Thanks for reaching out Gale! My issues are the whole loose skin situation. I feel so gross just shaking and flopping all over the place during "that" time. I have pretty much lost interest in it because I want to avoid the embarrassment. The last time, we had to stop because I felt so disgusting. I'm trying to work through it, but things are so much easier said than done.
I'm so sorry you're going through this! Don't discount the hormones role in your thinking right now. Your baby is about 12 weeks old? Things are just settling down, especially if you're nursing, your feelings are going to be all over the place. Tiredness, stress, all the things that come with being a new mom could be affecting your libido, and your self-perception.
Do you think surgery would help you overcome some of your body issues? Could you afford it, or save up for it, as something to work towards? Good luck!
Yes TOM post pardum was pretty horrible for the first 6 months with pain and blood loss. I had to go to the drug store and find special extra heavy protection b/c Overnight pads wouldn't even begin to work, and they'd always worked before. I even retained 8lbs of water one month. It was crazy and thankfully things have gone pretty much back to normal.
The general consensus I find is: it gets easier about 6 months out. You can always ask your OB/GYN about it tho and see if they have any options for you. They should be able to help you figure out something.
Thanks for reaching out Gale! My issues are the whole loose skin situation. I feel so gross just shaking and flopping all over the place during "that" time. I have pretty much lost interest in it because I want to avoid the embarrassment. The last time, we had to stop because I felt so disgusting. I'm trying to work through it, but things are so much easier said than done.
That's really hard, I understand what you're going through. Your skin should firm up some after a while. Pregnancy is pretty hard on our skin, but it does get better after time. As far as intimacy goes (I totally get the embarrassment, me too), could you wear a fitted cami or something like that? I know that sex with clothes on isn't as much fun, but it's better (for everyone!) than no sex at all. I'm usually more comfortable and therefore more relaxed if I have a top on. Just something to think about. You could also ask DH not to touch the spots that make you embarrassed. DH doesn't touch my stomach much because he knows how tense it makes me.
Hugs, my dear lady. It will get better, give it some time.
I also wanted to add. I think that it's so stressful for a first-time Mom to meet her post-baby bod. It's nerve-racking. Even if you find that you like some parts there is always an adjustment period for the little things that we won't care for. It was really hard to see myself get stretchmarks all over my stomach. I have an overhang from c-sections that I probably can never work off and I am unfortunately not a candidate for surgery to help. I guess I just decided to be ok with it one day and to work on it instead of letting it rob me of any joy. As for your hubby, he doesn't care and isn't trying to find flaws. He loves you and I am sure he is so busy doing other things at *that* moment, no negative thought about you would ever cross his mind. Seriously. He's making love to you dear, he doesn't care about what you think is flawed. Just like a jiggle here or there wouldn't affect your love for him, it won't affect his love for you. You can tell him about your issues right now so he understands where you're coming from but don't expect him to agree b/c what he sees is someone he loves who just gave him a child and he wants to make love to that beautiful woman.
I do remember the post-baby bod-shock feeling all too well and it taking a while to adjust. The thing is you can't shut yourself off, you have to get in there and have some fun. It may take a little bit to feel better but please don't short your self of the blissful intimacy that a healthy marriage can bring. Let your hubby nurture and reassure you through this transition. He obviously adores you so I am sure he'd be happy to soothe you.
BTW Didn't you know him when you were heavy to begin with?
b/c what he sees is someone he loves who just gave him a child and he wants to make love to that beautiful woman.
^^ Definitely what 4 star said and to this part I'd like to add that when men see women naked they don't seem to register stretch marks or jiggly bits... they pretty much register "NAKED!!... BOOBIES!!... ETC!!" They don't see the flaws we do.
^^ Definitely what 4 star said and to this part I'd like to add that when men see women naked they don't seem to register stretch marks or jiggly bits... they pretty much register "NAKED!!... BOOBIES!!... ETC!!" They don't see the flaws we do.
I read a study to that effect once. It highlighted what men think and feel when they are aroused and it was only the sexually arousing parts that mattered everything else went out of focus into the background. My hubby even told me I can buy lingerie if I feel like putting a bow on the package but all he's really concerned with is the gift. There's also incentive for that gifting as it's just keeps getting better the longer we're together.
I read a study to that effect once. It highlighted what men think and feel when they are aroused and it was only the sexually arousing parts that mattered everything else went out of focus into the background. My hubby even told me I can buy lingerie if I feel like putting a bow on the package but all he's really concerned with is the gift. There's also incentive for that gifting as it's just keeps getting better the longer we're together.
I have a cousin who went lingerie shopping with her husband once. She asked him if he liked one of the pieces. He took it, dropped it on the floor into a little pile, looked at it and said "Yeah, it looks good."
I'm so sorry you're going through this! Don't discount the hormones role in your thinking right now. Your baby is about 12 weeks old? Things are just settling down, especially if you're nursing, your feelings are going to be all over the place. Tiredness, stress, all the things that come with being a new mom could be affecting your libido, and your self-perception.
There's also incentive for that gifting as it's just keeps getting better the longer we're together.
