[TatianaHdz]

Hi everyone! I am feeling very depressed and out of control right now, so I thought this would be the perfect place to post. I don't know where to turn to for help with my eating problem. I am out of control. I use food for every emotion. I think about food all day and even dream about it at night sometimes! I have been trying to lose weight, but I see myself gradually losing control more and more each day. I am really scared and almost in tears right now, because I just have this horrible feeling that if I don't do SOMETHING NOW, I won't live to see my 11 month old daughter grow up. I am only 28 years old and have sever hypertension, diabetes, high cholesterol, etc. I carry it all in the middle, which is the worst fat to have. I see 600 pound people on TV saying that they want to lose weight before they end up with the chronic illnesses that I have had since my early 20s!!! I am basically a walking time bomb and have been for awhile now, and I don't want to leave my daughter without a mother, or even worse, pass these problems onto my daughter. I NEED to get healthy. This is not a desire to look good in bathing suit or impress anyone. My life depends on this, but yet I still can't stop eating and drinking the wrong foods, which makes me feel like a horrible person and an awful mother for not being able to put my family ahead of food.

I realize I am writing way too much! I just really feel desperate right now, and I'm hoping someone will understand what I'm saying. I have attended OA meetings in the past and left depressed, because I didn't really like the message of admitting I had no control. I guess I've always had faith that eventually I WILL learn how to control it and that there is no way we can be powerless over food. I want to believe that I can do anything I set my mind to. Maybe that's my problem? Not wanting to give up control?

If there is anyone out there who has any advice or knows where I can find a good sponsor, please let me know. I really don't think in person meetings or sponsors will work for me. I am painfully shy in groups, and I also don't really have a babysitter who can watch DD while I attend meetings, so I will probably stick to online and/or phone meetings.

I don't even know yet if OA is for me, but I'm hoping you guys can point me in the right direction. I need support, a friend or sponsor who knows what I feel, some good book suggestions, anything will help. Just PLEASE someone tell me that I can get help and I am not going to eat myself to death.

Thank you for "listening"! Sorry for making this so long!!!

[nineteen]

Hi Tatiana,

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Your post reminds me SO much of how I used to feel when I was really struggling. It's ****. I think what really got me to change was the fear for my health.

There is a book that really helped me with my emotional eating. You can get it on amazon.com. It's called I Always Start My Diet On Monday by Janice Alpert. I actually had a couple of sessions with her in person...her book was life-changing for me.

I've never been involved with OA; I can't say whether it's right or wrong for you. But if you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me.

No matter what.....Don't give up. Life is too precious.

[Magic Flute]

Hi Tatiana,
It begins with a plan of eating, 3 meals a day and nothing in between. 2 snacks can be written into your plan but it is not required.
The shyness is part of the isolation we all practice because of shame and embarssement. That is why it is so wonderful to attend a f2f meeting because you are with people just like you and me.
OA asks us to "go to any lenghts". It would be wonderful if you could find a meeting in your area, call the contact person and plan to attend. You will be very glad you did.
Hugs,
Bumps

[canawoman]

If your serious and want a support friend I would be glad to help I know how you feel I have been there myself. I'm still on my jounery to being healthy.
Let me know if you want to buddie up.

[tommy]

Tatiana- your baby is beautiful. I completely feel your pain. When I had my only child I thought "this is it, now I am gonna get it together". Well I did not find recovery until he was 15! Luckily I have a European peasant body that has weathered the morbid obesity without falling apart, but it was getting pretty bad. Always hot, afraid to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror or a window, food my priority instead of living life. On and on and on. I have rarely found a meeting room to be an unfriendly place. You just say it is your first meeting and people will most often gently tell you about the literature, the format, how to find a sponsor. I am not knowledgeable about on-line or phone meetings, but perhaps someone else will chime in. I am 50. I urge you to grab at this with both hands. It will save your life. The bonus is that it will also give you mental relief from the burden of food, and you get to meet alot of really nice people. Oh- and tell whoever you call about your daughter as there are always ladies in your position. They often form home meetings where kids are welcome.

[susiemartin]

Tatiana -
OA saved my life.

It was very hard to admit that I'm powerless over food.
Always has been & always will be.
For me there is a freedom in that admission no matter how painful it is or how angry it makes me.

With that admission comes the honesty to do what I need to do and the acknowledgment that I'm not helpless.


There are things that I can do to save myself from myself.
OA's 8 tools are some of the things I can do everyday - whether or not I believe they will work for me.
Reaching out to others is also very healing and the primary reason that I'm here today.
You are not alone.

[TatianaHdz]

Wow, thanks so much for your help guys! I feel like I really hit rock bottom this past weekend, but I'm beginning to realize that that is a good thing, because I can finally begin to work on Step 1, and I actually feel it and believe it this time, which makes me excited for the future! Maybe there is hope!

Nineteen - Thank you so much! I am definitely going to look into that book. Congrats on reaching your goal!!! Is the book what helped you get there? Do you min me asking what eating plan you follow? I really need to start working on some guide of plan of eating that I can write down and stick to.

Bumps - I know you are right. I really should do a f2f meeting. I probably need to actually talk about things instead of only typing how I feel. And I need to make some friends who are going through the same thing. Thanks for pushing me in the right direction.

canawoman - Yes, of course I want a buddy! The more support we have, the better! Please PM me any time and let's help each other out!

Tommy - Awww, thanks! Your post really hit home. I know exactly how you used to feel. Always hot and miserable, hating myself, etc. I am going to keep reminding myself to grab at this with both hands, because I know I need it. I need to change, and I really think this will help me. I had no idea people do the meetings at home with kids! Great!!! I hope I can find a group like that!

Susie - Thanks so much for reminding me that I'm not alone! That helps tremendously, because I isolate myself so much, rarely leaving the house or talking to anyone. I am finally beginning to understand the freedom in admitting I'm powerless over food. I feel like a big weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I can breathe a little better and have more hope for my future.

If OA is going to help me as much as you guys have, I really am going to have to immerse myself in this. I feel so much better, and I appreciate all of your help. I look forward to getting to know you guys better. Thanks so much!!! HUGS!!!