The court facilitator went okay. There weren't any real problems, but the earliest they can get me in is Wednesday the 19th for my final court date. Later than I'd like but I was like, okay, I'll wait it out. Messaged my manager who reminded me that I have one of three mandatory new hire trainings in Bellevue (like an hour way from work which is already 30 min from me) on that day. She said she'll see if I can't get out of it but if they won't let me out of it, I'm looking at having to wait until the next Wednesday - they only hold dissolutions on Wednesdays. Hopefully if that happens, they're not closed because that next one is the day before Thanksgiving.

And then I wake up to a stupid email from the ex.

But you know what? You know how happy I am right now? I'm so happy that not even a stupid email from the ex this morning could make me angry.

I finally got the kiss that I've been waiting months for - and several kisses after that - and got to spend about an hour completely relaxed and enjoying ourselves and I'm still riding that high. I am so happy that I'm not angry, on any level about the stupid ex. If anything, I'm amused. And given that TOM decided to start 3 days early and I'm not bawling my eyes out or wanting to kill him, I'd say I might just have found a guy who really does make me happy...

Hi all. It's been kind of hectic lately, so I'm just going to post without shout outs to anyone and then maybe I can come back later. So much going on and I just want to give my support to all!

I'm doing well. I missed my workout yesterday, but that was because I had to take my son to school. He was in an accident on Halloween night, so his truck was down. He is ok, no one was hurt, but it looks like we'll be shopping for a truck for him. Hope to find something cheap. Just glad it wasn't worse!!

I went to Body Pump today. Such a good workout. The more I do that class, the more I like it. I am getting to where I can do more and with better form, and that makes it way better! I'll go to spin tomorrow.

I did have a good weigh in yesterday. I went down by 2.6 pounds, so the "not-quite-on-plan" increases are gone. Looking forward to getting farther away from 230.

Hi everyone!

After a week of 5:2, I'm ready to add a new weapon in my plan of attack. This may or may not have been inspired by the 3 pound bump I saw on the scale this morning after my sodium fest of a weekend plus sore muscles from some unplanned aerobic activity - and that's after a fast day, I don't even want to know what the scale said yesterday! All I know is that my arms and legs are still a little sore and my fingers are still a little swollen, so I know I'm still retaining water, and thus not super stressed, I just don't like seeing the scale creep so close to 280 again!

Anyway, since things have settled to a dull roar here for now, and I'm back to being at home basically all day every day. And being at home all day every day means a lot of time sitting down, either reading or on the computer because books and games and internet and who needs the real world when you have wifi and new books that haven't been read?!

I have decided to up my workout efforts a bit, since my walking has been slacking with the colder (and rainy and snowy) weather coming in, not to mention the time change making it dark when I like to walk. (I usually walk the lap around the grave yard when I get up and move around, because it means I'm not walking on the road... and not gonna lie, walking around the grave yard when it's cold and windy and rainy and dark isn't my idea of an awesome time!)

SO. I dusted off my Leslie Sansone walk-away-the-pounds DVDs and have decided to set a timer (much like I was doing before) and every 45 minutes (I need a little more recovery time for these) I'll get up and do a mile. My goal is 5 miles with Leslie most days, and 3 miles on fast days. When I really put a strong effort into these workouts, they have me out of breath by the end of a mile. SO. I'll break my 5 miles up during the day, but make sure I get them in. And eventually I'll be able to do 2 at a time, then 3, etc until I can do the whole 5 mile video in one go.

When we get the elliptical, I'll probably alternate days, just to get a little variety in with my workouts.

Today is a 1500 calorie day, and I'm looking forward to the pepper steak dinner I'd planned but can only now eat because the beef didn't fully thaw until yesterday!

4:15pm update: 2 miles with Leslie done, and dinner in the crock pot!

6:15pm update: 3 miles done! And about to eat dinner. Had to run to the bank, which is why I'm not at 4 yet. BUT I WILL BE!

9:35pm update: 4 miles done! Had to let dinner settle a bit before hitting mile 4. I'll do one more before bedtime!

Arrg I lost my whole post!!!!!!!!!

Now I don't have time to rewrite. But I still wanted to check in, Aunt Flo finally arrived! I've never been so pleased to see her lol. And although TOM makes me feel grotty I'll take it. Had some great NSV trying on old clothes and they are starting to fit, I'm only 2 pounds away from the weight I was when I got married - maybe I'll wear my wedding dress next week lol. Amazing what a week on plan can do - I'm at 247 in the scales this morning so hope to hold on to that til Monday, also a whoosh after TOM would be nice to scale gods.

So tired today, my little one was up most of the night, so not like him, must have been the double helping of cabbage he ate last night, never again

to everyone!

