I am going to look for that shawl! As far as comebacks go - I finally told my mom & dad that I would continue to nurse my son until he found a pair of breasts he liked better than mine! I read that somewhere & I can't remember where. But I was so upset that they think I am "hurting" my son's boy idenity by still nursing him. They've decided to drop it for now. My MIL has been so supportive. She says when he's ready to quit I'll know. I am happy w/ that!
I thought I would pop in and say that I know it is tough when you get the negative comments about extended feeding but what a wonderful thing you are doing. My daughter is almost 3.5 years and we are still sharing a breastfeeding relationship... so many people have told us negatives... especially that we would make a clingy child out of her - but she would have to be one of the most outgoing and confident children I have ever met! On another forum I visit for parenting support we posted a whole heap of comebacks to silly comments.. I will try and find it and post a link here.
Here is some of the responses that were listed on the other forum I visit
I wont post a link because I can't remember if that is OK or not here at 3FC
Quote:
Respond to Direct Breastfeeding Questions/Comments:
Comment: "Breastfeeding a child that age is not natural."
Response #1: To whom? It IS natural to us, that's why we do it. I can't think of a more natural way to feed a baby. Can you?
Response #3: To some women, breastfeeding at all isn't natural, but that doesn't make it wrong.
Comment: "But just because it is natural, doesn't make it culturally acceptable."
Response #1: In some cultures it's acceptable to nurse children until they are five or six. In our culture only 30-40 years ago it was practically unacceptable to nurse at all. When I was a child the mothers who did nurse did so for about 9 months. These days it seems like 1 year is the norm. But as you can see, it changes from place to place and over time as well
Comment: "Breastmilk doesn't benefit/is not needed for the child anymore."
Comment: "Breastmilk doesn't supply nutrition to babies past 6 months/1 year of age."
Response #1: Actually, research shows that the longer a child breastfeeds, the more he will benefit.
Response #2: "I couldnt ever put a age limit on a child's need to nurse because it is just that..a need. I wouldnt wean any of my kids because they got to be a certain age..nursing is just part of my mothering. You cant force a child to nurse and it is so much more than milk." -"wooliebabiemama".
Comment: "You dont see fully grown animals still suckling to the mothers breast years later!"
Response #1: Actually, you do. Dolphins, which we think of as smart animals, nurse their babies until 2-3 years of age. A dolphin is considered to be full grown between 2 to 4 years of age and the female life expectacy of a dolphin can be as short as only 5 years!
Response #2: [If they use some obscene number of years, like 30] Statistically, the average age of weaning worldwide isn't 30, it's 4.2 years.
Comment: "It's more for the Mothers security than for the 4 year old's health."
Response: Actually, the natural role of human survival may play a part in the lenth of time that a mother feels comfortable nursing her children, but noone can force a child to nurse. Did you know that the survival rate of baby dolphins is directly related to the strength of the maternal bond formed?
Comment: "I think it's gross/disgusting!"
Response #1: You know, what else can you say, but "I'm glad not all mother's think that way or some baby's wouldn't survive."
Response #2: And i find it disgusting that mothers are not giving their children the best they possibly can by breastfeeding because they are afraid that people like you will say something to them.
Comment: "From a psychological point of view .. it can become something that effects a child in not so positive ways."
Response: This is a common misconception. There are a number of excelent studies done by reputable persons that discuss this topic. You can best find them by visiting the La Leche League International website.
Comment: "You shouldn't do that [breastfeeding] in public.
Response #1: Why not? (If their response is shown above, find a response to their comment above).
Response #2: "WHY?? Would YOU want to eat in a bathroom? I didn't think so!! If it is acceptable for a baby to bottle-fed in a location, it is also acceptable for an infant to be breastfed.
Are you STILL nursing?
-Of course, I wouldn't dare ask someone else to do it for me!
-What do you mean still? The bare minimum is two years!
-Obviously. ..Are you STILL afraid of seeing a breast? (a good one for someone looking at you nursing with a disgusted look on their face)
-Yep! The equipment is still in operation.
-Yep! He's still my child, isn't he?
-Of course! He still needs his mommy!
-Absolutely! It's a great way for both of us to take a break!
-Actually, he's the one doing the nursing, I just sit here.
When are you going to wean?
-I weaned a long time ago, when I was two I think.
