[marny]

It's feelings that make us want to eat-- to escape-- to stop feeling.

I'm feeling a lot today. Anxiety about the future and uncertainty about my relationships.

I don't have to eat (or drink) to make the feelings go away.

So, I'm feeling them. Writing about them. Remembering that they'll pass. I'm reaching out, and I'm trusting my higher power to see me through.

All those years I thought that if only I could lose the weight and like my body, then my life would be so much easier. Nope. Life stays the same...it's how I act on and react to it that is different. It's my perspective on it that makes it "easier" most days.

Today is an emotional day. But, tomorrow will most likely be very different. Today may even be different in a matter of hours.

I'm thankful to my OA program for helping me to learn that.

[Anmyreah]

Hi Marny
Sorry you are having a trying day. I have had many of those in my years but also many wonderful ones. You are right tomorrow or maybe even later this same day things may not be felt or looked at the same as they were early. I hope tomorrow is a bright shining day for you and only positive thoughts cross your mind tomorrow.
You have come along way from 190 to 125 lbs. Concrats on that. I did that once and went all the way down to 102 lbs. I am 5'4. But now I am back up to 185 lbs. I felt rotten at my low wt but would love to be about 145. I know I am the only one who can do it and I do want it very much I just have to get my self in the right frame of mind.
Good luck tomorrow.
Anmyreah

[ODAAT]

I had a difficult day yesterday, and the voice in my head was telling me I'd feel better if I ate chocolate and had a drink.

I went and stood outside for a few minutes to give myself time to think. I had a rational conversation with myself and I was sure that even though I was hurting, eating or drinking would only make things worse.

Once I felt a bit stronger, I came inside and went to an AA chat room. Just talking with 'my family' I began to feel better.

In a way, I'm grateful for these cravings as they help me to understand my illness more.

I'm grateful that I'm still sober and abstinant.

[searsha]

Hi Marny,

Sorry that you're having a tough day, but thank you for sharing it because it reminds me about my own deeply ingrained patterns of using food to escape my emotions.

Yesterday, I was very low all day - did not break my abstinence, thank God, but did not 'do' very much either. I could not bring myself to log on here and try to share what was going down for me. I did pray to my HP, and I read a lot of OA literature. And I did not overeat!
I still don't know what was wrong - I just felt very sad and gloomy.
Today has been so very different - I've had a gorgeous day, and you know, I remember this up/down stuff from early AA. So at least I know it passes and things level out a bit. It still feels yucky when I'm stuck in that black hole though.
I'm so grateful that I'm still abstinent, 27 days now!

It amazes me how strong that urge to escape can be in me - like a train running through me, trying to knock me right off my recovery track. It is amazing, considering that it is actually such a lie and a delusion when I reach for food to take away the pain. All it actually does is intensify it really, because I have to at some stage wake up out of the 'food fog' and then I still have to face whatever reality I'm afraid of, plus the horrific food or drink hangover I've given myself.
I guess that's why I need you people, because my compulsive overeating urge is too big for me to handle by myself!

Hope you feel better Marny,