Started this post earlier in the day, but the internet went down before I had a chance to post. So, a late post, but starting it when I did was really helpful nonetheless.

Toasted - You are awesome. I hope you find the perfect REM rhythm that renders sleep completely unnecessary. Until then, I hope you actually do get to bed early tonight. I find, actually, that tired work-outs tend to be pretty good for me because I don't have the mental energy to make excuses. I just get in, go through the work-out, and get out. Which is what I should do every day, but don't. And I can't say that I am stronger than you. I use 35-pound dumbbells for some things, and do 115 pounds for squats and deadlifts. But, there's one exercise where I use 5-pound weights for each hand. Depending on the exercise, I might have been crying at the end of a work-out with 7-pound dumbbells too.

Uber - Been thinking about you a lot. Let's pull through this one together, all right?

MissLoud - I HATE when the lost post thing happens. Glad you made time to post something, though. I hate the tired thing, but it seems fairly common with little ones.

Mandy - Woot on Leslie Sansone. She's fun. And hooray for the elliptical. I'm with you. The prospect of walking around graveyards when it's dark and cold does not sound like a great motivator.

Diane - So glad you're back in the exercise swing again. Easy to lose, hard to regain that momentum. But I never doubted you would do it.

Jessica - Kissing! 'Bout time! But perfect timing. There's no doubt he's in it for you, not just for a quick chance to "close the deal" and move on. #TeamJ, baby. As for the court facilitator, the timing is unfortunate, and closure would be awesome, but it doesn't really affect your day-to-day life, right? And you got plenty o' distractions. ;-) Still, I hope that the scheduling works out for you to get it done sooner rather than later.

Martini - I have re-read your post several times as I struggle through my latest, rather inexplicable, struggle to stay on plan. I have been thinking about you too, as you work through your work and family issues. You are freaking amazing! (Let's see if 3FC rejects my use of the word "freaking.")

Jenni - Rocking size 14s! I am, too. Size 14s are it, baby! Glad you're returning from the land of the diseased. Not to get too bossy with you, but I forbid you from getting sick again this season. You've really seized more than your fair share of illness. Also, super excited for interview news.

196.0 today. Afraid it will be weeks before I see my pre-struggle time weight of 193.2 return. And that might be okay. I did finally see a doctor yesterday, though. And I weighed fully clothed (of course), at about 5:45 p.m., with cell phone and keys in hand, and got a 199.6. First time in 6 years that a doctor's scale has said I was in Onederland! And I was way too excited about it.

So, I have bronchitis, and I am on Prednisone, which I am supposed to take twice a day--once at breakfast and once at lunch. And, of course, I don't typically eat much during the day. I tried taking the first one without food, and it just kicked me in the stomach, so I ate a little. And that sort of "broke the seal," so I ate more. And pretty soon, I thought, "Eh. One more off day won't hurt." But I hadn't had a chance to check in here yet, and I started reading all y'all's posts, and decided that I could survive another off day, but it would make the next day that much harder. So, instead, I thought, "I still have plenty of time today to turn this around." And then the internet went down before I could finish my post, and I decided that would be a good time to hit the gym, so I did. And I remembered that I had a series of pretty good work-outs despite the bronchitis, and I was working hard today, and reminded myself once again that I am doing this for some very important reasons. Did I really want to undo all the work I did in the gym for a handful of the pretzels or the Hershey's kisses I was eating this morning? Nope. No, I don't.

So, I am now headed home. And it will be tough. But if I eat a light dinner, my calories will be fine. If I can just keep away from the junk food, life will be good. Good luck to the players.

Jessica...I hope you get that all done and you don't have to go way out of your way for the training! And yay for kisses....kisses are good!

Diane...so glad you are down again I hope the woosh comes again!!!!

Mandy....good luck on the 5:2. I am curious how it goes in the long run!

Laurie...NOOOOO you can't be sick sick again either!!!! I also declare you are not to be sick anymore! The sick fairy can go elsewhere! I seriously hope you feel better! And take those meds!!!!! Now I sound like a mama bear LOL. I hope you get some much needed rest!!!!

Went to get a suit at a used store and walked out feeling really down on myself. I couldn't get anything but black because the other colors really showed my huge butt and bigger than thou thighs I ended up with a 16 too which I thought I was doing so great in the 14s Anyway just feeling huger than normal!

11:25 and I just finished the last of the 5 miles!

I'm feeling pretty good about today. I think I can do this regularly.

Jenni - I feel you about the clothes thing. Sometimes, it makes me feel great. Other times, it's the worst. Glad you let yourself buy a 16 if that's what fit and looked good on you. Clothing sizes are so fricking random. Some of my clothes are still 18s, and I fit into some 12 (and even a 10) on other things. Go rock that interview, Ms. Jenni! And thanks for the mama bear love.