-(pause) Oh, you were talking to me? I thought you were asking him...he can't answer you yet.
-Weaning isn't even in his vocabulary yet.
-Not sure, I hope he is allowed to nurse as long as he likes.
-Oh...sometime in the future. (be vague, it gets them every time!)
-I suppose whenever he stops nursing, that would be a good time.
-That's funny, I was going to ask you when are you planning on going vegetarian (or something equally as ridiculous to ask)
Isn't he a little old for that?
-(while nursing) Apparently not, the equipment still works for him.
-(surprised) What?! He isn't even out of diapers!
-I used to think like you, but then I nursed a baby for the first time and all the rules changed.
-His doctor didn't think so.
-Aren't you a little old to be wearing those jeans?
-Nope, he's only three, that's not very old considering he'll live to be 100 or so. Obviously he isn't.
-If I thought that way, would I still do it?
-No, I don't think he is, do you? (if they say "yes" then answer, "well, then, you already had your answer didn't you")
He doesn't NEED to nurse at this age!
-He doesn't need his teddy bear either and but we still give it to him.
-Maybe not, why don't you read up on it for me.
-Maybe you can find out if there is an expiration date for my milk.
-Only HE knows what he needs and obviously he still needs it. (laugh) Where did you hear that?
-Shhh - not in front of him, you'll make him feel bad. Then later say "I would prefer it if you wouldn't talk about nursing in front of the baby. How would you feel if someone was telling you that you were too old for something?
-He can HEAR you, you know. And you don't NEED to eat that doughnut, but you still are.
He should be drinking cow's milk from a cup by now.
-I am sure he knows how, but if you were him, which would you prefer?
-Why? Are we raising him to be a cow?
-He likes human milk from these cups better at the moment.
-I would like to see where that "rule" is written down.
-Why? Human milk is made for humans...and it's free! And you should be OVER the whole thing by now, are you still afraid of a breastfeeding child?
More Come-Backs I Found Online:
Responses to "Are you still nursing?"
- "No, I'm not, my mother lives too far away. Jacob is, though."
- "Of course! Nothing but the best for your grandson!" (or nephew or whatever)
- "Yes, isn't it amazing? I am so glad he's not in a hurry to grow up"
- "Yes, it's really been a life-saver, it is the only liquid he'll drink when he's not feeling well"
- "Absolutely, isn't love a wonderful thing?"
- "Yes!" (then hold up your hand expecting the other person to high-five you)
- "Right now? No, he's over there playing. I need him to do it"
- "I was never a nurse. I don't like needles! I'm an Accountant, remember?"
- "Yes, his doctor is so thrilled. So many moms give up due to pressures of friends and family" (hint hint)
- "Yes, and he's a real pro at it. I am so proud of him"
- "Everyone asks that, it must be because he's so incredibly healthy" (not really answering, but it gets the point across that you aren't planning on answering)
- "I get that question all the time. It is so great that people are looking out for him!" (again, not answering)
- "Yes, he deserves the very best. He's such a good baby."
(for someone who continuously asks)
- "It is funny how people ask that, but then they don't really want to know"
- "Of course, I am glad you keep asking. It shows you want the best for him"
(and another for someone who is hounding you to no end)
- "Do you really want to know this time? You didn't seem satisfied with my answer last time."
Responses to "When are you planning on weaning?"
- "I'm not. He'll wean me."
- "Before he graduates"
- "He hasn't told me yet."
- "I haven't asked him yet. He doesn't really make plans for the future at this point. He just does things day to day"
- "I don't know, I guess when my milk dries up" (confuse a person who has no clue about breastfeeding)
- "I hope not for a while. We're both enjoying our time together"
- "I don't know, when the puppies weaned, they were taken away from their mother. It doesn't seem like such a great thing to me"
(sometimes they ask, "when will you start giving him cow's milk?")
- "Not sure, maybe if he starts thinking he is a calf"
- "What, and get my PMS back? are you crazy?"
- "I don't know. He seems to still enjoy it and I enjoy those extra 500 calories I burn"
- "It is so hard to plan anything with a baby. We're just doing things day to day."
- " We're in no rush, he has time to make up his own mind"
- "Thanks for asking. Everyone seems to need an answer for that except for me and my child."
and another for someone who is hounding you to no end)
- "It depends, when are you planning on asking me again?"
