Help, I've slipped and I can't get up...uh, I mean I can't get back on program.
I've had some major personal issues lately and I have fallen off my program and can't seem to get back on. I haven't been able to get to a meeting at all in June, I've been having trouble connecting with my sponsor (though she has been very supportive) and I have lost my abstinence.
I feel like I'm in the same old place again...I can do it for awhile and then it all starts to break down and little by little I let go and am back to my old habits. I thought OA would be different. I really did. I thought once I confessed that I was powerless and began working the steps that I would lose my desire to compulsively overeat. Am I doing something wrong?
My sponsor mentioned surrender...that we must completely surrender. Maybe I haven't done that. What does that look like? How do I get back to where I was and move forward?
I know what the tools are, I know what my abstinence is...why can't I put them in practice and keep doing them? I could use some encouragement...especially from those of you who have been in OA for a long time...does it get easier? Will the compulsion go away? Will I always be good for awhile and then fall again?
(((((((((Lisa))))))))))))
I know where you are as I've been there not too long ago.
Keep trying to get a hold of your sponsor if you have other OA people phone #'s call them just because they aren't your sponsor that doesn't mean they can't help you.
Use the tool of writing and write what was working and about what was happening when you started slipping.
Keep reporting your food plan to someone even if it's not your sponsor.
This is a good one too go back to the first step and start reviewing the steps up to the one you are on and it reaffirms the program.
Here's one that has really worked for me, get on your knees every morning and every night and pray to your HP. I was praying every morning and every night but not on my knees and for some reason this knee thing really made a difference for me.
As for your questions I can't answer them all I know for me is all I have is today and when I pray for willingness to work the program as best I can it keeps getting better and better.
Don't be hard on yourself either, forgive yourself every day for what you see as failure or doing wrong.
Go to a meeting. Keep calling your sponsor even if she doesn't call you back. What is important is the action YOU are taking. Read step one again. Call the people on your phone list.
For me, this is what surrendering my food looks like:
1. In the morning I turn over my food and abstinence. I ask God to give me the willingness and ability to be abstinent and stay within my food plan today because I can't do it myself.
2. If I find myself in the kitchen, and I don't know how I got there, I stop in my tracks. I surrender to God again. Sometimes I even hold my hand out and envision handing the food over to Him. I say again, that I can't do this without His help.
3. I go away from the food and read steps 1,2,3, or all of them.
4. I go away from the food and make myself busy doing something else.
5. I call someone in OA.
6. I come here.
I wish I could say that I journal about it-- but I haven't been lately.
It's a matter of taking action. "We act on life rather than react to it."
You're not a failure, and this doesn't have to keep happening. It's a process. You are learning a new way of living-- it doesn't happen over night.
It may just be that you haven't yet done a thorough inventory (step 4), and need to clean that stuff out so that you can shed it from your being and focus instead on abstinence.
I'm doing better...I went to a meeting this weekend and had a long chat with my sponsor on Saturday. We reviewed my Step 2 work and I am now working on Step 3...feels good!
When I am isolated from OA...I don't get what I need...and then I stop and I wonder what's wrong with me. If I just keeping going back...makes all the difference in the world!
Thanks for your words of support. I have been abstinent for 4 days...but right now all I'm worried about is today...the next hour...the next minute. I don't ever have to look at the big picture if I don't want to...I just have to look to my HP!
I want to thank you Junebug (I realllly like your name! makes me smile) for your honesty. And I want to thank everyone for their replies. I have felt exactly the same way so many times. Its a sad and scarey place to be especially when you're right in the middle of it. But then people take the time out of their day to respond and convey their good wishes. That is one of the things about OA that always amazes me. People genuinely care. I'm glad you're doing better.
I have been attending OA for about 2 months. I love it. I have been doing well with abstinence, however, I have had the stomach flu for a couple of days and have been eating soda crackers and gingerale and now my cravings are back. Does anyone have any suggestions about what to do to stay abstinent while having the stomach flu?
thanks to everyone who jumped in and offered some support when I posted this original thread...seems I need that encouragement again. I always have issues when I get too busy with life and don't spend enough time in OA. For the last week I have been committed to teaching vacation bible school at my church. I have had exactly one hour per day to feed my family dinner and that's it. Working full time and getting to church by 6pm every night left no time for anything else. I wasn't able to make my regular f2f meeting and I have failed to even find the time to call my sponsor. Now this week I have been plagued with a migraine for the last 3 days. I always fall off program when I am not feeling well (hang in there ipod02).
This sounds like a bunch of excuses (even to me). But here's the good news:
Today is a new day and I get a new gift of 24 hours. So far since I've been awake (about 1-1/2 hours) I've been abstinent. I packed my breakfast and lunch for work and I have nothing available to tempt me away from my program. I pray today that my HP will give me the willingness and ability to maintain my abstinence.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (the past), the courage to change the things I can (just for today) and the wisdom to know the difference (this ONLY comes from my HP!)
I pray you all are blessed with abstinence today and that you are strong as you battle this cunning and baffling disease.
Your struggle with the same issues we can all relate to and your determination to strive toward recovery is an inspiration to me and I'm sure to many of us here. You are in my prayers.
I appreciate you talking about your struggles. I feel alone sometimes and think I'm the only one not getting it fast. For me, I've been doing OA off and on for 4 years & went into two treatment programs for binge eating. This summer I spent 9 weeks at a renowned eating disorder outpatient program and it helped...a little.
But you know what...that little bit helped. I graduated from the program, went into a 6 week relapse and for some reason unknown to me, I started attending OA online meetings, got a food sponsor and suddenly became abstinent. For three days so far. Three days is a miracle for me. I know that I will sabotage and fall off the wagon, but I will get back on. I always get abstinent again...eventually. If only I could stay abstinent.
Slipping and Slumping