Mandy - Hooray for five miles! So impressive, especially if it didn't feel so overwhelming that you can't make it a regular part of your routine.

196.4 this morning. Another bump up, but at least it wasn't completely out of control. I had already eaten a light supper when my husband asked if I wanted to go somewhere to eat with him. I swear that man makes me crazy sometimes. He eats before I get home occasionally, and I have had evenings where I didn't eat at all because I was anticipating eating with him. When he didn't say anything about eating together, I just assumed he had eaten and ate at about 6:30. Sometimes, I will go ahead and eat again. But I just couldn't last night. I really needed to be on plan.

I think I need today to be another white-knuckle day. I bought a baby kale and spinach blend that has red and green ghard and fresh arugula. Branching out on my leafy greens. Not hating it. Maybe I will start to love it? But I need something to take with my steroid, and I need the green leafies, and I just wasn't hearting the plain spinach the last week or two. And, of course, berry season has passed, and that makes me sad. So, this bag will be my day's calories before evening. I will eat half this bag (that contains 10 cups of blend for 62 calories) with my first steroid pill, and the remaining half with my second pill. I will drink my vitamins and run 3 miles this afternoon. (Full disclosure - I have been running throughout this bout with bronchitis, but the breathing is so difficult that I give myself unlimited permission to stop and bend over to suck wind whenever I feel like I need it.) Then, I will eat a reasonable dinner with the family and NOT SNACK this evening at all. Because, while I can often handle it, today is not one of those days.

Have a great day, everyone!

So glad to be back in a position where I can make the time to post here regularly again.

Diane, yay for being under 230!! You've earned it!

Mandy, you're doing awesome! I've been meaning to mention it, but I love your new pic. <3

Kelly, NSV's are the best! I had one on Monday that reminded me just how far I've come in spite of the very slow progress during October.

Laurie, sorry you're not feeling well. Hoping I don't get sick, too. We had a customer come in the store last night who said the doctors told him he has strep. ... I hate strep... it's the one thing that when I come in any sort of contact with it, it knocks me down for the count. So here's to hoping the idiot didn't get me sick. Good luck with your second white-knuckle day today.


So here's what the court situation is looking like: I'm going to go in Friday before work and push the date for the divorce out hearing out to the Wednesday before Thanksgiving - the 26th. Because, otherwise, it means scraping the three days of training for work - which they're willing to do but we have no idea when the next training would be. Like Laurie said, I've waited this long and it's not going to cause any major upset to my life so I might as well do the best I can to do both in a timely fashion.

As I mentioned to Kelly, I had a NSV of my own on Monday. I decided to stop by Torrid and see if they had any cute skirts or dresses prior to meeting up with J. They did. Which was great in and of itself. I found a basic black dress that was all the right kinds of girly and I tried it on only to find that I needed the smallest size they carry in the store instead. So, Torrid, for those of you who don't know is a plus-size store for curvier women and I am at a point where I am barely big enough to fit into their clothes any more. On the one hand, it's a shame because they've got some cute things. On the other, it's an incredible feeling. <3

I rode the happiness high from breaking the ice with J all day yesterday. The funny thing is it seemed like the world kept trying to through things at me to test just how long I could maintain my happy. Turns out all. day. Even up to getting out from work almost an hour late because the guy I closed with hopped on the phone as soon as we locked the doors and so wasn't really trying to move as fast as he could have. I was a little upset only because it meant there was no way to meet up with J after work, but even so I was still happy. XD It's weird being this happy. :P

Laurie...thank you...and I really hope you feel better! You are an inspiration to still be working out with bronchitis...that is a no joke thing!

So mid week weigh in is 216.2, I have only been weighing in 2-3 times a week and I think it has really helped me with the frustration of the scale. After coming on here to whine I had a breakthrough. I may feel bad after trying on stuff but guess what? I am sure better off now than more than 30 pounds ago. I am a work in progress and I should feel bad about that. I am really trying not to get so down on myself that I criticize every part of my body. I need to embrace this process. I looked back on my accountability threads and 9/1/14 I was almost 235 pounds, 2 months later and I am approaching 215....so I am going to be proud of myself.

I am also proud to say I have really been researching healthy eating in Disney. I am getting breakfast, snacks, and lunch at the hotel (meaning buying those to have at the hotel from a grocery store). And we will be eating dinner at the park. I will be eating off the kids meals because they are cheaper and healthier. I will allow myself one day towards the end to splurge a little on a couple things I think look good.....that's it simple. I am not about to let myself go with all this progress and holidays coming up. I am not going to give myself a reason to feel bad....