__________________
I still have issues nip, mainly because I'm well past an H cup and refuse to be sized any larger and its difficult to latch him without being able to see, I still try using a shelf bra tank and a T-shirt, but I think I'm more squirmy about it than the general public, thankfully I live in a fairly liberal state as far as bf goes.
Where do you find shelf bra tanks that support you? I'm not trying to be catty; I really want to know. I could use some myself. I hear you on not wanting to size up any farther, but I need to get decent support so I can exercise.
hi.. well i have a beautiful 15mo old baby girl who i still b/f all day long AND all night long...and my husbands family also let me know what they think..which is that shes old enough to be wean that you should only b/f for 6 months cause after that my milk is not of any nutrition for her... well all i tell them is that my mom b/f me till i was 3years old ands look at how beautiful and strong i am.. but really you shouldnt care what anyone thinks or tells you ... you are giving your baby the best thing in the world imagine being held by your mommy everyday just close to you while he/she eats.. and not just that our milk makes them be healthier and they dont get as sick as babies who dont b/f have you read up on that.. you should be proud of yourself .. i am. because its not easy and really thats the only reason all my relatives or freinds stop b/f they tell me it was too much of a hassle or that it was hard bacause they had no time.. just on thanksgiving i was b/f my baby when a lady says : your still b/f oh god i only b/f mine 2 weeks i just could'nt.. oh my god all i though was she should be embarrased to say that out loud.. i just want the best for my daughter and as of now i'm giving it to her.... oh by the way i b/f everywhere and anywhere ... all i say to all you ladies is congrats on loving your kids so much to care.
I think the reason I succeeded B/F this time is that I tried so hard w/ my daughter and gave up after 1 week & a half. I had zero support and didn't know about all of the resources available. My MIL tried so hard to help, but they live so far away. I did bottle feed my first. It was a decision that I still regret. I didn't know what else to do. I was so heartbroken when we gave her the first bottle. Anyway, I made sure that I explored every option when I was pregnant w/ my son. I made sure my husband and everyone else knew that I was breastfeeding no matter what!! And I did! It was and still is the best thing I've ever done. I love the bond I have w/ my son. I also have shown my daughter what a wonderful thing it is. She will not have to worry if she has kids - I will be there to help her every step. Ok, Ok I am tearing up here... Thanks so much.
I believe that the reason 99% of women who "can't" breastfeed can't do it because of an utter lack of support and information. I believe that like I believe the sun sets in the west and the Alamo is in the middle of downtown SA (you'd be surprised how many folks think it's out in the country, but that's another topic for another day...). I could just scream at some of the stuff I've heard. My utter "favorite" is the belief that a woman's milk is supposed to come in immediately after birth. In real life it can take 3 - 5 days and yes until then your colostrum will be enough, though it certainly doesn't feel like it when baby wants to eat every half hour! (I say that from experience.)
And then there were the old AAP guidelines that said to breastfeed "at least" six months, which for some insane reason made everyone think six months was as long as you needed to do it. The wording in the new statement is much stronger, but it's gonna take years to undo the last one's damage.
Thank you for all the great ideas... I tried the high 5 come back on my Brother in law... It was the funniest thing in the world. He just stood there. It was wonderful. No one had any other comments for me on that day... Thanks again.
Tober
I've seen the Alamo, and I couldn't believe that it's right there, downtown. I think you are so right - If I would have had support, I would've kept going. It ended up being so easy and SO worth it.
Where do you find shelf bra tanks that support you? I'm not trying to be catty; I really want to know. I could use some myself. I hear you on not wanting to size up any farther, but I need to get decent support so I can exercise.
I actually just buy plain ole xl, or 1xl in the style i like. I get the smallest size I can possibly stand in the store, because I know they will stretch with a few washings. I found some at Ross for 5 bucks a piece
I hear you on not wanting to size up any farther, but I need to get decent support so I can exercise.
). I could just scream at some of the stuff I've heard. My utter "favorite" is the belief that a woman's milk is supposed to come in immediately after birth. In real life it can take 3 - 5 days and yes until then your colostrum will be enough, though it certainly doesn't feel like it when baby wants to eat every half hour! (I say that from experience.)
The wording in the new statement is much stronger, but it's gonna take years to undo the last one's damage.
