loved and cared for and not alone and unhappy anymore.

Perhaps that's something you need to talk to him about as well . . . those are things everyone deserves from their partners.

I have mentioned on other occasions that he has not kept some of the promises he made before I got here but he always ends up making me feel like I am doing something wrong to cause him to do so and I usually end up apologizing and trying even harder to be..better.

This just made me think about after I made my initial post, about the check incident, I did mention to him that I posted about it here and that some had replied that it was abuse and he asked me did I post that he was beating me or what :|

There is no pleasing this type of person. If you were to tell him 1+1=2, he would tell you that it was wrong. The problem is not you. There is nothing wrong with you. It's HIM. You can't change him. He will not change. And you shouldn't change to please him, because you can't please him, no one can.

When someone shows you who they are - believe them. And he has shown you time and time again "who he is". For starters he is a liar, uncaring, unkind, mean, manipulative and controlling. He's shown this to you. Now please - believe him.

Most men only define abuse as being that of hitting, punching, rape, something that leaves visual evidence. The verbal abuse, things that affect the heart & soul are not so easily acknowledged. Yet is more harmful. Bruises & broken arms heal quickly. Heart & Soul does not. Be cautious and protective. Most men think that all we women need to do is grow a thick skin and let nasty comments roll off the cuff. But then a person would not be true to themseves. Be yourself. People will love you for being you. It may be him and it may not. Take each day one at a time...see if he is sincere in joining you in growing together if not as someone said many pages ago Fly beautiful butterfly fly!

And just as painful and damaging. Maybe more so.

Mich - if you read that quote from another chickie here, what would you think?

While I will not go as far as some others to say that bf does not love you, I WILL say that - without a doubt - he is manipulating and controlling you.

Relationships are give and take. He believes that he is providing for you, so he gets to control the relationship. You must - must - MUST change the dynamic of your relationship so that you are equal partners. The fact that he is contributing all of the $$$ has nothing to do with the fact that the relationship must be a 50/50 partnership.

From what I have read, you are definitely suffering emotional abuse. You are showing the classic symptoms, chickie. I encourage you to visit some of the sites you have been given, and realize that you are in danger. Not necessarily physical danger, but definitely in danger.

You DO need to evaluate your relationship objectively, and then decide what you want to do. And, regardless of your decision, you owe it to yourself to explore alternatives to staying where you are. You DO need to feel that you have a choice.

I encourage you to keep communicating with BF and evaluating his responses. Does he follow through with promises, or are they just a way to end the discussion? Ask for what you need. Expect to be treated as an equal. If you are not, you must accept that there is something very wrong in your relationship.


Prayers continuing for you!