Here's to the positive life:

I am proud of myself and I will not let myself go down the road I was in but I will not deprive myself either. It's a good place to be in

Hi Guys,

Just popping in to say hi!

I have not been too good recently. Yesterday and today SPLITTING HEADACHE which I have a feeling is due to not making good food choices.

I'm still here though and will be back with more soon.

Add me to the "sick" camp... Ugh. I've been fighting it off for a couple days, but the upper respiratory yuck has a full grip on my nose and throat.

On the plus side, this tea I'm drinking is wonderful, and since I left the bag in while I was drinking, the last few sips had a lovely spicy cinnamon burn to them which felt wonderful on my unhappy throat.

I'm going to try to get a few miles in with Leslie today, but that all depends on how easily I can breathe while I'm doing it. Won't know until I try, and if I collapse in a coughing fit, I'll take that to mean I should skip it for today.

Also. I came across this and thought it was fitting for some of us here.

Hey everyone, so just a quick check in before I close from work and go home for the day. I ended up not working out yesterday in addition to being pretty "meh" about being on plan. It was 1500 calories and not the end of the world, but nowhere near the 1300 calories I planned. THEN this morning, in continuing with the self-sabotage, I woke up EARLY because I went to bed early, but instead I lazed around in bed for like 3 hours as though it was Saturday morning AND not only didn't work out but was also late to work. I didn't even fall back asleep, I just read a book on my iPod Kindle app and kept saying one more chapter till it was pretty much time to leave. I've got no excuse. FOR SURE, I'll work out tonight (and come back to check in) even if my inner evil hooker has to come out and smack me into doing it!

Mandy: Yay on adding exercise back into plan and rocking those Leslie miles! My first work out video ever was in 2009 and it was Leslie's 5-mile Fat Burning Walk and I still do it sometimes and get breathless. It's about how much intensity you put into it, that's the great thing about those walking videos.

Jenni: I know what you mean. Our spirits are young but our bodies are getting old. I'm 28 and I'm still recovering from the all-nighter. I'm sorry about the silly suit. Clothes sizes are crazy. I have a pair of Size 6 pants that fit from LOFT and on the days I'm feeling the chubbiest I pull them out and wear them. Conversely, I also have a size 18 jacket from H&M that fits perfectly. That doesn't make me a size 18 though anymore than a 6. The most important thing is that the suit fits and makes you look awesome. Even within the same store, the sizes are uneven.

Jessica: THE KISSSSS!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEE!!! SQUUEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! #TeamJ And I just chanted the whole "Jessica and Josh sitting in a tree" because I'm so elementary school and I don't care. Sorry about the other stressors trying to get you doing but who cares, "K-I-S-S-I-NG." Yay about sizing out of Torrid. I miss their blazers the most. It's so hard to get a blazer to fit my apple-like figure properly but Torrid had that locked!

Slashni: Yay on the scale victory AND getting the work out in today.

MissLoud: What an awesome NSV! If you DO try on the wedding dress, we want pictures!!!! Boooo about the lost post!

Laurie: I didn't in fact find the key to jailbreaking sleep and eliminating the need for it FOREVER! :cue evil villain laugh: I DID however find the key to crawling out of bed and going through the day in a daze. The heaviest dumbell I have is 22 lbs and I can only lift one at a time. One hundred and anything pounds weighted squats sounds absolutely amazing to me because I hate squats even just lifting myself up and down in that position. I'm so sorry you're bronchitis sick. It's the worst for cardio, completely sucks away all your air and leaves you feeling like you could hack up a lung. Please take care of yourself. I think it's extra hard to be on plan when feeling under the weather because it's nature's instinct for you to takw a little extra care of yourself at that time rather than cut food energy. So the plan difficulties are completely understandable.

I got triple ninja'd! Lol. Mandy, I'm so sorry you're feeling under the weather. Thanks so much for the inspirational post. I needed the reminder today that slow is not failing! Today's weigh in was not good (183.5) and y'all know how that goes especially if you've been on plan and haven't even enjoyed the road to food perdition that could explain a scale bounce. Feel better soon!

Jenni, I'm so glad you're in a good space. You are DOING awesome and should be proud of all your successes. Any hooker who says otherwise needs to take several seats down. Yay on already planning for Disney. I'm going on vacation for New Years and every year i gain weight even though i know better because i don't plan.

uber: I'm sorry you're feeling bad. Please look after yourself and feel better soon!

Hi all. Can't do a super long post today, as I'm at work. But, again, I'll try to get on when I get home. That hasn't been working out too well lately...

Went to spin today, and it was a good workout. Feeling good about workouts and just trying to not get stupid with meals. So far, staying on track pretty well.

Have a great day everyone!