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Old 07-21-2005, 12:31 AM   #1  
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Post Hi, thinking of OA, scared!

Hi,
I'm new here. I have just been reading "Why Can't I Stop Eating?"... which has both inspired and scared me. I am considering attending an OA meeting, but am wondering if it is for me. Can anybody tell me what to expect? I realize that meetings will probably vary in tone and content, but in general??
I just had my second daughter (Johanna) a few months ago, and am feeling tired, depressed, incompetent as a mother, and totally, pathetically, addicted to overeating. I feel like I am not "all there" for my girls, because I am so caught up in my eating habits. I also worry about the example I am setting, and what they will think of me as they get older. I don't want to continue as I have been.
It may sound bizarre, but the catalyst of my determination to change is that I have an insufficient breastmilk supply for my baby (as I did for my first, Marja-Leena). I am heartbroken, as I planned to breastfeed exclusively, and am now having to supplement with formula. I have now found a study that found that obese women often have insufficient milk because fatty tissue takes up the hormone prolactin. The guilt I feel about this is killing me.

Does anybody have one ofexperience with OA and small kids/babies? How do you feed the kids and manage to abstain from your own trigger foods?

Just looking for some ideas/thoughts/ help!
thanks
Liisa
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Old 07-21-2005, 05:01 AM   #2  
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Hi Liisa,
My name is Janis and I'm a compulsive overeater. I went to my first OA meeting last night and can tell you that I have found where I belong. It was a small group and since I was new they went over the first three steps and everyone shared they're stories, I can tell you it felt good to realize I was not alone and that there is hope. I plan to go to another meeting on Saturday and find a sponser. I am having a hard time telling my husband, I didn't let him know thats where I was because I'm afraid of how he'd react. He has a gambling addiction and has abstained all year I don't know what this will do. When they started reading from the book, I realized I have done all those things, I have stolen food, eaten bad food, starved to makeup for overeating, exersized for 2 hours a day and lived on vlc diets so that I wouldn't gain when I binged, I have thrown up and taken food out the trash and taken medicine to keep my weight down, I shared all of this in my story and noone acted like I was insane just said that they too had been there and gave my a hug. I would really encourage you to try it.
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Old 07-21-2005, 11:41 AM   #3  
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Liisa, I'm so sorry you're experiencing a loss of worth.
I agree with Janis... I think you'd really get something from going to a meeting. I haven't been to many meetings, but when I do go, I'm always amazed at the outpouring of love and support I receive from the other women. (I haven't seen any men at the meetings I've been to, although I'm sure they're out there)

As far as having to feed your children... I think that in our society, we forget that our kids don't HAVE to eat garbage. If we're eating healthy, then so should they. I can appreciate what you're saying, though. Often when I'm dieting I'll pick up things for the kids like cookies, junky snacks, etc. I don't know what I'm thinking! Why am I not taking a few minutes to bake some healthy cookies for them? Or giving them carrots/cheese/apple slices, etc?
When I'm cooking a meal, I'll make the healthy food that I should be eating, and I might add something to their plate... like a baked potato, etc. It might not be on my diet, but I can make just enough for them without feeling that I'm depriving myself.

And listen, my dear... you are NOT incompetent. Just the fact that you've come looking for help shows that. Don't be afraid to reach out for more help. Is there a community/health centre nearby where you can get some help? Any other support groups you can attend?
Remember to take care of your own needs, as well as those of your girls. You're no good to them if you're not well, hon. We're always here for you, okay?
Sending you lots of hugs and prayers...
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Old 07-21-2005, 11:43 AM   #4  
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Janis, good for you for going to a meeting! I hope you find a good sponser. Don't get discouraged if the first one doesn't work out. We don't always find a good match immediately, but persevere!
What would happen if you talked to your husband about this? Would he not be supportive? Or are you concerned over his own needs?
We're here when you need us, sweetie... hang in there...
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Old 07-21-2005, 01:54 PM   #5  
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thanks both of you for your helpful words! I was feeling particularly lousy when I found this forum last night.
Janis, I am also concerned about my husband's reaction. I mentioned to him that I'm interested in OA, and he said, "isn't it a bit radical?". I think I agree with him, but I also think that I need a "radical" solution to my "radical" eating problem! He also has a weight problem (not nearly as bad as mine), but is only interested in exercise to lose it. Since we all eat together, I'm concerned about causing a big disruption in our pleasant mealtimes by "doing my own thing."
About feeding the kids, I really do try to only give them healthy foods. (I eat my junk food when they're napping so they won't see me... how sad is that!) The problem is that a lot of healthy foods for them are trigger foods for me -such as cheese, pasta (whole-wheat), lots of others! You're probably right though, that they would do just fine eating foods from an even healthier food plan! I'm scared that they are doomed to inherit overeating addictions from me. Now would be the time to try to avoid that.
Janis, does your husband attend any groups for gambling addiction? Maybe if he finds such a group, he would be supportive of your attending OA???
thanks again
Liisa
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Old 07-22-2005, 06:05 AM   #6  
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Well after many wars with myself I told my husband and he was very supportive. He said whatever we have to do to get me well. Once when his gambling had gotten bad we went to a GA meeting and he wasn't very impressed (hes anti religion) but we wound up finding help through counseling. He understand the compulive side of it and can identify with some of the things I feel. A lady at the meeting told me she would be my temporary sponser and I probably should have called her yesterday. At times I had myself convinced maybe I didn't need OA or maybe they could help me quit binge eating so I could get really small, which is not why I went. I want to have a healthy relationship with food again if thats possible. Liisa I hope you choose to go to at least one meeting and find support. Thank you both so much for talking with me!
, Janis
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Old 07-22-2005, 07:49 AM   #7  
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Janis, I'm so glad you found the strength to talk with your husband about it! You must feel a real sense of relief now that it's "over".
Funny how we can stress and stress over something, only to discover that the reality is nowhere near as bad as we think it's going to be.

Liisa, I know what you mean about OA being "a bit radical". Even though I am religious, I find the higher power thing a bit... odd. However, the benefits far outway any reservations I might have. In fact, all this talk of OA is convincing me that I need to start attending meetings again.

One of the most difficult things for me is calling the sponser. I hate the phone, so I automatically assume that I'm disturbing anyone I'm calling. I guess that's something I'll have to work on.
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